When's a rebound, a rebound?

[Coldhearted]

It's been approximately 2 months since my three year relationship ended. I still love my ex tremendously. I knew I was "in love" with her and not because I was comfortable. I not sure she was "in love" with me but she says she still loves me when we talk on the phone! I'm trying to move on but it's hard to let go of her. There are times where I cry myself to sleep or wake up in the middle of the night with a cold sweat. There are so many things that we have done in the past that remind me of her. Well I've asked my best friend what to do about this and he told me to try start dating other girls. He says it helps to get your mind off your ex but he also says it backfires on you too. It all depends on how you deal with the situation. But I asked him,

 

"Would I be in a rebound relationship?" He said it wouldn't because casual encounters with other women isn't really a relationship. Just as long you don't get serious too quickly! Then you could call that a rebound. Anyway, when is a good time to start dating again. I feel I have to in order for me to move on but my heart and mind is still attached to my ex!! I really need help on this one!!!!

[KJ]

I think it would be a terrible mistake to try and date another girl. All you are going to do is think of her. This is from a girls perspective. All you are going to do is think of your ex and could possibly hurt someone in the long run. Breaking up is not easy for anyone. It is a long and painful process trying to move on. Allow yourself some time to grieve. Have some time with your buddies. Enjoy yourself. What is wrong with that? And there is a big difference with being "in love" and loving someone. She may care for you, but if she was "in love" she would be sure to say it to your face and she would make sure to prove it to you. Life is tough and full of obsticles, but it is a beautiful thing.Something we all need to remember, Again, this is from a girls point of view.

It's been approximately 2 months since my three year relationship ended. I still love my ex tremendously. I knew I was "in love" with her and not because I was comfortable. I not sure she was "in love" with me but she says she still loves me when we talk on the phone! I'm trying to move on but it's hard to let go of her. There are times where I cry myself to sleep or wake up in the middle of the night with a cold sweat. There are so many things that we have done in the past that remind me of her. Well I've asked my best friend what to do about this and he told me to try start dating other girls. He says it helps to get your mind off your ex but he also says it backfires on you too. It all depends on how you deal with the situation. But I asked him, "Would I be in a rebound relationship?" He said it wouldn't because casual encounters with other women isn't really a relationship. Just as long you don't get serious too quickly! Then you could call that a rebound. Anyway, when is a good time to start dating again. I feel I have to in order for me to move on but my heart and mind is still attached to my ex!! I really need help on this one!!!!

[BeenThere!]

You hardly sound "coldhearted." You'll probably get a whole spectrum of different views on this one. People deal with relationship issues according to their own experiences and ways they process thier emotions. And everyones' definition of what *love* and *a relationship* are is as varied as the individuals themselves.

 

Of course, after the hurt of a breakup you are not going to to be anxious to open your heart up to anyone else right away. But I also don't think its healthy to spend too much time alone recycling your pain and dwelling on what went wrong in the relationship. It will take some time to heal the wounds...even longer to be able to completely let go of the past. But you must at least make an effort if you intend to move on with your life.

 

It's perfectly fine to start seeing other women, so long as you don't hurry into another "relationship" in an attempt to replace the one you lost. You'll only be setting yourself up for serious dissapointment. Keep it casual. Keep it *honest*. And keep it in perspective. Spend time with different people, and try not to compare everyone you meet with the woman you obviously still love. Most of all, keep it "fun."

 

Personally, I wouldn't consider getting too envolved with anyone who hasn't spent some "alone time." In my humble opinion, a person who jumps from relationship to relationship is someone who is insecure and unhappy within themselves. Anyone who needs to have a second person in their life in order to feel complete or *whole* is not dealing with their own personal issues. We are all responsible for our own inner happiness, and should never look to someone else to provide it for us. When we are blessed with a second person in our lives, the relationship should only enhance what's already there, and not become the sole reason for our existance. Love is an intoxicating drug and is just as addicting. Most people spend their entire lives chasing after it. But the crash of suddenly finding yourself without it can be quite devestating if you don't already have the inner strength to pick yourself up, dust off, and move on.

 

As for you, I personally think you're doing just fine (except for putting too much value on the opinion of your friends.) When you're ready to go back out there, you'll know it. And when you do, don't allow residual feelings of loyalty to you past girlfriend make you feel somehow *guilty* for enjoying the company of other women. It's YOUR life, so live it and enjoy it. Just hold off a bit on the *relationship* thing until you find someone who's worth it...

It's been approximately 2 months since my three year relationship ended. I still love my ex tremendously. I knew I was "in love" with her and not because I was comfortable. I not sure she was "in love" with me but she says she still loves me when we talk on the phone! I'm trying to move on but it's hard to let go of her. There are times where I cry myself to sleep or wake up in the middle of the night with a cold sweat. There are so many things that we have done in the past that remind me of her. Well I've asked my best friend what to do about this and he told me to try start dating other girls. He says it helps to get your mind off your ex but he also says it backfires on you too. It all depends on how you deal with the situation. But I asked him, "Would I be in a rebound relationship?" He said it wouldn't because casual encounters with other women isn't really a relationship. Just as long you don't get serious too quickly! Then you could call that a rebound. Anyway, when is a good time to start dating again. I feel I have to in order for me to move on but my heart and mind is still attached to my ex!! I really need help on this one!!!!