parents vs. boyfriend

[Juliet]

I'm in a bit of a pickle and I need some advice. Please give me your honest reactions:

 

For about three months i've been dating a muslim guy. At the beginning I casually mentioned him once to my parents when I was visiting them, and they made it very clear that I should keep things very casual with him because they don't want to see their daughter with a muslim. They are very strict christians, but I'm more nominal. I decided not to push the issue at that time, because I had just met him and didn't have any serious feelings for him.

 

But now the relationship has progressed, and he's my boyfriend who I care about very much. I've met his family and extended family, but he has yet to meet mine. I've explained my predicament to him, and he understands. He doesn't want to come between me and my family, but he also hopes that one day they might accept him. But here's my question: What should I do? Should I confront my parents right now about the relationship (and if so, how?)? or should I wait to see if the relationship becomes truly serious (ie engagement) before risking my family's scorn? Or should I break up with him and hope to one day fall in love with a guy who my family would approve of?

[Carrie]

Also, at the risk of sounding prejudice, be careful. Muslims have a very different upbringing, way of life and view of women, compared to Christians. A lot (I'm not saying all) of them, do not respect women and tend to be very controlling. I've met plenty of Muslim men (even ones raised in America) and have personally had very bad experiences with them. I dated one for 5 months and got out of that one pretty quickly. He became verbally abusive, jealous and controlling.

 

My best friend has been dating a Muslim for 3 yrs. now. He started out pretty much normal for the first 6 months or so, then he started downing her, verbally abusing her and hitting her. She still took him back. One time she broke up with him and he smashed in her car and threatened to kill her. She put a restraining order against him and yet still got back with him a month later. She's miserable with him and all they do is fight, but she says she loves him. Everyone, including her family, is very worried about her life. He pretty much controls her and I hardly ever get to see her.

 

I'm not saying this guy is or is going to be like any of these other people I knew, but after my bad experiences, I can understand your parents concern. At the same time, you love this guy, no one can prevent you from loving him and you shouldn't hide your relationship from anyone, not even your parents. If you love him, then your parents are just going to have to accept it if they love you.

[catt]

Here's what you do - you have your parents meet him and decide for themselves that he is fabulous. The most important thing for them should be to see you happy and to see that he treats you well. Religion should not play a major role in this at all.