Sergeant of Marines Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 My g/f has recently moved in with me & before this everything was going as a avg relationship would. First off let me say she is 21 & I'm turning 29 this year...dont say it I already know what your thinking. Anyways, we never had to spend this much time together before....we wanted to but couldn't. Now her parents hae moved to MD and I agreed to have her move in with me as we have been dating for about a year at this point. The thing is that she in in secure about her weight she is about 5'6" & between 180-190lb's. Now I have been getting used to this over time, she is a wonderful girl, loves me to death and most of the time a pleasant person to be around. But 2 out of the 4 weeks in a month she gets me so pissed off with her attitude, comments & actions (PMS) I want her to leave. I'm also a single parent so my son gets a portion of this as well. Now, I'm sick of the attitude & my eye is wondering towards other woman. Is there anyways to salvage this and still be happy? I know losing weight doesn't happen over night but this attitude is off the charts, like none I have seen in my 28yrs. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 When you say attitude and comments, are they derogatory comments she makes regarding how she looks? Or is she making comments to you about stuff that's unrelated? Like picking fights or something. You live off base? Has she ever lived near a Marine base before? Maybe she's going through an adjustment with the livestyle too? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sergeant of Marines Posted June 2, 2006 Author Share Posted June 2, 2006 When you say attitude and comments, are they derogatory comments she makes regarding how she looks? Or is she making comments to you about stuff that's unrelated? Like picking fights or something. You live off base? Has she ever lived near a Marine base before? Maybe she's going through an adjustment with the livestyle too? She makes comments about how she looks, about how my past relationships failed and is more harse with my son then I am, but she is getting better at handling the step-mom situation. We do live off base and she has grown up in a military life style as her father is a indapendant contractor most of her life. This is really her first time on her own as well. But my problem as 50/50 attitude and she is the biggest girl I have been with by far and I'm looking at what normally attracts me. I like small framed girls but she just happen to snag me at the right time and now I feel like I'm settleing for less then what I know I normally go for. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 I like small framed girls but she just happen to snag me at the right time and now I feel like I'm settleing for less then what I know I normally go for. And she probably knows this? Maybe not because you say it to her, but from things she will assume from small comments, or women you have been attracted to in the past. Even non-verbal clues you're giving her. I know it's a balancing act of looks and personality, and maybe because of her attitude it's causing you to rethink the whole package. Since prior to her moving in you didn't see her behvior as strongly as you do now, so having a little less in the looks department wasn't that big of a deal. But now you're wondering if the personality is up to the level you desire too? I've found people can be more, or less, attractive based on their personality. So she may have appeared more attractive to you prior to seeing this side of her. I've never felt PMS was an excuse for behaving poorly. Maybe one or two days out of the month can be excused if it's within reason. Half of every month though is pretty extreme to have to deal with. Have you talked to her about how this is affecting you? Without telling her you don't find her as attractive. But maybe in a way that lets her know that her behavior is causing problems, and discuss ways in which the two of you could find a comprimise or solution to it. Ask her what she feels she can do to feel better about her body. Suggest that you'll support her in whatever way she needs to achieve this. Don't suggest she needs to lose weight though. Just ask her if she has any ideas on how to improve her self-image and to not feel so insecure. If she's willing to attempt to work on improving this, even if it's not losing weight but just finding ways to not be so mentally insecure.. then give her some support in this. Compliment her, touch her often, and give her plenty of affection. Show her you love her and want to be with her. The more you make her feel loved and desired, the more comfortable she'll feel with her body. If she doens't have any desire to change things though, then you'll have to decide if it's worth continuing the relationship. Its sad that she's letting her self-image destroy your relationship. Just make sure you aren't contributing to her poor image in any way. Otherwise you'll end up doing irrepairable harm to her for years down the road. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 You might get more response's and better replies if you repost this in either the "Dating" section, or the "General Relationship" section. I'm sure you'd get more responses, and probably a lot better then I could. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 Doesn't matter where you post since most posters use the 'new posts' button. You haven't said that you care about her. The best you said was that she's 'pleasant to be around'. This is hardly a case of burning love. If you don't have much affection for her, you should cut her loose. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 I like small framed girls but she just happen to snag me at the right time and now I feel like I'm settleing for less then what I know I normally go for What do you mean, snag you? If you honestly feel like you're settling and you don't love her FULLY, then end it now. You're only hurting her, and actually your son, who is bonding with her. Think LONG term here. She's 21 years old. She's just starting out life and you've been around the block afew times, have a child, maybe had more life experience than her. Isn't unfair to keep someone around if you don't really love them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sergeant of Marines Posted June 4, 2006 Author Share Posted June 4, 2006 Thanks one and all for your advice, I spent "MANY" hours searching this sight looking for someway to discuss this. To answer a few questions....Yes I do love her, she is attractive to me even though were both dating outside our normal attraction realm. She does make me happy. I have been around the block and back and she has limited life expirience but when given the chance to leave she has said "NO" that she has vested too much time in this and will only leave if I cheat or pack her sh*t for her and send her on her way. She loves me and we will work through this and be happier because we made it and that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. **side note - talked to her last night had her read a few pages from[sIZE=2] [/sIZE][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=88360&highlight=overweight[/COLOR][/sIZE] I told her that I dont want to get to this point and I think we both could be in a lot better shape then we are. Of course it turned into a 3-4 hour conversation about everything under the sun but I think she understands. I also mentioned this might be medically induced. because neither of her parents are big people. Mom 5'5" maybe 115lbs and dad is 5'7" 145lbs or so, but here is the thing both her and her sister are overweight. Anyone think of something else to help? Basically everything is in the open now so once again THANKS! Link to post Share on other sites
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