Author ilmw Posted December 19, 2006 Author Share Posted December 19, 2006 :lmao: you didnt watch The Nightmare before Christmas?? It's an awesome movie! Yeah I have seen it.. but you still scared the crap out of me... :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
chadnickole Posted December 19, 2006 Share Posted December 19, 2006 Sorry, I've been so wrapped up in my life I've failed to notice yours...... Out of all the advice you have given me, and I thank You!! I know you have the tools needed to get this thing done and done right!! I don't have any great words of wisdom, but Re-read the idea's and thought to posted in my thread!! They have all been very helpful...... The support you have on this board is enough to pull you and all of us up outta the mud and put us right bach on our feet....... Even though some of us are slow learners (me) We all learn from here and from our own mistakes that ate pointed out on here!! I know that You are a better person than you ever were, and that alone is enough to be proud of...... Take care ((((()))))) Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted December 20, 2006 Author Share Posted December 20, 2006 Sorry, I've been so wrapped up in my life I've failed to notice yours...... Out of all the advice you have given me, and I thank You!! I know you have the tools needed to get this thing done and done right!! I don't have any great words of wisdom, but Re-read the idea's and thought to posted in my thread!! They have all been very helpful...... The support you have on this board is enough to pull you and all of us up outta the mud and put us right bach on our feet....... Even though some of us are slow learners (me) We all learn from here and from our own mistakes that ate pointed out on here!! I know that You are a better person than you ever were, and that alone is enough to be proud of...... Take care ((((()))))) Thx Chad... Every pat on the head I get... is like a shot of vitamin C.. You to will do fine... as long as you know your game plan.... and stick to it... I did/do this 99.9% of the time.. and only screw up once and a while now.... But as I posted earlier... got to adjust my game plan now.... amp it up a bit.... and maintain... the jealousy.... issue...(which funny enough was never an issue for the 8 yrs we were together... ) I was just going to post... and I found your post... .. So I'll update..here;) As you know.. DW's words do not add up to her actions. Dw dropped off little guy... so I could watch him over night... he was so happy to be staying.. but he started to give his mom some attitude... .. so I gave him some trouble in front of her... telling him to do as his mom says... (not yelling... or anything like that... just firm.. I gave DW some cookies I had baked with s5 on the weekend.. she was not going to take them... but I told her a few cookies are not going to kill her... as she was looking great... she took them graciously... (if she actually eats them... that is up to her.. but she took them;) ) That was around 5pm... About.. 730-8pm DW called... she was having problems with the portable mini DVD player I had bought over a year ago,,, (handy for the kids on long road trips.. etc) I had suggested she take it for her over time shift... as you have to sit in your car for about 12 hrs.. and that can get... VERY BORING... she is guarding some suspicious fire.. at a house... anyway.. She called and said in a sad kinda little girl voice... that she was having trouble with it.... could not get movies to load up... I made some suggestions... but advised her... I have not used it myself... well geezz I can't remember when... its been that long... I mentioned it could have been damaged... she kinda syed... and I then asked her if she had stuff to read.... she said she did...had brought lots to read.... We then finished the converstation... with a be safe have a good night... I did not feel hopeful.... but it did feel kinda nice her calling asking for my opinion again... (but... and a big but... what is she playing at.. ) Not actually looking for an answer there.... just thinking through my fingers... She is not typically a game player.... so I makes me think to much... need to stop that So ... little guy fell asleep on my lap... after saying "dad your my sweet heart.." " i love you"... he then was asleep... Damn I love that kid.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted December 22, 2006 Author Share Posted December 22, 2006 Well I try this again... just tried to post... but lost it all... so as I need to go to bed... I will have to make this short.. Had a visit by my parents tonight... DW brought the boys over... before hand as she had to babysit her friends baby... Had a great visit with my parents... and the boys enjoyed their gifts... They were also very well behaved... My parents then left around 7pm.. I then took the boys home... as s/son had some homework... and I wanted to get s5 home before he got to tired.. and he is a real bear when he is like that.... Got to DW's house and she had just got her friends 6month old boy to sleep.... I had a chat about the visit... and let her know the present she had gotten for them..."from the boys" was loved... DW was also happily surprised at the all the gifts I had brought for the boys.. and the gits to her "from the boys"... One of the gifts is a bathrobe.. when i bought it...the ladies in the store...all said I should get bonus marks for it..(to bad I won't get any credit for it ) Well before I left I put out my arms.... and she actually let me hug her... we said merry xmas... and she told me to be careful at work... and I said have a safe drive up to her moms... she let me know she would txt me to let me know they got to her moms safely... I then left.... feeling cool.. calm...and collected... Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 I no you have posted earlier about her not wanting to get back together, etc. etc. but you keep up that charm and you know she will start to notice and it will start to wear on her. She might start getting those little thoughts in the back of her mind, wow is looks different, wow he wouldn't have done that before, wow he is cute tonight. Like I said before they (the DW's) aren't reading these books but you are so you have the advantage of just being a good person and learning, showing her you are changing in just suttle ways and she will notice and what is the worse then that can happen? You might just get back together??? and if not you will be such a better person that the next person will be SO HAPPY to have found you. WAY TO GO!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted December 24, 2006 Author Share Posted December 24, 2006 I no you have posted earlier about her not wanting to get back together, etc. etc. but you keep up that charm and you know she will start to notice and it will start to wear on her. She might start getting those little thoughts in the back of her mind, wow is looks different, wow he wouldn't have done that before, wow he is cute tonight. Like I said before they (the DW's) aren't reading these books but you are so you have the advantage of just being a good person and learning, showing her you are changing in just suttle ways and she will notice and what is the worse then that can happen? You might just get back together??? and if not you will be such a better person that the next person will be SO HAPPY to have found you. WAY TO GO!!!! Thx PW... ... your words show much wisdom.. I've noticed... the longer I'm on here... the less I check my own post..and read others... and think... if I can say anything that might help.. But... anyway... Dw called my this morn... and asked if I had the chance... that once I got to work... could I swing by....her house and check on the kids... as s/son was not answering the phone... I said I would try... and I would call her back. I work maybe 12 mins away from where I live... give or take a minute:laugh: ... I called 5 times in that time it took me to get to work on my cell... s/son finally answered as I neard my work parking lot... he was sleepy..(he had fallen back to sleep) I told him his mom was worried so call her immediately.. he said he would. I left it until i got changed and geared up for the road.. I then got a txt message from Dw.. saying all was ok.... she had spoken with s/son... I ignored the txt.. and called her.. as I said I would... I did not let her know I recieved it yet... I told her i had called s/son several times.. and must have woken him finally.. (apparently s/son never mentioned I called and woke him).. I love being a dad.... Link to post Share on other sites
Antha Posted December 24, 2006 Share Posted December 24, 2006 I love being a dad.... It shows. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted December 24, 2006 Author Share Posted December 24, 2006 It shows. Thx Antha... Link to post Share on other sites
Dad_of_3 Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 ilmw, you are doing so well. Mate, hearing about the going on, its like watching a soap, no offence. I can only cheer you on as the highs come, but also feel a sense of loss when the lows happen. Its always great to meet like-minded parents. You are doing well champ. My warm Christmas wishes to you mate. May it be safe and festive. Have a great New Year, and if you are working, well ... I'll have a few for you! Take Care mate Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 ilmw, you are doing so well. Mate, hearing about the going on, its like watching a soap, no offence. I can only cheer you on as the highs come, but also feel a sense of loss when the lows happen. Its always great to meet like-minded parents. You are doing well champ. My warm Christmas wishes to you mate. May it be safe and festive. Have a great New Year, and if you are working, well ... I'll have a few for you! Take Care mate Thx Do3:) (hope it is not to much like "Neighbours":laugh: ) I actually had a pretty good xmas day... got off from work and got home around 630am... opened my presents from the boys (so obviously bought by DW:laugh: ) Got a nice sweater and t-shirt and a novel I actually wanted to read! After I woke up around noon... I found DW had txt me.. The message read.. "merry xmas daddy luv.. s5. s/son and Luv DW..? ... Also.. "call when you wake up" (BTW.. not reading to much into that msg.. but it was a surprise to see "Luv DW"... after 8months.. ) So I did... and spoke with s5.. he let me know about all his presents... but he seemed a little upset I was not there.. ..but he was having a good time.. Then spoke with s/son.. he was realy upbeat.. and realy was enjoying himself.. and realy liked his presents... was very thankful... I then spoke with DW and she thanked me for her presents.. I said "I don't know what you are talking about":p .. in a humourous tone... She laughed good naturedly... I then wished her a merry xmas again.. and she to me.. she also said a couple of time to be careful at work tonight... (that is always nice to hear) I guess she realy must have liked her presents... I then asked to wish her family a Merry xmas.. and I then got off the phone, I then when to a friends home for xmas dinner.. (they had it early just for me.. ) So all in all... a very nice xmas day... I am in a very good mood... even though I'm sat in my cruiser... waiting to get called ... everyone else is tied up... cause it seems everyone else.. is not having a merry xmas.. and are going nuts.. ...(actually its not very funny...but to hell with it... I'm in a great mood:p ) Merry xmas:D Link to post Share on other sites
jultcygirl2 Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 You know what, I am in the same situation as your DW. My hubby is in the ARMY and we are having such a hard time. He feels all I do is nag and I feel so small and insignificant in hi ever so busy life. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, but you have owned up to your part in things. You are taking care of all the things you should be including yourself. I do agree that you shouldn't illusion yourself, by thinking that your DW's kind gestures mean anything more than, 'let's be civil', because if that's all she means you are going to really be hurt. I just wish my husband would make things as clear as your DW did for you. It's like a game of tug or war. I am just tired of being oushed away and then pulled back in only to be pushed away again. Sometimes I wish he would leave me alone and give the amout of closure you have. I hate loving so deeply. I wish I could shut it off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted January 2, 2007 Author Share Posted January 2, 2007 Hi all, I have had a very up and down holiday season... Made some mistakes... too.. It is becoming very hard to maintain the hope.. My DW will say things then seem to contradict herself in the next sentance? The other day she called me and wanted to know if I was playing games..? I asked her what she meant.. I had gotten flowers for her house as she was having all her family over for a newyears eve get together... Big mistake:mad: I also started to send a txt message one night... I had been drinking... and all i wanted to do was thank her for a book she had gotten me for xmas... and every time i was going to thank her... something else would happen..etc... Well I decided i should not sent it as it was at 230am and that would look strange.. I went to cancel the message and accidentally sent it instead... all the message read was "I"... she naturally thought I was going to say i love you... I was only going to say " I just wanted to let you know how much I love the book"... (Damn) It seems because of these little screw ups... i am driving my Dw further away... and causing more damage! On new years eve.. I got off work.. and called her and asked her if I could swing by her place.... just to say happy new year in person...to the boys... (and this is the truth) She said ok... but I am having a get together... I said Ok..? I assumed it would be later... and not at 7pm... as she had only gotten off work herself..at 6pm I get to her house.. and am met at the door by her and the boys... and that is far as I got... she was litterally blocking the door. I knew that her work buddy was there as I recognised his vehicle in the driveway... along with many other cars including her parents... also I knew her sister and her daughter were there... lots of people. My emotions got the better off me because of my perceived treatment that she was giving me... I told her "you are making me feel like an outcast".. I was insulted and felt angry... I had no intention of crashing the party... or causing a scene.. She knows I have an issue with her work friend.. (dread that they are seeing each other).. but there is not proof.. and she has denied it and has stated she is not seeing anyone... now .. and is not planning to see anyone . I think that is one of the reasons she did not want me in the house.. for fear of me... losing it... (I still don't know where she would get that idea...as i have never given any indication... I would go nuts)??? We continued the conversation outside... she said I don't want to argure... I replied "we are not arguing.. I am telling you how i feel" I said i don't want to argue either.. She then said happy new year.. and gave me a hug... I then had to be stupid and ask for a kiss. So I then left there.... feeling like crap..and stupid for being a human and having emotions.... and hurting... and pressuring her.. and etc... I drove to my apt... along the highway with my lights off... I was that numb! Last night... DW called me about 3 times in a row... on my cell before I called her back... she wanted to talk about new years eve... She talked about a line had been crossed... that I had pressured her... that she had not wanted me in her house... because several reasons... I had put her on the spot.. she did not want her guests to feel uncomfortable.. or feel they would have to speak with me.. etc.. I told her that I had been hurt.. and insulted... but I did understand that it was her house.. and that I had put her on the spot. I was sorry that I had done that... I said I a human.. and that I do make misakes... she seemed to except that... She also thanked me for being honsest.. There is more that is happened and been said... but it is pretty much the same thing... DW will say something leaning towards the impending legal seperation... and then say... you are more like the man I fell in love with.... I also confirmed one of the issues that occured in the relationship... I did lose my Alpha male status... became needy.. and could not make decisions... But... here is the reason... my DW wants to be seperated and eventually divorce... "the spark has gone"... yup... It frustrated the hell out off me... to know... that I am in a better place within in me.... than i was when we first got together... and that if given the opprtunity... that spark could be rekindled.... On the same note.... the way she treated me at her house... also caused something inside me to change... and realy woke me up to reality... i am seperated from my wife... and there is nothing I realy can do about it... It realy was a wake up call. I am just going to go back to the basics again.... because that is when progress was seen.... I think... that this holiday season just realy screwed me up... and I forgot my common sence as soon as the xmas carols came on the radio. I'm feeling better now... being all friendly but only business like about the kids... ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I'm sorry to hear things didn't go so well, but it sounds like you learned from it and already have a plan in place to move forward. That one didn't work so try something different, that is all you can do. I kind of know how you feel because of my situation, but we can just move on. My W says; "she wants to work on our relationship but isn't ready to date". She still might not be sure a divorce is what she wants to do, but you can't wait around until she makes up her mind, like you said go back to the basics and do things for you. I remember your posts when you would do things for yourself and you sounded so upbeat and happy with what you did, so go back and do those things again or more of them. Spend quality time with your boys and get back enjoying life for yourself..... I'm still pulling for you buddy and remember something a friend told me; you need patience just remember patience is very hard to do at most times. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 What to do? Adapt, improvise and overcome. Honestly, what you an "Alpha-Male" do, shrugg it off and move on. Why? Because that's all that you can do. Because there's nothing else that you can do. Both of you (ilmw and PSWX3) are doing what I did, doing everything you can to hold it together. The person that I hurt the most was me and my children ~ had I just moved on with my life ~ I'd would have been where I am now in at least half the time. The e-book that I recommended to you ilmw would benefit you greatly, and would go far in helping you to understand what the wife is thinking and going through ~ and then you will see that its not just you but could have been ~ could be any man. Famailirity or I should say over-familiarity did us in as much as anything. Famalirity bequeathes boredom ~ and the combination is deadly to a marriage. Of course this is all news we could have used going into the marriage, and now that we know it, and are coming to understand all of these new and wonderful things ~ there may be too much water over the damn and under the bridge to change the tide? Take particular note in the e-book as to the author's explaining to her friend why all of a sudden when his wife wants out of the marriage he becomes so despeate and needy. As far as the famalirity and boredom goes ~ this is the reason Carlos recommends that for every time a man says yes twice, that he say no the third time ~ regardless of how il-rational it may be in doing so. I can promise you that more time than not ~ when a woman knows all their is to know about you, can predict you, your words, your actions ~ most times you're ass is done! And she's going to move on and find something more interesting. Sidenote ~ ilmw and Perry ~ thanks for the XMAS PM's! Wasn't my intent to blow you off ~ but I was in the middle of move (house) along with working through the Holidays, and I had to get it done by the 31st, (got 99% done today) A be lated Merry Christmas and Happy New Years to all! Link to post Share on other sites
Antha Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 ilmw--just thought I'd stop by to let you know that I'm thinking of you and your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 What to do? Adapt, improvise and overcome. Honestly, what you an "Alpha-Male" do, shrugg it off and move on. Why? Because that's all that you can do. Because there's nothing else that you can do. Both of you (ilmw and PSWX3) are doing what I did, doing everything you can to hold it together. The person that I hurt the most was me and my children ~ had I just moved on with my life ~ I'd would have been where I am now in at least half the time. I'm sorry ILMW, that must have been a painful experience for you to stand outside and to know that you were unwelcomed. But in all honesty... I agree with Gunny. I think you're riding a dead horse here and keeping yourself from healing. The example you just posted is illustrative of the fact that your wife has moved on. She's given you visceral testimony about keeping her life separate from yours.... literally standing as a barrier against including you. I know that sometimes women put out alot of mixed messages. When a woman is 'done', most often she wants to get by with as little drama as possible and she's willing to try to smoothe ruffled feathers wherever possible toward that goal. Don't make more of that than what it is. This is what false hope is built of. When a woman is truly 'done', there's literally NOTHING that's going to "work" to bring her back. There is NO strategy that's going to be successful if she has her mind truly set. If that's the case, you can go back to the 'withdrawal' mode that you were in before... but the results will be the same. I think there's a good possibility that the reason you're seeing more positive communications with her during times when you've disengaged emotionally is that during those times, you're giving her what she really wants.... for you to "disengage emotionally". Why not invest some of the energy you've been putting into this thing into moving your own life forward? What would it hurt for you to explore your options more fully regarding the kind of lifestyle you would want for yourself and your children if reconcilliation were off the table? Link to post Share on other sites
chadnickole Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Looks like we are all going to be following the same plan from here on, Look for the Worst, Hope for the best!! You, Me and PWS have been nothing but avalable for our Wives and basically have still been husbands with out the support or our wives they know we love them and they know we are waiting so they have nothing to worry about!! They can just do as they please with no worries of us moving on even if that is what they want, when it happens they could just change there minds, if of course they are not to wrapped up a OM (which might be the case with mine) From here on out The only time I contact here will be for my Son, When she calls me i'll be kind but happy, but I'm going to start moving forward with me, If she truley wants out than it will make it easy for her if she doesn't she will have to prove it!! I hope I'm strong enough to follow the course......Like Ladyjane says if she truely has her mind made up to leave we are damned if we do and damned if we don't!! We might as stop being doormats take care of ourselves and our priorities.........Our best intersest in not in our Wives hearts, She is only concerned with making her happy and taking care of her and her prioritys!! Lets be friendly not friends I still hope All our Wives Open they're eyes and they're hearts up to Us (AS LONG AS WE ARE TRULY DESIRVING) THIS IS A NEW YEAR GUYS LETS LIVE IT Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Don't get me wrong Chad... I think you guys have made a truly monumental effort in giving your relationships this kind of chance. :bunny: Fact is, the ONLY way that you can tell if there's something left worth fixing is to clean the crud off of it. Unfortunately, sometimes once you've finished all the polishing and cleaning... you realize that there's nothing left in your hand. I don't believe for even a minute that any of you guys have wasted your efforts. When it comes time to stand down and let it rest... EVERY one of you will know that you gave it your best shot. NONE of you will walk away regretting that you didn't do your best. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Don't get me wrong Chad... I think you guys have made a truly monumental effort in giving your relationships this kind of chance. :bunny: Fact is, the ONLY way that you can tell if there's something left worth fixing is to clean the crud off of it. Unfortunately, sometimes once you've finished all the polishing and cleaning... you realize that there's nothing left in your hand. I don't believe for even a minute that any of you guys have wasted your efforts. When it comes time to stand down and let it rest... EVERY one of you will know that you gave it your best shot. NONE of you will walk away regretting that you didn't do your best. Ladyjane I don't know if you have read my post but I look at it this way, I wanted to give my marriage every chance "I" could. Once I have done that then I can be honest with myself and say I tried doing what "I" could. Weather she wants to I can't do anything about that. Sorry ilmw for posting something here about mine, but maybe we have done everything we can and it is time to move on. I know my W said she was going to give herself 6 months before she decides and that is next month. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted January 4, 2007 Author Share Posted January 4, 2007 What to do? Adapt, improvise and overcome. Honestly, what you an "Alpha-Male" do, shrugg it off and move on. Why? Because that's all that you can do. Because there's nothing else that you can do. Both of you (ilmw and PSWX3) are doing what I did, doing everything you can to hold it together. The person that I hurt the most was me and my children ~ had I just moved on with my life ~ I'd would have been where I am now in at least half the time. The e-book that I recommended to you ilmw would benefit you greatly, and would go far in helping you to understand what the wife is thinking and going through ~ and then you will see that its not just you but could have been ~ could be any man. Famailirity or I should say over-familiarity did us in as much as anything. Famalirity bequeathes boredom ~ and the combination is deadly to a marriage. Of course this is all news we could have used going into the marriage, and now that we know it, and are coming to understand all of these new and wonderful things ~ there may be too much water over the damn and under the bridge to change the tide? Take particular note in the e-book as to the author's explaining to her friend why all of a sudden when his wife wants out of the marriage he becomes so despeate and needy. As far as the famalirity and boredom goes ~ this is the reason Carlos recommends that for every time a man says yes twice, that he say no the third time ~ regardless of how il-rational it may be in doing so. I can promise you that more time than not ~ when a woman knows all their is to know about you, can predict you, your words, your actions ~ most times you're ass is done! And she's going to move on and find something more interesting. Sidenote ~ ilmw and Perry ~ thanks for the XMAS PM's! Wasn't my intent to blow you off ~ but I was in the middle of move (house) along with working through the Holidays, and I had to get it done by the 31st, (got 99% done today) A be lated Merry Christmas and Happy New Years to all! Thx Gunny I did get the ebook.. just have not got through it all yet... But thanks to the heads up with the practical info in it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted January 4, 2007 Author Share Posted January 4, 2007 I'm sorry to hear things didn't go so well, but it sounds like you learned from it and already have a plan in place to move forward. That one didn't work so try something different, that is all you can do. I kind of know how you feel because of my situation, but we can just move on. My W says; "she wants to work on our relationship but isn't ready to date". She still might not be sure a divorce is what she wants to do, but you can't wait around until she makes up her mind, like you said go back to the basics and do things for you. I remember your posts when you would do things for yourself and you sounded so upbeat and happy with what you did, so go back and do those things again or more of them. Spend quality time with your boys and get back enjoying life for yourself..... I'm still pulling for you buddy and remember something a friend told me; you need patience just remember patience is very hard to do at most times. Yeah your right PW... Its back to basics.. but I'm going to be more concrete this time... The incident on NYE kinda woke me up a bit... Hope may fade... but I never give up... this may take years.... but I know in my heart... we were good together.... and would do anything to have that back.... (sounds unrealistic... i know) On that same note... My eyes are opening.... and I am looking towards my own horizon... ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted January 4, 2007 Author Share Posted January 4, 2007 Looks like we are all going to be following the same plan from here on, Look for the Worst, Hope for the best!! You, Me and PWS have been nothing but avalable for our Wives and basically have still been husbands with out the support or our wives they know we love them and they know we are waiting so they have nothing to worry about!! They can just do as they please with no worries of us moving on even if that is what they want, when it happens they could just change there minds, if of course they are not to wrapped up a OM (which might be the case with mine) From here on out The only time I contact here will be for my Son, When she calls me i'll be kind but happy, but I'm going to start moving forward with me, If she truley wants out than it will make it easy for her if she doesn't she will have to prove it!! I hope I'm strong enough to follow the course......Like Ladyjane says if she truely has her mind made up to leave we are damned if we do and damned if we don't!! We might as stop being doormats take care of ourselves and our priorities.........Our best intersest in not in our Wives hearts, She is only concerned with making her happy and taking care of her and her prioritys!! Lets be friendly not friends I still hope All our Wives Open they're eyes and they're hearts up to Us (AS LONG AS WE ARE TRULY DESIRVING) THIS IS A NEW YEAR GUYS LETS LIVE IT Dito chad:) That was one of your best posts.... (in my eyes) as it came at the right time.... It mirrored how I am thinking and yes "feeling" Thx.. ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted January 4, 2007 Author Share Posted January 4, 2007 I'm sorry ILMW, that must have been a painful experience for you to stand outside and to know that you were unwelcomed. But in all honesty... I agree with Gunny. I think you're riding a dead horse here and keeping yourself from healing. The example you just posted is illustrative of the fact that your wife has moved on. She's given you visceral testimony about keeping her life separate from yours.... literally standing as a barrier against including you. I know that sometimes women put out alot of mixed messages. When a woman is 'done', most often she wants to get by with as little drama as possible and she's willing to try to smoothe ruffled feathers wherever possible toward that goal. Don't make more of that than what it is. This is what false hope is built of. When a woman is truly 'done', there's literally NOTHING that's going to "work" to bring her back. There is NO strategy that's going to be successful if she has her mind truly set. If that's the case, you can go back to the 'withdrawal' mode that you were in before... but the results will be the same. I think there's a good possibility that the reason you're seeing more positive communications with her during times when you've disengaged emotionally is that during those times, you're giving her what she really wants.... for you to "disengage emotionally". Why not invest some of the energy you've been putting into this thing into moving your own life forward? What would it hurt for you to explore your options more fully regarding the kind of lifestyle you would want for yourself and your children if reconcilliation were off the table? Thx LJ You are always the voice of reason... and also thankyou for your insight... into everyones life messes... I do tend to follow you around various posts/threads... (LS stalker... ) :lmao: I still love my wife very much.... but also am waking up to the fact that she may actually not want to reconcilate.. My game plan as previouly posted.... is for me now... and the boys.... If in time she wants to get back in the game.... then she will have to go to training camp... (start over again) She wants her own life... apparently... so be it... I love her.. so she is getting set free... (have you heard that one before.. ) I am now... trying to figure out... what else I want to do.... My problems is... as for a life list.... I have pretty much done everything I ever wanted to do... minus... going to Australia... and skidiving...(maybe Do3 could help me out there... ) There are somethings that I can do... and am seriously looking into.. ie (my work does "pickup hockey".. the 'boys' keep asking me to join... .. the funny scary thing is this.... I have not played hockey since I was 12/13 and have not had a pair of skates on since I was 18... I realy don't want to get my ares kick on the ice... :lmao: But saying that... It is a good opportunity to get some extra fitness training... and hang out with the guys.,,, Plus chicks dig Hockey Players... :lmao: Thx again for your insight ... and taking the time to give a damn.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted January 4, 2007 Author Share Posted January 4, 2007 Thx to you all... you are all like my bungie coard... once I go down.... you help spring me back up.. But I am finding.. that I am able to do it myself... more often... the strength comes from within... More often... I am coming on LS and checking out others situations... and less for myself.. No matter what happens... I am here for awhile... I also wanted to thank anyone I missed in all the above replies.. I think I got everyone... ... I wish you all a fantastic 2007... because I know alot of our 2006... realy sucked... :lmao: ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 You're welcome, ILMW... and thanks for the kind words. I'm highly confident that you're gonna do alright, no matter what. Just look at the difference between your beginning posts and now. You've learned so much. I love the hockey idea, btw. Nothing like falling on your ass a couple of times and then getting back up. It's kind of representative of the strength you've gained. :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
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