Better to break up?

[emi138]

Hello. I've been reading this site for a while now and thought that there might be some help I could get with my own situation.

 

I've been married for ten years, but I've thought it was wrong for me to get married and been tortured by wondering if I should break up with my husband. Since we got married, we have never had sex, even never kissed, to level with you on here.

 

He is a very nice guy and I love him as much as my parents and brother. We met at school and we dated for 3-4 years before the marriage, and that time we had sex while we were together. However, the problem is me, that I don't like making love so much. It could be the reason that I was victimized by sexual harassment by a stranger on the way to home when I was a child. I think I still carry the emotional scar from the experience.

 

Until we got married, we had broken off once (maybe for one year or so). But we were still good friends. I didn't get along with my parents at times, and he always listen to my problems with my parents/coworkers and gave good advice. One day he told me that he would be asked being transferred overseas. He said "I still love you, and extremely difficult to remain being good friends with you. So I think to take it and stay abroad." That brought me a lot of anxiety as he was the best soulmate of mine. At the same time, I was really busy with a work and wanted to gain my career seriously. I didn't hope any future new romances so that I didn't think it would be bad to settle down. We decided to get back our relationship and to marry soon (but we didn't have sex and kisses as well after being together). Everything was so rushed.

 

After our marriage, both of us comtinued busy. He has had long business trips, and I was busy with my work for 5-6 years that used to come home midnight includ business trips. We haven't slept in the same bed from the first place. We see only weekends. People say we are like just living together (yet I don't think they imagine us never having sex). But yes, he desired for making love initially, but I couldn't and refused it. He seemed to give up for it and babies, yet he is still always good and nice to me.

 

There was nothing bad to me with the life. We both make good money, live in a modern city, and have finished paying for our new apartment ealier. But now I feel guilty for him by seeing my female friends start raising their families. Also feel if I'm just taking an advantage of him (yet I'm totally independent economically in our life. I didn't want to belong to him on it because of the possibility of our divorce). Even though he once told me it was okay with him not to have kids, my mind isn't relaxed when I think to continue this life. I don't like to sleep in the same bed with him (maybe the same with any guys, but not a lesbian) when we go back to his parent's. I simply wish to be alone.

 

My parents really like him so much. Each parents of mine and his are going well together. I don't want to hurt him because he is a nice guy who hasn't done anything wrong to justify breaking up with him. I know I made a mistake by marrying. It would hurt soo much more if I wait for a longer period of time. I'm stuck on what I should do. Please give me some input. I also wonder what guys think of not having sex forever? Thank you.

[tikigods]

You need to do what makes you happy. Marriage is suppose to make both people happy and if one person isn't then it isn't fair to the other. You can't stay with someone just because you are scared to break up with them. He will heal and move on and find someone that is better suited for him and you can go on and find what makes you happy in the world. Regardless if you do this now or later you are still going to hurt him, and it would be better to do it sooner rather then later. You should never stay in a marriage that you don't want to be in for other people.