My husband is cheating on me online!

[Hollyhock407]

My husband and I have bee married only since Sept. and rigt after we got married, I found emails on one of his MANY email site to a girl talking about extremely sexual things! The emails that I saw started way before we married. He's in th military and is over seas right now, but before he left I couldn't understand why he didn't want to me sexual withme. I basically had to BEG him! Then I found these emails! When I confronted him with tem, he broke down and and told me that he didn't know that it was so seri!ous and asked me to please forgive him! That he would never do it again!! Well, last night, I got noisy for thefirst tim since Oct and when I looked on there, there was 8 or 9 letters to and from her that were just as and maybe even more sexually explicit a the ones before! He completely lied to me!! What do I do? I hav sat here waiting for him. I love him with all my heart and this is what he does to me! Is this lik a sickness that you can't stop easily or does he just not care?? Please can someone give me advice??

[maja]

being in the military over seas is lonely so it sounds like he found himself someone to chat too to keep him busy, but that's bull$hit as he has you to talk to especially in a sexual way. I consider this cheating even if it's cyberspace. I would confront him again and threaten him of leaving if he continues acting this way, unless he needs some kind of counceling.

[lovelifelots]

i think, to be honest... i would be asking myself.... why he has a problem talking dirtyor intimately with you?... why does he find it easier to talk like this with another woman and not his own wife? unless he also sends you sexually explicit emails? either way, bored and over seas is not an excuse to be doing what he is doing! i'm sure he would not be happy if the roles were reversed?

[ronnieromance]

i think, to be honest... i would be asking myself.... why he has a problem talking dirtyor intimately with you?... why does he find it easier to talk like this with another woman and not his own wife? unless he also sends you sexually explicit emails? either way, bored and over seas is not an excuse to be doing what he is doing! i'm sure he would not be happy if the roles were reversed?

 

 

That's easy. He doesn't want to objectify her. Or can't or whatever. I mean, if you were married, would you want your husband talking to you like some tramp he met on fling.com?

 

 

 

-R-

[lovelifelots]

That's easy. He doesn't want to objectify her. Or can't or whatever. I mean, if you were married, would you want your husband talking to you like some tramp he met on fling.com?

 

 

 

-R-

good point! but still... i'd rather he was talking dirty to me! rather than some stranger.... and between partners, i dont see anything wrong with keeping the passion alive...(dirty emails included) it isnt treating you like a tramp, if its your partner/husband? its all good, if it works. Being the 'object' of your partners desires is a good thing .... when it's directed at someone else... then that spells trouble.

[ronnieromance]

I agree, just giving an insight. THough I will say it's hard to find a woman with that special blend of mommy and whore...LOL

 

 

-R-

[Tim'sAngel]

That's easy. He doesn't want to objectify her. Or can't or whatever. I mean, if you were married, would you want your husband talking to you like some tramp he met on fling.com?

 

 

 

-R-

 

So women can't like dirty talk too?

[raposa]

Everyone has a different set of values and morals, and for some percentage of people this may not be the same, but I assume that to you, marriage means (among many ther things) that you rely on your partner to be your soul sexual provider, and you to be his/hers. If someone isn't ok with their spouse dirty talking in emails, they have to be open about this (and I see that you already have been). But if you've been open, and he isn't changing, you need to talk. If he doesn't take your needs seriously, and he doesn't want to fix things, respect yourself and move on, and begin to heal. If he does, I hope you can rebuild your trust.

 

Being overseas is no excuse to do what he did. But he isn't a bad person, he is human, and because of whatever issues he has, he makes mistakes. If he isn't willing to correct them and learn from them and heal your relationship, respect yourself and get out.

 

Tell him to dirty talk you if he wants that kind of thing. If he doesn't want his sexual fufillment from his wife, and you aren't ok with that, he either has to learn and change, or you need to find someone who matches with what you want in that department.

[RecordProducer]

Obviously those chats or emails are very exciting for him. He thinks he is not doing anything bad, just fooling around. But he is wrong. He is hurting you and deceiving you. How long before he actually starts sleeping with someone because it's more exciting and he is lonely in the military?

 

I think this is not worth divorcing, but he definitely needs to stop those games. Explain to him that you're very hurt and this is leaving a very bad taste in your mouth about your new marriage. Let him know that if cheating is acceptable then you will go flirt, do phone sex, and finally sleep with other guys too! Where are the boundaries anyway? You both need to set them and agree on them - then follow through. Any behavior outside the limits you both posed should be considered as infidelity, regardless of whether it's online flirting or real sex.

[NFJ]

I am having a very similar problem. My husband and I have been married sine 2004. I have confronted him a few months after our wedding when I found website information for various site such as adultfriendfinder.com, sexsearch.com and various other sites. He tried to denie it at first and then I said that I will show him email that I received from one of my friends who was online. That night before I could show him the emails her went onto the computer and removed all the profiles he had. However he was not to smart and didn't erase the history. So when I went to get that email, in history poped up all these sites. So I cpnfronted him and he said he was sorry. A few months later he was deployed again. And again he was on the sites. This time he lleft his email loged on in the house computer and no onw had used it. When I looked at his email, I found letter from girls and password to various sites. I logged on as him and read his profile "I am married love my wife looking for some ectra fun." varios things like that. I confronted him again, he said sorry and got off of it. I was thinking that it might have stoped, but we are relocating to Denver and we wnet down June 8 2006. I was there for a week and returned to WA to finish my contract. I was away from him for maybe 4 hours before he put another profile up on affairmatch.com. 4 HOURS!!!!! and another of sexsearch.com. The only reason why I know these is because I checked one of his many emails and found the confirmation of PAYMENT..... He upgraded from a free account!!! I haven't confronted him yet on this. I don't know how to!!! I really just don't know what to do anymore.

Anyone who has some suggestions please reply.

[Guest]

I am having a very similar problem. My husband and I have been married sine 2004. I have confronted him a few months after our wedding when I found website information for various site such as adultfriendfinder.com, sexsearch.com and various other sites. He tried to denie it at first and then I said that I will show him email that I received from one of my friends who was online. That night before I could show him the emails her went onto the computer and removed all the profiles he had. However he was not to smart and didn't erase the history. So when I went to get that email, in history poped up all these sites. So I cpnfronted him and he said he was sorry. A few months later he was deployed again. And again he was on the sites. This time he lleft his email loged on in the house computer and no onw had used it. When I looked at his email, I found letter from girls and password to various sites. I logged on as him and read his profile "I am married love my wife looking for some ectra fun." varios things like that. I confronted him again, he said sorry and got off of it. I was thinking that it might have stoped, but we are relocating to Denver and we wnet down June 8 2006. I was there for a week and returned to WA to finish my contract. I was away from him for maybe 4 hours before he put another profile up on affairmatch.com. 4 HOURS!!!!! and another of sexsearch.com. The only reason why I know these is because I checked one of his many emails and found the confirmation of PAYMENT..... He upgraded from a free account!!! I haven't confronted him yet on this. I don't know how to!!! I really just don't know what to do anymore.

Anyone who has some suggestions please reply.

 

I feel your pain! About 10 years ago I did this and thinking back the big reason was my wife and I were having sex maybe once a month. My suggestion is if you start feeling better about you and come onto him more he will respond. Try scratching his back or rubbing his feet for 10-15 minutes one night either in bed or while watching TV. Almost everyone likes a good back scratch or foot rub. Guys are so simple it's not even funny... after 10-15 minutes work your way towards his crotch. If he doesn't respond, whisper in his ear that you have been horny all day and need his manhood... make some comment about his looks or manhood, which are true. Trust me he will respond and if not he just got laid that day and you're s*** out of luck. If you are having sex with your husband once or more a week and he is still doing the online thing then he's got a problem. However, if it's been weeks since you gave him a good shagging then it's not his problem it's your problem and if you keep it up trust me eventually he's going to be your x-husband one day.

[Pink Amulet]

That's easy. He doesn't want to objectify her. Or can't or whatever. I mean, if you were married, would you want your husband talking to you like some tramp he met on fling.com?

 

 

 

-R-

 

 

Exactly! He sees her as his virginal wife. It is a fairly common problem... the worst part associated with this is they will often have a "whore" in their life to balance things out.

[audmc911]

First off - how do you take care of yourself and move on. I cannot get past the anger. My ex-b/f was beomg emotionally unfaithful to me with a g/f and we just broke up on Saturday!

 

Secondly - I had the husband who was a sex addict. I divorced him 10 years ago.

 

I am so sorry that your Husband is doing this to you. It really sucks! It will be difficult to ever trust him again. Let alone that he is overseas. Do you have children?

 

Based on my experience, it won't change.

 

There's a great book - Woman Who Love Too Much - perhaps I need to read it again too. I seem to keep repeating the pattern!

 

God bless you and good luck, Audge:sick:

[audmc911]

It is a sickness and he does not care. It's the hardest thing in the world to accept. Read Out of the Shadows. It's about men with sexual addictions. I went to a sex therapist when I found out that my ex was calling 900 numbers. She told me what it is like to be married to a sex addict - and it fit my ex to a tee. They don't touch you - they don't have sex with you. That's when I decided to divorce him. Unfortunately, his addiction progressed to children and he was arrested and plead guilty. He is a sick man. I have had extensive therapy since. Woman in these types of relationships were generally sexually abused a child and/or come from alcoholic homes - like me. Read The Courage to Heal. Sorry.

 

I'm still dealing with bad relationships!