Women buying drinks or meals

[Walk]

His behavior sets himself up for dating the "gold diggers".

 

Plus, the lack of empathy or understanding why it would make someone feel good to buy him a gift. Disallowing the woman to show her "love" or caring for him by providing him with something he may have said he wants or needed. Taking away another area in which the woman could potentially create a closer bond with him.

 

The women who would feel comfortable with a set up like that is going to be focused solely on what you can do for her. Since most normal women are going to want to give as well as recieve, if you take away all avenues for this woman to return favors or actions, then you're left with only women who want to take.

 

What you're attempting to create in your "relationship" is very one sided. You have a list of rules she must follow in order to be allowed to spend time with you. Most of these rules make no sense, and cause pain for someone else. It's a selfish act to not accept gifts from another person. Its selfish to refuse to spend time at her place, or be a part of her real life. What you want is a woman who will stand in the sidelines until you want or need her. It's one sided. There's no give and take. And that is what makes a good relationship, is the ability to give and take. To know that you can count on your partner in all areas. Not just twice a month, or when you find it convienent.

 

Your view of relationships will continue you down a very solitary lifestyle. Which is fine if that is what you want. But don't give the impression you want a relationship, when what you want is someone at your beck and call with no true intrinsic benefit to them. You get something, they get what? A $20 meal and then shoved off to the side again? If you want to have this type of relationship, then state it up front and make it clear this is not going to change no-matter what. Give her the option from the very start to discontinue contact with you based on true facts and information. Even if you don't lie, but simply withhold information, then you're lying to her about your ideals of a relationship. Tell her you won't call except every two weeks. Let her know you won't accept gifts from her, and you don't wish to spend any time at her place ever. And do this on the first date, or second. Don't pretend your seeking a relationship (based on majority ideals of one) and then hit her later with a rule at a time that she must follow.

 

At least have the balls to be honest about what you want, and how you view relationships from the VERY beginning. Then I would have no problem with your view on a relationship. At that point the woman knows and chooses to get into it. But if you don't tell her up front, I find it morally reprehensible for you to imply one thing at the beginning, and slowly evolve the relationship into the one sided affair you wish it to be. That's lower then slime in my opinion.

[radiation7740]

Nobody seems to understand that for me to accept a gift would lead to a troubled conscience. I buy gifts for a woman in order to ease my conscience. Why do I think this? Because most likely I haven't done anything to earn a gift.

 

Only clingy women would want me around more than once every 2 weeks. I didn't say I would have NC during those 2 weeks. I believe in calling 2 or 3 times per week under normal circumstances & waiting 1-2 days to return calls.

 

I don't see how it's controlling to do things for myself such as cooking or buying the things I want. I don't think it's an absolute requirement to receive gifts in a relationship.

 

If spending the night or spending time at her place is that important to her then I'll compromise. I'll spend the night over there but in separate rooms. I don't care if I have to sleep in my car or sleep in her yard with a tent in the backyard.

[alphamale]

Also, how much money per week must I spend at the minimum to keep a relationship going?

At least $7.00 per wk, I would think....

[johan]

At least $7.00 per wk, I would think....

 

Don't forget the tip.

[alphamale]

Don't forget the tip.

that includes the tip already

[Just_B]

Sorry maybe its just me but isn't a relationship meant to be about being equal. If i'm dating someone, btw i'm male, I think its kinda nice for the otherside to pay sometimes. It just seems like good sense. Doesn't have to be 50/50 split everytime but then again most people only have so much spare "money" for dates so if both sides pool their resources things can be so much better.

[johan]

that includes the tip already

Cheap bastard! No wonder the chicks dig you.

[alphamale]

Cheap bastard! No wonder the chicks dig you.

No...actually I agree with R7740...the man should pay most of the time especially early on in the relationship. I like the control I have when I foot the bill, I get to choose what, when and where. I want the woman to be indebted to me so that she sucks my cock and balls real hard and s***. You know what i mean?!?

 

Women I date repay me in other ways. As in makeing my friends jealous, sexual activity, making dinner for me, sexual activity, actiing as my personal therapist, sexual activity, going shopping and giving me clothing advice, sexual activiity.....etc

[Sleeps w/Butterflies]

I don't see the point of having a relationship being that you put so many conditions and terms. If you are just causually dating then fine however in a serious relationship (unless it is long distance) having such limited contact can create alot of distance and your partner may resent you. Perhaps you do these things to prevent yourself from growing close to anyone. Perhaps someone very dear to you hurt you whether it be a parent, family member or a former flame this is why you feel the need to create such boundries and rules.

[Brittanyjean06]

You should feel flattered that the girl is even offering to pay for you! Take that as a compliment.

 

Does it make you feel like less of a man? I meen guys are known for paying for everything, and when a woman does they get all ego crushed maybe?

[Vertex]

It shouldn't be a big deal as long as someone isn't CONSTANTLY doing all the buying.

[RecordProducer]

I think we all figured that Radiation is very different from many people we know. He doesn't hurt anyone so I don't see why you guys are hurting him and judging him for who he is. He is the way he is and can't change (easily). Accept that not everyone is the same, not everyone is built according to your taste, and after all, not everyone is so lucky to fit in the society. Don't talk to him as if your life is threatened by his existence.

[hyakku]

Nobody seems to understand that for me to accept a gift would lead to a troubled conscience. I buy gifts for a woman in order to ease my conscience. Why do I think this? Because most likely I haven't done anything to earn a gift.

 

Only clingy women would want me around more than once every 2 weeks. I didn't say I would have NC during those 2 weeks. I believe in calling 2 or 3 times per week under normal circumstances & waiting 1-2 days to return calls.

 

I don't see how it's controlling to do things for myself such as cooking or buying the things I want. I don't think it's an absolute requirement to receive gifts in a relationship.

 

If spending the night or spending time at her place is that important to her then I'll compromise. I'll spend the night over there but in separate rooms. I don't care if I have to sleep in my car or sleep in her yard with a tent in the backyard.

 

So you have sex in other rooms....? Man you and Mrs. Rosy Palm must have a great relationship!

 

Really man, stop trolling. There's no way you determine the amount of money you spend on a woman in accordance to how close tax season is.

 

Second, you don't "need" to spend any money in a relationship to have it work. Hell I know guys who are treated by their girl nearly 100% of the time.

 

Once every two weeks? I'm gonna guess your last relationship ended up with her "cheating" on you (though I doubt she knew you were going out when you two "broke up").

 

And seriously man, not to push the final dagger stroke through the heart, but what type of friends do you have? Honestly, do you seem them "once every 3 weeks" and alternate when your woman and your friends days conflict? And where are there any more arcades left!? Its 2006!

[johan]

I think we all figured that Radiation is very different from many people we know. He doesn't hurt anyone so I don't see why you guys are hurting him and judging him for who he is. He is the way he is and can't change (easily). Accept that not everyone is the same, not everyone is built according to your taste, and after all, not everyone is so lucky to fit in the society. Don't talk to him as if your life is threatened by his existence.

 

I agree. Radiation brought some interesting points of view. Certainly harmless to anyone here. I think LS is a worse place for making him feel unwelcome.

[Pantero]

I've got no problems with a woman paying for dinner etc. etc.

 

I'm a fair guy. If she pays one night, I pay the next. I don't think about control issues or "if I pay, I'll get a BJ" and sh-t. I usually can get a BJ or some sort of play regardless of who foots what bill.

[Craig]

I just want to be myself and I expect her to do the same.

Except give you gifts because it makes her feel good, except to have her buy you dinner for a change because it makes her feel good to do it, except to have you sleep over at her place in her room because it makes her feel good, except to return phone calls in a timely manner instead of 1 to 2 days.

 

IMO people who can't accept gifts are true takers.

[Mz. Pixie]

Okay, I sort of agree that the guy should usually pay in the beginning. Later if the relationship is serious it's okay for me to pay or cook meals.

 

However, I don't think it's "clingy" to expect weekly dates and more regular phone calls from someone when we are "exclusive". As a matter of fact, that is what dating is about.

 

As far as gifts- we should exchange. I couldn't accept a gift from someone all the time when they never let me give them one. I would feel guilty too. Every once in a while he could surprise me with something but that should be mutual.

 

I have to ask the OP though- are you OCD or a germ phobe?? Because you seem very rigid. You are an accountant I'm guessing by the way you said during tax season or a tax lawyer or something along those lines.

 

What kind of guy only gets in the bed with you for sex and then refuses to sleep with you in your bed- or eat at your house unless they are a germ phobe?? You seem to have alot of relationship rules so that's going to limit the number of women who will be attracted to you.

 

I understand the thing with not wanting someone who wants a challenge. My husband was like that. He said a woman who would be a huge challenge after the original chase would never be satisfied and he didn't want to deal with the drama.

 

I'm really not trying to slam you when I say that it sounds like you don't really want a relationship. You'd perhaps like a sex buddy who you can take to a movie every once in a while and who doesn't require sleep overs or such. You can rent those kind of women by the hour probably.

[SurpriseSurprise]

It is a challenge to a guy's ego as there is a expectation that a guy pay's. When my gf and me first went out I would pay but latter she was sometimes paying for things on our dates. It was'nt spoken she would just do it. There was never hey I paid now do something for me. So her paying caught me off gaurd but you move on and don't spend a lot of time debating it. You just enjoy the date.

 

Now I am saving up for a ring and she knows I am on a tight budget. So she alway's pays and if I offer she bushes it off and say something along the lines of how she's looking forward to the wedding ring that I am saving for.

 

It is strange sometimes that I am the guy and I should pay but I want to get a nice ring.

[dancehead]

If its a first date and the woman offers to pay, or worst still insists that she will go dutch (50-50) then its said that the woman doesn't really dig you and only wants to be friends.

[jerbear]

If its a first date and the woman offers to pay, or worst still insists that she will go dutch (50-50) then its said that the woman doesn't really dig you and only wants to be friends.

 

 

I don't know about that.

 

I had one girl ask me out on a date and fixed it so she paid for it 100%. Talk about alpha female. The next date I did the same thing to her, I fixed it so I paid for it 100% and told her I should pay especially when I asked her out on a 2nd date.

[alphamale]

If its a first date and the woman offers to pay, or worst still insists that she will go dutch (50-50) then its said that the woman doesn't really dig you and only wants to be friends.

that is true DANCEHEAD... its because she does not like you romantically and doesn't want to feel indebted to you. Now....if she does think you are a romantic prospect then she doesn't mind being indebted. Thats the way the female brain works

[amerikajin]

In a lot of cases, it's true that a woman refusing to let you buy her dinner is a sign of low romantic interest - especially if she absolutely refuses to let you pay. She's hoping that she won't have to respond when you say, 'You can pay for the next date, okay?' Refusing your offer is her way of saying 'Ain't gonna be another date, buddy.'

 

Personally, I like doing one of two things:

 

1) I pay 2/3 of the bill, with me buying an occasional dinner and she occasionally returning the favor herself.

 

2) Me buying two dinners for her every one.

 

I think that's fair. I'm a gentleman and I certainly do like to buy things for the missus, but if my current situation has taught me anything, it's that being a sugar daddy gets old pretty quick - especially when the other person comes to expect it while not really giving back a lot in return.

 

I'm a gentleman, but I also believe that if a woman pulls a decent paycheck, there's no reason why she can't occasionally offer to pay.

[kitten chick]

I'm a little afraid to post this for fear of getting slammed as it seems to be happening more often here. I have been reading this thread and I didn't realize that it was such a big deal that I offer to pay for things frequently in relationships. I usually make more money than whoever I'm dating so it just seemed to make sense, especially coming from a relationship where I was the sole breadwinner for all intents and purposes. Is this something that women should be paying more attention to? Should we not be paying or offering to pay part or all?

[catgirl1927]

I'm a little afraid to post this for fear of getting slammed as it seems to be happening more often here. I have been reading this thread and I didn't realize that it was such a big deal that I offer to pay for things frequently in relationships. I usually make more money than whoever I'm dating so it just seemed to make sense, especially coming from a relationship where I was the sole breadwinner for all intents and purposes. Is this something that women should be paying more attention to? Should we not be paying or offering to pay part or all?

 

You should be doing whatever makes you feel comfortable. Everyone has all these "rules" about everything, but they don't always fit everyone's life. Frankly, most of the people I know who have a bunch of rules for everything they do are either single or aren't in very healthy relationships.

[amerikajin]

Kittenchick,

 

I would sort of agree and disagree with the previous post. In all honesty, it's a great thing that you're offering to pay once in a while, but I think there are still a lot of guys out there who at least want to do dutch if nothing else. I don't know...it's kinda weird. It shouldn't be that way but it is, partly because of the societal expectations placed upon us. Men feel that they should be the ones to take charge, and that if a woman actually offers to pay, that it somehow diminishes this aspect of the relationship.

 

But the previous poster does have a point - people are different. For me, I would not really be offended or less attracted to someone if she offered to buy me dinner - I'd probably take her up on it (lol!). I would only start to get annoyed if I felt it was used as some sort of bribe to keep me in the relationship. But never if it's just a spontaneous act of kindness.