Kittiecat Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 So I am rebounding all over the place from a recent breakup and am ripe for a good shagging to make me feel better. So a few weeks ago I called up my FWB (who, ahem, helped me through my last breakup). We caught up on the phone and I invited him over so I could show him my new place, etc., etc. I get a sex hug from him (you know, the kind that's just a LITTLE too tight and grindy) and he leaves. OK -- I figured I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and just assume that he really did have pressing issues to tend to. About a week later I get a call from him wanting to come over and hang out. Great. He comes over, we fool around (no sex), and he leaves. Last week, same story - he calls, wants to come over, we hang out, mess around, and it leads to nothing. Finally I asked him what the hell was going on - his response: "I'm trying to turn over a new leaf. This can't be the only reason I come over here." Here's what I think is up - I believe he is terminating our FWB arrangement. I figure that maybe he is getting serious about settling down and sees having hookup bimbos as an obstacle. If this is the case, then why does he keep wanting to mess around with no grand finale? I am completely blown away by this about face. Before it was probably the simplest relationship I've ever had with a man, and now this. What gives? Link to post Share on other sites
dancehead Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 "This can't be the only reason I come over here." All I can think of is that perhaps he is trying to turn it into a purely friendship thing, so that when he does meet a girlfriend it will be simple. Or maybe he wants you to be his girlfriend? Have you talked about that ever? Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 Men rarely want to be "just friends" with women that they have slept with, so my theory is that he wants to be more to you than just a FWB. And yes, that would mean that he's getting more serious about things and wanting to settle down. He's testing the waters with you to see if you'll make more of a commitment to a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kittiecat Posted June 4, 2006 Author Share Posted June 4, 2006 Dancehead - the whole thing started as casual dating about 4 years ago, but he always kept me at arms length and so I figured nothing more would ever come of it. Besides, I slept w/him on the first date, so all of this was pretty much a given. NMS - I do think he may be getting more serious about settling down but not with me specifically. Perhaps he is finally looking for "the one" and I have merely been cut from "the roster." I would be a liar to say that my ego wasn't somewhat bruised by all of this, but really, I have no one to blame but myself. I haven't spoken with him since Tuesday. And the sick thing is that this is all I've been thinking about. Am I really this fragile? Someday, I'd really like to have my s*** together. Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 I still think he was testing the waters -- specifically with you. If he wanted to simply cut you from the roster, he wouldn't have bothered with the contact and the fooling around without sex. Unless he's an overly complicated kind of guy.... most of us arent. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 Someday, I'd really like to have my s*** together. Join the club! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kittiecat Posted June 4, 2006 Author Share Posted June 4, 2006 NMS - it would be nice to think that but if it were true I would have (a) received at least one call from him (be it a drunk dial or otherwise) or (b) see (a). I'm pretty sure I've been cut, and it blows. Eh, well...what did I expect, really!? He's a fantastic guy and I skanked out on the first date. Oh well...live and learn, I guess. Johan - Good job, 4 bedroom house and several vehicles? I do believe you qualify as one who has his s*** together. Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 KC - I think you are missing my point. He's waiting for you to do a little groveling. He knows you both have the physical stuff in common, and now he wants to know if you want him for more than that. Inviting him over and making out a little won't show him anything. A good non-sexual time followed by a heart-to-heart about how you feel about him may do the trick. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 Johan - Good job, 4 bedroom house and several vehicles? I do believe you qualify as one who has his s*** together. Thanks. I do have that s*** somewhat together. The rest of my s*** still needs work. At least lately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kittiecat Posted June 4, 2006 Author Share Posted June 4, 2006 NMS - I only initiated one invite to my house (the first one)...the rest of the invites were him saying "Hey, do you want company." All physical contact was initiated by him. I suppose what I'm waiting for is the "Hey, what are you doing Friday night, maybe we should have dinner..." I have yet to hear that from him. If he were truly interested in "more" he would make an attempt to make actual plans with me. So far, all of our encounters have been spur of the moment. Damn, I've known the guy for 4 years...if he were truly interested surely he would have attempted to make plans. Johan -- screw fish, you need lobster. Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 Ok -- so I don't get the no sex thing during your latest encounters. Does he initiate all the visits? I know you were the one to call him after your breakup, but if it is still him that does most of the calling, then maybe he is waiting for you to be the planner. I don't know. Maybe he's just weird. Chalk it up to experience, move on, and refuse to be in a FWB relationship from now on. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 Johan -- screw fish, you need lobster. Sorry about the edit. I agree with you, except I actually really prefer crab. I'm a cancer, maybe that's why. It isn't clear to me whether this guy you're writing about wants to just be friends or wants more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kittiecat Posted June 4, 2006 Author Share Posted June 4, 2006 Exactly. I don't get it either. Maybe he did get weird all of a sudden, I don't know. I know the last time around he had no problem, uh, comforting me. I certainly am not waiting around for him, but it saddens me a little to think that our arrangement has changed. I just wish he had the balls to admit it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kittiecat Posted June 4, 2006 Author Share Posted June 4, 2006 Johan - who the hell knows. I've given up trying to figure out him, and men in general. Some puzzles just aren't meant to be fiddled with. Yah know...it's funny that you mentioned signs...I'm a Pisces (fish). Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 Exactly. I don't get it either. Maybe he did get weird all of a sudden, I don't know. I know the last time around he had no problem, uh, comforting me. I certainly am not waiting around for him, but it saddens me a little to think that our arrangement has changed. I just wish he had the balls to admit it. All I can say is from my perspective -- the main reason for a guy getting weird is the need for something more than the FWB relationship was providing. It is the only explanation I can think of. If so, you can blow him off purely based on the fact that he doesn't have the balls to tell you why he weirded out. Otherwise, you can try to drag it out of him and find other ways to grow your relationship with him in new ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kittiecat Posted June 4, 2006 Author Share Posted June 4, 2006 You sound exacerbated (Christ, I hope that's the word). OK, I hear you. I'm glad to have gotten a man's point of view. Thanks NMS and LS!!! Good night!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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