sallyjavan Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 well i have been doing NC with my ex bf for a while and i gotta say i'm doing better now days. I broke up with him. The news came a bit of a surpise to him. Obivoulsy he didnt take the news well. And now we get on each other's nerves a whole lot. He would make up lies and go along with it. I tried asking for a closure for sometime he just doesn't want to give in. why would he not give closure? he specifilly told me he has nothing to do with me anymore and hasn't been thinking about me at all i said fine then why wont he give closure. he ignores this subjetc a whole lot. any advice would do. thanks sally Link to post Share on other sites
simplymetobe Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 well i have been doing NC with my ex bf for a while and i gotta say i'm doing better now days. I broke up with him. The news came a bit of a surpise to him. Obivoulsy he didnt take the news well. And now we get on each other's nerves a whole lot. He would make up lies and go along with it. I tried asking for a closure for sometime he just doesn't want to give in. why would he not give closure? he specifilly told me he has nothing to do with me anymore and hasn't been thinking about me at all i said fine then why wont he give closure. he ignores this subjetc a whole lot. any advice would do. thanks sally If you are having NC with him, how can he get on your nerves? I think his actions and comments are closure. Link to post Share on other sites
MTK Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 Why should he "give in" to you? You dumped him -suddenly and probably without reason according to his mindset- and expect him to take it well? What was his commitment level, how long had you been dating? These factors all matter, and you dumping him and expecting him to take it lightly is crap I must say from my perspective. Why do you want closure? Dumping him is probably closure enough. What kind of closure are you talking about? i.e. return things, delete/discard pictures you have of each other, ..... Don't mind me beind brash, but coming from the dumpees side of a serious relationship, just leave him alone. Heck, why are you dragging it out on him? Do you want more than closure? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 well i have been doing NC with my ex bf for a while and i gotta say i'm doing better now days. I broke up with him. The news came a bit of a surpise to him. Obivoulsy he didnt take the news well. And now we get on each other's nerves a whole lot. He would make up lies and go along with it. I tried asking for a closure for sometime he just doesn't want to give in. why would he not give closure? he specifilly told me he has nothing to do with me anymore and hasn't been thinking about me at all i said fine then why wont he give closure. he ignores this subjetc a whole lot. any advice would do. thanks sally You have to make your own closure. Don't rely on him for that. Considering too, you're the one who broke up with him, I'm sure he's pissed off, upset and doesn't want to talk to you. Are you not at peace with your choice of ending the relationship? Are you looking for him to NOT be upset at you for breaking up with him? Because he's allowed to feel anyway he wants after the breakup. He doesn't care, and I don't mean that harshly, but he's made the choice to NOT have you in his life at all. Even as an aquaintance. So, all I can tell ya is, move on and forget about him. He's your past now and what he thinks or feels shouldn't matter to you anyway. Right? I'd be pretty pissed if someone dumped me and then expected ME to give THEM closure. So, to be honest, I can see his frustration and him not wanting to discuss anything with you about the breakup and closure. Link to post Share on other sites
Pantero Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 What cracks me up is why the dumpers want "closure"...!? F-ck your closure. You dumped him, that's your closure. Leave him alone and stop being so selfish. Let the man get his own closure and you do what you have to do. Why do people stir sh-t up needlessly? Gimme a break. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sallyjavan Posted June 4, 2006 Author Share Posted June 4, 2006 thank you all for your posts. but here is the catch. when you have a long distance relationship after 4 years dealing with situations from far away and getting frustrated because of the distance could lead to a whole lot of misunderstanding. i only saw him for 3 months i was back home. after that i have not seen him for clearly 6 years after that. after i left we had gotten into alot of agruments over nothing, he would leave for a month and never heard from him about 2 months so i tried to deal with it, i had set to go back to work through our relationship but never happened. his mom was pretty rude to me, and never stook up for me. so after the misunderstanding with his mother i got passed it and delt with it another year aruging, and not talking to each other, and getting pissed of one another. he is a selfish person, it was always want he wanted. nothing was ever about me ever. he played games with me, he messed my head up, i was arguing with my parents over to him to accept him in the family. they excepted up until one point but after my mom saw how he was treating me she said forget it. I understand i broke up with him we had the tendencey to break up and to get back together a whole lot during our relationship. He never talked to me about whats going on in his life other then that he wouldn't open up to me. I dont know if he's on drugs or not, i dont know......... so alot of things threw me off track and started to pull away. So i really dont know why he's acting bad towards me or he be bad mouthing me in everyway possible. now up until November of 2005 he kept telling me he was getting married i congragulated him and told him that if he's fixing to get married then he had no right to talk to me. I'll get right to the point, he said he was comming to the u.s.a. for his honeymoon and wants to see me. I mean come on, this is a guy thats fixing to get married. what is he going to say in front of his wife this is my ex gf? anyhow what ever is going on in his life he seems to have problems with it. and instead of dumping them on his own fiance, he dumps his problems on me and bad mouths me, yall think thats fair now? so i had every right to leave him if he wants to feel about it, or take it the hard way thats his bad. So all i ever wanted a big apology from him and for him to tell me things were a mistake in the beginning and hope there is no hard feelings and lets close the book so we can both move on. He never did. This is the closure i want from him. But never think i'm going to get it. Anyway, so please anyone can tell me if this is fair for me or not? Link to post Share on other sites
Love Hurts Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 You broke up with him,, right? At that time ... you should have given him all the reasons you can not continue in the relationship. Obviously the negatives added up to out weigh the good. At that moment in time was his Q... to voice his feelings and thoughts. That should have or could have been your closure... at that time of I am breaking up with you.... dear heart... Unless at a moment of your anger; you stormed him by surprise and said something like: I'm sorry ... I can't go on with this relationship... do not call me or speak to me.. we are through. At that moment of your breaking things off in a harsh way..... He is surprised and hurt.... he ran off.............. hurting, add anger to the mix. Now he is dealing......... It is pretty much his way of dealing with the loss of............ by not giving you anything more that you may need to heal thyself. Sadly a break up without closure is like experiencing the death of a loved one. It is the most difficult break up, to heal from. When the wheel just stops rolling, and you can't figure out why? Perhaps one day ... he will tell you what you need to hear. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author sallyjavan Posted June 4, 2006 Author Share Posted June 4, 2006 i swear i have told him so many times i wanted to break things off because i didnt think this could go on. He was having rough time excepting that but he thought if he come back again and would make things right but it made it worser. He left me in the beginning. He called me up once made me miss about 40 to 45 minutes of my work time to talk to me. He said he couldn't go on and we should see other people and its best if we gave space off course i got pissed off and started crying. After a couple of days later he emails me again and saying he wants me again. During the little break up because i haven't heard from him in a while i called him up he said he couldn't talk cause he was on a date. I hung up the phone on him and have not heard from him in 2 weeks after that. After 2 to 3 weeks i started dating myself i thought it was over. I thought it was over for good so i moved on quickly after that i started seeing my bf. I logged on my computer i was chatting with my new boyfriend then i saw my ex come on. I told my boyfriend to go away so i could see what he wants and started chatting with my ex boyfriend. Obviously i got mad at him and told him why i have not heard from him in 3 weeks he said he was caught up. after a little bit of talking i jumped in and told him what was going on. i told him i was dating someone else and its best if he left and no longer wanted to speak to him. he took the news pretty hard. really hard he started swearing on stuff. i told him no its over. it was a emotional night for me. During when i was dating my new boyfriend everything started to fade away but he has the urgency to come back and go away. when things were starting to fall back in place he would show up emailing me again assuming we could stay friends. so up from 2002 till now this how long i've been dealing with him. for this long. he said he no longer cares about me, no longer thinks about me anymore and told him i didnt care to know about any of this anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Love Hurts Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 He said he couldn't go on and we should see other people and its best if we gave space. Its over. He said he no longer cares about me, no longer thinks about me anymore and I told him i didnt care to know about any of this anymore. Sally, I think you have all the closure you need.... you are emotional and just need to deal with what is. You are not allowing yourself to let go. When you know the two of you have hashed all the same old... same old out... before and again. It is repetitious. You each are able to date others and it is a help in the healing process... that's a good thing.. in a month you will feel better than you do today.. Most of all allow yourself time... We are all trying to let go of something... and we do.. It just takes time. Some of us more time than others. You can do it..... Reread your post and you will find his words of closure for you.... That's all you need. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 Just let it go. It really doesn't matter and if he's with someone else, that's the reason to stay away. If you push this, you're going to become obsessed with this situation. Look, you even said the guy was selfish and played games with you. Hello! Why on earth would you want closure. YOU know what is what! Even if he said sorry to you - IS that enough? I think that just opens the door for you to ask more questions and suck you back in. Make your own closure, make peace with it all. You made a mistake by letting things go on and on and on with him. You finallly found the strength to end it. Good for you. Now, live your life, don't look back and forget all about this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 You haven't seen him for six years??? What kind of a relationship is this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sallyjavan Posted June 5, 2006 Author Share Posted June 5, 2006 here are some of his emails we had conversations that which lead me thinking that he's saying these to hurt my feelings or just wants to be irrational about it. any input would be nice. thanks hey,i dont have enough time to waste on you,i think i have to block you if u dont keep ur big mouth shut then u can send me tons of e-mails who cares what u write since i wont receive them at all even one word of them, listen,i am fully busy with my fiance planning out our future life so please dont bug me anymore and dont make be block u ,let me keep at least some respect for your ass too. bye and dont write back anymore listen,i still do have some respect for you for some reasons but i think that i'd better leave anyway.thats just what i feel inside right now as i am focusing on my marriage ceremony [sIZE=2]hey listen bitch,i dont have time to dig in my inbox and search for your s***,ok? and on the other hand u cant talk to me like that,underestood? who the f*** u think u are? by the way lets pretend that all u said was f***in right,then what? what a f***in difference does it make ? to me nothing, i dont give a s***,ok? i dont give a s***. [sIZE=2]say what ever u want to say,who cares?bitch [sIZE=2]by the way,im busy blocking you right now,so u'll be automatically shut up finally[/sIZE] [/sIZE][/sIZE] Link to post Share on other sites
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