velvet Posted October 30, 2001 Share Posted October 30, 2001 So after 10 years of friendship, he agreed when I asked about for an intimate relationship. He was in the middle of a divorce at the time and I could not help myself any longer. I had been lusting over him for months. For over a year we have had a love/hate relationship. He's wishy washy, and says the reason we have these time breaks in our relationship is because he doesnt want to get too close to me, and says he will have me after he gets me where he wants me. At that time I didnt ask him what he meant by saying that becasue I just wanted him to leave me alone for a while. He wants to move in with me when I close on my home. Im not living with a man who wigg's out when I touch him. He wants me for sex, than he doesnt want me anymore. If I kiss him, or hug, or come into any physical contact with him he slides away most of the time. Could he just be using me as insurance, even after a ten year friendship? Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted October 31, 2001 Share Posted October 31, 2001 Could he just be using me as insurance, even after a ten year friendship? Yes. Never underestimate the effect that a major emotional upheaval like a divorce can have on a person. They may suddenly become capable of unprecedented callousness and selfishness. I remember your earlier posts and it sounds to me like he's using you: for sex first and foremost, but also for companionship at his convenience. I can see how you'd be confused by this -- where did your friend go? Why would he use you like that? I can't answer that, of course. This may well be (and hopefully is) a temporary phase that he's going through as he tries to re-establish himself as a single person again. That doesn't excuse what he's doing to you right now. And, unfortunately, it doesn't mean that he'll emerge from this (when and if he does emerge from it) knowing that he loves you and wants to embrace you and his love for you. He might just be very embarrassed by the whole thing and regret ever having taken advantage of you. Don't count on his love -- you have yet to see any clear-cut sign of it. My advice would be to sever all contact. This guy is behaving like an utter jackass at the moment. How dare he say such things to you, and use you in such a way! Major, major apologies are in order, and until you get them I'd steer clear from him. If he never apologizes then he hardly seems like someone you'd want to be friends with -- let alone love. And NO WAY should you let him move in with you. He's got a lot of gall to even suggest such a thing given the way he has treated you. I hope you meet someone new, someone ready to be a worthy companion and lover. This guy sure isn't. Link to post Share on other sites
KJ Posted November 1, 2001 Share Posted November 1, 2001 I am going to have to disagree with Midori. I think you should confront him. Tell him how you feel. Be straight up and honest. If you have been friends for so long, I think you two can work something out. At least salvage your friendship. Maybe that is why he is so stand-offish. Communication is a must in any type of relationship to make things work. Maybe things aren't meant to be this way and should just remain a friendship. Only you two can decide. Do you want things to get to a point where you are bitter and can't be next to one another? Talk to him. I hope you can work something out. Good Luck! So after 10 years of friendship, he agreed when I asked about for an intimate relationship. He was in the middle of a divorce at the time and I could not help myself any longer. I had been lusting over him for months. For over a year we have had a love/hate relationship. He's wishy washy, and says the reason we have these time breaks in our relationship is because he doesnt want to get too close to me, and says he will have me after he gets me where he wants me. At that time I didnt ask him what he meant by saying that becasue I just wanted him to leave me alone for a while. He wants to move in with me when I close on my home. Im not living with a man who wigg's out when I touch him. He wants me for sex, than he doesnt want me anymore. If I kiss him, or hug, or come into any physical contact with him he slides away most of the time. Could he just be using me as insurance, even after a ten year friendship? Link to post Share on other sites
moldy donut Posted November 1, 2001 Share Posted November 1, 2001 He's wishy washy, and says the reason we have these time breaks in our relationship is because he doesnt want to get too close to me, and says he will have me after he gets me where he wants me. Jesus, he sounds like a controlling, manipulative #*&%*&. Sounds like he wants to be the one in charge of things. Doesn't sound like much of a catch, or "friend" to me. Friendship is a two way street, with mutual respect. I don't see any on his side. He only wants you for sex (sounds like it's only when he wants it, too...why do you put up with this treatment?) and now he suddenly wants to move in with you after your house is bought? How convenient for him. Wonder what his motivation is there. A handy live-in sex partner, "when he wants it"? You be careful. You let him move in and he might never leave and his attempt to control you could get worse, turn to abuse and him trying to isolate you. He sounds disturbed. He doesn't like you to touch or hug or have (initiate) physical contact with him, yet he wants sex with you when it's his choice, and he wants to live with you, he says crap about wanting you when he gets you where he wants you. Now if that's not a control freak being honest, I don't know what is. If you let him keep treating you like this, and let him move in with you, prepare to be use and heartbroken. He doesn't sound like a friend. He sounds like a selfish, self-serving pr!ck. So after 10 years of friendship, he agreed when I asked about for an intimate relationship. He was in the middle of a divorce at the time and I could not help myself any longer. I had been lusting over him for months. For over a year we have had a love/hate relationship. He's wishy washy, and says the reason we have these time breaks in our relationship is because he doesnt want to get too close to me, and says he will have me after he gets me where he wants me. At that time I didnt ask him what he meant by saying that becasue I just wanted him to leave me alone for a while. He wants to move in with me when I close on my home. Im not living with a man who wigg's out when I touch him. He wants me for sex, than he doesnt want me anymore. If I kiss him, or hug, or come into any physical contact with him he slides away most of the time. Could he just be using me as insurance, even after a ten year friendship? Link to post Share on other sites
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