Boyfriend acting unfair

[Julie]

My boyfriend has really been acting unfair and hypocritical lately. He accuses me of being pushy and controlling when he is the control freak and doesn't even know it.

 

Twice when I wanted to take a break for a couple of days he called me up the second day missing me and I gave in to him. Now that decided he wanted to take a break and I called him up four days later missing him, he told me I wasn't respecting him.

 

Last month he went to New York to visit his children (I didn't have the number there) he called me up many times telling me how much he missed me. He even left a message for me wit the number to their place in New York and told me to call, so I did, but I only called him there to return his calls.

 

NOw he is going back there for a couple of days to visit them and I'm so hurt and shocked at what he told me. He said, "Don't call me in New York. Last time you called me there and this time I don't want any surprizes." He talked to me as if I were some stalker!

 

I'm really hurt by his behaviour, but I love him very much and want to try to make things work. I know he is under alot of stress right now because his daughter is in an abusive relationship and she needs him right now to help her.

 

I think part of this is my fault because I have just been letting him walk all over me without putting up any resistance and he has seen this weakness in me and treated me worse because of it.

 

If I act more mature and not cry at the drop of a hat every time he says something severe maybe he will find out that he has no power over me.

 

THe guy is very misrable. When I am busy he gets into these really depressive moods in which he can't stand to be alone, but then when I am in need of him he makes me feel I am being obsessive about him! So he's miserable without me and miserable with me. He always talks about wanting to go away for the winter to Mexico where it is warm and the people are nicer to him, but I think it is because he just can't stand being with himself. I think he must have some sort of chemical imbalance because his mood swings can go from Dr. Jeckel to Mr. Hyde. Should I recommend that he see a psychiatrist? I'm afraid he will get angry with me because he thinks he knows everything and once told me he never consults with anyone but himself.

[Juliet]

It sounds like your boyfriend is being very manipulative and emotionally abusive. I've been there before myself, and here's my advice:

 

Even if it seems like there might be a logical explanation for your boyfriend's controlling behavior (like he's under a lot of stress right now) it is his problem and it is not in any way your fault. Please don't blame yourself. Please.

 

If I were in your shoes, I would probably not refer him to psychiatrist, since that might make him feel hostile towards you, and if he's not open to outside help, it won't do any good anyway. My guess is that his crazy behavior towards you is not about mental instability so much as the fact that he can use it to control you, keep you on your toes, and get his way.

 

Everyone has their moments of weakness, but a pattern of controlling behavior (whether he's aware of it or not), is potentially dangerous to you. Maybe you didn't stand up for yourself at the beginning (maybe because until recently you didn't need to... or maybe you were afraid to.) But it's not too late to start putting your foot down and saying "enough is enough. I'm not putting up with this manipulation any more." If you're afraid to confront him about it, there's no shame it that... it happens to a lot of people who are controlled by their partners... but in that case it's probably time to get out and move on before he suffocates you any more.

[peach]

This man obviously has problems! I think you need to find a new man. Your love for him must not be that great if you felt the need to take time off before. Good relationships are hard enough, you don't need anymore of these games to play. There are plenty of men out there. It's up to you on wiether you want it bad enough or not. Is this the man you want to spend your life with? Life is too short. That is something to remember!

My boyfriend has really been acting unfair and hypocritical lately. He accuses me of being pushy and controlling when he is the control freak and doesn't even know it. Twice when I wanted to take a break for a couple of days he called me up the second day missing me and I gave in to him. Now that decided he wanted to take a break and I called him up four days later missing him, he told me I wasn't respecting him. Last month he went to New York to visit his children (I didn't have the number there) he called me up many times telling me how much he missed me. He even left a message for me wit the number to their place in New York and told me to call, so I did, but I only called him there to return his calls. NOw he is going back there for a couple of days to visit them and I'm so hurt and shocked at what he told me. He said, "Don't call me in New York. Last time you called me there and this time I don't want any surprizes." He talked to me as if I were some stalker! I'm really hurt by his behaviour, but I love him very much and want to try to make things work. I know he is under alot of stress right now because his daughter is in an abusive relationship and she needs him right now to help her. I think part of this is my fault because I have just been letting him walk all over me without putting up any resistance and he has seen this weakness in me and treated me worse because of it. If I act more mature and not cry at the drop of a hat every time he says something severe maybe he will find out that he has no power over me.

 

THe guy is very misrable. When I am busy he gets into these really depressive moods in which he can't stand to be alone, but then when I am in need of him he makes me feel I am being obsessive about him! So he's miserable without me and miserable with me. He always talks about wanting to go away for the winter to Mexico where it is warm and the people are nicer to him, but I think it is because he just can't stand being with himself. I think he must have some sort of chemical imbalance because his mood swings can go from Dr. Jeckel to Mr. Hyde. Should I recommend that he see a psychiatrist? I'm afraid he will get angry with me because he thinks he knows everything and once told me he never consults with anyone but himself.

[angelbabe20]

Don't you just hate men. Sounds harsh but i would drop him now. He wants a relationship with you on his terms, and his terms only.

 

As long as you are gonna be there to keep taking him back, he'll walk all over you. Get rid of him, and don't take any #####. You're better off without him