alone and devastated Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 my wife found out that i had filled out a couple profiles on adult friend finder (sex) type websites. one i did 3 months ago and the other 8. both were on a lark. kind of a frustrated rant about not feeling attractive to my wife. i never joined the site or communicated with anyone on it but i did fill out the profile. i was frustrated with the lack of sex that had been going on for a year. i never had any intent of carrying it any further. but she has kicked me out of the house and said there is no going back. she is devastated and calls me every two minutes crying and telling me we won't get back together and i ruined her life. i am shredded by all of this. she has agreed to go see a counselor on monday with me. any advice on all this? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 Start the lines of communication. Be honest and give it your best shot to save the marriage. Maybe this is a good thing because how you've been feeling and how she has been feeling will all come out in the open and issues can be solved. You didn't cheat, you just put yourself "out" there to get attention. That's a cry for help, wouldn't you say? You love your wife, I assume, so fight hard for your marriage. BOTH of you need to find out what is missing from the marriage and work TOGETHER to make it good again. Remember WHY you fell inlove with her in the first place. Remember those feelings and try your best to bring them back. And she has to do the same thing. Recapture that love. Good luck on Monday and post back to let me know how things went. Link to post Share on other sites
alone and devastated Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 You didn't cheat, you just put yourself "out" there to get attention. That's a cry for help, wouldn't you say? You love your wife, I assume, so fight hard for your marriage. BOTH of you need to find out what is missing from the marriage and work TOGETHER to make it good again. Remember WHY you fell inlove with her in the first place. Remember those feelings and try your best to bring them back. And she has to do the same thing. Recapture that love. i totally agree with you. i just don't know if her anger will subside enough for healing. thanks for your response. i can only pray you're right. Link to post Share on other sites
enoughisenough Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 I guess it's about time you finally learn to voice your concerns in the marriage, rather than attempt to act on poor "solutions". Did you do those things hoping she would find out? Those things would be easy to hide if you wanted to hide them. Was this your way of finally showing her there is a problem? Why not learn how to communicate better? Good luck with the therapy. No matter how much she might find your views uncomfortable, just be honest! Things will hopefully move quicker that way. She might be questioning whether anything else happened now too. She might even think you cheated on her. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
alone and devastated Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 I guess it's about time you finally learn to voice your concerns in the marriage, rather than attempt to act on poor "solutions". Did you do those things hoping she would find out? Those things would be easy to hide if you wanted to hide them. Was this your way of finally showing her there is a problem? Why not learn how to communicate better? Good luck with the therapy. No matter how much she might find your views uncomfortable, just be honest! Things will hopefully move quicker that way. She might be questioning whether anything else happened now too. She might even think you cheated on her. Good luck. i know, i wish i had done that now. but ironically with my job i'm on the road a lot and i worried she'd never trust me if i told her we weren't having sex enough. i think she doesn't believe me that nothing else happened. i just hope therapy can save it because i do love her and i didn't cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 Good luck with the counseling. I had a friend who was in a similar situation, they both went to counseling, and one of the first things the counselor told them to do was when they got back home unplug the computer. Nope its not a solve all, but sometimes people need to unplug things like that for awhile so they can deal with and get to the root of whats going on. The net is good, but can cause alot of disruptions as well. Good luck. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
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