HELP!!!!!!!!

[Johnny boy]

I need some help. I've been with a girl for four months now. And she loves me and I love her. Yesterday she called me to tell me that her ex. B/f called her. I know that he had called her like three times since I've been with her. They broke up six months before I met my g/f. He called her and told her how he had met someone and my girl told him that she had a b/f as well. Well he got mad at this and basically tried to make her feel bad. From what she told me he tried to ask her if she would go back with him. He would also bring back some of their memories. She told me that she was hurt when he mentioned them. He would say stuff like "I'm not happy", or "I wish you were here". I could tell it hurt her because she was crying when she told me this. Later on the conversation she told me that she regretted meeting him. I know that they planned or talked about getting married in the one year they were together but I don't know how serious they were. It kind of sucks for me in my position. But I feel I need to listen to all of what she says about them because it might affect our relationship. My question is this, what and how can I tell her to comfort her? I told her that she needed to tell him to stop calling her altogether if that's what she wanted. And I also told her that it's not her fault that he chose to see other people. Help! Anyone!

[arthropod98]

well, her telling him not to call anymore will NOT work . . . she needs to NOT TAKE his calls! he WILL keep calling, so it's HER that needs to make that happen.

 

what i don't understand is why she got so upset after her talk with him???? hate to say this, but is there ANY chance she may still have some feelings for him?? that part just makes no sense to me.

 

i think that if SHE terminates all contact with her ex, then you might be allright here. if she relies on HIM to do that, she doesn't want to lose that contact . . . then, you might have a problem.

 

good luck with all this!!

I need some help. I've been with a girl for four months now. And she loves me and I love her. Yesterday she called me to tell me that her ex. B/f called her. I know that he had called her like three times since I've been with her. They broke up six months before I met my g/f. He called her and told her how he had met someone and my girl told him that she had a b/f as well. Well he got mad at this and basically tried to make her feel bad. From what she told me he tried to ask her if she would go back with him. He would also bring back some of their memories. She told me that she was hurt when he mentioned them. He would say stuff like "I'm not happy", or "I wish you were here". I could tell it hurt her because she was crying when she told me this. Later on the conversation she told me that she regretted meeting him. I know that they planned or talked about getting married in the one year they were together but I don't know how serious they were. It kind of sucks for me in my position. But I feel I need to listen to all of what she says about them because it might affect our relationship. My question is this, what and how can I tell her to comfort her? I told her that she needed to tell him to stop calling her altogether if that's what she wanted. And I also told her that it's not her fault that he chose to see other people. Help! Anyone!

[Johnny boy]

I agree with you. And I will ask her about this tonight. The having feelings for him part.

well, her telling him not to call anymore will NOT work . . . she needs to NOT TAKE his calls! he WILL keep calling, so it's HER that needs to make that happen. what i don't understand is why she got so upset after her talk with him???? hate to say this, but is there ANY chance she may still have some feelings for him?? that part just makes no sense to me. i think that if SHE terminates all contact with her ex, then you might be allright here. if she relies on HIM to do that, she doesn't want to lose that contact . . . then, you might have a problem. good luck with all this!!

[Carrie]

It sounds like she still has feeling for her ex, even though she may also have feelings for you. She knows he's bad for her, but she still loves him and he still affects her. It's really not a matter of comforting her, time will help her heal and there's nothing you can do to hurry it along.

 

The only way she's going to realize what she wants and who she loves is by being alone for a while. If you broke it off with her and gave her some space, you'd actually being doing her a favor. I can tell you right now that it's you she'll end up missing. It will also make her realize how much she cares and loves you and it will make her realize what a jerk this other guy is.

[yes]

Hmm. this is a sensitive issue. even when u'r 'over' someone, mentioning old memories can cause emotional reactions ...

 

i think you need to give her a lil bit of room - call less, leave a lil more initiative to her, etc. she needs to feel that she likes you - that will take her mind off the ex. otherwise, dont push it, but as an advice, suggest cutting all contact with him.

 

then just keep your hand on the pulse of this issue...

 

i think thats all u can do for now!...

 

Best of luck.

I need some help. I've been with a girl for four months now. And she loves me and I love her. Yesterday she called me to tell me that her ex. B/f called her. I know that he had called her like three times since I've been with her. They broke up six months before I met my g/f. He called her and told her how he had met someone and my girl told him that she had a b/f as well. Well he got mad at this and basically tried to make her feel bad. From what she told me he tried to ask her if she would go back with him. He would also bring back some of their memories. She told me that she was hurt when he mentioned them. He would say stuff like "I'm not happy", or "I wish you were here". I could tell it hurt her because she was crying when she told me this. Later on the conversation she told me that she regretted meeting him. I know that they planned or talked about getting married in the one year they were together but I don't know how serious they were. It kind of sucks for me in my position. But I feel I need to listen to all of what she says about them because it might affect our relationship. My question is this, what and how can I tell her to comfort her? I told her that she needed to tell him to stop calling her altogether if that's what she wanted. And I also told her that it's not her fault that he chose to see other people. Help! Anyone!