I've lost my soulmate. :(

[BrandonBP]

I'm sorry you had a bad day, BrandonBP. It must have been hard to be in that situation. I know if i saw mine right now, I'd be devastated and shaking and just wanting to run up to him and hold him. It sucks.

I so wish I hadn't seen her today. I was doing so well!! I was still missing her and crying about her on occasion, but seeing her today made me a disaster all over again. I can't stop thinking about how beautiful she looked today. I can't! I'm trying not to, but I can't help it! I'm bawling my eyes out right now. I was doing so well and now I'm back to feeling the way I did the week she left me.

 

Why can't she still love me?!?! She loved me so much, and now she doesn't care about me! I'm in the dumps. I feel so horrible all over again. I hope I don't have to feel this way for years to come, but I'm so scared I will. It's been a month and I still can't imagine life without her. God I miss her so much! I know that I deserve this, but I'm so hurt and depressed that my sweet baby doesn't love me anymore.

 

I'm so appreciative of all of you. I know that misery loves company, but really, you all help me a lot because you all understand the way I feel right now. I'm so sorry for everyone here. I don't think anyone should ever have to feel this way. I would never wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy.

[Fun2BMe]

It sounds like she still likes you if she texted you, emailed you, showed up at your presentation and even wished you good luck. Most people who have been dumped would kill for that type of continued contact on good terms. She must still be considering getting back together with you so don't get all upset like you are.

[AriaIncognito]

It sounds like she still likes you if she texted you, emailed you, showed up at your presentation and even wished you good luck. Most people who have been dumped would kill for that type of continued contact on good terms. She must still be considering getting back together with you so don't get all upset like you are.

 

While I hope for Brandon's sake that you are right, why do you jump to that conclusion? Just because someone misses someone, doesn't mean they will accept them back in their life in the same capacity. I for one, am pretty sure of that, as my ex right now undoubtedly misses me, but yet he's not committing to me now is he? He missed me when we took some space from eachother, and still didnt commit. So how is it that you can conclude her actions mean she's on her way back?

 

Just curious, because in my experience, it's not the case.

 

Jennifer

[BrandonBP]

It sounds like she still likes you if she texted you, emailed you, showed up at your presentation and even wished you good luck. Most people who have been dumped would kill for that type of continued contact on good terms. She must still be considering getting back together with you so don't get all upset like you are.

That's very nice of you. Your post actually calms my heart a little. Thank you.

 

I did think about all of that but I can't help but think that the text msg, the email, and the "Good luck" today are just out of guilt for leaving me. I know she still has feelings for me. I never doubted that whatsoever. But I think the feelings are possibly just that she feels sorry for me and she "wants the best for me" kind of thing.

 

I hope that she'll miss me. I have no idea in the world how she can't miss what we had. I know that everyone in these forums feels that their true love was the truest love ever blah blah blah. But I've waited 32 years of my life to find this girl. I've dated hundreds of great pretty girls, but I never felt like I wanted to spend the rest of my days with them. I'm really set in my belief that marriage is permanent. It's final. You only do it once and you do it with someone that you KNOW you'll never leave. That's why I waited 32 years. I was waiting on this girl.

 

So yeah, I know she does still love me in some sort of fashion. She does care about me. She just doesn't seem to care about me in "that way" right now. Maybe she'll hang out for a while and realize that I was indeed the one. But if she realized it right now, she'd be calling my cell phone and telling me so.

 

But your post did make me feel good. Thank you.

 

Brandon

[BrandonBP]

It sucks. We should all just start dating eachother, as it's clear we are good people :-)

 

Jennifer

I actually thought about this. I was thinking that we could all be each other's rebounds to get through our troubles.

 

Then we could all post in the "Long Distant Relationship" forums because we'd all be far away from each other.

[AriaIncognito]

I actually thought about this. I was thinking that we could all be each other's rebounds to get through our troubles.

 

Then we could all post in the "Long Distant Relationship" forums because we'd all be far away from each other.

 

You and I are the same age. ;-) Might as well make someone happy, right? lol

 

Jennifer

[BrandonBP]

You and I are the same age. ;-) Might as well make someone happy, right? lol

 

Jennifer

Hehe, I don't know if a Jersey girl and a guy in Alabama would ever hit it off. I spent 30 days in NJ a few years back with my job and I'll have to say that I liked the people there a lot. I can't ever see myself spending much time in Jersey, though. Everyone seemed unhappy there...

[AriaIncognito]

That's why it's just a rebound ;-) lol

 

I've been to Alabama...Birmingham for like 24 hours.

 

People up here, yeah they probably seem unhappy. Life up here is very fast paced and kinda can bat you around a bit. However, we aren't all unhappy...except when our a**h*** boyfriends leave us because they enjoy being with us so much but aren't "letting go".

 

Sigh. LOL

 

Jennifer

[BrandonBP]

I've been to Alabama...Birmingham for like 24 hours.

I'm in B'ham! I know it's not much to look at when you drive through, but I've been here for four years and I absolutely love this town!

 

And yes, I'll agree with the rebound thing. I don't think I'll be completely happy with any girl right now (except my ex), but it would just help my attitude and happiness so much just to have some female companionship. I hung out with an acquaintance the other night at "City Stages," which is an annual Birmingham street party that has a lot of bands downtown- Snoop Dogg, Hank Jr., Allman Bros, etc. I didn't even have any feelings for this girl, but we ended up being split up from the group and just hung out together all night. I had a blast just talking to her about random stuff. There was nothing sexual between us or anything like that. I just enjoyed having female company.

 

I guess I'm just a mess right now. I just want someone to rub my shoulders after a long work day and to be happy to see me when I pick her up to go to dinner. I guess that's needy, but I think it's probably what happens to most people in my situation.

[AriaIncognito]

I feel the same way...i'd give so much to have him in my life. However, I can't force him to want to be with me. I have to try to have faith that whatever is happening, is happening for a reason.

 

As for Birmingham...I went down there to go to the Workplay Theatre. A group I like was performing 2 shows there, back in 2002 actually.

 

Small world ;-)

 

Jennifer

[Fun2BMe]

While I hope for Brandon's sake that you are right, why do you jump to that conclusion? Just because someone misses someone, doesn't mean they will accept them back in their life in the same capacity. I for one, am pretty sure of that, as my ex right now undoubtedly misses me, but yet he's not committing to me now is he? He missed me when we took some space from eachother, and still didnt commit. So how is it that you can conclude her actions mean she's on her way back?

 

Just curious, because in my experience, it's not the case.

 

Jennifer

It's not that I'm jumping to that conclusion, but seeing the way she has been acting the whole time she left him, it is likely that there is a possibility that she might come back to him. She has not been angry or mad at him. She has not been avoiding him. She tells him she loves him, wants his trip to be safe, wants his presentation to go well, talks to him, texts, emails. It's not a normal break up judging by how she interacts with him and stays in cotnact. She seems to have made a point when leaving him, by making him stop his bad behaviors. As soon as he is "repaired" and fixed up, she might come back to him. At least there's some hope.

[Fun2BMe]

I've waited 32 years of my life to find this girl. I've dated hundreds of great pretty girls, but I never felt like I wanted to spend the rest of my days with them. I'm really set in my belief that marriage is permanent. It's final. You only do it once and you do it with someone that you KNOW you'll never leave. That's why I waited 32 years. I was waiting on this girl.

 

You have to stop with the nonsense that you've waited 32 years for her. Were you aware at age 4 that you were waiting for her? no. She entered your life a few years ago, you were not sitting around waiting for her before then. Also, you have to stop thinking that you are the only person in the world who has a belief that marriage is supposed to be a permanent thing. That's what everyone walking down the aisle things. Also, you can never "KNOW" for sure that the person you marry will never leave you. Otherwise people wouldn't get married to the ones who they end up divorcing. I am only trying to bring you back into reality. Your head is in the clouds and you are thinking that only you have ever loved someone, you are imagining that you have literally waited 32 years for her and that you could only marry her. As things stand, you cannot marry someone who has left you and so you for one are wrong to think you "KNOW" the person you want to marry would never leave you because that person who you think is meant for you to marry doesn't even want to be in a relationship with you. I don't mean to sound harsh. Like I said earlier, there looks to be a chance she might come back to you, but in the meantime, stay real and don't set yourself up for more hurt. Life isn't a bowl of ice cream where you can pick the flavor you like and have it. The other person has to want to have you too, as hard as it is to take in.

[AriaIncognito]

Life isn't a bowl of ice cream where you can pick the flavor you like and have it. The other person has to want to have you too, as hard as it is to take in.

 

And that's the hardest part in dealing with all this kinda stuff. We feel things from our end of a relationship but never our partners end. We know how we feel about them, and I guess we go on assuming we knowhow they feel about us. Then, they leave for whatever reason and you're left thinking "how could they leave when everything was so great between us". I feel that way now. But fact of the matter is, maybe it wasn't as great as he led me to believe by his actions, in his emotions.

 

Sad fact. Unfortunately they won't always want us back, as great as any one of us may be. Sometimes people end up just not being "the one".

 

 

And now I begin my lonely weekend without him. Time heals, time heals, time heals. I try to remind myself..

 

Jennifer

[BrandonBP]

It's not a normal break up judging by how she interacts with him and stays in cotnact. She seems to have made a point when leaving him, by making him stop his bad behaviors. As soon as he is "repaired" and fixed up, she might come back to him. At least there's some hope.

 

I hope you're right Fun2BMe. When she looked at me and smiled those three or four times the other day, she had a sad look on her face. I don't know if that meant that she was sad for hurting my feelings or if she was sad about "us."

 

I really hope to be able to come to this thread soon and tell you all that she called and everything is great. I'm just waiting it out...

[Nedved28]

Its a nice thought Brandon but try not to think about this call to much that might not ever happen!! I know beacuse i was in the same position!! It sometimes gives yourself a false sense of hope and as good as it feels and as comfortable as the thoughts are it can be doing you more damage than good sometimes! it prolongs the pain!! I really hope you get the call but you have to be honest with yourself to know that it might not ever happen!! Sometimes we wait and wait and what we d'ont know is that in that time we were waiting somebody we could be out looking for another soul mate!! My gf of 1 and a half years told me one day she did'nt love me anymore!! I was devasted!! I told her that i did'nt want anymore contact(we live in different cities so we would never meet) but she got upset and told me'she did'nt wanna lose me' and 'i'm still very special to her' et etc!! so i agreed to stay in contact!! Big mistake!! We chatted once or twice a week on the phone!! I was still hurt and she was having the time of her life!! She still had me as a friend and was enjoying her single life!! My pain was(has) being prolonged!! Each time she phoned unexpectantly i thought this is the 'call' to get back togther with me!! It never happened and never will!! For 6 months i had this feeling!! right up till the other day actaully when i decided i did'nt want anymore contact!! She's gone to NYC for 2 weeks with her friend and i've decided that its over now!! I can't handle it anymore!! She emailed already but i have'nt replyed and won't!! I'l email her when she comes home and tell her!! I gotta think of me now!! what i'm trying to say is 'hope' can leave us very disapointed!! Its the most awful way to be let down!! No contact at all is the only way to heal the broken heart!! I have to say i think you seem to be dealing with it well considering you knew after you broke up that she was seeing another guy!! that showed strenght on your part Brandon!! that can't have been easy!! I've thought about it and how hurt i was and that must of added so much more pain!! whatever happenes you'l learn from this Brandon and you'l come out stronger!! You've already changed your lifestyle!! Its just gonna take time my friend and i'm in the same postion but we'le be okay!!

[BrandonBP]

As soon as he is "repaired" and fixed up, she might come back to him. At least there's some hope.

I called her last night for the first time in over two weeks. I figured "What the hell?" Things were odd when I saw her on Friday and I wanted to know how she was doing.

 

She said she was hurt about seeing me at the training Friday. She said that I acted as if I didn't recognize her and didn't knwo her. She said she felt really bad that I didn't return her "Hello." I had told her a couple of weeks ago not to expect me to stop and chat. She said she indeed remembered me saying that and didn't expect me to say anything to her, but she said that I "looked through" her like I never knew her before. What could I say? Was I supposed to come up to her after not seeing her for a month and strike up a conversation like we were old pals? I told her that it felt really weird seeing her and I didn't know what to say. She said I did a wonderful job on my presentation and and that I looked really good (I've been working out a lot).

 

She was really reserved about telling me, but she did admit last night that she had missed me a lot. I told her that I had wondered a great deal about whether I was the only one that had grieved the loss of our relationship and if she had put "us" behind and completely moved on without looking back. She said it had been hard for her, too. She said she sees things all the time that remind her of me. It meant a lot to me to hear her say that finally. At least now I know she didn't dump me like a bad habit and forget about me. She said that it was silly for me to think that she wouldn't still have feelings for me after a year and a half.

 

She said she was really happy that I was doing better and taking care of myself. She said she had been cleaning her house and doing things to improve herself. That's reassuring since that sounds like the things people do to cope when they're grieving.

 

She didn't say she wanted us to be together or anything that promising, but I know that she loves me and misses me. That at least means a lot to me. We talked for three and a half hours. It was all pleasant conversation. Even though we talked about "us" and the way things used to be and the things that drove us apart, we both laughed about little stuff and enjoyed each other's conversation. It made me feel good that she enjoyed talking with me enough that she would stay on the phone for that long.

 

I know that I broke "NC" and that I'll get flamed here. That's fine. But I think that it's a good thing I called. She told my friend over the weekend that she figured I didn't want to have anything else to do with her since I hadn't returned any of her texts or emails. I had gotten a "broken" text from her Friday afternoon after my presentation that I didn't realize was from her until she told me last night. I told her that a text message was the most effective way of saying "I don't care about you" other than not calling at all. She said she wanted to pick up the phone and call me, but didn't think I wanted her to call after I looked at her the way I did at the training. She said she had made up her mind that if I didn't want to have anything to do with her anymore that she was going to give up trying.

 

She said she was happy that I was doing well and was getting in shape and going to church and doing good things for myself. She said she was going to try to work on herself and "work out some things" with herself which, I don't know for sure, but I think may really mean that she has to figure out what she wants to do about the guy she's with right now. I think she's still trying to sort out everything in her head and "get her space."

 

Anyhow, I'm sort of happy about calling her. I at least know I'm on her mind and that she misses what we had together. It's a relief just knowing that much.

[Nedved28]

I think its great to know that she's missing you and i certaintly ain't gonna be flaming you anytime soon as i have done the same thing numerous times calling my ex. She said she cares about you and misses you and you seemed to really get on well chatting on the phone but did you ask her why she's with this other guy? To be honest that alone would make me not wanna talk to her regardless of how nice to me she was or how much she missed me. Its great that you have renewed hope Brandon and i'm really hoping she dose come back to you but d'ont dwell on it for 2 long.....as i said in an earlier post you could be just prolonging your pain in hope that somebody MIGHT come back. You'l be back to square one again. But on a positive note its good that she misses you and if its putting your mind at ease well then it can only be a good thing. At least you know now whatever happens that she enjoyed and treasures the memories of your time together and in ways i get the impression that its something you needed to hear.

[BrandonBP]

She said she cares about you and misses you and you seemed to really get on well chatting on the phone but did you ask her why she's with this other guy? To be honest that alone would make me not wanna talk to her regardless of how nice to me she was or how much she missed me.

I didn't want to bring up anything that would make her feel "pressured" and bringing him up would definately have put her on the spot and made her feel stressed.

 

On a good note, I just talked to my best friend that's a marshal. He's in the courtroom with my ex her new guy today for a trial. The two of them are presenting this case to the court together and my friend says that the two of them aren't saying much to one another this morning. My friend says that she looks really standoffish and has been talking to other people all morning instead of the new guy. That's a good thing. If the two of them were lovey dovey right now, they'd be giggling and passing notes and smiling at one another. The two of them didn't hang out this weekend. Maybe this weekend was a turning point where they're figuring out that they aren't into each other romatically. Maybe me calling last night was perfect timing and her head is full of questions right now as to what she wants in life.

 

At least you know now whatever happens that she enjoyed and treasures the memories of your time together and in ways i get the impression that its something you needed to hear.

I did so badly need to hear that she had missed me and had had a rough time. Not that I wanted for her to be miserable, but because I felt like I was all alone in the suffering and wondered how she could just move on without another look back at what we had together. Now I can rest easier knowing that it was hard for her, too.

[Nedved28]

I think you needed to hear that!! Its always hard when you break up with a person and you think that they d'ont care about what you had together!! Thats always difficult but at least she has treasured the memories to and thats whats important. In ways its made it easier for you. For me the most difficult part of a break up is thinking of her with somebody else. Never easy. Its difficult to accept at times. Their the thoughts that haunted me the most when i broke up with my ex. Thats the pain barrier i need to get through but once through that i'l be fine. For you i do actaully think there's hope there. But your gonna have to be very careful brandon. take it nice and slowly and if she is to come back to you i would let her make the first move!! you've stated your case so its up to her now. But d'ont wait to long. Just wait and see what happens and if you get another opportunity to be happy with somebody else go for it. Life is to short to wait for one person to come around!! I learned that the hard way. But it dose look fairly positive for you and maybe and hopefully she'l come back. But i would'nt let it go that she started seeing another guy. Its an important issue and at some point your gonna have to ask her about that. Thats something that upset you a great deal.

[BrandonBP]

For me the most difficult part of a break up is thinking of her with somebody else. Never easy. Its difficult to accept at times. Their the thoughts that haunted me the most when i broke up with my ex.

Gosh yes, it's been extremely hard thinking about that. I know exactly the kinds of things that are running through your head all day, especially at night and on the weekends when you know they're together. You wonder if they're doing it somewhere right that very second.

 

But i would'nt let it go that she started seeing another guy. Its an important issue and at some point your gonna have to ask her about that. Thats something that upset you a great deal.

I know. I just can't bring it up right now or it'll make her feel cornered and stressed out. I don't need her feeling like I'm going to hound her about anything or make her talk about things that will make her unhappy. I want her to think about happy times when she thinks of me and not to think of me as the crazy ex that interrogates her every time we talk. She's not going to tell me anything other than "It's none of your business" anyhow, so what would it accomplish?

 

I have to wait until we're on good terms and back together before bringing that up. I'll tell her that I've lost a lot of trust in her because I ended up being second best to someone else. She swears up and down that she didn't leave me for him, that he asked her out after we were broken up. Anyways, I'll talk about it when we're able to talk about such a thing. Right now, she's going to just tell me that I have no right to her life and no business inquiring about her personal affairs.

 

Crap man. I'm so hopeful that things will work out for us, and I know I have to be patient and let her figure out what she wants. But it's so hard being patient when you want to be with someone so badly. I'd be happy as a pig in s*** if she'd just call me tonight and smalltalk. If she does, I'll let you guys know. Not that you guys would really be concerned with my ex calling me, but I know I have personally tried to find success stories in these forums and haven't had much luck. I know that a success story with an ex-love helps others keep up their spirits.

 

Brandon

[The slayer]

Hey Brandon, hang on in there. You probably wont find many sucess stories on here, cos the people that it has all gone right for are unlikely to need to be here!

 

It doesn't mean it never happens though.

 

Just an observation, but I've been reading your posts for a while and you seem to be getting on much better, I know it probably doesn't feel much better, but the nce guy is beginning to shine through

[Nedved28]

Yeah i know the weekends are the worst man!! Imagination go's into overdrive and you can't stop thinking about her being with somebody else!! Its hurtful thoughts and its very difficult to stop!! I guess the best way to deal with it is to keep busy and try and enjoy your own weekend the best you can!! But man its hard!!

 

I see where your coming from about not wanting to stress her with questions about him as it'l prob only turn her off you but as you said when your back on really good terms again or even back together i would bring it up. Dose'nt have to be an interrogation but she should know how hurt you were about she done. You'l know how to approach it yourself as you know her better than anybody.

 

The phone call would be nice tonight Brandon but again d'ont think about it to much! Believe me man i've been down that road with my ex!! We got back on good speaking terms again ikeyou guys after we broke up and at times i found myself longing for her to call and often calling her up or being bitter when she dose'nt call. Play it cool!! let her call you!! I know its hard and to be honest a complete nightmare at time but no more than ever you gotta be strong especially if you fel there's a chance you could get back together. But things are looking a lot better for you now!!! A sucess story would make nice reading!!

[BrandonBP]

You probably wont find many sucess stories on here, cos the people that it has all gone right for are unlikely to need to be here!

I thought about that. The happy people that find their love again don't need us chumps anymore! I'm not going to abandon the people that have helped me through everything with their advice and by sharing their similar stories.

 

Just an observation, but I've been reading your posts for a while and you seem to be getting on much better, I know it probably doesn't feel much better, but the nce guy is beginning to shine through

I do actually feel a lot better. I've been a lot better the last couple of weeks. I believe I've done a very good job at being patient and trying to believe that everything is happening for my own good, even though I was very devastated. Whether I get my girl back or if I am blessed with a new one, I know that this is making me a better person and is going to make me a better boyfriend to someone in my future.

 

It helped me to have faith in God that He was going to get me through this. My Dad told me something that I thought was very wise a couple of weeks ago. Dad said that God is very strict to those that He is trying to help and He'll make us hit rock bottom so that we can climb out of whatever mess we're in. Tough love. I know that I'm a much better person than I was a couple of months ago. The unnecessary anger I would get about silly crap like politics and my boss are gone. I haven't listened to anything but talk radio for the last few years, but now I have no interest in politics whatsoever. I just don't feel like being mad about things anymore. I want to be happy and to be a caring person. I don't want to be bitter about things that in the end really don't matter.

 

Slayer, thanks for keeping up with my story and for wishing me well.

[BrandonBP]

Yeah i know the weekends are the worst man!! Imagination go's into overdrive and you can't stop thinking about her being with somebody else!!

Man, the weekends are the worst. The weekends were our happy times when we could go out to eat and cookouot and sleep late. We could lay on the couch and just be with each other. We could go to the zoo and work on her garden, etc. Now I know she's been hanging out w/ someone else and doing those fun things on the weekends.

 

What really has saved me a lot from feeling horrible anymore is that I found skydiving to occupy my time. I look forward to the weekends now because I know I've got something to do that excites me.

 

Play it cool!! let her call you!! I know its hard and to be honest a complete nightmare at time but no more than ever you gotta be strong especially if you fel there's a chance you could get back together.

You're exactly right about this one. I think that we had such a long conversation last night because I was NC for 2+ weeks and it made her miss me. I need to do this once again to make her miss me and to make her wonder what I'm up to.

 

She broke up with me and its her responsibility to call. I don't want to play too many games because neither of us is like that. But I know that making her miss me will indeed help things.

 

Thanks for all of your advice.

[The slayer]

Brandon, you clearly are a caring person and I really hope that you can be happy soon .