radiation7740 Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 Tell me something. Is it necessary for me to accept offers from women who want to buy me drinks or lunches in order for me to get a decent date? To be real honest I find it an absolute turn off when a woman offers to buy anything for me. I love taking women out to eat and I love to pay her way all the time. This does not mean I want a golddigger either. But is it possible to get a decent gf who is not a gold digger if I refuse to let her pay for dinner? Also, how much money per week must I spend at the minimum to keep a relationship going? Link to post Share on other sites
phyrespryte Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 Why is it a turn off? What if she says, "look you paid last time, I'm paying this time"? At some point in the relationship you're going to have to be more relaxed about this. It's going to add up and unless your rich...it's not very practical. Link to post Share on other sites
Author radiation7740 Posted June 3, 2006 Author Share Posted June 3, 2006 Why is it a turn off? What if she says, "look you paid last time, I'm paying this time"? At some point in the relationship you're going to have to be more relaxed about this. It's going to add up and unless your rich...it's not very practical. I guess for couples who like going to expensive fancy dinners then it might be more beneficial for both partners to take turns paying. I don't go out to expensive restaraunts. On average the costs for both of our meals when I take a girl out add up between 22-26$ for that night. I go out to eat about once a month. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 Maybe it's a matter of debt. He feels that if she pays, then he'll have accrued debt. He has low self-esteem, low confidence, then he has to feel as though she owes him. 50/50 wouldn't work for him because he'd have to have a shred of confidence in who he is in order to believe a woman would want him for more then what his money affords her. Meals out 3x a week. A movie or special outing every saturday... You're talking big bucks here. Plus the shopping trips, getting her hair and nails done. Tanning.... I think you need a better job. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 I guess for couples who like going to expensive fancy dinners then it might be more beneficial for both partners to take turns paying. I don't go out to expensive restaraunts. On average the costs for both of our meals when I take a girl out add up between 22-26$ for that night. I go out to eat about once a month. Still adds up quick if you two start getting more serious and see each other more often. Unless you cook at home and invite her over. Link to post Share on other sites
phyrespryte Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 Meals out 3x a week. A movie or special outing every saturday... You're talking big bucks here. Plus the shopping trips, getting her hair and nails done. Tanning.... I think you need a better job. :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Author radiation7740 Posted June 3, 2006 Author Share Posted June 3, 2006 Still adds up quick if you two start getting more serious and see each other more often. Unless you cook at home and invite her over. I prefer to see her no more than once every 2 weeks. And yes sometimes I cook at home. I like cooking a big breakfast once every 2 months. I would only date the girls that have jobs of their own so they can spend their own money on getting their hair & nails done. I was giving an estimate when I said I go out to eat once a month. Sometimes it's once every 2 months. Sometimes it's twice a month. It depends on the time of the year and how far away I am from tax season. On special occasions I buy gifts but there's no way in hell I'm going to accept gifts from her. I've told women before that if they are thinking of buying a gift for my birthday or christmas please don't bother. I want her to save her money so she can afford to do the things she enjoys doing on her own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author radiation7740 Posted June 3, 2006 Author Share Posted June 3, 2006 A relationship is not a perpetual outing or vacation by the way. Those kind of women are not my type if they expect to go out and get involved in expensive activities 3 times a week. That is unreasonable. Link to post Share on other sites
Chump64 Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 You sound kind of controlling. Do you date much? Do you have a steady GF? Link to post Share on other sites
Author radiation7740 Posted June 3, 2006 Author Share Posted June 3, 2006 You sound kind of controlling. Do you date much? Do you have a steady GF? How is it controlling of me to refuse gifts or refuse being treated out to lunch? I think it's rather controlling for any woman who insists that I accept her gifts. No I don't have a girlfriend at the moment and I don't want one for awhile. I'm recuperating from a long relationship. I don't see how it's controlling of me to not let a woman have her way in the relationship all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
phyrespryte Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 How is it controlling of me to refuse gifts or refuse being treated out to lunch? I think it's rather controlling for any woman who insists that I accept her gifts. Double standard.It's ok for a woman to accept your gifts, but not the other way around? What if she offers to cook you dinner? Would you refuse that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author radiation7740 Posted June 3, 2006 Author Share Posted June 3, 2006 Is it an absolute rule in dating guides & books that 2 people must go out to dinner or a movie every single week? Who came up with these ideas? I think that's just a generalization. It only depends on the 2 people involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author radiation7740 Posted June 3, 2006 Author Share Posted June 3, 2006 Double standard.It's ok for a woman to accept your gifts, but not the other way around? What if she offers to cook you dinner? Would you refuse that? Well in the 1st place she would have to cook dinner at my house. I don't like to hang out at other people's houses let alone spend the night. I can cook my own meals. I don't need her to do that. She's not my mother. If it really bothers her so much then she just has to find a man who loves things like that. I'm not the type of man who looks for the same things that the majority of men look for in a woman. So it's not controlling on my end. It's not right or wrong. It's just a matter of finding someone who is compatiable. Link to post Share on other sites
Chump64 Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 You sound inflexible and rigid. What do you do for fun? Link to post Share on other sites
Author radiation7740 Posted June 3, 2006 Author Share Posted June 3, 2006 You sound inflexible and rigid. What do you do for fun? I go to the arcade, hang out with friends, play chess, play pool, bowling, swimming, & reading these boards. I just so happen to be reading these boards to pass the time on my day off. Sometimes I'll go to a restaraunt alone or go to a movie alone. I'm content. I know how to have a blast by myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author radiation7740 Posted June 3, 2006 Author Share Posted June 3, 2006 Good thing it's my day off because I just so happen to be sick with a terrible head cold. So normally I would be out with my friends or at the arcade but I'm sitting home in bed sick. Hopefully I'll feel better before I go back to the office on Monday. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 Tell me something. Is it necessary for me to accept offers from women who want to buy me drinks or lunches in order for me to get a decent date? To be real honest I find it an absolute turn off when a woman offers to buy anything for me. I love taking women out to eat and I love to pay her way all the time. This does not mean I want a golddigger either. But is it possible to get a decent gf who is not a gold digger if I refuse to let her pay for dinner? Also, how much money per week must I spend at the minimum to keep a relationship going?Aww, you sound like an old-fashioned gentleman. I see paying for her dinner as a nice gesture. Implying that it's gold-digging is basically implying that she was so hungry and couldn't afford it; then you came and bought her food. If someone would think me a gold-digger for that, i'd pay for HIS dinner too so that HE feels like a gold-digger. (Then I'd use him for sex and give him a tip! ) Gold-digging is when a woman is hungry for something materialistc (jewelry, a big house, a fancy car, expensive fur coats or vacations, etc.), but she can't afford it and is willing to be with someone ONLY for his money. A woman that goes out with you is not going out so she can eat. She goes out WITH YOU. It means nothing if she doesn't pay for the dinner. I reluctantly pay for the drinks if the guy is my boyfriend. I will gladly pay if he is just a friend unless he insists to pay for me. But many women are different. Some don't care, some don't want to look like gold-diggers, and some insist on breaking the rules that put women in - what they see as - inferior position, as if she is less capable of making money or expects from someone else to take care of her. You should spend as much money as you feel comfortable with. You shouldn't go broke just to please someone's wishes. It doesn't matter whether you will cook for her or take her to a fancy place or order pizza or make her a sandwich - when she is at your place, you should offer her to drink, eat, and even buy cigarettes for her if she smokes and you don't mind it. Just a matter of manners... I am sure the right woman will return the favor and bring something to you or pay for 50% or - if she is broke - at least appreciate your attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Author radiation7740 Posted June 4, 2006 Author Share Posted June 4, 2006 Aww, you sound like an old-fashioned gentleman. I see paying for her dinner as a nice gesture. Implying that it's gold-digging is basically implying that she was so hungry and couldn't afford it; then you came and bought her food. If someone would think me a gold-digger for that, i'd pay for HIS dinner too so that HE feels like a gold-digger. (Then I'd use him for sex and give him a tip! ) Gold-digging is when a woman is hungry for something materialistc (jewelry, a big house, a fancy car, expensive fur coats or vacations, etc.), but she can't afford it and is willing to be with someone ONLY for his money. A woman that goes out with you is not going out so she can eat. She goes out WITH YOU. It means nothing if she doesn't pay for the dinner. I reluctantly pay for the drinks if the guy is my boyfriend. I will gladly pay if he is just a friend unless he insists to pay for me. But many women are different. Some don't care, some don't want to look like gold-diggers, and some insist on breaking the rules that put women in - what they see as - inferior position, as if she is less capable of making money or expects from someone else to take care of her. You should spend as much money as you feel comfortable with. You shouldn't go broke just to please someone's wishes. It doesn't matter whether you will cook for her or take her to a fancy place or order pizza or make her a sandwich - when she is at your place, you should offer her to drink, eat, and even buy cigarettes for her if she smokes and you don't mind it. Just a matter of manners... I am sure the right woman will return the favor and bring something to you or pay for 50% or - if she is broke - at least appreciate your attention. I agree with everything you said with the exception of buying her cigarettes. That's one thing I will not do. It would make me feel like I'm an accomplice to her killing herself. I don't mind dating a woman who smokes. My ex smoked but I never bought cigarettes for her. The only rule I have is that she can't smoke in my car or in my house. She can walk down my driveway and smoke. But I will not be an enabler. I will not be a part of someone destroying their lungs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author radiation7740 Posted June 4, 2006 Author Share Posted June 4, 2006 Alot of men on here say that they want a woman who is a challenge. I don't. I'm one of the few men who is content on settling with simplicity. I don't need a challenging woman to be happy. As a matter of fact it's a waste of energy and time to go after a challenging woman. Alot of women want men who are challenges too. But it's rare to find that woman who is content with the idea that I'm not a challenge. I just want to be myself and I expect her to do the same. I'm more into what's in a woman's soul than what she looks like. I find it pretty shallow to not date someone just because of their looks. You could be missing out on a wonderful experience because they might have excellent qualities in other areas. Link to post Share on other sites
Love Hurts Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 Just go to McDonalds they have a 99 Cent Menu. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 I agree with everything you said with the exception of buying her cigarettes. That's one thing I will not do. It would make me feel like I'm an accomplice to her killing herself. I don't mind dating a woman who smokes. My ex smoked but I never bought cigarettes for her. The only rule I have is that she can't smoke in my car or in my house. She can walk down my driveway and smoke. But I will not be an enabler. I will not be a part of someone destroying their lungs.Hey, that's cool and very sweet of you actually! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 Yes you have your mind made up. It doesn't make any difference what I say. You'll think you are right no matter what. So it doesn't make sense for you to ask the question. By the way I answered your question in an earlier post. How about scrolling back up. No I don't have my mind made up at all. It DOES make a difference what you say. You just haven't said anything that makes a difference. As far as answering my question in an earlier post, I don't recall it. And your posts are too boring to take the effort to scroll back up. Link to post Share on other sites
Tinman Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 I don't know why people focused on the "not buying cigarettes" bit. It seems like a fairly minor quirk to me. On the other hand, the next two quotes are extremely telling. I prefer to see her no more than once every 2 weeks. It sounds like you have some serious boundry/territory issues. You don't want to see her more then once every two weeks? Doesn't sound like you're particularly interested in having any sort of serious relationship. Now, if that's the case it's certainly your choice to make but it does show some pretty serious issues. Second. On special occasions I buy gifts but there's no way in hell I'm going to accept gifts from her. Why is this? You freely acknowledge that you'd wish her to spend her money on things for her. You certainly seem to understand that her money is hers to spend as she wishes. Thus, what is so wrong with letting her occasionally do something for you if that's what makes her happy? It's her money and by refusing to accept you're denying her that option. You admit that you like doing things for women, why is it so hard to accept that they might get the same satisfaction. And this is why I think Chump mentioned that you sound rather rigid and controlling. Well in the 1st place she would have to cook dinner at my house. I don't like to hang out at other people's houses let alone spend the night. You're okay with having her at your place but you won't spend time at hers "let alone spend the night." It sounds like you want everything to be on your "territory" and your terms. Thus, controlling and rigid. So it's not controlling on my end. It's not right or wrong. It's just a matter of finding someone who is compatiable. Sure, there you have a point. And I'm sure if you find a women who enjoys having everything done on your terms, doesn't want you in her house and doesn't want to see you more then once every two weeks then you two could be very happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Chump64 Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 Radiation, I don't mean to slam you, but I really hope you can lighten up and enjoy life a bit. You come off as quirky and very controlling. That sounds like the perfect recipe for a very, very lonely life. Don't go into a relationship with a list of what you will and won't permit. Well yeah, there are some things you shouldn't permit, like abuse, nastiness, etc. But to have specific guidelines about what you will or will not allow someone to give you as a gift, whether you'll let a woman buy a drink for you, and how often you get together or what specific meal you will cook, etc. -- that kind of stuff just screams "FREAK," and will scare a woman off in minutes. Chill out, man. Again, no offense, but do you have obsessive compulsive tendencies? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 Just an observation; refusing gifts from people is rejecting their love. Were you abused as a child? You also display fundamental narcissistic qualities - everyone has do things on your terms and your timetable. Link to post Share on other sites
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