Getting Seperated...totally lost

[Snuggle Tiger]

ILMW, I'm new to loveshack.org and as I read through your messages (sometimes holding back a few tears) I wanted to yell out "don't sell the house!"

 

Once the home you shared is gone it starts a snowball rolling. I say this from having known two couples that started divorce proceedings and I saw what it did to them.

 

I have seen a lot of couples reconcile, but I have yet to see a couple reconcile once the home is gone.

 

Since your STBXW has found this forum your posts have changed. What a shame she did not realize the man you have become was not just an act you put on for her! How can she not see what she is throwing away?

 

For Mrs. ILMW (I Love My Wife, I just figured it out) I'm rather shocked that you are willing to throw away the father of your second child and the man your first child thinks of as his father. Did you already have feelings for someone else when you decided to give your man the heave-ho?

 

Whatever feelings you have for the guy you are now seeing will fade, because the first blush of love is always intense but reality is never the same. As the years go buy I am willing to bet you will realize what a horrible mistake you have made and what a terrible thing you have done to your children.

 

My parents divorced with I was young and my mom remarried soon after. I thought of my step-father as more of a father than my real father, but then my mome divorced him. I still love my mom, but I have never forgiven her for it. She was searching for a relationship that feels like the first time, but for the rest of her life. That does not happen for any of us.

 

So, now divorced once, getting ready to divorce for the second time, you are certain that your relationship was impossible and not worth any effort to repair? That blows me away, it truly does.

 

You have a husband that loves you, a husband that loves his stepson like he loves his own child, a husband that realized his mistakes, owned up to them, has done everything in his power to show you he is the man you fell in love with.

 

You come here without knowing he was here, you see him pour out his soul, you see him trying to find anyone with insight to help him win you back, you see how his efforts were real and sincere, you see he loves you with all his heart.

 

Then you used his own words against him. Reading that not having been served papers gave him hope, you made sure to crush that hope by giving him papers. Was that your boyfriends idea?

 

Why do you deny your husband the chance to show you how good it could be once more? You owe it to your husband, you owe it to your children. You owe it to yourself.

 

Mrs. ILMW, Its never too late to go back.

[ilmw]

ILMW, I'm new to loveshack.org and as I read through your messages (sometimes holding back a few tears) I wanted to yell out "don't sell the house!"

 

Once the home you shared is gone it starts a snowball rolling. I say this from having known two couples that started divorce proceedings and I saw what it did to them.

 

I have seen a lot of couples reconcile, but I have yet to see a couple reconcile once the home is gone.

 

Since your STBXW has found this forum your posts have changed. What a shame she did not realize the man you have become was not just an act you put on for her! How can she not see what she is throwing away?

 

For Mrs. ILMW (I Love My Wife, I just figured it out) I'm rather shocked that you are willing to throw away the father of your second child and the man your first child thinks of as his father. Did you already have feelings for someone else when you decided to give your man the heave-ho?

 

Whatever feelings you have for the guy you are now seeing will fade, because the first blush of love is always intense but reality is never the same. As the years go buy I am willing to bet you will realize what a horrible mistake you have made and what a terrible thing you have done to your children.

 

My parents divorced with I was young and my mom remarried soon after. I thought of my step-father as more of a father than my real father, but then my mome divorced him. I still love my mom, but I have never forgiven her for it. She was searching for a relationship that feels like the first time, but for the rest of her life. That does not happen for any of us.

 

So, now divorced once, getting ready to divorce for the second time, you are certain that your relationship was impossible and not worth any effort to repair? That blows me away, it truly does.

 

You have a husband that loves you, a husband that loves his stepson like he loves his own child, a husband that realized his mistakes, owned up to them, has done everything in his power to show you he is the man you fell in love with.

 

You come here without knowing he was here, you see him pour out his soul, you see him trying to find anyone with insight to help him win you back, you see how his efforts were real and sincere, you see he loves you with all his heart.

 

Then you used his own words against him. Reading that not having been served papers gave him hope, you made sure to crush that hope by giving him papers. Was that your boyfriends idea?

 

Why do you deny your husband the chance to show you how good it could be once more? You owe it to your husband, you owe it to your children. You owe it to yourself.

 

Mrs. ILMW, Its never too late to go back.

 

Wow.. snuggle thanks. Thank you for the praise, and thank you for reading my posts.. it is obvious you have read many of them.

 

One of the reasons I have not posted much lately... is because of work... it's been busy as he*l... Lots of overtime.. sometimes welcome.. most times not...

 

In closing.. thanks for the support... and thanks for the positive karma..

 

ilmw

[ilmw]

Hi all,

 

Just a little update.. I know I have not been posting much these days.. been really busy at work.. etc.

 

Well the last few weeks have been a blur. If I did not work... I had my little guy, or I was out with friends, or sleeping.

 

This past weekend, I went to a wedding for one of the girls at work. I escorted a woman, who's husband couldn't go. I excepted the offer to go, because I like the girl getting married, and I was happy for her. Also, it sounded like a nice day out and (free bar) :lmao::lmao:

 

Well it turned out after I excepted... that this woman who had invited me is leaving her husband... and has some interest in me. I played it cool. Went to the wedding.. and danced with ALL the ladies. I didn't leave the dance floor it seemed... and I had someone different for each slow dance. Now they were mainly co-workers.. and older.. so don't get any funny ideas.. I had a good time.

 

I only got weirded out during the marriage ceremony... I really had to keep it together.. so many memories came flooding back... I became extremely sad inside... but kept the appearance I was ok.

 

No the point of this post is this... ( I would be writing a way-to-long post) to cover all that has been going on.

 

I am so... not over DW... I am no where near ready to see anyone else... The touch of another woman.. creeps me out... One woman I was dancing with at the wedding.. (the one who invited me) tried to get a little close... and I though I was going to be sick... and not from the drink.

 

I never expected this to take so long... When I have been out with other woman... I am Not happy... and I thought going out with other woman was meant to help you forget.. distract you... well it is not working... I am just reminded... how much I miss DW... how good I had it... how I could/can sit talking with her about anything.. and still have a good time..

 

I am starting to feel screwed. How am supposed to get over this... get over her... when ever woman I meet ... I compare her to DW. Its not fair on them.. or me... but...

 

This is not a rant... this is just me trying to figure this out. I am truly haunted by my wife. Her memory.

 

Every relationship I have ever had... I had bad memories. With DW... in truth... I have none. H

[sumdude]

ilmw , I know how you're feeling. I've talked with a few freinds and this subject comes up. There will come a time ... maybe sooner maybe later... when we'll have to push ourselves past that barrier. Imagine jumping out of an airplane with a chute on I guess.... it doesn't seem natural and there is that pit of the stomach feeling. That's anxiety...That feeling is there to remind you that you're alive and it's a normal reaction to the unknown. You may never feel completely ready to jump .... why leave that perfectly good airplane you're used to? But one day I guess the realisation that a life without risk is hardly living hits. Change can be scary and painful but it is necessary. I'm not there yet, or the right situation where the risk feels worthwhile hasn't come up. Can't hold back forever but give yourself a break and keep your mind open. Otherwise we'll be stuck with this in between limbo indefinitely..... Comes a time you gotta go in with yourself armed and confront it..

[azianpride143]

The bar has been set high. So it's natural to compare. You are still in the process of healing and it's going to take a while. I thought I had completely moved on and was ready to date. I was wrong. I am still messed up inside. But that's what happens when you get your heart broken. They say, "time heals all wounds". Now I understand why. So hang in there bud.

 

You are doing the right thing just going out and having fun. You need to do that or else you'll go crazy. You know your not ready and that's good. Just enjoy the company of old and new friends. The relationship part can wait.

[ilmw]

Hey guys...thanks for the responces. I actually had not finished my post.. LS locked up on me.. or it was my puter.. just rebooted.. and hey... replies already..

 

Yeah.. I agree with what you say. I know you both are going through similar things.. so it feels good to have this communal bound. Shared pain and confusion. Its nice to know you are not alone in the world..

 

As for DW... I know she is not leading my on ... or trying to confuse me. She has been clear in all of this. So this is my own fault... I just can't seem to shake her. I realise this will take some time. Maybe if I did have some bad memories... I could focus on them... to get past this... like what I have done in the past. Then again.. I became rather bitter after those other two LTR's.. and was not to nice with women.

 

I have grown. I do not want to be a prick... I would rather be alone.. than go through all that childish.. BS.

 

Its been since april 06 since she dropped the bomb... and it will be a year in August since I /we sold, and moved out of the house. So, it has not been that long at all. To me it is still fresh. For her... it is old. Walk away wife syndrome... is exactly what this is. She was done before she was done... so I now understand... that she is way past where I am at. But this information... does not help poor little old me. It only explains why she is where she is at.

 

To change the subject... s/son is talking to me now. He even would like to come over and stay... This is such good news. I miss that monster like crazy.. and I am missing him turn into a man. His voice had dropped so much in the past months... I do not recognise him at all on the phone.. He mentioned coming over staying the night this weekend... I had plans to go up to my mothers.. with s6.. but I am going to change them... so he can come over... I really want to reconnect with him... and this is a great chance.

[PWSX3]

Imagine jumping out of an airplane with a chute on I guess.... it doesn't seem natural and there is that pit of the stomach feeling. That's anxiety...That feeling is there to remind you that you're alive and it's a normal reaction to the unknown. You may never feel completely ready to jump .... why leave that perfectly good airplane you're used to?

Then as you are falling you realize you need to pull that rip cord or you will be S.O.L. & after you pull the rip cord you can then start to glide & enjoy the ride.

 

ilmw, just want to let you know you are doing a great job. Who says you have to be in a relationship right now? Just go have fun & soke in all the friendly attention you are getting.

I feel when the time comes you will be able to move on but I do feel the more you think about it the harder "you" are making it on yourself.

I know you are a man that will fight to the bitter end & until you hear that lady sing you will not give up, but you are the only one that knows when that time will be.

[ilmw]

Then as you are falling you realize you need to pull that rip cord or you will be S.O.L. & after you pull the rip cord you can then start to glide & enjoy the ride.

 

ilmw, just want to let you know you are doing a great job. Who says you have to be in a relationship right now? Just go have fun & soke in all the friendly attention you are getting.

I feel when the time comes you will be able to move on but I do feel the more you think about it the harder "you" are making it on yourself.

I know you are a man that will fight to the bitter end & until you hear that lady sing you will not give up, but you are the only one that knows when that time will be.

 

Thx PW you are right...

 

On a happier note... I"m an Uncle...

 

My brother and his wife just had there baby daughter yesterday afternoon... he called but I had already left for work.

 

I found out this morning.. when DW called me on my cell.. she had checked her emails at work... and had gotten the notice... I was floored.. and over the moon at the same time... it was also nice to hear from her.. over such a happy occasion..

 

I hope to go down to my brothers this weekend with s6 so we can both see the baby.. I find out soon if it is a go..

 

Other than that.... not much else is different..

 

ilmw

[Ladyjane14]

Congrats Unkie! :)

[Gunny376]

The first time that you attempted to walk ~ it changed you.

 

The first time you stuck your finger to an open flame and got burned ~ it changed you.

 

When you graduated from school ~ it changed you!

 

The first time you fell in love and had your heart broken ~ it changed you!

 

When you joined the Army ~ and went to Ireland, and got shot at? It changed you.

 

The day you married ~ it changed you!

 

The day your DS was born ~ it changed you!

 

The day the DW dropped the bomb on you ~ it changed you!

 

The day you moved out of your house ~ it changed you!

 

The day you found out your DW was seeing another man ~ it changed you.

 

You've gone through a lot of changes this last year ilmw. A lot of challenges in your life, before, during and while married to your wife.

 

Its entirely possible to love someone that doesn't love you?! Its entirely possible to love somoeone that you don't even "like" and that's part of the problem here! You don't just love your DW, you like her.

 

I spoke with a guy today, that left his second wife for his first wife that he divorced over twenty years ago! I mean, come on WTF! I'm not telling you that to give you false hope, I'm just saying its a CRAZY mixed up world we live in.

 

I can tell you this much for sure and certain, you can think yourself crazy! And there just are certain things that you can't think yourself through! There's no rhymne, reason, logic, ratoional thought to what your're going through ~ there just is! And more times than not? That's enough!

 

Fair? There's no fair, just as there's no crying in baseball, nor football! Nor combat, nor a shootout! Nor life! There's just the way things are! And, that's just the way it is! But, we suffer and cry anyway, because we're humans! And that's what we are!

 

Warrior on!

[sumdude]

 

I spoke with a guy today, that left his second wife for his first wife that he divorced over twenty years ago! I mean, come on WTF! I'm not telling you that to give you false hope, I'm just saying its a CRAZY mixed up world we live in.

 

I can tell you this much for sure and certain, you can think yourself crazy! And there just are certain things that you can't think yourself through! There's no rhymne, reason, logic, ratoional thought to what your're going through ~ there just is! And more times than not? That's enough!

 

 

Funny you should relate that story. My STBX's sister did the exact same thing. Left her first husband for #2, had three kids with #2. Started seeing #1 again and left #2 to go back to #1... Very strange. Goes to show that sometimes they got it right the first time and it takes a while to realize it. I think it's more common with marriage when young. I figger if you split later than say 35 or so it's a lot less likely to happen... But you never know when people are involved.

[Snuggle Tiger]

Wow.. snuggle thanks. Thank you for the praise, and thank you for reading my posts.. it is obvious you have read many of them.

 

One of the reasons I have not posted much lately... is because of work... it's been busy as he*l... Lots of overtime.. sometimes welcome.. most times not...

 

In closing.. thanks for the support... and thanks for the positive karma..

 

ilmw

You are welcome. I read all your posts from the beginning of this topic, which took me at least four or five hours! I kept hoping the next page would bring 'and they lived happily ever after' and was shocked when you suddenly got separation papers. Right then I thought she had found you here, it just seemed to be too much of a coincidence.

 

Is she still reading your thread? The person that suggested she check out this place probably is the one that found it and directed your STBXW here.

 

It ain't over until the Judge sings. Or something like that. I suggest your lawyer insert some words to the effect that the custodial parent or both parents are not permitted to move more than "x" number of miles from the other parent, or perhaps not permitted to move out of the school district limits. Don't take her word for it, get it in writing.

 

-Snuggle Tiger

[Travis L]

You are welcome. I read all your posts from the beginning of this topic, which took me at least four or five hours! I kept hoping the next page would bring 'and they lived happily ever after' and was shocked when you suddenly got separation papers. Right then I thought she had found you here, it just seemed to be too much of a coincidence.

 

-Snuggle Tiger

 

I am in the same boat...just came across this thread a few days ago.

 

It took me HOURS to read this entire thread....I had SO much hope for ILMW when his DW was talking to the uncle about thinking you were looking hot. I was so heartbroken when she gave you the separation papers. You are an inspiration to me ILMW! My XGF and I were together for only 4 years and not married but we lived together the whole time...felt like marriage.

 

It's weird but my XGF broke up with me last year in April...we worked for 5 months on it and got back together in September. Then, WAM, she left me again a month ago. I WISH I would have found this site last year and made all of the changes that I have made thus far.

 

She's gone for good this time and is already seeing someone else (2 weeks after the split). I can't blame her for leaving as I was being too clingy after the break up last year. She's just so cold and distant. I feel so disgusted with myself for pulling the begging and pleading when she left. I was one week from proposing to her (bought the ring and all) and I couldn't believe that this was happening. I still wake up just hoping she is going to be there... Michigan tends to be a cold climate but she has icicles growing off of her...

 

Thanks for the inspiration Gunny and ILMW

[tk180days]

Hi ILMW:

 

My H (we've been apaert 11wks) has a D, and the second week we were apart she wanted to stay with me. I'm so excited because she wants to stay w/me this weekend too. My H asked me to have dinner with them tomorrow, and then he is going to join us the next day for dinner at our home. I have a lot of hope - my s/D and I text, email and talk on the phone weekly! I told her that I would always make time for her - and she knows I mean it. She tells me she misses & loves me all the time. It's such a good feeling to know we really do have a great sincere relationship.Good luck - stayed connected with your s/Son. I know what Gunny was saying about not only loving your spouse, but actually liking them as a person. I will be just were you are - if we don't work it out. He is the type of guy that you enjoy at the grocery store, golf course or at a fancy event. I'm not giving up!

 

tk180days - new to the site

[ilmw]

Hi ILMW:

 

My H (we've been apaert 11wks) has a D, and the second week we were apart she wanted to stay with me. I'm so excited because she wants to stay w/me this weekend too. My H asked me to have dinner with them tomorrow, and then he is going to join us the next day for dinner at our home. I have a lot of hope - my s/D and I text, email and talk on the phone weekly! I told her that I would always make time for her - and she knows I mean it. She tells me she misses & loves me all the time. It's such a good feeling to know we really do have a great sincere relationship.Good luck - stayed connected with your s/Son. I know what Gunny was saying about not only loving your spouse, but actually liking them as a person. I will be just were you are - if we don't work it out. He is the type of guy that you enjoy at the grocery store, golf course or at a fancy event. I'm not giving up!

 

tk180days - new to the site

 

Hi tk,

 

As I have preached to others, and I will preach to you, hope for the best, but expect the worst.

 

I also believe people give up to easy. You say you are not giving up...Good. Never give up... until it is obvious there is not point in trying... that time will come.. when only you know it.

 

Take care and good luck

[ilmw]

Hi all,

 

Well I'm back after some well deserved vacation. Went to my parents place up north with s6. We had an awesome time. Swimming, canoeing, fishing and playing around. It was so fantastic to spend so much time with him.

 

The day we went for a canoe trip... (only a short one) he would not get into the canoe. He had apparently had a bad experience recently... and feared it. I talked him into the canoe... showed him how to properly get in.. how to sit and wait for me to get in and launch us. I taught him how to paddle, and other important things in a canoe. We ended up at this deserted beach and went swimming... I showed him how to make a sundial, and how to tell the time using it.. he was amazed:laugh:

 

My parents were over the moon that they saw so much of him. When I first got there, I had mentioned that s6 wanted to build a raft. So, on the second day, while we were swimming in the river I could hear power tools going off up by the house. The next thing I see, is my s/dad coming to the shore line with this little raft he had made out of logs . It did not float at first, so we took it back to the garage/shop.. I mentioned that I had some "noddles" foam floating thingys... he then remembered he had some foam pieces and some rope. So we attached them to the raft.. and took it back down to the river. It worked like a charm. So well that s6 could infact stand on the raft.. He loved it.. and we spent a lot of time in the river.. and him playing with the raft.

 

I had to bring him back home on Thurs for a soccer game. It was my turn to provide the snacks for his team.. So I went out and bought a new cooler.. (DW had offered to lend me one) but it did not want to go back to her house .. not yet. So I then filled it full of fruit and drinks for the kids. At half time... they were like a bunch of little savages around my cooler. They were all talking to me.. asking me questions... I have never seen them do that before... they usually just get something from the coolers and then go off... not this time?? My s6 also played a lot better...

 

DW was meant to come to the game, but she called a head of time and let me know she had to work late.. So I just dropped him off after the game. As I had made plans.. He was left with his older brother.

 

Ahhh... It was a fantastic few days... which I will carry with me for a very long time. Sad thing is... it will just make me miss him.. and my marriage even more.. Oh well... that is life... suck it up and make the most of it.

 

ilmw

[Ladyjane14]

You know what I find consistent about you, ILMW???

 

... you always seem to make lemonade from whatever lemons you've been handed! :bunny:

[tk180days]

Hi ilmw:

 

It sucks you get these great days with your kids, that sometimes includes your spouse- and oh how you miss your lives together so much! My s/D stayed the night last weekend and then on Sun my H came over. We all went to a movie and then had dinner at the house afterwards. My s/D prayed and thanked God for the day that we're all together. She just started driving - great kid - love her like my own. I have none of my own - hasn't happened, maybe never will now. Anyhow - we just have to focus on the pill of good stuff & not the other! I know she and I will always have a great relationship. Hang in there - it's been 12 wks for me & I still have hope. Blessings!

[tk180days]

Yup - UR right! People give up too easy on alot of stuff - in my mind people are not replacable like "stuff". Esp when it comes to H & Ws - if someone feels that way something is wrong and maybe it was a marriage that never should of happened. I think thats why I have so much hope & faith in God that it's just a time of GREAT testing. It's so hard to find people who believe in standing firm when things get difficult. Thanks for the encouragement.

 

"He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor"

[CryingCanuck]

I know, been a long time since I've written here and I won't take up your thread to bring you guys up to date, that I will do on my own.....

 

I caught up on your situation buddy, the wedding and all that, and all I can say is I have learned we all have our own time for healing and moving on, you follow your own agenda bud, when you're ready, well.. you're ready....

 

I doubt those feelings that you felt at the wedding have much to do with not being over your EX, just the situation, and there will be a lot of those I have leaned and you work your way though them one at a time as they occur.

 

I will mention that I was on vacation the past week with my new friend for the whole week. It was great but also there were things we did that I always wanted to do with my EX but we just never got around to it due to kids, money, or whatever and I sort of felt at times sad, sad because I was angry with myself for not doing those things with the X but worked through it by telling myself that we had things that I will never share with anyone else either, such as our kids birth, our first house, All the firsts I/we had with the children, things like that. Evens out I guess....

 

Anyway buddy hang in there, one day at a time as our good buddy Guns will say and eventually the pain, anger, frustration and yes love will eventually leave and hopefully replaced with hope and a new beginning...

 

C.C.

[sumdude]

Anyway buddy hang in there, one day at a time as our good buddy Guns will say and eventually the pain, anger, frustration and yes love will eventually leave and hopefully replaced with hope and a new beginning...

 

C.C.

 

 

I don't think the love ever leaves .... it changes .... you can love someone from a distance...

[ilmw]

Hey there,

 

Well my s6 had his last soccer game of the season... DW called my and said she could not make it as she was still stuck at work... and asked if I could take him on my own... so I of course said... yes.

 

Well this is at 6am,,, and the game is at 1030am... so I scoot home to bed for a couple of hour nap. As I get into bed... DW text me saying she got out early... and would see me at the game with s6

 

I show up.. and park in the "totally wrong area" DW text asking if I was coming... I call her back laughing... "I am here... but.. I can't seem to find the right game..??" There were little kids running all over the place in several different games... all with the wrong coloured shirts on... She tells me where to go.. I finally get there.. having walked the furthest possible distance in the park of soccer fields....DW starts to wave to let me know where she is.... I get there... just before the game started

 

We sat and chatted as normal for games... easy going.. and comfortable... Still confuses my why we are separated... We get along so well.. and share so many of the same interests ... Jeeezzz we exchange novels still?? She likes some of the books I read... and when ever she has read them... she has enjoyed them. Life is so screwy eh?

 

After the game... the kids got medals.. a soccer ball and a carrying bag. They were then ment to go for a slice of pizza, but DW said to s6 lets skip it and as they have pizza at home... DW was exhausted.. you could tell.. it had been a long night at work..(as had mine)

 

Well just before the game ended I asked if she would not mind giving me a ride back to my car.. which was a bit of a hike. Plus I would have to go through crowds of hungry little pizza fans!

 

Well as we pull into the parking lot my car is in... DW says... to s6 we will go for a victory breakfast.. he looks all happy.... and says "Daddy too?" DW replied "yes Daddy too." I was floored... I, of course said I'd like that... as I was indeed hungry... but.. wow.. ??

 

Anyway... we went to a restraunt which served all day breakfast... had a nice meal together with s6... DW tried to show me how to play Sudoku?? (think that is how you spell it) She explained it pretty well to me... it was nice:)

 

I paid for breakfast ( I insisted )... and then got a ride back to my car...we said our good byes, I got a big hug and kiss from s6 (who want's to play soccer again next spring ).. she waved as she drove out of the lot...

 

It was such a nice surprise for that to happen... It felt like a family again... for only a brief time.. but...I won't forget it. I was happier in those few hours... than I have felt in months.. (To me family things like that are fun.. and have true meaning) Trust me... I go out and have fun.. but it is just not the same... not at he same level.

 

Now... back to the grind... Chow!

 

ilmw

[Gunny376]

When it comes to you and the DW ~ I'm just freaking lost, dazed, and confused as to why in tha' Hell you and her are sepearated? I am totally WTF?

 

Hell, I think Dr. Phil, Laura, and all the other experts would be to?

[PWSX3]

Hell, I think Dr. Phil, Laura, and all the other experts would be to?

Hey someone should call Dr. Phil, this would be a good one for him to figure out except there isn't the fighting, the someone is sleeping with someone, etc. so it wouldn't be good for TV.....:laugh::lmao:

 

Only thing I can figure out is there is an evil ilmw twin out there & the DW is running into him instead of the good one we know.....:eek:

 

Someone got any roses for the DW???

[notspiritual]

She enjoys the co-parenting relationship and it becomes more and more ingrained in her brain that this works for her. She gets all the benefits of being married without efforts (sex). You are running the risk of becoming a “friend” which means you are in the process of losing her. You are demonstrating higher value as a friend/provider instead of demonstrating higher value as a lover/husband.

 

Don’t insist to pay the breakfast, it looks like you want to buy her affection. Same thing with the roses, don’t buy them. But bring nonchalantly a flower you simply picked up on the road.