I've lost my soulmate. :(

[garnet]

There is nothing wrong with getting the pills. They will stabilize you so that you will feel calmer and able to think through things in a more rational manner. I've been there myself.

 

Go with the anger. It is necessary and a healthy reaction in this type of situation. You don't have reason to be beating yourself over this. As far as not being ready to give her a ring, that is simply where you were at the time. Marriage is a HUGE step - you were being honest with yourself and that is admirable. In the long run, you might look back on this and be relieved that you found out NOW that she is able to just jump ship and into someone else's arms so quickly rather than AFTER you married her.

[BrandonBP]

As far as not being ready to give her a ring, that is simply where you were at the time. Marriage is a HUGE step - you were being honest with yourself and that is admirable.

Yeah, I wanted so much all along to marry her, but I get really nervous about the huge change in lifestyle. I've never tried to live with a girl before and it seems like it might be so different actually having a wife in your house all the time instead of spending time together for a while then having a private abode to return to.

 

I never told her that fear BTW.

[Cecelius]

I don't have any special words that can fix what's happening to your heart, and besides, I'm kind of a dispassionate guy anyway, but there are some truths:

 

1) A girl who wants you in any decent manner wouldn't have another guy already. Regardless of all the crap you might get on these boards about her confusion, her needing to set her heart free, etc., the end point is that she's moved on. The only reason she would come back to you now is if the other guy doesn't work out --. She wasn't cruel about the breakup, she basically broke up with you and then started out with him.

 

2) Nothing you do at this point can affect her opinion. To her, all this is just a matter of time to get past until she doesn't need to deal with you anymore. She feels for you sympathetically, but she'd be thrilled if you found another girl and just moved on.

 

3) When, in the years to come, you are done with this emotionally you will look back and either regret or be proud of what you did after the breakup. Which do you want it to be? You can go ahead and feel however you want to but don't let her see you sweat, you'll only regret it later.

 

4) Nothing helps you get over the last one like the next one. Armor up your heart, realize that the best person to depend upon is yourself, and when you feel up to it, get out there and blaze a path of glory.

[BrandonBP]

Cecelius,

 

I know in my heart that you're right about all of that. The pain is so bad that I don't want to give up hope, but I know that if she cared anything about me she would show it.

 

She's moved on and is done with me. I have a slim chance of ever talking to her again. If this new guy breaks her heart then there's a "maybe" but even that doesn't ensure that she'll call then either.

 

I'm having such a difficult time coping with this. I'm glad you guys are being honest with me, even though it pains me soooo much to know you're correct. I started crying just now as I'm writing this.

 

I don't know why God is putting me through this. I know I deserve it, but I just can't bear having this much grief.

 

Thanks for all the help you've given me here so far. These boards are theraputic for some reason. I really need the chats right now.

 

Brandon

[BrandonBP]

Ok, she finally returned an e-mail today. Little did I know that yesterday was a state holiday and she wasn't at work to read my e-mail.

 

I'll post a little of what she wrote without involving too much personal stuff:

 

I am very sorry if you think I've shut you out. That was not my intention. You know that I still care about you and want the best for you. I don't want to not talk to you ever... that was never what I wanted to do. Forgive me for hurting you. Forgive me for being away from a computer yesterday. Forgive me for not calling you back. Forgive me for not being able to go back to you after all we've been through. I want you to live your life in a happy and productive way, but you need to take care of YOU right now. I don't know what else to say besides that. I DID take a minute to think about all of the wonderful times we had... in fact, I took way more than a minute. I've rehashed everything... all of the wonderful memories. And they ARE wonderful. You made me so very very happy. And, Yes, I looked at you "that way" because I felt "that way" about you. But, I'm just not there anymore at this point in my life.... Forgive me. It's not about you OR Bill or anyone else, it's about me. It was never about anyone else. I just need to be happy and go on to live and grow right now. I'm sorry. I don't know what to tell you. I still love you and care about you, I felt like all of the emotion and everything has been pressed out of me.... I can't help it. I still love you, but things just can't be the way they were. I told you the other night that I could not say that we would never be together again. I still believe that. I believe that none of us know what's going to happen in the future. One year, two years, three years, five years, ten years... who knows? But, I am not ready for us to start things up again right now. I'm just not. I told you that before. And, I do not think I will be in the next weeks or months. But, again, I don't know what will happen down the road. In the meantime, forgive me, please. But, most of all take care of yourself and be happy. And, yes, you may still call me whenever you need anything. That will never change as long as I live. I will always care about you and will always want the best for you.

 

Well, it at least made me feel TONS better to know that she wasn't being a cruel b*tch by just ignoring me. I felt horrible all day like I have for the last 10 days, but as soon as I got this, the pain in my chest has gone away for the first time. I feel so much better now.

 

This kind of helped me get a bit of closure. She's saying that we "might" be together one day or we "might not" be together; she doesn't know right now. So my feelings have changed to "If it's meant to happen it will; if it's not then it won't." Strangely, I couldn't accept that logic when I thought she was never going to even give me any answers as to anything whatsoever.

 

Please offer any thoughts you have on any hidden messages in her e-mail please, but still understand that, for whatever reason, a huge weight has been lifted from my chest regardless of what it all really means. What a blessing!

 

Thanks,

 

Brandon

[RealBroken]

Hey Brandon. You're really lucky to get those words!!!!

 

Thats all ive been really wanting from my ex. Just something to say "you're not dead to me" I guess Im not..... but sometimes you just need to hear it instead of being ignored, kicked in the teeth, cold shoulder or basically told to p*ss off. You're a lucky man. I'm kinda hoping that thats the sort of thing thats going through my ex's mind.

 

Stay friends if you can. Unless its too hard. I'm glad your ex has a soul.

[BrandonBP]

Hey Brandon. You're really lucky to get those words!!!!

 

Thats all ive been really wanting from my ex. Just something to say "you're not dead to me" I guess Im not..... but sometimes you just need to hear it instead of being ignored, kicked in the teeth, cold shoulder or basically told to p*ss off. You're a lucky man. I'm kinda hoping that thats the sort of thing thats going through my ex's mind.

 

Stay friends if you can. Unless its too hard. I'm glad your ex has a soul.

Thank you, brother. That's all I needed to have was just a wee bit of hope. I was in anguish thinking that she didn't want to speak with me again and had moved on and forgotten about me. To hear her say that I was still on her mind and that she wasn't willing to tell me that we never have a future together was a real relief. She's an honest girl and wouldn't tell me that there "may" be a future for us she knew there wasn't.

 

Now I personally think that maybe she's having a cooling down period to just have some freedom for a while and to see if I really get my act together. I quit drinking and I'm going to church and getting in shape. I had gotten to where I took her for granted and didn't treat her like the princess she is.

 

She loved me more than anything in the world for 17 months, so I think that there may be a chance that she'll sow her oats and realize eventually how much she enjoyed being with me. If not, then hell I can't control that, but I DO have hope now. That's mainly what I needed to make the severe pain go away. In the end, I just have to think that she's going to figure out that I was the one for her all along.

 

Anyway, I still miss the hell out of her. I mainly miss having her to talk to. She's the best friend I've ever had.

 

I'm very sorry to hear that your ex isn't speaking to you. I know very well from the past few days how extremely painful that is. I was so distressed by the thought that she could discard me like that after we were so madly in love for so long. Even though I was still very much in pain this morning, I had acquired this weird numb feeling. I was staring at the wall alot. I was sort of zombified trying to cope with accepting the fact that she didn't want to speak to me again (so I thought at the time). When I got her e-mail, the pain in my chest suddenly went away for the first time in 10 days. It's still gone and I feel much better now.

 

I don't know if you're religious, but I've been praying a lot the last 10 days. I have been begging God to bring her back to me and, if the two of us being together is not His will, then to please at least help me with my pain and suffering. Well, He's definately taken away the pain and suffering. I had to suffer a few days but God came through for me. I think maybe God is doing all of this for my own good and I'll eventually end up getting my girlie back after I pass God's test and get my life right. I was drinking an 18 pack of beer 24/7/365. I think it's very likely that God knew that taking away the greatest thing in my life would give me a wakeup call and make me get my act together. I hope He has plans for my sweetie to come back to me. I think it's possible.

 

If you're religious, I'd try praying. I wouldn't expect anything overnight, but keep at it and have faith and something good will happen for you: 1) you'll get a sign from your girl; 2) God will make another even better girl cross your path; or 3) He'll help you get rid of your pain. Any of those things is better than where you stand right now.

 

I wish you the best, partner. Thanks for your kind words. Let us know if you have a breakthrough!

 

Brandon

[RealBroken]

ha ha..... I pray for that every night! So far it aint workin.

I'l keep at it.

 

Cheers

[Guest]

dont talk to them

[Fun2BMe]

Please offer any thoughts you have on any hidden messages in her e-mail please

All I can say is that you are lucky to get the response that you did to the email you had sent her. Wouldn't we all like that type of a message from the person who left us. She cares about you, still wants to stay in contact and gives you hope that you can be together again. On top of it no games. She had the opportunity to hurt you but she apologizes and is nice. Lucky you.

 

One thing that stands out is:

I still love you and care about you, I felt like all of the emotion and everything has been pressed out of me.... I can't help it.

 

What has caused all of her emotion to be pressed out of her? Did you do anything to her? Is there something we don't know about?

 

I still love you, but things just can't be the way they were.

I know you are so full of hope right now, but keep in mind she says that things can't be the way they were. Usually for women, once they fall out of being IN-LOVE, different from just loving you which she says she still does, that there is a slim chance of getting that feeling back. Be prepared for things to go either way without putting your life on hold for her. It sounds like you are doing a good job at it, but don't let the disappointment be a shocker should things not go the way you want them to in the future.

 

I was drinking an 18 pack of beer 24/7/365.

uhh, right,um, ok. You kind of had left that itty bitty detail out Brandon! So can you be honest with us and tell us if there were any issues in your relationship remotely associated with this HEAVY drinking? I mean so far the story is that she straight up left you for no reason out of the blue, leaving you in the dark scratching your head, when you guys were so in love and on the verge of marriage. Maybe you were treating her like s*** when you were piss drunk? Or am I way off there?

[BrandonBP]

So can you be honest with us and tell us if there were any issues in your relationship remotely associated with this HEAVY drinking? I mean so far the story is that she straight up left you for no reason out of the blue, leaving you in the dark scratching your head, when you guys were so in love and on the verge of marriage. Maybe you were treating her like s*** when you were piss drunk? Or am I way off there?

We're both big drinkers. My drinking mainly bothered her because I would get sloshed and wanna stay out later than she did. She'd be ready for me to come home with her on a Wednesday night and I'd end up staying out and then going home instead. That made her mad that I would choose staying out rather than coming home with her.

 

We did get into some spats when we were both drinking that were silly and about nothing in particular. We always made up the next day.

 

In general, the drinking never helps. I gained weight over the last year, it cost me a lot of money, and drinking makes you much less aware of someone else's needs. All those nights that she wanted to go home early and hang out with just me were nights that I SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH HER instead of hanging out at the bar with my cop friends listening to acoustic guitar.

 

That's why I'm hoping that this is only a test for her to see if I'll just get my act together.

 

Shoulda, woulda, coulda, didn't. All I can do is change what was wrong and hope she notices.

[Guest]

One thing that stands out is:

 

What has caused all of her emotion to be pressed out of her? Did you do anything to her? Is there something we don't know about?

I keep going back to that one. I'm an investigator and I tend to analyze everything that people say and write as it is, but I'm still trying to decipher this one. I don't know how I pressed all the emotions out of her, unless her emotions for me are on hold right now because she's banging her co-worker and doesn't have to much worry about me right now.

 

That's what friggin SUXXXXX!! She knew her best friend from law school was interested in her so they could start dating the same damn week as she knew she was going to leave me. I had no warning that we would EVER be apart, so I know not even one available single girl. I haven't laid any groundwork to begin shacking up with anyone to try and take my mind off me ex. It's just s***ty that she's got a new and exciting sex buddy to hang out with so that she doesn't have to think about me, but I'm left abandoned to sit around by myself and worry myself sick.

 

The good thing is, she doesn't seem to think there's anything permanent between them (at least yet) or else she wouldn't have e-mailed me to say that she wasn't going to write me off completely. She'd have just told me to get over it.

[BrandonBP]

One thing that stands out is:

 

What has caused all of her emotion to be pressed out of her? Did you do anything to her? Is there something we don't know about?

I keep going back to that one. I'm an investigator and I tend to analyze everything that people say anyway, but I'm still trying to decipher this one. I don't know how I pressed all the emotions out of her, unless her emotions for me are on hold right now because she's banging her co-worker and doesn't have to much worry about me right now.

 

That's what friggin SUXXXXX!! She knew her best friend from law school was interested in her so they could start dating the same damn week as she knew she was going to leave me. I had no warning that we would EVER be apart, so I know not even one available single girl. I haven't laid any groundwork to begin shacking up with anyone to try and take my mind off my ex. It's just s***ty that she's got a new and exciting sex buddy to hang out with so that she doesn't have to think about me, but I'm left abandoned to sit around by myself and worry myself sick.

The good thing is, she doesn't seem to think there's anything permanent between them (at least yet) or else she wouldn't have e-mailed me to say that she wasn't going to write me off completely. She'd have just told me to get over it.

[RealBroken]

QUOTE

 

Usually for women, once they fall out of being IN-LOVE, different from just loving you which she says she still does, that there is a slim chance of getting that feeling back.

 

 

Please tell me more..... this has kinda shattered a piece of my hope here.

 

Is it because after they have lost the "in-love feeling" they will never want to try again to get it back.

 

Or is it "impossible/difficult to happen"?

 

I guess what im saying is ..... is it difficult to get back the 'in love ' feeling because emotionally its difficult to find it again..... or because women 'dont want to look again'???

 

What if its 6-12 months down the track.

What if its years down the track..... ie starting from scratch?

 

My ex told me she wasn't 'in love' with me....... well....... that the spark had gone. We broke up.

then for days after she sent me messages like "im finding this really hard" and "i just want hugs with you"......."i'm missing you" oh and the worst................... "just listened to james blunts new song 'goodbye my lover' its just like us"

 

It just kinda didnt make sense. i think the love was up down up down up dwon in her mind in the end there.

 

Anyway, do you think its really hard to rekindle love again. Is just that soon (6 months) we will be dumped in the same place together and will be around each other a bit. i would like to try again if we can not be uncomfortable and become friendly.

 

But yeah, my major question is as above.......

is it difficult to get back the 'in love ' feeling because emotionally its difficult to find it again..... or because women 'dont want to look again'???

[Fun2BMe]

RealBroken, I can't telll which are comments you are quoting and by who and which are your comments - hard to read/decipher your post.

[Fun2BMe]

But yeah, my major question is as above.......

is it difficult to get back the 'in love ' feeling because emotionally its difficult to find it again..... or because women 'dont want to look again'???

It's usually in the majority cases impossible for women once they have lost the in-love feeling to get it back for that same person. I'm not talking about a state of confusion or if the guy leaves her and she's still in love. If she leaves the guy because she has fallen out of love (for a variety of reasons or no reason) then it's like trying to put back together a burnt piece of paper that is in ashes. This is also true if the guy leaves her and she comes to a place where she has fallen out of love.

 

I am suddenly over the guy who left me and who I left almost at the same time. I never thought it would be this quick. He emailed me a couple of days ago. Ordinarily I'd be all over it and tempted to respond and all that drama. I deleted it and haven't thought of him or the email once since. There is NO going back once a girl falls out of love. There are exceptions I imagine, like if she is desperate or bored or some other excuse I would only guess but it has never happened to me or any girl I know.

 

I don't understand what you mean by women don't want to look again.

 

As far as emotionally being difficult to find it again. There's no difficulty to struggle with in the first place because there is no desire to find it. It is gone. She's over it. If she is no longer in love, it is due to unpleasant reasons so why should she fight against the grain to make herself be in love with someone she no longer wants? If she left him for x reason, that reason will not make her want to be in love with him. If he left her for some reason, she will grow to resent him and not struggle against her emotions to be back in love with him. It woudn't make sense to.

[BrandonBP]

It's usually in the majority cases impossible for women once they have lost the in-love feeling to get it back for that same person.

But then again, you said "usually" impossible in the "majority" of cases. I'm really down right now and I'm expecting the worst (it's my nature), but I have to believe that she's got to miss me and remember what we had together eventually. She even told one of my friends the other day what she told me earlier, she's not writing me off forever and is not willing to say that we'll never be back together; she's just not ready to jump back into things with me right now. She's not the type that would say such a thing for the purposes of stringing me along either.

 

I just have to hold out hope. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life without her. I'm going to be absolutely miserable knowing that I lost the one person in the world that was made just for me.

 

If she is no longer in love, it is due to unpleasant reasons so why should she fight against the grain to make herself be in love with someone she no longer wants? If she left him for x reason, that reason will not make her want to be in love with him.

Yes, this is what happened in my case. I became a selfish drunken overweight oaf over the last few months, but I quite drinking. I'm already down to 205 lbs and my muscles are coming along nicely for the short time I've been back in the gym. I've been going to church and have been trying to be more patient and less selfish (towards everyone).

 

I suppose the question is if she saw me as going "downhill" in health and attitude, but she still loves the person I used to be, if I again become the person she fell in love with then isn't there a chance that her interest in me will return? All the reasons she gave me for "needing space" were not trivial things she made up just to get rid of me. They are definately things that I need to fix (I wish she'd told me these things LAST MONTH!), but every single thing she listed is easily fixable. Whether she'll take me back or not, I'm fixing all the flaws she listed to make myself a better person in the future since she was right about all of them.

 

If she sees in a few months that I have a linebacker's body and have been taking care of myself, then why is it not possible that she may once again get that "spark" in her eye for me that she had for a year and a half when she wanted to marry me?

 

I'm just trying to keep a glimmer of hope alive.

 

Brandon

[Fun2BMe]

If she sees in a few months that I have a linebacker's body and have been taking care of myself, then why is it not possible that she may once again get that "spark" in her eye for me that she had for a year and a half when she wanted to marry me?

 

The primary reason she left you is that your drinking caused you to gain weight. You now cut the drinking and are going to the gym hoping to win her back. She sounds very shallow but I am finding a lot of people here are either wanting to leave their SO because they have gained weight or are the victims of their SO leaving them for gaining weight. I didn't know people could leave each other for such a superficial reason whichever way you package it up. I doubt she really loved you if a few pounds makes her want to leave you. What if you were married with children and you gained all that weight? Basically you know now that she'll leave you overnight. Do some deep thinking to decide if she is worth having back in your life. Maybe with your new lifestyle and body you can attract a nicer girl who won't take off with her co-worker on you.

[BrandonBP]

She sounds very shallow but I am finding a lot of people here are either wanting to leave their SO because they have gained weight or are the victims of their SO leaving them for gaining weight. I didn't know people could leave each other for such a superficial reason whichever way you package it up. I doubt she really loved you if a few pounds makes her want to leave you.

 

No no no, the weight by itself wasn't it. She was just as lovey on me with the extra weight as she was when we first met. She was physically attracted to me and loved to "love on me."

 

The drinking and change of attitude was the real culprit. I have a boss that's a TYRANT and I can't yell back at him, of course, so I would come home mad all the time and start pounding beers. As most everyone knows, alcohol magnifies whatever mood you're in. If you're happy, beer makes you 10 times happier; if you're sad=10 times sadder; mad=10 times madder, etc. So I couldn't yell at my boss and now I'm drunk late at night. Guess who was always with me late at night when I was drunk and bitching up a storm about my assface boss? I'm not excusing my behavior, but just giving a reason.

 

She did tell me that she was concerned about my health recently, but she meant it as "I care about you and I'm worried that you're not in good health." She was never repulsed by my body or my weight gain, though.

 

I did see a bit of wisdom in these forums that I thought very insightful, though. It went something like, "Women don't much care if their man gains weight over time. They'll still love him just the same. But when searching for a mate, women will choose men that are in shape over unhealthy men, not because of his body necessarily, but because they believe that a man that will take good care of himself will also be able to take care of his wife." I think there's good logic in that statement.

 

My buddy that's a deputy marshal called a minute ago. He said that he saw my ex today before court and said she looked really down. My friend said she put on a cheerful smile and greeted him when he came into the courtroom, but that it looked forced. He said he looked over at her later and she was sitting at the table looking at the floor with a sad look on her face. I told my friend Tim not to take it the wrong way, but I hope she IS sad! Not because I'm mean or spiteful, but because I hope she's sad that she's not with me.

 

Or she was just tired from screwing Bill all night. Damn.

[BrandonBP]

Oh and some of you ladies please help me answer something that further baffles me...

 

If she had her mind made up that she had "lost that loving feeling" then why did she sleep with me the very morning before the night that she told me she "needed her space" and broke up with me. I mean, she likes sex and all, but damn. It just seems sort of strange.

[richardcruz]

I read your story and It hurts me like crazy because it is almost word for word the same story as mine. The only difference is I purchased a house to be with my girfriend because her mother didnt except our relationship despite the fact that we are in our late 20's!! My girlfriend wanted to marry and I too that I had all the time in the world. I already pictured spending my entire life with her, and yes I also pictured her being the mother of my children. She was perfect and life was perfect and we were both happy. She meant the world to me and I always told her that. We told each other that we were "soulmates." She was my bestfriend. Every night we would lie in bed and talk about our future. When I injured my back, she massaged it every night. Anyways I felt that she would be the last person on this earth to hurt me....Then things suddenly and enxplainably changed. She began speaking to her mom which prior to thier conversation would not speak at all because her mom was upset. Then a week later she moved out. Before she left I begged her to stay and told her i needed her. She still left. she moved back home and began going out with her friends. She started talking to a guy that she had promised me that she wouldnt talk to because they kind of had a thing for each other before we were together but they never pursued it. I also found out that she had gone to visit im on several occasions. I called her and ask her why she was doing this to me and she said she didn't know. She said she needed her space. I couldn't understand why. We'll things got worse over the past two months after she moved out to the point were she wouldnt answer my calls. The last time we spoke she told me that she just wanted to forget about everything that happended between us.I told her that I wanted to marry her and she said she didn't want that anymore. I haven't called her since then and its been two weeks. Everyday feels like forever and everyday I have to fight myself not to call her. It hurts so bad, and I too am not one to normally cry but I have cried myself to sleep all these past days. To add to the insult I got her the job where she's currently at. If i could I would take her back in a heartbeat depsite what she has done. My point in sharing this with you is that you are not alone and I know exactly how you feel. It hurts like hell and I dont know how I'm going to get through this either. I am just as baffled and confused as you are. Again, your not alone in your suffering.

[BrandonBP]

I felt that she would be the last person on this earth to hurt me....Then things suddenly and enxplainably changed.

That's what kills me more than anything. We woke up that Saturday morning, had sex, she said she loved me, kissed me goodbye, and broke up with me on the phone that night. We were planning to get married for a year and a half, and she just changes her mind.

 

Everything seemed great and then she "needed her space." When we talked after that (if she would even answer the phone) she sounded indifferent. She sounded as if she wasn't upset or missing me or even as if she gave a s*** whether I lived or died. She said she loves me and cares about me, but the tone in her voice told me otherwise.

 

I screwed up a lot along the way, and I guess I deserve what I'm getting. I've changed the things that she didn't like, though, and I hope she'll eventually notice that I'm the funny and exciting guy that she first fell in love with. If she doesn't, then I've still made myself a better person out of all of this. I'll now know what made me undesirable to her and what I need to do in the future to make my girl happy.

 

I have to see her this Friday. I'm teaching a class and she will be there with her co-workers, even the one she's sleeping with. Argh. I'm going to play hell trying to keep my mind on my lecture while she's sitting beside him in the back of the room. It will have been 28 days since I last saw her. It feels like 28 months.

 

I at least have things to do to make myself happy while she's trying to figure out what she wants. I'm going to go all out with learning how to skydive. It makes me very happy and takes the pain away. It lets me know that there are indeed still happy times to be had without her around.

 

She turns 30 this year and has never been married. You know how women get ansy about getting hitched about this time in their lives. Maybe she won't stay away too long, especially when (if) she finds out that there's no one else out there as good for her as me.

 

Take care, brother. Keep us informed as to how things are going.

 

Brandon

[BrandonBP]

Things have gotten somewhat better for me emotionally, but I still hurt a lot now and then. I can be fine and then I'll see or hear something that remonds me of her and I'll break down.

 

I'm trying so hard to get along and stop thinking about her, but I still have weak moments.

 

Saturday, she text messaged me to say be careful before I went skydiving. I didn't text back (What better way to say 'I don't love you" than a damn text message?)

 

Today I got an email from her saying that she was glad I was fine and that I was happy. It was still very platonic (You know 'Take care' and crap), so I didn't write back. What would be the point? If she doesn't say that she misses me and wants to see me, then I'd be a dummass to write back.

 

I want so badly to think that she misses me and is unhappy. My friend saw her in court today and he says that she doesn't seem happy like she always used to when she was with me. I want with all my heart to think that that's true, but I can't help but think that she's just tired from staying up all night screwing her new B/F.

 

Anyhow, I still love her unconditionally and I really miss her so much. As well as I've been the last week, I just want so badly to hear her voice and to see her beautiful face.

 

Why was I such an idiot to lose the most wonderful woman in the world?

[BrandonBP]

I went to make a presentation at a training class today and my ex was there for the training. It's been exactly a month since I last saw her. I thought that maybe it wouldn't be a huge deal, but damn it was so hard seeing her again.

 

We gave one another a couple of those weird embarrassed smiles. We passed each other right before my presentation and she said, "Good luck."

 

It would have been much better if she hadn't been there. She was dressed up for work and looked stunning as always. I don't know, maybe her seeing me will put me back into her mind in a positive way. Maybe not...

 

[AriaIncognito]

I'm sorry you had a bad day, BrandonBP. It must have been hard to be in that situation. I know if i saw mine right now, I'd be devastated and shaking and just wanting to run up to him and hold him. It sucks. But, we have to be strong. You're doing a great job, in not replying to her texts, because you're right, unless she tells you she made a huge mistake and will you please take her back, it's pointless for you to put yourself out there to get hurt again. Even if she does put that out there, you'll have to do some thinking, to make sure you want to risk the potential hurt again, considering she's left once.

 

It sucks. We should all just start dating eachother, as it's clear we are good people :-)

 

Jennifer