Thoughts on this?

[sirjay]

I met A 3 years ago. I had been in an unhappy relationship in another city but didn't move for money reasons and got into an affair situation. It was really amazing for both of us, we are incredibly compatible and really gave each other what we needed.

 

When she eventually broke up with me, we both realised how much in love we are and told each other. She told me she knew I was 1 in a million and she would never meet anyone else like me. I said I would move for her but she said she didnt want that. She wanted me to move for myself and would make no promises about reconciliation. She wanted to be "best friends" and said she would be devastated if she lost me. She said she didn't want to be in a relationship for a while and wanted to focus on her work.

 

I left the unhappy relationship and moved. I am on track towards getting my independence back as A wanted.

 

I pressured her too much about getting back together and she backed off. As a result of harsh words said, I decided I couldnt take it anymore and texted her that I truly believe that we are meant to be together but I couldnt take the pain anymore. She went from being cold to desperately trying to get hold of me. I called her after 5 days and she changed the clean break into a few months no contact and then "we'll see how it goes". I don't know if she meant as friends or as lovers or what. I agreed.

 

I can see that she wouldn't want to get back together so soon after ending the other relationship, and would want to see me settled down in the new city before coming back.

 

We had a row a couple of weeks later when I ran into her in a nightclub - she had picked up some rebound guy in a bar and I was really jealous. I was very drunk and said some harsh things I didn't mean, like I was going back to my old GF (not true) and that if she walked away from me, not to try and come back to me later.

 

A week later I picked up my stuff from her place and she was super nice to me when she saw me, telling me how good I was looking and stuff. I was just businesslike. We parted ways without conclusion.

 

It's been about 14 weeks now in total. I miss her terribly and the longer time goes on, the more I feel that we are soul mates and deserve a proper chance at a committed relationship. I told her this but she got stressed out because I was chasing her too much and in her space, plus she hadnt seen the changes made.

 

We are into 2 weeks NC so far and I am wondering if I should send her a card just to say that I am single and I hope we can be best friends at some point. I really hope that we can rebuild a proper relationship from that once she sees I have been true to my word and my confidence is back.

 

 

Please help with these questions:

 

1) Shall I break NC to let her know we can be best friends in the future?

 

2) Does her wanting to be "best friends" indicate that she might be interested in getting back together in the future?

 

3) Should I tell her i cant handle being friends but I am open to get back together in the future instead?

[sirjay]

I posted here several times and no one ever replies

[GW7147]

SirJay,

Sorry to hear of your break-up etc... I recently had my GF break up with me. We had an outstanding relationship. Similar to yours, in that, we both always felt we were meant for each other. She did a 180 on me and that was that! I still don't understand it. My ex hasn't met anybody else, just having issues. She ultimately said she didn't think we could have a long term relationship. She contradicted everything she ever said. After coming to LS, I decided to strict NC. I've actually been doing NC for 6 weeks now. It's tough at times and there are times when I would love to call but I just don't feel it will do me any good at this point. Every situation is different. It seems after you saw your GF at the pub? (you are in the UK right?), she called you shortly afterwards. Seems she was trying to establish some kind of connection when she told you how good you're looking etc.. I don't know her but, in my opinion, I think you should maintain the NC for now. I know it sounds like head games, but I think if you send cards etc... she'll begin to think you're always going to be there if and when she needs you. There are no guarantees in life but, I think you should gives a bit of space and let her see what she's missing by you not being there. If by chance you run into her while out and she approaches you, I think it would be O.K. to extend an olive branch and tell her you can be friends in the future. Don't pour your heart out but let her know there are no hard feelings or bitterness. After that, leave it alone. Go NC and take care of yourself. Unfortunately, it's a game of "Hurry up and wait". So, in short, maintain NC, don't send any cards but if you see her out and SHE APPROACHES YOU, tell her there are no hard feelings then stay NC. If you don't feel you can just be friends, tell her that. As far as a future together, the ball is in her court, but you need to be strong for yourself. Many people on LS believe second chances rarely work out and some think they do. I personally started to think if it's meant to be something will bring us back together eventually. If not, I guess, I'm meant to be somewhere else. You have to try and adopt an attitude that will work for you to keep you focused and strong. Not an easy feat but you must try. I'll keep an eye open for your posts. I hope this helps some (I know this whole thing is something you'd rather not be doing). Take care of yourself and keep us up to date.

Reagrds, GW

[tearful_soul22]

Keep doing the NC. Show her you can move on without her. Good luck to you and best wishes!

[Pantero]

Do not break NC.

[sirjay]

Thanks for the replies

 

I know NC is best but its just that I left it on a note that I really didn't want to. I told her I was back with my ex when its not true and I told her I didn't want to be in contact or be friends or anything in the future. I feel like I did her wrong by not committing in the first place and its for me to make amends but at the same time, when I was trying to do that it was seen as chasing and she backed off.

 

So would she want to break NC with me after what I said? I mean, everything about the relationship was brilliant except that I was still living with my ex. It was a platonic relationship and I was only there because I was broke at the time but obviously it screwed things up. So if she thinks I am back with her anyway, its like the whole thing was a lie and I was there for emotional reasons, which I wasn't. I want to regain her trust and i can't see how that will happen if that is what she thinks?

 

The last time I saw her she was being really nice to me as I said, and she did some other things - when I collected my stuff she put something really sentimental she got me right on top for me to see, and she still has a really big item that is clearly visible in her room which I cant see how she would have missed ... so I wondered if she had done that to see if I would contact her about it?

 

I am really tempted to send her a note just saying that I didn't mean what I said about never wanting to speak again and that I miss her. Is that such a bad thing?