sorry....another sex friend question....

[Guest]

hi. i imagine these kinds of questions pop up around here every now and then, so if i'm going down a path already traveled do please let me know. my situation is this: i'm (brand) new to the world of sex friends.i've had my eye on this girl for a while now. we went out the other night and had a good time and made tentative plans for later in the week. but last night i got a drunk text message around 2:00 am asking me to come over and drink with her and her friends. i dropped what i was doing and flew (!) over to her place to find her wasted. i began pounding the drinks and hoping that insane amounts of alcohol would lead to....you know. and it did. not at first, though. she was hesitant to go all the way, but changed her mind (literally) mid sentence, coming to the conclusion that we could be fu_k buddies. those were her words right in the middle of our escapade. i thought nothing of it, until the morning when we both just stared at the ceiling until i sheepishly rose to leave. on my way out she asked if i was okay with us being fu_k buddies, as she has no intention on developing feelings for me. i said i was. when i asked her the same question, however, i was met with *i don't know*. not wanting to worsen the situation with more probing questions i took my leave.

so i find myself in a place where i have offered myself as a sex friend (i mean, free sex, come on...) but not knowing if she cares to reciprocate. i'd like to ask, but *so are we fu_k buddies or not* sounds a bit crude...

i'm also concerned that, since she stomped any notions of becoming a couple, (perhaps eliminating any "need" to get to know each other all together) the only reason to interact with this girl at all will be for sex. such is the language of sex friends, perhaps, but is it so? if that's what we become-fu_k buddies in every sense of the word, i guess, though i'm no expert-does the invite to hang out become an invite to jib? do we become business partners, the shagee and the shagged? is that the assumed practice?

maybe since all this happened last night/this morning i'm a little anxious to put my agitation at ease. i'm also anxious to try my hand at alcohol-free sex (i did feel inhibited, after all...). but i don't want to come off as a complete sex-f®iend.

i'd appreciate any advice/input if anyone can sift through my ramblings. thank you.

guest.

[notmakingsense]

It sounds like she got a little freaked out about what happened when she was drunk and realizes that the most you could be is f-buddies -- yet she isn't even sure she herself can handle that.

 

I'd just try asking her out on a normal date -- early enough in the evening to see what your chemistry is like without alcohol -- then see where it goes from there.

 

People rarely can decide what path to take when hung-over, so I wouldn't worry to much about what she said/didn't say that morning you were together.

[j.carsey]

She was intoxicated and somewhat regretted what she did. Happens a lot. Alcohol leads to interesting things but you will both will have to tackle this situation sober before proceeding.

 

It doesn't mean she doesn't like you, she probably still does, but she's going to feel pretty messed up for a bit and you'll have to tread carefully.

 

For most women sex is a more intimate and relationship-linked thing than men see it. Very often, what we men first approach as casual sex or harmless fun quickly turns into a full blown relationship and that's not a bad thing. i.e. for a woman, sex in itself is a good thing of course but being able to hold the man they love and sleep with their partner is far more satisfying. A girl will think to herself, well if we repeatedly sleep with each other and enjoy each other's company then why aren't we DATING? Why doesn't he want to call me his girlfriend, is it because he wants to screw other girls and just use me for sex? Does he think I'm easy and ready to give him sex on demand?

 

WARNING: don't do anything similar to this with the same girl again using alcohol, without a clear sober invitation to do so, because if she gets bitter or pissed off you could find yourself in trouble with the law if she claims you raped her or forced her to do something she didn't want to do. Even if she doesn't call the cops she could tell her friends this, ruining you.