Need help now!!!

[Lacey Richardson]

my boyfriend and i have been having problems. It started on my birthday when after i bought him $2000.00 worth of gifts for his i never received anything but three hours of quality time so to say. Since then and that was 3 weeks ago we really haven't seen much of each other. I never said anything about what he did not get me but now he says that all I ever do is complain about him and make him mad but I don't see how that is possible when I haven't really talked to him. Finally the other night he failed to tell me that a friend of his brought over some girls one of which he used to see. When confronted about this he said that he didn't think I could handle the truth. Later when I asked if he wanted to still be with me he said no then a few minutes later he said that he did not mean that but that he was just mad now again he has said the same thing but this time added that I need to listen more and not comlain and then we will be happy. How can I be the bad person here if it is always me doing things to show how much i love him. i really need help in this situation

[Lacey]

my boyfriend and i have been having problems. It started on my birthday when after i bought him $2000.00 worth of gifts for his i never received anything but three hours of quality time so to say. Since then and that was 3 weeks ago we really haven't seen much of each other. I never said anything about what he did not get me but now he says that all I ever do is complain about him and make him mad but I don't see how that is possible when I haven't really talked to him. Finally the other night he failed to tell me that a friend of his brought over some girls one of which he used to see. When confronted about this he said that he didn't think I could handle the truth. Later when I asked if he wanted to still be with me he said no then a few minutes later he said that he did not mean that but that he was just mad now again he has said the same thing but this time added that I need to listen more and not comlain and then we will be happy. How can I be the bad person here if it is always me doing things to show how much i love him. i really need help in this situation

[Cynthia]

It sounds to me like you really need to take stock of your own feelings in the situation. I mean, do you feel as though you are getting respect and consideration from your boyfriend? Is he treatin gyou with kindness and decency, the same you would expect form merely a friend or acquaintence? Pften, people in long term relationships who don't have a very healthy or considerate attitude can initially be very nice and loving but eventually become complacent. And with that feeling of compacency comes increasing instances of disrespect or disregard for that other person's feelings.

 

It is unrealistic for him to expect you to not complain. We all know the old saying "the squeaky wheel gets the grease." You are simply responding to circumstances that make you understandibly unhappy. You should tell him this. Conflict is a normal part of a healthy relationship and he should not be afraid of it, unless he simply doesn't care how you feel and is only concerned with "keeping the peace," or justshutting you up.

 

If his behavior continues, I think that he's probably tending toward abusive behavior. Do you want to contiue in a relationship that is unfulfilling to you? Sometimes we cling to situations that are unhappy simply because we are afraid of being alone. Don't maintain this relationship if you are unfulfilled.

 

C.

my boyfriend and i have been having problems. It started on my birthday when after i bought him $2000.00 worth of gifts for his i never received anything but three hours of quality time so to say. Since then and that was 3 weeks ago we really haven't seen much of each other. I never said anything about what he did not get me but now he says that all I ever do is complain about him and make him mad but I don't see how that is possible when I haven't really talked to him. Finally the other night he failed to tell me that a friend of his brought over some girls one of which he used to see. When confronted about this he said that he didn't think I could handle the truth. Later when I asked if he wanted to still be with me he said no then a few minutes later he said that he did not mean that but that he was just mad now again he has said the same thing but this time added that I need to listen more and not comlain and then we will be happy. How can I be the bad person here if it is always me doing things to show how much i love him. i really need help in this situation

[Mark]

I am not one to give much advice, but I can tell you that if you read the posting on jealousy, you will see what I have been dealing with. I was kinda like your boyfriend. I have been stepping all over the one woman who has ever loved me, and becuase I love her dearly I am willing to change my ways and have been.

 

it sounds like you are in a very difficult situation and I hope it gets resolved the way that is best for you. It sounds like you need to take the upper hand and not be a victim. Let him know that you an individual and have feelings that can be hurt and let him know that his nonsense must end.