Author ilmw Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 Hey, Thanks everyone... That was really nice to see when I logged on... s5 is sleeping now... had a great time with him... and today picked up s/son and we boys headed to a really nice restaurant... it was awesome food. My s5 kept commenting on how the female servers were HOT... (I had to agree) but did not air that fact.. and shuuushed him... he tends to be rather vocal.. and at the worst times... On a strange note... DW is normally at her house when I pick up the boys. Today... when I went to pick up s/son... she was not... he said she had gone out to the store... when I dropped him off... about... 1.5 hrs latter... she was still not home... also.. there has been no other contact... all day... except for a short Txt message saying happy birthday... hoped I had a great time with both boys... and have s/son call her... when he got home.. (I'm putting it down to the fact that it is my Bday... and she just can't deal with me... today) But who the hell knows.... Up and down.. up and down. Her family still thinks we should be together... her Uncle told me in confidence... that when he was up and his sisters place... last week or so... she had been talking with her mother. She had been discussing if she had done the right thing... her mother had apparently said something like... you did the right thing at the time... because you both needed time to grow.. find yourselves... Then she said to DW... but you guys belong together ... Also... she said to her uncle... that I am looking (HOT) Now this stuff was told to me in confidence.. as if DW ever found out... it would screw.. me... but also him... (so it goes to the grave)... and if DW and I ever did reconcile... I would be changing my Name on here just so she would never find out.... Also..... I have never asked for this info... he tells me... because I guess he does not want me to give up... Well... I have to drop off s5 at school tomorrow... for school... then over to DW's to drop his weekend bag off... wonder if she will let me in... I also...every time I go over there... expect to get served the separation papers... but... they still have not appeared yet... PATIENCE.... Patience... patience.... ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
MoonGirl Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Hi ilmw! Happy belated birthday! :bunny: :bunny: You have come a long way and seem to be very stable right now! I'm so proud of you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 Hi ilmw! Happy belated birthday! :bunny: :bunny: You have come a long way and seem to be very stable right now! I'm so proud of you! Thanks Mg Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 Well what a day so far. I dropped off s5 at school.. hung out with him until the bell went for him to go inside. It was really cold out.. and he only had his running shoes. So I told him I would get his winter boots from his mom's house and bring them back to the school... after I dropped off his weekend bag. I then went to Dw's house.. and got given a copy of a separation agreement. She was not mean... and we had a short conversation.. she said.. that I may have been given hope that things might turn around... etc.. but she reaffirmed that she wanted a divorce. I said a couple of things... but managed to keep myself calm.. she look sad... but she said... she just not have any feeling in here.. as she put her hand over her heart. It hurt like hell. I quickly look over the agreement.. and saw it was very fair... exactly like what we had already verbally agreed on...but, she said take it home and read over it. Then let her know if it was agreeable. She was very kind.. and her eyes were watering.. I know this is painful for her too... and still can't figure out.. why she won't even considering trying. I know I can't dwell on this stuff.. cause I will end up a wreck. I did tell her I loved her... and would do anything to make this work.. she just looked and me sadly... and said she knew. Still not enough...it seems.. Well we ain't divorced yet. I'm not in a rush to met anyone else... and sure as hell can't even imaging at this time being in another relationship... On a happier note... I had a great weekend again with s5. He lights up my days.. and nights.. even when he is naughty.. I still get a kick out off him. We went to a book store... yesterday... to get another book from the Serge collection of the adventures of Tintin. He loves them.. as I did when I was young. Well I found the complete DVD collection in the french section of the store.. but it had english language too.. so I bought it.. He was over the moon... and as soon as we got back to my place. We watched an episode... he was glued to the tv... Trying to do my taxed too.. just got off the phone with DW... she looked up the taxes for our old house for me... and gave me the figures... So.. now I can finally get that out of the way... Sucks... I have to claim separated Oh well... life goes on.. and I still have s5 ... this I will always be thankful to her for.. ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 Btw... I'm feeling kinda numb right now... a little shock... but I have been expecting this for some time now.. so it is not as bad as it could have been. Some consolation I guess. thxs for letting me moan... but I'll be good later. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 I am very sad to hear the news, like you said it is a shame that she isn't even welling to try to work things out. Just keep posting when you need to vent, it does help. I was really hopeing things would work out for you, I guess it will be her loss in the end!!!! ((((((((((((((((ilmw))))))))))))))))))))) There you go bro, keep positive! Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Aww hun, hang in there! You can read my story. I've experienced pretty much the same things. It hurts like hell when their emotions are cut off completely and they're no longer willing to try. And it seems like it happened over night. Just keep venting and posting and let yourself experience the emotions. Since you're not ready to date, it's best to get all the emotions out now and work on yourself now so that you can be ready to date. Dont worry about the future or dating. Let it come to you. I'm more at peace now than I have been in the last two years but it took a lot of work to get here. I'm very comfortable with my life right now, and am very happy living my single life. I've met a lot of new people and am keeping busy. And with each new person, I'm healing more and more. You will too! It's a slow process, but dont give up! You're worth it Link to post Share on other sites
AHIWON Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Sorry to hear about the latest developments ilmw, hang in there. I am disappointed to see this happen, I really felt as if you 2 were going to make it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted March 20, 2007 Author Share Posted March 20, 2007 Hey guys/gals Thanks for the support. I'm good now.. it was just a shock that I got. I did expect it... but you know how it is when something happens... and you really don't want it to happen. That's all. I am not giving up just yet... I know of situations... where people have gone all the way to divorce court... and turned things around. My marriage... my family... and her... are worth the time. I am also not convinced that she is 100% convinced she is doing the right thing... from how she acts sometimes.. and from what I have been told. But.. like I said before... I'm not gonna sit in my apartment.. blubbering... I am going to maintain the way I have. I still have plans to do different things.. and getting a life. Plan for the worst.. case.. and if it does not actually happen... you are still a better person...and if it does... you are prepared already. So... don't worry about me...k.. but thanks again:) Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Sorry to hear that she's not willing to try, I feel for you. Keep on keepin' on. I have a sad feeling I'll be in the same shoes very soon and you've been inspiring in your quest for self improvement. Link to post Share on other sites
Aussie21yearsM3kids Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 To GUNNY especially and ILMW many many thanks for your inspirational thoughts and meanderings, as a VERY recently seperated spouse, in my solitude I turned to the web, googled and found this wonderful forum. The thoughts and words of ALL the contributors have given me that little bit of hope and the inspiration to pull me out of my complete feeling of glum and to try somehow work out the when's why's and wrongs in our (until now) beautiful marriage MH Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 But.. like I said before... I'm not gonna sit in my apartment.. blubbering... I am going to maintain the way I have. I still have plans to do different things.. and getting a life. Plan for the worst.. case.. and if it does not actually happen... you are still a better person...and if it does... you are prepared already. Atta-boy! This is a good attitude. Give yourself a pat on the back, and some credit for NOT allowing yourself to get beat down. You know, I believe that when/if the time comes for you to move on, you'll know it intuitively. You're a smart guy. You'll do well either way this thing plays out. Link to post Share on other sites
MoonGirl Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 ilmw, I'm sorry to hear about the separation papers. But you are handling yourself beautifully. I'm glad you know that you will be okay no matter what happens with you and your DW. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 I actualy read your post about the SP's earllier ~ and to be quite honest with you was trying to come up with something positive and motivating ~ but there's really on one thing to say "Sorry, Bro!" But, by this time in the game ~ you're no stranger to the rain, but you'll come through this a better man ~ because that the way "The Man" designed you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 Thanks everyone.. some nice words there.. I'm actually feeling kinda relieved, peaceful.... relaxed. I'm surprised how well I am actually handling this. I have not been actually given the separation agreement yet. DW just gave me a copy of the draft. Asked me to take it home and go over it.. make sure I was OK with everything. It is pretty standard stuff on there... and she is being extremely generous on the Child Support. She could really screw me on that cause of my pay. But I do, pay above and beyond for half of s5's daycare. I had a work buddy of mine create a CSI Id card for s5. Little guy is nuts about the show... It looks very authentic.. (template was our Warrant Cards or ID) I also found a CSI lanyard? One of those things you hand around your neck to attach ID to. So he has it for a couple of days... but when I dropped him of at school... he could not find it. I tear my apartment apart... no joy. I then found it in the garage... in a box. I remember then that he had put it in there, so we would not forget it... So... I txt DW.. to see if it was OK for me to drop by after work.. and give it back to s5. He was pretty upset he could not find it. I finally get a txt back.. DW is sick and had gone home from work... and had turned off her phone. She said it was OK for me to come over... (I also mentioned that I had to go that side of town anyway for some other stuff) I did offer to pick up any meds for her... as I would be going near a drug store.. she replied that was not necessary as she had grabbed what she needed on her way home from work. So I go over and give s5 his card back... he comes to the door.. and said with a big smile... "hey dad.. what are you doing here" I then pulled the CSI ID out of my pocket... his smile just split his face.... he takes it with a "THANKS DAD" and gives me a big hug .. a kiss and "I love you dad" That was simply awesome... He then turned into a little monster... and did everything the opposite of what DW asked then told him to do... (she was obviously sick/under the weather... and she said to me ... what I was thinking... "they always know when you are sick" Kinda like vultures... While we are chatting... and surprisingly it lasted over 20 mins.... I caught her do a double take.. when I smiled at her and laughed at something funny she said... (my big engaging smile) No mention of the agreement... but I'm putting that down to her being sick... I not going to bring it up... and see how long it takes her to get me a copy to sign. No biggy... we have been doing this verbally since October... I was about to leave.. when the phone rings.. it was her uncle.. she told him she would call him back.. as she was saying good bye to me... Its messed up... all of this... we get on together so well.... we can enjoy each others company... with just conversation... and we are separated.. I know people who are happily married??? and I still have a better relationship with my estranged wife.... life is screwed up some times eh? Last night when I got home from work... I find a Bday card... it was from my Mother/Father in law.. I opned it up... and there was a nice little thing she wrote... and she signed it.. "Mom" It actually really made me happy... she is a great lady... and I only truly got to know her over this past year. I decided I would call her... and just say thanks for the card. I did.. but there was no answer. So, I left a short, nice polite message thanking her and hubby for the card. About 30mins later, she calls me... and we talked for about 30mis long distance. They live about 2.5 hrs away. It was really a friendly conversation, and not weird at all. Which was kinda of a relief. We ended the conversation, because hubby had tried to call her 3 times, and she had ignored it... We joked around about, the fact she was talking with another man... She then said with meaning... keep in touch. Damn... when a marriage ends...?? You really do lose allot.... So, if you do have a fighting chance... get your head out of your arse.... figure out what you have to do.. to regroup... and take the fight back to saving your marriage.... Take care all.. ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 not sure it was you wrote but something stuck in the back of my throat, and a shiver and well, my eyes watered. I've been catching up on things going on with you and Dgirl and I'm so sorry about how things are working out for you Bro, you're so strong and so composed during all this and maybe someday your X will see it, and try to figure out a way to fix herself and you guys... Anyway just letting you know that I for one look up to you, to your stenght, your compassion and your integrity.. You're a hero in my eyes Bro. CC Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Glad to hear your doing so well, and maintaining while "keeping on keeping on!" Are you still distancing yourself in degrees? When you mention the SA and the wife, it comes across to me as if she's trying to convince herself that a divorce is what she wants? Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 not sure it was you wrote but something stuck in the back of my throat, and a shiver and well, my eyes watered. I've been catching up on things going on with you and Dgirl and I'm so sorry about how things are working out for you Bro, you're so strong and so composed during all this and maybe someday your X will see it, and try to figure out a way to fix herself and you guys... Anyway just letting you know that I for one look up to you, to your stenght, your compassion and your integrity.. You're a hero in my eyes Bro. CC Hey!!!!!!! Them, there's the words I wanted to say! Good post CC! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 Hey!!!!!!! Them, there's the words I wanted to say! Good post CC! :lmao::lmao:...to much... man to much..:lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 not sure it was you wrote but something stuck in the back of my throat, and a shiver and well, my eyes watered. I've been catching up on things going on with you and Dgirl and I'm so sorry about how things are working out for you Bro, you're so strong and so composed during all this and maybe someday your X will see it, and try to figure out a way to fix herself and you guys... Anyway just letting you know that I for one look up to you, to your stenght, your compassion and your integrity.. You're a hero in my eyes Bro. CC Thanks CC... really.. thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 Glad to hear your doing so well, and maintaining while "keeping on keeping on!" Are you still distancing yourself in degrees? When you mention the SA and the wife, it comes across to me as if she's trying to convince herself that a divorce is what she wants? Hey Gunns, Yeah.. I guess I'm gonna have to go Dim again... I made the mistake of maybe listing to much.. and not seeing.. Bad ilmw... bad ilmw.. and yeah.... I feel she is trying to convince herself.... divorce is what she wants. She, I feel... is really trying to prove to herself... and the world... that she is independent... and strong.. and needs no one. She is both... and I always admired her for it... just never showed her enough... I see clearly all my mistakes... in our relationship... and understand in the clear light of day... that she did deserve more. Gotta regroup.. and take my time. Like I said before... I'm not divorced...yet. She says one thing to me... and from what I have been hearing... does not seem 100% convinced herself... as per family members... but I am not going to listen to that anymore.... Or.. I'll live in this limbo forever. Just going to maintain... be civil... and kind.. and look like God's gift to woman....... Hows that for a plan. ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I understand that you don't want to give up on your marriage and that you would fight to the end, but you may have to stop and ask yourself ILMW, has the end come and gone and your still fighting to hard to notice it? Maybe she is being nice because she wants to be your friend, she is the mother of your children. Don't read into things that are not there, it just builds up to dissappointment in the end. I have been reading all of the posts in here, and my heart goes out to all, I hope everyone truly finds what it is that their heart is looking for cause everyone deserves to be loved and to love. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Sounds good ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Your DW just doesn't know what she is letting go, it is a shame....... I guess us guys/gals that have looked at ourselves & admit we can do better and are welling to work on those issues start to see things a LOT different. Ilmw, I'm still in your corner & I'm still rooting for you!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Ref: Dr. Phil McGraws book "Relationship Resuce" and the part about "feelling in love" as oppossed to "I love you, but I'm not in love with you! Your DW so much needs to have a meeting with this guy! I read that part tonight (one of the ten myths) and I said to myself, "Yep! That's ilmw situation all over that one!" She's setting herself up for a lifetime of heartache and heartbreak. She's searching for as Dr. Phil calls it, "Hollywood Love" Link to post Share on other sites
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