Orphan

[Guest]

My GF is dumping me now and the rejection is bringing it all back. My mother abandoned me to an Orphanage to marry a man who didn't want any kids. Now my GF says she has found another man. The pain is killing me

 

Steve

[Carrie]

Yeah, being rejected can really be a bummer, whether you were abandoned as a child or not. It's never easy for anyone. I myself have had the pleasure of being rejected on more than one occasion - fun, fun, fun.

 

What you need to realize is she's not dumping you because you did something wrong, it's because you're not the one that was able to give her what she wants and needs. It's no ones fault and it doesn't make you a horrible person. She in return will not be able to give you what you want & need and you'd end up miserable, although you'd still probably keep holding on. For some reason we all want what we can't have. She's found someone else who she thinks will fulfill her however she needs to be fulfilled and she's done you a favor, although you don't realize it yet. Sometimes people are never satisfied and they go throughout their lives meeting and dumping people left and right, because they either haven't found the right person or because they're just are never satisfied.

 

It's very rare that a person finds "THE ONE" (if you want to call it that) after the first or even second person that you date. I personally think it's a good thing to date 20 different people in a lifetime and none of them being the right one, and then finally meeting that 1 special someone who far outshines any of the 20 who I either rejected or had been rejected by. It makes them that much more special. You need to be honest with yourself and ask yourself if this girl is REALLY the one for you. I don't think so, because if she were, she would never have left you for another. Never mind you not being good for her, she's not good for you. When you eventually find the right girl, you'll look back and thank this girl for having dumped you, because now you're able to be with this new girl who'll be perfect for you. Just be patient.

 

As for your mom, I'm sorry she did what she did to you. The fear of abandoment could really end up affecting you later on in life. We're all victims of victims and what your mom did was selfish, but also a result of her upbringing, which you had nothing to do with (you weren't even born yet). You're going to be rejected over and over again throughout your lifetime by several different people, be it a job, relationship, etc, but one day you will learn to be able to deal with it better if you hang in there and role with the punches. I've been pursuing an acting career, talk about constant rejection. We're talking rejection 4 and 5 times a day sometimes. When it comes to relationships, I can't even count it, but you can't curl up in a ball and feel sorry for yourself, it won't do any good, but make you feel bad. No one is going to come up to you and say, "Ok you've suffered enough, you won't have to be rejected anymore." It's too bad, that's life. Everyones living it, you're not alone and it could be worse. One day this girl you were dating could get rejected by this new guy or someone else. Who knows, but just know it's nothing you did.

 

Also, do yourself a favor and don't contact this girl. A sad guy begging for a girl back is such a turn off. If she wants this other guy, let her have him and let him have her, she's no prize. You never know, maybe she realize she made a mistake and beg for you back, once she realizes she can't have you. Like I said, we want what we can't have, it's human nature. Reject her back. If she does come crawling back to you, you better not take her back, she sounds fickle. I actually feel bad for this new guy.