Author ilmw Posted November 6, 2006 Author Share Posted November 6, 2006 I was feeling a little weak... the emotions of loss were creeping back in... my strength was ebing away... slow draining because of the haggered condition I was in... lack of sleep... long hours... stress... I was crumbling.......... Then I went on LS... and posted... I read... and learned somemore... I shared... and in doing so.... I reenforced what I believed... what I thought.... and do you know what.... I felt better.... much better... To read my own and others posts... made me feel better... my strength came back ...like a shot of vitamin 'C'... Posting reenforces what I am saying... doing... and most importantly.. ...NOT doing... I liken it to a form of brain washing.... but a good kind... I keep repeating it... and it becomes apart of me... how I think... how I act... how I am... Its my reality... what once was.. just words... is now who I am becoming... What am I getting at..... well?... POST....Post...post! It helps... Once you have a "game plan"... it helps you stick to it... Ahhhh.... I feel better for just typing this... Link to post Share on other sites
mamabear Posted November 6, 2006 Share Posted November 6, 2006 I have read your posts from day one (took me a long time) Just by reading them I can see you have come far!! I found myself wishing that you and your wife had begun to work things out with every post I saw, but nothing yet. I am a newly wed, just married on July 22. I find lately I'm paranoid of something happening between my husband and I given the divorce statistics these days. I'm sure it would have taken you yearts to post every detail of your separation, but judging from what I read it sounds like it may have been a normal down time in your marriage and she jumped the gun. I think the divorce rate is so high because people have such unrealistic expectations of marriage. People need to realize that you aren't always going to like your H/W you aren't meant to be happy all the time, you will always have issues in life with or without your H/W so why not tackle those issues side by side together?? Thats just my general input. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted November 6, 2006 Share Posted November 6, 2006 I have read your posts from day one (took me a long time) Just by reading them I can see you have come far!! I found myself wishing that you and your wife had begun to work things out with every post I saw, but nothing yet. I am a newly wed, just married on July 22. I find lately I'm paranoid of something happening between my husband and I given the divorce statistics these days. I'm sure it would have taken you yearts to post every detail of your separation, but judging from what I read it sounds like it may have been a normal down time in your marriage and she jumped the gun. I think the divorce rate is so high because people have such unrealistic expectations of marriage. People need to realize that you aren't always going to like your H/W you aren't meant to be happy all the time, you will always have issues in life with or without your H/W so why not tackle those issues side by side together?? Thats just my general input. LOL! The judge (I can't rember her name at this time) that presides over the show Divorce Court said: "I've been married to the same man for sixteen years, and four of those I didn't like him!" Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted November 6, 2006 Author Share Posted November 6, 2006 I have read your posts from day one (took me a long time) Just by reading them I can see you have come far!! I found myself wishing that you and your wife had begun to work things out with every post I saw, but nothing yet. I am a newly wed, just married on July 22. I find lately I'm paranoid of something happening between my husband and I given the divorce statistics these days. I'm sure it would have taken you yearts to post every detail of your separation, but judging from what I read it sounds like it may have been a normal down time in your marriage and she jumped the gun. I think the divorce rate is so high because people have such unrealistic expectations of marriage. People need to realize that you aren't always going to like your H/W you aren't meant to be happy all the time, you will always have issues in life with or without your H/W so why not tackle those issues side by side together?? Thats just my general input. Thanks for your post mamabear... you raised some good issues... and its true.... it was the down time that ... did us in... It was also not having a clue... what I was doing in my own part to damage our relationship... You are lucky in that you have found this place... now... you have the advantage to see what others are going through..now... You have the oppurtunity to stave off... the certain things... that cause a relationship to start down the downward spiral... I truly wished I had known the things I know now.... and LS... but I have had my head up my arse for many many years... ... I would never thought to even look for it.... but if you have read my thread.. you would know this.... BTW.. congrats on your wedding... I do love weddings... ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted November 6, 2006 Author Share Posted November 6, 2006 LOL! The judge (I can't rember her name at this time) that presides over the show Divorce Court said: "I've been married to the same man for sixteen years, and four of those I didn't like him!" :lmao: ... too funny.. Im gonna PM u...sec.. Link to post Share on other sites
mamabear Posted November 6, 2006 Share Posted November 6, 2006 I guess no matter what things always work out. and they will for you. You sound like you are doing great though. Been married for 3 months. I havent liked MY husband for about 2 weeks of that!!!!!!!!!!!! Im considering posting my situation but it involves my mother in law, be on a lookout, I dont see a place for that sort of situation. I may be the first Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted November 6, 2006 Author Share Posted November 6, 2006 I guess no matter what things always work out. and they will for you. You sound like you are doing great though. Been married for 3 months. I havent liked MY husband for about 2 weeks of that!!!!!!!!!!!! Im considering posting my situation but it involves my mother in law, be on a lookout, I dont see a place for that sort of situation. I may be the first If you are concerned... be proactive... post your story... maybe you can head off troubles before they get that bad.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted November 8, 2006 Author Share Posted November 8, 2006 On the weekend I took the boys up to my moms again.. as I actually had the entire weekend off... It went pretty well... except for the occassional spat of misbehaviour from both of them... I told off my step son.. as he expects his 5 yr old brother to be treated the same as him and vs versa... I tried to explain that... if you want to get treated like a big boy.. you had better start acting like one... I also had to give them both crap for horse playing.. they were thrashing about.. smacking the crap out of each other.... and I mean they were hitting... my s/son got clocked by my 5 yr old who is exceptionally strong for his age.. He was complaining so .. once again.. I had to explain that .. he is teaching his brother to hit... and that he does not know his own strength... (ie: hurting you).. At some point the little guy hits his b/bro again... so he went off and smack him... I freak... you don't hit 5 yr olds like that... They both got in *hit... A little while later my s/son was sulking about how his brother gets away with everything and he always gets blamed for everything... I got iritated at this... as his brother had several time outs... prior to this complaint. Its hard trying to reason with a 12 yr old who thinks he is in his 20's but does not act like it... and sometimes acts like an 8 yr old... Now I do realise they are competing for my attention.... and sometimes it is negative attention.... but... crap... I was doing things with them all weekend.. I did not faviour one over the other... On Sunday.... just after lunch.. we did have some nice long down time.. by laying on my mothers big comfy coach.. watching some girly teen flick.. can't even remember the name of the movie... I was just dosing... with the boys laying all over me..... That was nice.... a sembalance of how things used to be Sunday night I dropped the boys off... the DW was running late coming home from work...but was going to be only a few minutes... so I made sure the little guy was settled.. and I made my exit... So... today I am at work... get a tex message from the DW asking if I would watch the little guy for a couple of hours... as she had a leaving get together for one of her girlfriends who had gotten a transfer... I texed her back... and said no problem.. Around 2pm I get a call from the DW asking if I was ok to look after the little guy.. for a couple of hours... I said..of course...no problem.... we will hang out.. play some games.. until she comes back to pick him up.. ... she then said thankyou ilmw...(but it was said in a very meaningful way) Then about an hour latter.. she calls me again... telling me she forgot that her dad was coming up to stay the night... as he was going to fix one of the windows up stairs... so if I did not want to...take the little guy.. I did not need to as her dad would be there.. I said I did not mind at all... so she hymed and hawed.. So I said I would pick him up after work.. if she was ok to come by to get him afterwords.. She said that was fine... and that she would be no later than 9-1030pm. Another hour goes by and DW calls me again... she tells me we will have to cancel... as the little guy is in one he*l of a bad mood... aparantly he spazed on her when she picked him up at day care.. When she got him home she told him he was coming over to my place for a little while tonight... once again he apparently spazed again... said he did not want to come to my place.. and that he has been a "real grumpy bear" since he has been home. Then DW says.... I'm going to my moms for a few days with the boys.. heading up Thurs back Sat afternoon.... Why don't you come over tommorow night and get him settled and put him to bed as you will not see him for a few days... I said I'd like that... So.. hmmm.. whats up with that.... Once again... not reading into it.. but this entire day.. has been out of the ordinary.... Other than that.... spent almost 9 hours typing and researching another warrant... that came across my desk... Ahhhh... and I only have another 3 days in that office..... Ahhhhhhh.... :lmao: i think my eyes have gone square... and... AAhhhhh...I have another days of this.... Haahah:laugh: Looking forward to tommorow night... gonna get all pretty again... and be a good boy... No realy... I am That was a long post eh? ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted November 9, 2006 Author Share Posted November 9, 2006 Hi all, Last night I had intended to head home after work.. shower... get all nice and smelly and prettied up.. but DW had asked me to call her on my way home.... I did .. told her I was heading home to shower.. and change... She responded and told me the little guy was realy tired and he had been up since 6:00am so he might not last much longer... She then said "why not come over in your suit straight here"... I said not a problem... be there in about 20mins... Well I get to her place.. am invited in.. Say hi to the boys... I end up on her back deck... and we just had a light conversation... chit chatting... She mentioned something about Christmas... and her face became 'pained" but she recovered and we continued talking about gifts for the kids...etc. I then went down stairs with her... as my s/son and a couple of his buddies from school were practicing a dance.. they had to create for Art Class... I sat there and had a great time... laughing and encouraging them... It was actually quite good.. for 12 yr olds.... The little guy kept running into the guys when they were dancing.. and getting mad because he was not included... had to explain to him that they were doing homework.. I also did my best to keep him occupied while at the same time.. being there for s/son... who I think realy appreciated me being there... Before I left we had a conversation in the kitchen... and it was like talking to a different kid than the one on the weekend... no attitude at all.... that is the boy I remember from before I left. Around 8:30pm I took the little guy to bed... He was in a terrible mood (very over tired)... yelling and screaming... (got his daddy's Irish Temper.. ) He normally is a gentle well mannered little boy... kind and sensitve to others... but .. when he is tired.. So I read him a bed time story... after refusing to listen.. I found a book on sharks...and he stoped complaing...put his hands behind his head... and listened:confused: ... as I was reading the book.. and showing him the pictures... he asked... "hay dad... is that shark eating someone...?":confused: :laugh: :laugh: I said "no... I think he is just sniffing the air"... Well he passed out in no time.. I tucked him in... and met up with DW at the top of the stairs.. as she was putting some laundry away/ We then headed back down stairs.. to see the final product from the boys... It was realy good... After s/son friends.. left... I stayed for about another half an hour... talking with s/son... During the visit... DW showed me all her recent purchases... she had gotten everything... at a huge discount.. washer/dryer.. and new TV... all show room or dented from the show room... I said... that she realy did good finding all these bargains... As I was putting my shoes on... DW opened her hall closet and pulled out a plastic covered jacket... It was a leather jacket... she had purchased the week before.. and had told me she wanted to return as she felt guilty for buying it... even though she got it for half price... She pulled up the bag a little bit.. and I reach over and stroked the sleeve... and was realy soft black leather... I then said why don't you try it on... show me how it looks.. she looked a little sheepish.. so I encourage her gently to try it on... and that I would really like to see it.... So she put it on... and I told her she look great... very sheek(SP?) s/son made fun of the jacket... so I told him that the jacket looked perfect on his mom... and that is how it was meant to look.. She look happy.... She then got my jacket out of the closet... and as I was leaving she asked me if I had everything... that was kinda cute... I then left... smiling. That was my night... no expectations... just had some fun... and it was unbelievable fantastic to feel like a family again... if only for a few hours... :) There.. done:p ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 I'd hate to give you any false hope, but damn I'm all teary eyed ilmw! I really hope you guys can work it out and get back together. Keep doing whatever it is you are doing because it looks like it's working. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted November 10, 2006 Author Share Posted November 10, 2006 I'd hate to give you any false hope, but damn I'm all teary eyed ilmw! I really hope you guys can work it out and get back together. Keep doing whatever it is you are doing because it looks like it's working. Thx dgiirl... No worries... no false hope here.. I think I have learned enough.. not to let my imagination run wild... I did this in the past and all I got out of it was bruised feelings and feeling childish.. Clutching at the smallest crumb... was so easy to do... I just took the evening for what it was... nice... I felt good... BTW... my DW went to her mom's for the next few days... I was not gonna call the kids until tomorrow night.. as I saw them last night... So about an hour ago.. I get a call from my little guy... calling to see how I am and to tell me he loves me and he will see me Sunday.... that was nice... .. I am not reading in to this... I can't and won't .... but there seems to be a shift... because my 5 yr old does not call me long distance... unless its someones else's idea.... In the past I would have to be the one to call.... or maybe I would get a call after a few days.. Oh well...... like I always say (Now ) Not gonna worry about it... just gonna do what I am doing and that is being the best little ilmw I can be:bunny::bunny::bunny:.......:lmao::lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 I'm sitting here thinking WTF? What is the wife's issues with you ilmw? What's keeping the two of you from getting back together? Being military, I understand the stress, the hyper-attentivness, the anxiety about bills, the stress of being in law enforcement ~ military where making the least little mistake isn't an option. I'm not advocating any sudden change of tactics nor strategy right now, just asking questions. PM me if you'd like. I'm re-reading for the first time DivorceBusters by Micahell Werner-Davis again for the first time in sixteen years. (You need to check out the site and fourm) http://www.divorcebusting.com/ I'd forgotten her approach. She advocates not what happen in your childhood, nor even what happen in your marriage, but solutions to the here and now! Get the book! Its a field mannual of what to do right here and right now! And, she advocates what you've been doing ~ doing what works right here and right now. Keep doing that ~ because it seems to be working ~ but its getting time to kick it up a notch! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted November 13, 2006 Author Share Posted November 13, 2006 Hi all, Well I went out Sat night.. it was my DW's Uncle's BDAY... (he is only a few years older than me)... I was invited up as we have been friends since DW and I first started dating... We have also kept the relationship talk to a minimum...because we decided we did not wan't anything coming back to bite us in the arse... With that said.. he mentioned a part of a conversation he had with DW a little while after I went over to hers to talk about finances ... and stayed talking about this that and the other... anyway... He told me that she had mentioned that (we are communicating so much better now...and I was looking great)..etc It left me with something to think about... but I can't afford to get my hopes up.... I crashed at his place that night... it was a very late night... I thought my DW was coming back from her mothers some time in the late afternoon... she called and left a message on my cell voice mail... telling ne she was half an hour from her place... I was 30 mins from mine:eek: So I also learned my new Cell was on silent mode... so anytimre anyone called... I did knot know... DW must have called several times... So I get home and quickly shower and shave.. call her back... I then headed over.. I did notice tha she had called the home phone # several times too... I get over there to pick up little guy (s/son had his own plans) DW answered the door.... Hmmmmm she had her hair up the way i love it... .. Damn...! I did my best not to stare.. Then the little guy comes up to me to give me a big hug and says.."Dad you smell realy good".. We then chit chatted for a little while... then s5 and I left... We hung out and had fun... Today.. I took him to school... after.. DW called to see how it went.. of course I told her it went fine... I was going to wait until later to talk about s/son's habit of talking to his brother like he is 12 rather than 5... (age appropriate language). But she called me.... 12 yr olds talk to there friends one way.. as do 5yr olds... but when I hear stuff coming out of the 5yr olds mouth... that I have given the 12 yr old trouble about in private... I kinda know the source... that one is a sinch.... I expressed my concerns to DW...and she agreed...and she had mentioned she has had the same conversation already with s/son.. (side note) I have learned that in the past when I got pissed off... I would call the DW at work... I would be "emotional" about whatever.... and instead of just waiting...till she would get off work... I'd call her up...get angry when I did not get the responce Iwanted.... .. So... now I do my best not to bring these things up..when she is at work..as she as enough to worry about when she is there:) ... See still learning.. I am having the little guy stay the night again tonight.... I realy miss this stuff... being there all the time for my family... but I guess this is the best it will be for awile... so enjoy it as it is;) ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted November 14, 2006 Author Share Posted November 14, 2006 Tonight my DW called on her way home from work... she was calling to say good night to the little guy...as she was taking out s/son to a movie and having some one on one time... During the conversation she asked about my transfer and asked why i was not going to the shift I told her originally... when I explained it in detail.. she said it was going to realy "screw things up"... and could I request a shift change... (she has no idea what I went through to get what I got... ) and I can't tell her because it would seem like I was trying something.. This like the opposite of reading into something... I know this... and Mr. Logic tells me that it means nothing... but it is hard not to feel a little dejected... Espeacially when the conversation was pleasant and she told me how her day went.... This will always be confusing... and painful... eventhough i feel I have been doing so well... something as simple as this... makes me feel like I have fallen months behind.... Its also amazing that something as simple as this.... could make me feel this way..... To top it off my little guy tells me he loves me and wants to live with me.... I say to him... if you did that... you would miss your mommy... He says... I want mommy to live with us too... I smiled and said that would be nice... ( i was dying inside) I then finally got him to sleep... after reading to him for over half an hour.. ( he just would not go to sleep tonight...) Think he wanted to spend as much time with me as possible...) He was asking so many questions.... as if to keep me there... ... He finally fell asleep around 10pm...wayyyyyy past his bedtime... Now I'm having a cup of tea... falling back on what I have learned over the past several months to pull me head back out of my arse... Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 (((((------------------BIG HUG--------------------))))) That's all I have to say, hang in there bro!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Dad_of_3 Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 ilmw, I was logging in to post an update on things happening in my part of the woods but readng your recent posts ... Mate, I hear ya. I dont know what else to say but to stay strong as you have advised me. Kids can have that effect on you. My kids say the same thing to me. I feel for you buddy .... Link to post Share on other sites
flowerpot Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 Hey ilmw, You're not alone about children's wishes. My s-daughter told me the other day "Some day mom is going to fall & you know who will be there to catch her when she does,You will!" I just smiled & said" I hope so" I still love my x-wife too. Even after all that has happened. Take care of yourself, FP Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted November 17, 2006 Author Share Posted November 17, 2006 Thx guys Took a couple of days off from LS...heavy reading Had the wind taken out of my sails... still not quite sure why... i took it so hard... Now I'M BACK!!.... Head officially back out of my arse. Well...I get a call from DW yesterday... she got called into work early. She asked if it was possible to come over to her place and watch the boys until I had to go to work. I said of course I would.. She even said help myself to supper.. Damn right I would if I am cooking for the boys ( .. ) Anyway... .. I watched the boys and then went to work.. on the way I called DW and let her know the boys were all full and safe and sound... SHe thanked me and told me she owed me one?? Later that night... she text messages me telling me how busy they were over in her area.. we text each other back and forth a couple of times... it was kinda funny...(ha ha funny) Her behaviour is changing... if somewhat slight.... The fact she asked me to watch the kids... to me is odd... as the s/son is old enough to watch his brother.... and also there are 3 trusted nieghbours on the street who are available....to watch the boys..if necessary... Plus the text message out of the blue... and it was a funny one... not all business like... Thats about it... just needed some time off from here to recharge the batteries.... Also... as everyone who has read the 5 love languages and posted about it has said it is good.. i went out and got it.. I'm going to read it over the weekend... then back to the Divorce Busting Book... ... I think i have slacked off on the reading recently... probably due to having to read so much at work.... Now I'm back on the road.... I think I;ll me more intereseted in "hitting the books" The first couple of nights I did back in uniform... reminded me of why I got into this profession... actually out there helping people... Talked some Emotionally Disturbed Fella into going to the hospital to talk with a Doctor... I'll tell you this.... all this reading on relationships and self help... has realy inabled me... in my job... I have learned unbelievable patience.... .. Thats it for now... its good to be posting again.. ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 Welcome back!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 Tonight my DW called on her way home from work... she was calling to say good night to the little guy...as she was taking out s/son to a movie and having some one on one time... During the conversation she asked about my transfer and asked why i was not going to the shift I told her originally... when I explained it in detail.. she said it was going to realy "screw things up"... and could I request a shift change... (she has no idea what I went through to get what I got... ) and I can't tell her because it would seem like I was trying something.. This like the opposite of reading into something... I know this... and Mr. Logic tells me that it means nothing... but it is hard not to feel a little dejected... Espeacially when the conversation was pleasant and she told me how her day went.... This will always be confusing... and painful... eventhough i feel I have been doing so well... something as simple as this... makes me feel like I have fallen months behind.... Its also amazing that something as simple as this.... could make me feel this way..... To top it off my little guy tells me he loves me and wants to live with me.... I say to him... if you did that... you would miss your mommy... He says... I want mommy to live with us too... About the best way I've ever heard it described was the late Sam Kinson,...............(Mind you this is a comedic dialog and is not directed at anyone, nor meant to offend!) "You go through a divorce, a couple of years past, your over the bitch. Life's getting back to normal, life is good! Then all of a sudden as your walking down the street? BAM! Right between the eyes ~ out of freaking no-where!" You find yourself in the the package store, stumbling, fumbling and mumbling, "Man! Just give me two fifth's of anything ~ I don't give a sh*t!" Its called Post Traumatic Stress Syndrone ~ you might know his sister, "hyper-attentivness" Its deju-vu all over again. Its the stress that from your previous past that you didn't have time or couldn't deal with at the time ~ that comes swelling back into the present, that's triggered by the the simplest of memories and that is multiplied in an exponential fashion. There's a lot of other things that come with it. Drepression, general aniexity, anixiety attacks. People that have never dealt with any greater stress than a paper cut think your nuts and crazy. You're not, they've just lived sheltered lives most of their lives. People that have repeatedly been through life threatening events such as military or law enforcement know that either its your time or its not. Either a bullet has your name on it or it doesn't. You don't have to be a police officer nor have served a combat tour in Iraq to suffer from PTSD, you simply have to go through a lot of stress relative to your current yet to date life experieces. Thus if you've heard bad things about spiders all of your life ~ and you encounter your first spider ~ that could be a PTSD event for you! Especially if you've built up a phobia about spiders or clowns or whatever. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, ~ Grandmaw was fighting off the Injuins! Sounds like the DW is starting to come around. Keep your "center" and keep your focus! Write down and live by your "code". My sense is that she still doesn't trust you to revert back to "wussville" (No dis-respect intended ~ I've been fighting my way out of that place for a long time ~ you know what I mean) Keep reading and keep growing. Keep learing! You won't know half of what you need to know when they put you in the grave of old age! You've come far, from where you've starteed. So have I! But, we both have far to go and much to learn! I look back at who and what I was when I got married when I was 22 and I'm like ~ DAMN! The thing is that the more I learn, the more I grow ~ the more I realize the more I've got to learn? The more I've got to grow? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted November 17, 2006 Author Share Posted November 17, 2006 About the best way I've ever heard it described was the late Sam Kinson,...............(Mind you this is a comedic dialog and is not directed at anyone, nor meant to offend!) Its called Post Traumatic Stress Syndrone ~ you might know his sister, "hyper-attentivness" Its deju-vu all over again. Its the stress that from your previous past that you didn't have time or couldn't deal with at the time ~ that comes swelling back into the present, that's triggered by the the simplest of memories and that is multiplied in an exponential fashion. There's a lot of other things that come with it. Drepression, general aniexity, anixiety attacks. People that have never dealt with any greater stress than a paper cut think your nuts and crazy. You're not, they've just lived sheltered lives most of their lives. People that have repeatedly been through life threatening events such as military or law enforcement know that either its your time or its not. Either a bullet has your name on it or it doesn't. You don't have to be a police officer nor have served a combat tour in Iraq to suffer from PTSD, you simply have to go through a lot of stress relative to your current yet to date life experieces. Thus if you've heard bad things about spiders all of your life ~ and you encounter your first spider ~ that could be a PTSD event for you! Especially if you've built up a phobia about spiders or clowns or whatever. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, ~ Grandmaw was fighting off the Injuins! Sounds like the DW is starting to come around. Keep your "center" and keep your focus! Write down and live by your "code". My sense is that she still doesn't trust you to revert back to "wussville" (No dis-respect intended ~ I've been fighting my way out of that place for a long time ~ you know what I mean) Keep reading and keep growing. Keep learing! You won't know half of what you need to know when they put you in the grave of old age! You've come far, from where you've starteed. So have I! But, we both have far to go and much to learn! I look back at who and what I was when I got married when I was 22 and I'm like ~ DAMN! The thing is that the more I learn, the more I grow ~ the more I realize the more I've got to learn? The more I've got to grow? Thx Gunns I have to admit... it was some of your prior posts that helped me shake the the wusss behviour off... pull the head out of arse.. and the s*it together... And yeah..you are so right..regarding the reading.. It is time I got back with the plan... It is easy to slip back into things the way they were... before I started reading all the books... The books help to remind me what I am going through... what I am doing about it... That little episode... was a real slap in the face of reality.. and maybe I needed it... I realise... for sure now... that even if DW and I did get back together... I can not lose focus... I must continue to learn... and remind myself.. why we seperated in the first place... (losing focus) I guess I can liken it to a job that needs annual recertification... and you have to study for it... if you don't study.. you lose your cert... and possibly your job (and we all know we have to work at our relationships) or your gonna find your stuff in boxes... I have the boys this weekend over night... as Dw has a training day... and did not want the boys alone all day.... so she asked me the other week ... that if I did not have plans... if I could watch them.... Looking forward to it... and after reading Touche's post on preteens... I think I have a better handle on the s/sons attitude.. The poor kid must be going through hell... I have to learn to step back a little... but this is aswell a fine balancing act.... to discipline or not.. ??? On that note.... the other night when I was watching the boys... my 5yr old said "your not the boss..mommy is".... I told him... "You are wrong... and if you wan't to find out how wrong you are... keep doing what you are doing.." He quickly stated listening to me again... Well better go... have a slow leak in my front tire and going to get it fixed.. then it is hair cut time... gotta look all professional that I am back "on the street" ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted November 18, 2006 Author Share Posted November 18, 2006 Took a gamble tonight... called the DW on her cell from my cell... and asked her if she and the boys would like to go out to dinner with me...?? She sounded surprised but not negative... she thanked me nicely but said she had already gotten dinner for the boys... and some vids for them to watch.... as she had some studing to do for her traininig day tommorow. I asked in a non pressuring way..and yes I was kinda testing the waters.. It is hard to explain or describe the sound of her voice...but it sounded kinda happy? I am not going to push it... but I'll try again in the near future... and see where that goes... and I am definately going to do some more reading.. BTW... read 1/4 of 5 Love Languages... Wow... Once again... Duuhhh:o I wish I had read this book long ago... Another thing I have noticed about all the stuff I have been reading... It seems each book adds another piece of the puzzle ... Have to say... I am feeling 100% better today than I did the other day.... But I know better than to get my hopes up to much.. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 I use to have this Bud, whose in law enforcement up in Canada who once told me, the way you catch a monkey is slowly ~ ever so slowly. Another thing I have noticed about all the stuff I have been reading... It seems each book adds another piece of the puzzle .. I read a lot on a lot of various subjects ~ most of which would bore the ever living Hell out of your average person. It all started with my reading the World Book Encylopedia from A to Z. Which lead to various interest in science, mathmatics, astronomy, photograhpy, history of all sorts, etc ad nauseum. The more I read ~ it lead to more reading, research, and more interests. When it comes to personal finance and inter-personal relationship, (be that romantic, marriage, parenting, taking care of parents, dealing with other people, business relationships etc.) you need to set a goal of reading one new fresh book on each ~ each year. Its just like working for a living ~ the more you learn the more you earn! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted November 18, 2006 Author Share Posted November 18, 2006 I use to have this Bud, whose in law enforcement up in Canada who once told me, the way you catch a monkey is slowly ~ ever so slowly. I read a lot on a lot of various subjects ~ most of which would bore the ever living Hell out of your average person. It all started with my reading the World Book Encylopedia from A to Z. Which lead to various interest in science, mathmatics, astronomy, photograhpy, history of all sorts, etc ad nauseum. The more I read ~ it lead to more reading, research, and more interests. When it comes to personal finance and inter-personal relationship, (be that romantic, marriage, parenting, taking care of parents, dealing with other people, business relationships etc.) you need to set a goal of reading one new fresh book on each ~ each year. Its just like working for a living ~ the more you learn the more you earn! This Bud of yours sounds like one hell of a smart guy.. :lmao: :lmao: The book idea ...what a great idea... keeps the mind fresh... Have you read any of Stephen Hawkings stuff: Brief History of Time or The Universe in a Nutshell... Interesting Stuff... and written in a language all can understand.... Gotta pick up the boys... Have a great weekend all... ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 I asked in a non pressuring way..and yes I was kinda testing the waters.. It is hard to explain or describe the sound of her voice...but it sounded kinda happy? I am not going to push it... but I'll try again in the near future... and see where that goes... and I am definately going to do some more reading.. You are doing an execellent job ilmw! It's knowing when to ask and knowing not to push. It does sound like she's softening a little. Link to post Share on other sites
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