oannamarie Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 My husband recently got a job (about two weeks ago) after being out of work for three years for a disability. I have been working the past three years and continue to work. Now when he comes home he is snappy at me and the kids. He says that I dont want to spend time with him and that when he calls me I never want to talk. Before, because he was home, if he called and I couldnt talk I would call him back when I could. Now, when he calls and I cant talk I still call him back but he is unavailable to talk. I have asked him why is he so snappy with us. I also explained to him why it seems like we dont talk through out the day. He said I was cheating on him and started a big argument. He has barely spoken to me the last two days and when I ask him a simple question like (where do you want to go to have dinner?) he gets mad and starts yelling, saying I DONT KNOW. WHY DO YOU ALWAYS ASK STUPID QUESTIONS. What should I think of this? Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 I was going to say since he has gone back to work, maybe he is snappy because he is tired and not quite back into the swing of things. However, a red flag in your post was when you said he was accussing you of cheating. Does he have reason to think you are? If not, its highly posible, that the one doing the accussing is the one doing the cheating. Try to get to the bottom of what is really going on. Don't accuse him of anything just yet, until you have more solid answers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oannamarie Posted June 2, 2006 Author Share Posted June 2, 2006 I did cheat on my husband about six years ago but I have given him no reason to believe that I am cheating now. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 I did cheat on my husband about six years ago but I have given him no reason to believe that I am cheating now. Oh sorry didn't know. So his snappy attitude is just been recent? How was he after he found out you cheated 6 years ago? Was he snappy then? Maybe he is just tired or feels like since he is working he can't spend time with you like he would like to. Maybe he feels since he can't get ahold of you or talk with you when HE wants, that you are back to cheating, kind of like his insecurites over the matter kicked back in for him. Any other things you noticed besides him being snappy with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author oannamarie Posted June 2, 2006 Author Share Posted June 2, 2006 I havent noticed anything besides him being snappy except that he is distant. We used to have sex about three time a week. The last time we had sex was two weeks ago right when he started his job. He always says he is to tired. I try to remind him that I work as well and am tired to but that doesnt stop me from being intimate with him. When he found out I cheated he was angry and hurt but we decided to work it out and go to counseling. He was abusive and on drugs when I cheated. I know it is not a good excuse to cheat but it was for that reason. He doenst do drugs anymore and hasnt been abusive for about two years. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 I try to remind him that I work as well and am tired to but that doesnt stop me from being intimate with him. The guy was on disability and has only just begun working after three years. The first few weeks of any job are exhausting as it is - much more so if someone's working after a long period of being at home. It's not terribly fair to be upset because he's tired; I'd expect that he'll be worn out for a while yet. As for the issues over cheating, perhaps he felt he could 'keep an eye on you' when he was home all the time. Now he's out of the house, he's somehow fearful that he isn't as able to know where you are and what you're up to. I'm guessing you cheated with someone at your work when he was working as well? Link to post Share on other sites
Author oannamarie Posted June 2, 2006 Author Share Posted June 2, 2006 Now that I think about it. Last week we went out shopping. He got a phone call on his cell phone which he didnt answer and is not like him. I aksed him who it was and why he didnt answer his phone. He said it was a guy from high school (Lamont) and he didnt answer it because he didnt feel like talking to him. I have never heard of this guy and we went to high school together. Any way the next day we went to the grocery store and he didnt go in with me becasue we had the kids and they were sleeping. I took his cell phone in mistakingly thinking it was mine. He called me on my cell phone and was mad that I took his. After he hung up I check his phone to see about the call the previous day. It said it was L but didnt say Lamont. I confronted him about it and he got mad and said that I am the cheater and I have no right to accuse him. I havent asked about it since then to avoid a fight. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 Now that I think about it. Last week we went out shopping. He got a phone call on his cell phone which he didnt answer and is not like him. I aksed him who it was and why he didnt answer his phone. He said it was a guy from high school (Lamont) and he didnt answer it because he didnt feel like talking to him. I have never heard of this guy and we went to high school together. Any way the next day we went to the grocery store and he didnt go in with me becasue we had the kids and they were sleeping. I took his cell phone in mistakingly thinking it was mine. He called me on my cell phone and was mad that I took his. After he hung up I check his phone to see about the call the previous day. It said it was L but didnt say Lamont. I confronted him about it and he got mad and said that I am the cheater and I have no right to accuse him. I havent asked about it since then to avoid a fight. I just think its weird 6 years later after you cheated, he is acting this way and accussing you. Especailly if he didn't do it before, but now all of a sudden is. Maybe write down this "Lamont" persons number, and call it from a pay phone, just in case they have caller Id on their phone. Just see who it is that answers. Wheather its a man or woman you could always hang up, or say you have the wrong number. Then again you could come out and ask who it is. If its a woman not sure you would get a straight answer but its possible. Something sounds fishy to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oannamarie Posted June 2, 2006 Author Share Posted June 2, 2006 Thanks. Maybe I should call. I dont like getting into his business but it might put my mind at ease. Although, if I call what do I do if a woman answers? Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 Thanks. Maybe I should call. I dont like getting into his business but it might put my mind at ease. Although, if I call what do I do if a woman answers? You don't like getting in his business. You are his wife it is your business to see whats going on. If a woman answers, you could say "I saw your number on my husbands cell, how do you know him?" maybe its one of those situations where if by chance he is seeing someone, that this woman doesn't even know he is married, then he would be busted by you and the OW. I'm not saying there is even another woman but it might be possible. Does he keep his phone on when he is home with you? Is he overly protective of it? How about dropping by his new place of work one day out of the blue. Maybe see all who he is working with too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oannamarie Posted June 2, 2006 Author Share Posted June 2, 2006 He does keep his cell on when I am home but the day we were out was a Friday before he started working. I got off early and we decided to go out. I think the caller knew that I wouldnt be around. I can imagine him cheating. Do you think he would do it to get back at me after all these years? Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 He does keep his cell on when I am home but the day we were out was a Friday before he started working. I got off early and we decided to go out. I think the caller knew that I wouldnt be around. I can imagine him cheating. Do you think he would do it to get back at me after all these years? I think anything is possible. You know your husband better then anyone here. You even said you can imagine him cheating. Lets say, he is and you find out for sure. What are your plans? Do you have that number now? if so maybe go ahead and call it. At least if it is a man it might put your mind at ease somewhat. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 If he is cheating, you need to know and deal with it. Two wrongs don't make a right and considering HE knows first hand what cheating does to love, trust and faith in a marriage, he's a FOOL if he's decided to cheat on you. Call the number, if a woman answers, ask who she is. And let her know you are HIS WIFE. Link to post Share on other sites
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