youngNold Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 My wife and I are currently saeperated and I am lost on what to do.I do love her with all my heart and when together,I try to give her the world. we are a young couple(22 & 18), and have been married for 8 months. About a month ago we got into a bad fight and she left.I want to make make it work but lots have been going thru my head lately.To begin with I work out of town and things have been going on back at home that worry me.She has lied to me twice I know of ,once about a party in which her friends AND other guys stayed the nite and got drunk at my house. The other was she told me her and a friend were riding around with her friends boyfriend, I found out another guy was there to. If she has lied about this what else is there? I am also tired of being gone weeks at time and coming home to filthy house.she doesnt have to work because i make fairly good money but she says she doesnt have time. what could she be doing? she calls me all the time while im out here on the road and wants to come back but I am not sure it isnt for the money. I also want to move closer to my work(drilling) but she says she doesnt want to. Im in the best job of my life and loving it but i dont think its fair to drag her away from home.Should i let her be and leave?Maybe she would be happy with someone else,Im not to sure she isnt when im gone.Some one please help i am going insane.Im mentally wore down and im to young to feel this way. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 Some people are mature enough to handle marriage at age 18.... but some just aren't. Maybe your wife needs some more time to grow up? Drunken parties with guys sleeping over doesn't sound terribly mature to me. Do you have children together? What do your parents think? I have to tell you.... if there aren't any kids involved, I don't think I'd be working my ass off to support a 'party-girl'. I think I'd send her back home to Mommy and Daddy so she could finish growing up, close shop on the house, and bankroll my money for college. That probably doesn't help you much in terms of dealing with your emotional pain, but hindsight being 20/20.... I don't think I'd be willing to squander my youth on someone who wasn't mature enough to hold up her end of the relationship. Your wife might not be a bad person. But it doesn't sound like she's grown into the woman she will someday become yet. So, who knows? She might end up being a terrific person, or she might end up being a complete user. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 Some people are mature enough to handle marriage at age 18.... but some just aren't. Maybe your wife needs some more time to grow up? Drunken parties with guys sleeping over doesn't sound terribly mature to me. Do you have children together? What do your parents think? I have to tell you.... if there aren't any kids involved, I don't think I'd be working my ass off to support a 'party-girl'. I think I'd send her back home to Mommy and Daddy so she could finish growing up, close shop on the house, and bankroll my money for college. That probably doesn't help you much in terms of dealing with your emotional pain, but hindsight being 20/20.... I don't think I'd be willing to squander my youth on someone who wasn't mature enough to hold up her end of the relationship. Your wife might not be a bad person. But it doesn't sound like she's grown into the woman she will someday become yet. So, who knows? She might end up being a terrific person, or she might end up being a complete user. Hmmmmmm ~ situational analysis? 22 year old male ~ married to 18 year old party girl? Makes good money drilling, no children let me think back, sum up 49 years of, 12 years of marriage, 6-1/2 years of shacking up, up-teen years of paying child support ~ get raped in divorce court. Got it! 1. Don't be going ~ be gone! The divorce rate for fist time marriages is around 50% ~ however ~ the divorce rate for males that marry under the age of 25 is 90%. (Probally higher for 22 year old males ~ married to 18 year in-mature party ~ girl types) 2. These are some of the best of years of your life ~ you're young, vibrant, healthy, strong ~ don't throw them away. 3. Now is the time for you to be laying a foudation for the rest of your life ~ that is to say forget about dating and mating ~ and getting serious with women. Take your money ~ save it ~ Save it for: A contingecney fund ~ that you can draw from for one solid year without a single dollar coming in FA Accounts ~ Freedom Accounts This is a savings account that has certain amounts ear-marked for certain things ~ that when you do draw off of it for those designated things ~ you pay it back first. This will keep you from having to run and borrow money ~ and/or use credit cards (bad debt ~ stupid debt). A FA account can be anything: Automobile repair ~ up to the amount that it cost to do regular preventive maintenace such as oil changes, tire rotation, tire replacement, replacing an engine or transmission Insurance dedcutables ~ such as health, dental, automobile. If you have a higher deductable say on your car insurance ~ typically $500 ~ say $2000 it will lower your premiumns ~ and you will have less money going out toward that insurance bill. Insurance premimums ~ if you pay your premimums every six months or even better once a year ~ instead of every month ~ you'll get a better rate. Taxes ~ put the money in an interest bearing account ~ DON'T TOUCH IT ~ don't let the government hold your money for a year and then give it back to you without any interest! College or other training. Buying you a piece of land where you want to live Building and furnishing a house the way YOU want it. If you do all of this ~ you'll be sitting pretty for the rest of your life! And, you won't have any problems in finding a pretty gal to move in with you. Plus, whatever you own BEFORE you got married ~ will remain yours in the event of a divorce ~ the wife would only be entitled to Half of what you acquired after you were married ~ not what you had acquired BEFORE you got married ~ unless your stupid enough to put her name on the deed, title, etc. Now would also be a good time to EDUCATE YOURSELF about women ~ marriage, relationship. One by continuing to viist fourmns such as this. Moneywise I would very strongly recommend: http://cheapskatemonthly.com/ Women and relationship~wise I would recommend: http://www.lightyourfire.com http://www.divorcenet.com/considering/states/nationwide/the_walkaway_wife_syndrome http://www.askmen.com/index.html http://www.philanderers.com/page_1.htm http://archives.his.com/smartmarriages/2002-March/index.html#00010 Man ~ to man I very highly recommend the following: http://www.doubleyourdatingprogram.com/10107/catalog/catalog.asp#CockyComedy Link to post Share on other sites
Love Hurts Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 Big decissions........... job, money, relocating....... loss of family and friends... vs livelihood. Add suspicion to mix. Difficult. If she is wild while your away... she will behave that way in any state. You could find yourself raising another mans children and beieve they are yours. Dirty house.......... I would say she is lonely and upset that you are away from her so much... and it shows despondency in the cleaning ability or motivation to do anything in your absence. Yet she is having parties................... so it's not that. If she can entertain guests... she can clean up. Sounds like this behavior could and would continue to be a pattern for her no matter what state you take her to. You may have to focus on yourself.. your future... your career. Your potential happiness. If she is not with you..... she is against you... A house divided amongst itself can not stand. Don't go down with the house. Keep on trucken. Link to post Share on other sites
DesperateDad Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 I have to agree with the above, youngNold. I'm gonna be controversial and say that, at least in this day and age, 18 is way too young to get married and even 22 is pushing it. You sound like you have your stuff together, though, and I don't doubt that you would take care of this girl. But, the bottom line is that she wants to party and you can't be there to join in. This is a dangerous situation. If she's lying to you about her activities then there's going to be huge trust gap that you would have to overcome. With you working so far away, it's going to be almost impossible for you to work out a way for the two of you to trust each other. The reality of the situation is that love is not enough. There also has to be trust and respect and responsibility in a relationship. You didn't mention any children, so I'm assuming there aren't any. That's a good thing. I would recommend talking to your parents first and then you should have an honest talk with your wife about your future together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngNold Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 Thanks everyone for your input. I have been thinking alot about the things you said before i came to Love Shack, but you all made me feel better knowing maybe my thoughts arent stupid. On top of all the stuff she had the nerve to call me, out here at work, and let me know about her and her friends fun time in Dallas at the bar and crap. I think im better off going on my merry way. Like I said i am way to young to stress overe crap from someone that doesnt appreciate me. I also talked with my parents and they support my decision 100%. Thanks for suggesting that I talk to them. It's nice being able to get this off my chest, I feel much better. Link to post Share on other sites
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