brokenhrt Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 Hi, I'm 22, and I've been with my girlfriend for 2 year and 3 months. When we started going out everything was just perfect on the first 7 months, after that fights started, 80% my fault, I started losing interest, started going with with my friends, left her a home, we stoped doing fun things (trips, going out often...), until one day I cheated on her with a striper, which I went to a strip club drunk with friends after a club, she found everything out, it was devastating, we talked, I regreted the whole situation. She decided to give me a change, I also promise to change, and it only lasted for not even 2 months, the same habits started again. Truly I don't know how she tolerated me for so long. I didn't know for sure if I loved her but I really liked her. One day I found this program trough the college she goes that send people to study 2 months abroad, and I did everything for her to go, she accepted, I did that because I wanted her to experience another culture, since I'm from a different country. She went and we kept communication trough email, phone... after 2 weeks we had another big fight over the phone. We then didn't spoke for 28 days. Then I called her and she confessed she had kissed a guy, I was so devastaded, so hurted (still), and I felt the biggest pain in my life. I never expected something like that from her. She said she would like to brake up because she couldn't handle the way our relationship were going. For the first time I believe I'm sure I really love her, I really promise to change this time, and told her I'm like to change, and asked for another chance. But I'm so confused, I don't know how will be our relationship after both had cheated on each other, how's can we gain trust on our relationship again. I really want to change this time otherwise I'd not opt to try fix it for the last time. Link to post Share on other sites
ronnieromance Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 Dude, you're 22. Aside from that, the fact that you say the fights were 80% your fault leads me to beleive that you are really being guilted by this girl for losing interest in her. It sucks that we can care for people yet not want to spend every minute with them, but it happens. Best be honest with yourself, accept your feelings when they arise and deal with it like an adult. There is no good that will come of beating yourself up due to guilt from someone's finger pointing. Anyway, I'm going to let you in on a secret. What is hurt is likely your ego, more than your heart. That's right. You are upset because she got one up on you. Don't beleive me? You already lost interest inher enough to go out with friends when you could have been with her. How often did that happen? You fell back into the same habits, likely, because you two have growing up to do and relationships are hard to make work. Besides, if she admits to kissing someone, you know she did more. It's simple female psychology; She has one up on you. You feel guilty already. Why would she throw away a self pity card and risk you gain an anger card? Right? Right. Dude, get out and meet some new women. Webdate is a great place to start. Plenty of women in your area. Forget about this one. Things don't work out for a lot of reasons, Accept it and learn and move on. -R- Link to post Share on other sites
MarnieGirl Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 how did she one-up him? he hooked up with a stripper, she kissed some guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 Ok so you f***ed a stripper (of all people) and got upset because she kissed a guy? hmm... It's over, JMO. its so obvious that you guys aren't compatible. Just accept it. The only reason you all the sudden have these feelings of love for her is because instead of crying and boo hooing and begging you to take her back, she dumped you. Its your pride thats hurt more than anything, JMO. My advice would be to end it and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 Ok so you f***ed a stripper (of all people) and got upset because she kissed a guy? hmm... It's over, JMO. its so obvious that you guys aren't compatible. Just accept it. The only reason you all the sudden have these feelings of love for her is because instead of crying and boo hooing and begging you to take her back, she dumped you. Its your pride thats hurt more than anything, JMO. My advice would be to end it and move on. Exactly. Write this one off, learn from it and move on when you are ready and able to be committed to a woman and able to handle your anger better then to go and cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
ronnieromance Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 how did she one-up him? he hooked up with a stripper, she kissed some guy. Well, she's the one who broke up with him. Besides, I don't think all she did was kiss someone. Seriously...you think that's a ll she did? That may be all she TOLD him, but I'll put money down that she saw pen0r. -R- Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Notwithstanding whether the OP deserved what happened or not, when a girl of that age says "kissed a guy" it never means "just kissed and only just kissed" a guy. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 It really doesn't matter what she did, she should have dumped you for cheating on her instead of staying with you and cheating on you "back." You're a huge hypocrite for criticizing her for doing it, and she's immature for thinking that revenge would help anything. You need to stay away from nice girls, you're the type that makes us not trust good guys. Just stick to girls who are for hire. That's all you want anyway, why deliberately go out trying to hurt people? Karma, man. Just stay out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
MarnieGirl Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 when a girl of that age says "kissed a guy" it never means "just kissed and only just kissed" a guy. never? wow. i didn't know "girls of that age" who cheat obviously must have had sex when they cheated. wonder where i've been. i wonder about girls of other ages too, or guys of any age. i bet they all had sex when cheating too, cause you can't screw up a little, apparently you have to screw up all way... Link to post Share on other sites
ash8752 Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 You are in fact a typical guy. Dont get mad at me for saying it. You did wrong, she forgave, you lost feelings and then BOOF, she 'kisses' someone and leaves you and you love her. She hurt your pride and cudos to her, you didnt treat her well. You betrayed her trust. Move on and learn from your mistakes! Link to post Share on other sites
raposa Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 WOAH PEOPLE - you are speaking out of bitterness, anger, and hurt. I respect that some of you have been hurt, are bitter and angry, etc, but that is no reason to take out your feelings on a random person asking for help. Do you post on this threat just to take out your feelings on people? I hope you are here to get help and to give help. But you make it seem like you're only here to recieve understanding and not to give it. brokenhrt - if you truly want to make things work with your girlfriend, you have to do a few things. You have to be COMPLETELY open with her, and she with you. You also have to be completely open with yourself. If you stopped going out with her and started seeking sexual fufillment, fun, etc from other sources, that means you felt like you weren't getting what you need from your relationship. If you two are poorly matched, you should seek a relationship with someone who matches your lifestyle. If she is a good match, but you don't feel like you are getting what you need from the relationship anyway, maybe you aren't telling her what you want. The only hope you have is to be open and honest with eachother. If you want more fun, more going out, more sex, etc, THATS OK. But you have to tell her that. If you don't tell her what you want, and she you, then how can you really provide for eachother? How can you have a real relationship? You have to communicate. If she doesn't want those same things, you need to find someone better suited for you. You are a good person, and you have a problem and made mistakes. Fix yourself. Your girlfriend is a good person, and she has a problem and made a mistake too. Don't play the blame game. Talk to eachother about what you want/need. If you don't really think youre getting what you want from her, or she from you, have the respect for her and the self respect to end things. If you think you can fix it, and you two are honest with eachother, then you CAN fix it. Only you know that. I wish you both the best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 Truly I don't know how she tolerated me for so long. I didn't know for sure if I loved her but I really liked her. Let's put it this way: you were not in love with her so your relationship was - what they call it nowadays - not exclusive. (Her kissing another guy is not as close as bad as you sleeping with other women, by the way.) You can ask her to be in a REAL relationship from now on with no cheating on each side. Tell her that you realized that you loved her, it took you a while, but now you want to be faithful to her. Also tell her that even that one kiss hurt you a lot so if she wants to be with you, she should also be faithful and not get back at you for what you've done in the past. When I was 18, I was with some guy for 5 weeks. I didn't care about him one bit. Obviously I realized that after 5 weeks and dumped him. I cheated on him with an ex-BF that I loved. From this perspective, I don't think it was cheating - it was just a casual relationship for me. He found out about what I did and slept with a friend of mine out of revenge. Ask me if I cared! Link to post Share on other sites
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