Living together a month. Troubles!

[Shana555]

Well I moved in with my boyfriend about a month ago. Been together, wow it will be 5 years soon. We have had rocky times in the past, but things have been wonderful since I moved in. Well, we got in our first huge fight last night. I came home around 10 last night exhausted from a long day of working and night class which went from 2 – 9. I hop into bed happy to relax and forget of the stresses of the day...

 

Well, he starts talking. He says he’s getting a cat. I get excited because I’ve been saying that I want to get a cat together. I start chatting about going to the shelter and doing this and that.. Then he says, he’s getting the cat from a friend. His friend doesn’t want it anymore. I get mad because first, he knows I have wanted to get a cat TOGETHER. Not him finding one, deciding on his own, and him telling me what he’s doing. He TOLD me he’s picking it up next week! Never even asked what I thought.

 

Second, the cat is white. I told him I don’t want a white cat because I personally don’t like having a white cat in the house. My roommate a couple years ago had one and my stuff always had white fur on them. Even if I didn’t touch the cat, whenever I went out my clothes had white fur on them since it's always on the furniture and everything.

 

Anyway, I said I don’t want the cat in our house. He replied, well move out then! I said, that’s really nice that you would choose a cat over me. He said, it’s you that’s making the big deal over this. I tried harder to talk this out, but he ignored me so I went to sleep.

I’ve was up all night thinking about this. When he left for work he got dressed and left. He didn’t even say a word or look at me.

 

He was so quick to tell me to move out if I’m not happy with this. I can’t help but wonder if maybe he really doesn’t want me here… Or if I am reacting immature about this? Things have been so great since I moved I, I hate that something like this would ruin it all. Ugh, I hate this. He has such a strong independent personality, but he needs to learn that we both need to give, take, and compromise.

 

Also we haven’t done anything together outside of the house since I moved in. Just this weekend I was trying to get him to come out and do something for Memorial Day. Go to one of many cookouts, the fireworks, just something. He kept saying no he didn’t want to go, so I went over a friends without him. Later I find out he’s out on his bike with his friends and they went to the fireworks. It would have been nice to meet him there and watch them together, but of course he didn’t invite. It’s been like this all month. He just always makes plans, never including me. I understand needing space.. I give him plenty, but we are still a couple right?! Not just his bed buddy to have around at night. Anyway, that’s a whole other issue, but adds to my frustration

 

We need a dining room set. I know he wouldn’t be too happy if I went shopping and picked one out on my own, bought it, and didn’t tell him about it until it was being delivered. Same thing… Shouldn’t we do things together and make decisions on stuff together now? Including a pet that’s going to be a permanent addition to our home? Gosh, I don’t know what if anything I should say or do.

 

I apologize for such a long post

[Walk]

On the one hand I can understand a little how your bf might feel. It's his place, and he's used to making the decisions and doing as he wants without havign to run it by someone for their approval. And i'd be pretty upset if my SO kept talking about something they wanted and when I find an opportunity to get it, my SO decided it wasn't the "right" way, or the "right" kind of thing they wanted. I'd probably stop talking to them just out of frustration at that point.

 

It'd be like if he kept talking about getting the dinning room table, but nothing had been done about it yet, and one day you find a great one for free. You know he wants one, so you get it. But come home to find out he's pissed that you got it. That it isn't the glass topped one, but the wooden one. And he refuses to live in the house if you bring it in. Wouldn't you feel insulted? Like you'd spent time and energy and found something you really thought he'd enjoy, and then get told it isn't quite the right thing. And to top it off he gets upset that you even suggested bringing it into your home. Even though it was your place and you'd never had to ask his permission if you could get anything before. Suddenly you have to have an argument at 10 o clock at night because he won't settle for anything less then the glass topped dinning table.

 

Try to put yourself in his shoes for a minute, at least on the topic of the cat. Especially if he didn't know you hated white cats prior to this. However, if he has known.... and you've been adamant on it when discussing getting a cat, then that would change the entire situation.

 

I'm not sure what to make about him going off with buddies after you attempted to get him to go out with you. Sounds like he wants more freedom then he's getting. That he's uncomfortable with you living with him, but doesn't want to rock the boat. Maybe he isn't loving this as much as you are. If he's as independent as you said he is, then this could be quite an adjustment to him. And he might be reacting out of animosity for having to share his domain, instead of embracing you as a part of his new life.

 

Does he ever complain about having to run things by you before hand? Or bring up any issues he may have about time spent together? Any off hand remarks that might be a clue as to how he's feeling about sharing living space with you?

[tikigods]

How long did he live there before you came along? He might be having a hard time sharing his space with you, and instead of your apartment its still his apartment/house.

 

I agree with Walk, he might be trying to get away from you (not meant that harshly heh) and isn't enjoying sharing his apartment with you. The cat isn't the big issue here but the lack of communication.

 

Did he invite you to move in, or was it something you brought up with him? How old are the two of you?

[Shana555]

He is almost 30 and I am a few years younger. He moved into this house around the end of last summer. Whenever I had free time he wanted me here. For the last 3 months of the semester at school I was not at my apartment once. He was asking me to come over and I was happy to. It is me that has wanted more of a commitment. I wanted for us to decide if we want to take the next step or know we aren't right for each other and break it off and move on. He came back and said he wanted me to move in.

 

He is totally having a hard time adjusting to me. I have been trying my best to make the transition easy as possible. I keep my entire stuff put away, clean, do our laundry, and dishes. Unless you looked in the guest bedroom closets you would not know anyone else besides him lives here. I don’t know how I could possible make him more comfortable besides going to stay at my parents a few nights a week so he can have more freedom, but what’s the point of living together if it’s going to be like that…

 

I didn’t really think of it from the point of him not wanting to ask for approval. That totally makes sense. He bought the land, had the house built, so yes it really is his house. He has done everything on his own from day 1. I had no say in anything and still don’t. He has never let me be apart of any planning or decisions. Before the house was built he always said he was doing it for us. It was our home. But boy that changed once the blueprints were being drawn up. I thought actually living in his home would change that. Silly me.

 

My parents had been out shopping and found a beautiful desk to go in the house. They said they would buy it for us. Well really for me since I need it because I’m taking college classes, but to stay in the house. I said not to but anything yet because I wanted to show it to him first. Well my parents stopped by, showed it to him, and he told them he didn’t like it. Funny you were talking about a glass top instead of the wooden (dining room table). The desk my parents picked out was wooden and he refused to have anything except a glass top. Being nice my parents tracked down the desk he wanted and bought it. Who cares if I have to keep papers, book, and supplies in the bedroom closet since there are no drawers, and my printer in the closet also since he thinks it looks too cluttered sitting out. As long as he’s happy, it’s fine? He also didn’t like the housewarming gifts they gave. Including some cookware, a houseplant he hates and wants me to give away, and a decoration he refuses to hang. I’m embarrassed! I had to try so hard taking to them so they didn't feel so hurt and insulted when they were just trying to be giving and so bighearted.

I don’t want to spend a life with him having to run everything by him and him not giving a care about what I think. I respect how he feels, can't he try and do the same? Do you think that would ever change?

 

He made a comment a little over a week ago. He said that I should make plans and go out more. I don’t know if he just doesn’t understand my life? I get so beat spending all day out at the barn working and riding, and then nights doing schoolwork and classes. A lot of the time I just want to come home, relax, and watch a movie or something. Not get home in the evening, get all ready to go out, drive into the city, party, drive back home, crash late, then get up early exhausted and hung over. What kind if life is that? Not one I want. At least not as often as he seems to want me out. When I was living with my roommates at college he would give me a hard time when we would go out often, now he can’t wait to get rid of me? More games! Wanted me when he couldn’t have me, but now that I’m here he’s bored. Does he really want to always wonder about me like back then? I can go out for the whole night, not come home, and not bother to call if that would make him happier. Doubt it really would though.

 

I have a killer headache right now and really just want to curl up in bed, but I made plans anyway to go out for the night to give him his space.

 

I know I was wrong for snapping about the cat. Especially since the reason I was so angry was because of the lack of communication and how frustrated I have been getting. Yeah I really wanted to go to the shelter together and bring home the cat we both picked and fell in love with, but I guess I should be happy for him he found one he likes. I’m sure they will be happy together!

 

This week the worst came out in me. Today I’m sure my posts are screaming this attitude. This isn’t me and I hate it! I usually handle things well… I’m trying so hard to make him happy and comfortable, but I’m just getting pushed away with nothing in return.. I guess I could only take it for so long.

 

So the real issue is lack of communication and him wanting more freedom then is possible for me to give. I definitely agree that he’s probably uncomfortable with me living here and wants more freedom, so I see no other way to give him this but to move out. What else can I do? I don’t know what else I can do so that we are both happy. Especially if he is trying to get me out. That really is sad. I said this step, moving in would make or break us. I want to move forward and settle down. If it comes down to me moving out that will be it. We gave it a shot, it didn’t work, move on with my life without him. Really bummed thinking about that, but I’m willing to do whatever it takes for us BOTH to be happy.

 

Well he’s going to be home any minute, ahh. Guess I better go outside and make myself busy until it’s time for me to get ready to go out. Usually I would back away for a few days so we both have time and space to think, but it’s a little hard when all of my things are here.

 

My goodness I’m sorry for the looong post. Too much running through my mind today.

[ronnieromance]

You completely over reacted about the cat. Fur is fur. black, white orange... If yo don't want cat hair on stuff, brush the cat for like a minute a day. The shedding will be so minimal it won't even be noticible.

 

Living together is stressful.

 

 

-R-

[tikigods]

It sounds to me that he isn't ready to settle down and perhaps its time for you to really sit down and think about if this is the type of relationship you want to be in.

 

When you were staying over it was still HIS house, if you know what I mean, you still had a place to go home to even if you didn't go home, and now he sees that he is stuck with you and that you can never go home cause you are already there.

 

You are right though, its about BOTH of you being happy and you aren't happy at all, he has so much control on this situation right now that you can't even unpack yourstuff?

 

I would look at this as right now you are a guest in his house, and one it sounds like he wants to get rid of :/

[mattea]

well maybe you reacted badly about the cat, maybe not. but i'm thinking that is such a small part of a much bigger issue!

 

ok, so he's having a hard time adjusting. it's *his* place. the way i see it if he's going to have a partner living with him there then he needs to do his part to make it your place too - your home as a couple. i know he was there first and all that, but if you got a place of your own that you picked out together then you'd be doing things like making joint decisions about furniture, plants, etc. and you wouldn't be living out of boxes and closets trying to keep all of your stuff out of his way so he won't feel like his freedom is being threatened.

 

it sounds like it is an adjustment for you both and i know that i'm only hearing one side of the story. but what if the tables were turned? i mean, if it was your place to begin with and he moved in would you be having him keep all his stuff in the closet and would you be the one making all the decisions about decorations, etc. on your own just because you lived there first. wouldn't it also be up to you to help him feel at home and comfortable as if it was his place too and he wasn't just some guest there?

[johan]

Get two cats. They are happier when they have a buddy. Like dogs. Cat #2 you can go get together.

[Walk]

My bf about as independent and stubborn as they come, and HIGHLY values his space. I moved into his house. The one he bought on his own about a year before I met him. He hadn't lived with a woman since his first relationship almost 15 years ago. So he obviously wasn't entirely comfortable with sharing his domain with me. I kept my stuff in the guest bedroom too when I first moved in. Made sure that none of my stuff was out. And NEVER changed anything of his.

 

Basically a lot of the same facts as you are talking about.... Independent bf, his house, needs a lot of space and likes to be "in charge" of his life. (make the decisions)

 

However, he never suggested I "leave" in order for him to have his space. We set aside a seperate room so that he could still have space without him pushing me out of "our" home. When I talked to him about feeling like a guest in his house, and it not really being my home too, he suggested that we move to a place where we could both start fresh. Where we could make it both our homes. So we did that. When I needed a desk for my college classes, he bought one for me. He didn't need one. He didnt' even want one. But he spent a whole day and most the night finding one and putting it together for me.

 

The main thing I would take into consideration is whether or not you've discussed your feelings about this with him. And what was his response? I can understand why you'd get so upset about a cat. It's just the tip of the iceburg you've been sitting on. If you haven't done so already, try to talk to him about ways the two of you can comprimise on this. If he's unwilling to budge then your only option is to leave. He may be unaware he's making you feel like this. (highly doubt it.) And if he is that thick headed, then being blunt might be the answer.

 

Personally, you've sacrificed too much to keep this relationship. You've now lost your "home", any security you had in knowing you always had a place to lay your head when exhausted, and you've now lost rights to even keeping your stuff easily accesible (the printer and drawers). He made you sacrifice something that would make your life easier, because it didn't fit into his life. That isn't what a relationship is supposed to be. He's acting like a two year old who doesn't want to share his toys.

 

You can't excel in life if you're always exhausted, and right now that's where your mind should be focused. In working to achieve those goals you have to the absolute best of your abilities. College is incredibly important, you can't live a decent life without that degree. And your riding is important to you. Don't allow him to take away your future simply because he can't share several hundred sq feet of living space with you.

[justagirliegirl]

He seems very selfish. You are bending over backwards to accomodate him and he spends a lot of time sulking like a child.

 

His my way or the highway is a sign of things to come with him. His behaviour will set the tone for the future with him and living with him.

 

His rude behaviour towards the gifts, another red flag.

 

It seems like he is doing nothing to help you feel better about living there. A home is supposed to be a haven from the outside world.

 

I would forget about the cat. That is the least of your problems.

 

Him building this house but allowing you no input into it, another red flag that he doens't want to include you except when it suits him.

 

If I were you, I would move out until he can start behaving like a man who treats you with respect and not like a 2 year old.

[l2hvn]

I'm sorry he's being a jerk to you. He treats you as though you're an unwelcome guest in his house.

 

Maybe he feels suffocated and smothered because he's not used to it. Or maybe he's having doubts about his feelings for you as a result of you moving in. He might feel that he's losing that freedom/independence, and losing his self-identity in the process. It's always a stressful situation.

 

But regardless, if he truly loves you, he wouldn't suggest that you move out because you're not happy. He would do whatever it takes to make/keep you happy. At least in my opinion.

 

After 5 years? Wow...

 

If you think it's worth fighting for this relationship, then fight for it. Be honest about your feelings. Maybe he doesn't realize he's doing it. Maybe you're misunderstanding his words/actions. Just clarify the issues that bother you.

 

Worse comes to worse, you might have to pack up and leave. At least you've tried your best.

[Shana555]

Well I got my answer. You guys were right. I came home last night and we got in another huge argument. I brought up that I feel like a guest in his house and he said I am. That he’s really not happy with me living here and never really wanted me to move in. He said that I pretty much forced this moving in thing and he never wanted it.

 

This morning before he left for work I asked if he was sure he wants this and to throw away our 5 years. That we can try to work this out. That we can take things slower, but said I love being here with him and want to be together.

 

He said he doesn’t want to throw us away.. he doesn't know, but he’s just not happy with me living here and wants me to leave. He gave me a few more of my things and left.

 

I’m totally heartbroken crying my eyes out right now. I’m packing up as fast as I can and my sweet parents are on their way to help me move out before he gets back home.

 

There is no way I can be with him after he tells me he’s not happy with me living here. This proved its pointless trying to continue a relationship. I hope he just lets me move on, but I really don't think he will let go like that.

 

[justagirliegirl]

Shana he's an a##! Good thing you confronted him on this and he told you the truth rather than spending more months of being treated like garbage and not being sure what the deal was.

 

He should have told you this before you went to the time, effort, and expense of moving there with him.

 

I know it hurts but the best thing you can do is go nc on him. You know the saying "never let 'em see you sweat". Going nc and acting like YOU don't give a crap will drive him nuts.

 

I agree with you that it would be very hard to continue a relationship after being treated so poorly.

 

Keep us updated.

[johan]

I looked back through your old posts. He's been pretty difficult for you to be with for several months. It seems like you have been holding things together yourself. It would be easy to say that it was a mistake to have gone so far as to move in, but I don't really think so. I think it forced his hand and made it clear just how much relationship he is prepared to have with you. So you can walk away with no doubts, which makes it easier to walk away.

 

I'm sorry for you. I hope you are able to recover quickly.

[tikigods]

I am so sorry that he did this to you. Be strong, go NC as someone above me suggested and find someone that after 5 years will want to move beyond just "dating"

[Love Hurts]

This is not what you want to hear.

 

The truth is men do not respect a woman that they live with.

 

He has no commitment........... Bed time is great for him.

You pretty much do alot. Clean up. Do laundry, pay bills.

Have alot of responisbilitiy... He probably maintains a cool eye on expenses ........... yours. Not his.

 

There is a sense of freedom for both parties involved in a relationship of living together. The hard facts are men just do not respect what they have acquired....

 

For him; It is easy to move along and fall into anything available.

After all you have no demands on him ....no ring or commitment.

You are no queen to him....

You are easy ....

 

The truth hurts......... yik and so many do it....

 

In the end.......... if you married him... divorce is previlent..... Why?

Lack of respect. If you have no respect in your foundation.

True admiration and love are not able to grow.

Your relationship is built on sinking sand as appose to a solid rock.

Party Time.

 

Anything goes.

 

Good luck

[Outcast]

There is a sense of freedom for both parties involved in a relationship of living together. The hard facts are men just do not respect what they have acquired....

 

Fact is this guy isn't that into her and has used her for the last five years when they DIDN'T live together. He's just a schmuck on his own. He's not a representative for all males.

[RecordProducer]

It's hard enought to deal with yourself; much harder to live with someone else. You just started. "The gods are testing you now."

 

All this is normal... and stupid. Just try to communicate better.

 

The secret is - you have to SLOWLY make him bend over. You don't START with "I don't want..." statements. You eventually get there. You start with "Honey, please..."

 

When I just moved in with my new husband, he wanted us to look at a house that he has always wanted to buy (next door property). I hated the house. He invited his dad to look at the house! When the looking was done, I said: "I am not going to live there!" My husband still can't forgive me that and I don't even see what I did wrong. He was NOT supposed to ask his dad for an opinion; his dad won't live with him. It's because our marriage is new and he isn't used to getting permission from his wife. Now, 4 months later, things have greatly changed. In any case, he didn't buy the hosue I didn't want to live in.

 

My main point - when I said harshly I didn't want that house, he got mad at me for BEING HONEST in front of his father and still can't forgive me. But he didn't buy the house, you know why? Because I told him that when I lived in an apartment that I hated with my ex-husband I had suicidal attempts partially because there was no sun light in that place. I explaianed to him that living in a palce I hate was terrible for me. He understood that. Try the nicer way instead.

 

He is trying to NOT let you win, rule, be the boss. Men have this thing with being in charge - it's very natural and DESIRABLE. That's why we like men, not wimps.

 

The secret is: let him be the man and you make him make the decisions that YOU already made!

 

Eeehhhh, if I could listen to at least half the advice I give people...

[AriaIncognito]

Shana, I just wanted to send out a hug to you. I know you must be feeling so sad today. It's so hard to deal with what you're dealing with. I know, because I've been there. I lived with a guy for a few years (was with him for about 4 years total) and it was devastating to deal with. I thought I'd never date again. And to be honest, I took a LONG time between him and seeing someone new. But, it ended up being not so bad for me. I moved home for a few months, saved up, and bought my own place. Then, at least, I was able to feel more like a person again, living on my own and running my own life, such as it was.

 

Anyway, i hope you are able to cope with what the next few days/weeks/months hell even year could bring. It won't all be easy, but it will get easier in time. It all just sucks. I feel for you, I really do.

 

Feel better,

Jennifer

[ridingthebulls]

LOL, sounds like a really childish and ridiculous argument. You both need to grow up. If you have this type FIGHT of over a pet, what will happen when you both face REAL problems? WOW.. unreal. And you both are 30? What is this world coming to!

[ridingthebulls]

"The truth is men do not respect a woman that they live with.

 

He has no commitment........... Bed time is great for him.

You pretty much do alot. Clean up. Do laundry, pay bills.

Have alot of responisbilitiy... He probably maintains a cool eye on expenses ........... yours. Not his. "

 

I'm sorry, but that same truth exists for MOST MARRIAGES as well! Many men hide who they are until they finally get you in the bag in marriage, then treat you like s***. THe problem is finding the right man who will respect you at ALL times. If he won't, then time to exit the relationship.

 

SOrry, but it is MUCH BETTER and much more WISE to live with him first and find out his true personality, instead of the other option of RUSHING INTO MARRIAGE without living together first. The latter is for religious people who will likely never devorce anyways, because they want to please god and stay married miserable forever! If he is a control freak who doesn't even want to go out with you, best you found out early!

[ridingthebulls]

Well I got my answer. You guys were right. I came home last night and we got in another huge argument. I brought up that I feel like a guest in his house and he said I am. That he’s really not happy with me living here and never really wanted me to move in. He said that I pretty much forced this moving in thing and he never wanted it.

 

This morning before he left for work I asked if he was sure he wants this and to throw away our 5 years. That we can try to work this out. That we can take things slower, but said I love being here with him and want to be together.

 

He said he doesn’t want to throw us away.. he doesn't know, but he’s just not happy with me living here and wants me to leave. He gave me a few more of my things and left.

 

I’m totally heartbroken crying my eyes out right now. I’m packing up as fast as I can and my sweet parents are on their way to help me move out before he gets back home.

 

There is no way I can be with him after he tells me he’s not happy with me living here. This proved its pointless trying to continue a relationship. I hope he just lets me move on, but I really don't think he will let go like that.

 

 

That 30 year old child isn't ready for anything CLOSE to a real relationship or settling down! BEST TO GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP ALTOGETHER if you are looking for something more.

[Walk]

Pretty ridiculous for him to say you "forced" him into this decision. Like you held him down and threatened his life? "I move in or your dead mister!" Whatever!

 

There is nothing you couldn't done that would have Forced him into anything. He's a big boy, and he made his own decisions. He's making them now too.

 

Get as far away from this self-centered prick as you can. This has got to be terrible for you right now, and I really feel for you. You sacrificed an enormous amount to move in with him, and to make this relationship work, and all he does is throw it all in your face and make you out to be the bad person. He can't even appreciate the hell he's put you in, only seeing how it affected him. He didn't appreciate how much you bent over backwards to accomadate him, or make him feel comfortable with the situation. He's convinced himself he's the poor victim who's being put out of his way. That's B.S!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I'm really glad your family is there for you. I know my family has been a saving element for me in bad times.

 

Hold your head up Girl. You've put enormous effort into something that you believed in. That out come might not be what you wanted, but your actions have been admirable and respectable. There's pride in knowing you put your all into it, even if it didn't work out the way you had wanted. Now move forward, initiate no contact, and don't let him waste another one of your beautiful days. Work on healing yourself, and beginning your new life.

[radiation7740]

Well I moved in with my boyfriend about a month ago. Been together, wow it will be 5 years soon. We have had rocky times in the past, but things have been wonderful since I moved in. Well, we got in our first huge fight last night. I came home around 10 last night exhausted from a long day of working and night class which went from 2 – 9. I hop into bed happy to relax and forget of the stresses of the day...

 

Well, he starts talking. He says he’s getting a cat. I get excited because I’ve been saying that I want to get a cat together. I start chatting about going to the shelter and doing this and that.. Then he says, he’s getting the cat from a friend. His friend doesn’t want it anymore. I get mad because first, he knows I have wanted to get a cat TOGETHER. Not him finding one, deciding on his own, and him telling me what he’s doing. He TOLD me he’s picking it up next week! Never even asked what I thought.

 

Second, the cat is white. I told him I don’t want a white cat because I personally don’t like having a white cat in the house. My roommate a couple years ago had one and my stuff always had white fur on them. Even if I didn’t touch the cat, whenever I went out my clothes had white fur on them since it's always on the furniture and everything.

 

Anyway, I said I don’t want the cat in our house. He replied, well move out then! I said, that’s really nice that you would choose a cat over me. He said, it’s you that’s making the big deal over this. I tried harder to talk this out, but he ignored me so I went to sleep.

I’ve was up all night thinking about this. When he left for work he got dressed and left. He didn’t even say a word or look at me.

 

He was so quick to tell me to move out if I’m not happy with this. I can’t help but wonder if maybe he really doesn’t want me here… Or if I am reacting immature about this? Things have been so great since I moved I, I hate that something like this would ruin it all. Ugh, I hate this. He has such a strong independent personality, but he needs to learn that we both need to give, take, and compromise.

 

Also we haven’t done anything together outside of the house since I moved in. Just this weekend I was trying to get him to come out and do something for Memorial Day. Go to one of many cookouts, the fireworks, just something. He kept saying no he didn’t want to go, so I went over a friends without him. Later I find out he’s out on his bike with his friends and they went to the fireworks. It would have been nice to meet him there and watch them together, but of course he didn’t invite. It’s been like this all month. He just always makes plans, never including me. I understand needing space.. I give him plenty, but we are still a couple right?! Not just his bed buddy to have around at night. Anyway, that’s a whole other issue, but adds to my frustration

 

We need a dining room set. I know he wouldn’t be too happy if I went shopping and picked one out on my own, bought it, and didn’t tell him about it until it was being delivered. Same thing… Shouldn’t we do things together and make decisions on stuff together now? Including a pet that’s going to be a permanent addition to our home? Gosh, I don’t know what if anything I should say or do.

 

I apologize for such a long post

 

 

Your story is a typical example of why I discourage lovers from moving in together. It's better to live in your own separate residencies and date exclusively.

[Walk]

"The truth is men do not respect a woman that they live with.

 

Highly generalized statement you made there. And completely innacurate. SOME men may not respect a woman who lives with them, NOT all men.

 

He has no commitment........... Bed time is great for him.

You pretty much do alot. Clean up. Do laundry, pay bills.

Have alot of responisbilitiy... He probably maintains a cool eye on expenses ........... yours. Not his.

 

Not one of these relates to the living situation I am in with my bf, and we've been living together for 2 years now. I find it rather offensive that you would label every man in this way. That may be your experience, but it doesn't make it truth for everyone.