Girlfriends ex-boyfriend

[Curious in Concert]

Hello, I'm back again, and wih another question... This girl I just started dating seems to have some sort of hook up with her ex. She tells me that it's not romantic, but when he calls her(he has another girlfriend and everything) he complains about how his lif eis going bad, and she gets desperate and stops eating, and cries and freaks out. I'm bothered by this seeming attachment to her ex-boyfriend, but because I care for her I'm not sure what i should do. the relationship is not far into it, and i as wondering whether or not you all thought that it might be best if I cut the relationship off? I want someone who cares for -me-, not their ex. i can understand a little feeling, and I can understand thinking about him from time to time, i think that's natural, but everytim he calls, she just breaks down like she can't handle it, and I'm left to pick up the pieces in the wake of his screwed up life. Please advise.

[arthropod98]

if this is bothering you (it sure would me!!), and you HAVE mentioned it to her (you have, right??), then it seems she's got the decision to make here. of course, if she says she chooses to no longer speak to her ex, that doesn't mean her feelings will go away! don't know, this is all your call on this one -- can you handle the potential for her still having feelings for her ex?? personally, i couldn't do that.

 

ok, enough of me talking in circles . . . this situation doesn't sound good, and it might be time to move on.

Hello, I'm back again, and wih another question... This girl I just started dating seems to have some sort of hook up with her ex. She tells me that it's not romantic, but when he calls her(he has another girlfriend and everything) he complains about how his lif eis going bad, and she gets desperate and stops eating, and cries and freaks out. I'm bothered by this seeming attachment to her ex-boyfriend, but because I care for her I'm not sure what i should do. the relationship is not far into it, and i as wondering whether or not you all thought that it might be best if I cut the relationship off? I want someone who cares for -me-, not their ex. i can understand a little feeling, and I can understand thinking about him from time to time, i think that's natural, but everytim he calls, she just breaks down like she can't handle it, and I'm left to pick up the pieces in the wake of his screwed up life. Please advise.

[midori]

I think you're being very fair and level-headed about all of this, not to mention wise. I would tell your gf just what you've said here (if you haven't already), and that she seems to feel so connected to her ex that, through her, you are feeling the effects of his messed up life -- and you're not happy about it. You're not, after all, dating him.

 

Given what you've said I think it sounds like this woman is still very much hung up on her ex. And it also sounds like the ex, whether deliberately or not, is keeping her emotionally tethered to him. She's going to have to decide if that's what she wants. I'd advise you to not wait around while she figures all this out. In your shoes I think I'd cool it with her for a while and see if that brings about the demise of your relationship altogether, or if that jolts her into realizing that in holding onto the past she's preventing herself from moving on to better things (which would be you). If the latter doesn't happen, it wouldn't have even if you'd stayed with her -- and this way you don't waste your time and energy waiting around for her to get a grip.

[Ed]

You may be curious, but I don't think you are into desperation and non-religious fasting.

 

Dump her.

[peach]

RUN! RUN FAST!

Hello, I'm back again, and wih another question... This girl I just started dating seems to have some sort of hook up with her ex. She tells me that it's not romantic, but when he calls her(he has another girlfriend and everything) he complains about how his lif eis going bad, and she gets desperate and stops eating, and cries and freaks out. I'm bothered by this seeming attachment to her ex-boyfriend, but because I care for her I'm not sure what i should do. the relationship is not far into it, and i as wondering whether or not you all thought that it might be best if I cut the relationship off? I want someone who cares for -me-, not their ex. i can understand a little feeling, and I can understand thinking about him from time to time, i think that's natural, but everytim he calls, she just breaks down like she can't handle it, and I'm left to pick up the pieces in the wake of his screwed up life. Please advise.