Gunny376 Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 Ahhhh I see now.... Its a very cunning plan... have all us hetromales jump the fence.. so you can have the Monopoly... :lmao: Nice try sunshine... A simple, yet cunning and devious plan which Dudley Dowright's arch rival Prof. Whiplash would envy and admire! Booooowhaaaaahaaaaaa! Link to post Share on other sites
Dad_of_3 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 A simple, yet cunning and devious plan which Dudley Dowright's arch rival Prof. Whiplash would envy and admire! Booooowhaaaaahaaaaaa! LOL .. this did nothing but made my day reading this. Damn straight you are catch. Anyone of us should never forget that little part of all of us. Keep it real, and make those plans to Skydive already ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted January 19, 2007 Author Share Posted January 19, 2007 LOL .. this did nothing but made my day reading this. Damn straight you are catch. Anyone of us should never forget that little part of all of us. Keep it real, and make those plans to Skydive already ! Hay Do3.. nice to hear from yah How is the weather downunder... How and what you been up too?? BTW... ITS WINTER HERE... NO SKYDIVING T'LL SPRING... Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 ilmw, you're going skydiving??? becareful!!!!!! I'm way to chicken to try something like that but my bro went once. He landed in a HUGE corncob field by accident lol And I reiterate MoonGirl's sentiments, You're definitely a catch! You've done remarkably well over the past few months. You've always remained optimistic and made the necessary changes for you! You've been a great role model for your sons and I have no doubt that a lot of women have the "blue flu" around you lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted January 19, 2007 Author Share Posted January 19, 2007 ilmw, you're going skydiving??? becareful!!!!!! I'm way to chicken to try something like that but my bro went once. He landed in a HUGE corncob field by accident lol And I reiterate MoonGirl's sentiments, You're definitely a catch! You've done remarkably well over the past few months. You've always remained optimistic and made the necessary changes for you! You've been a great role model for your sons and I have no doubt that a lot of women have the "blue flu" around you lol :lmao: ....thx dgiirl As for the "Blue Flu"... Hmmm I don't know... my "RADAR' has been turned off for over 8 years... but it is starting to buzz again... I am just recenlty noticing... attention... but.. I still ignore it... (damn) Old habits die hard... and unfortunaltly... I am a creature of habit... Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 :lmao: ....thx dgiirl As for the "Blue Flu"... Hmmm I don't know... my "RADAR' has been turned off for over 8 years... but it is starting to buzz again... I am just recenlty noticing... attention... but.. I still ignore it... (damn) Old habits die hard... and unfortunaltly... I am a creature of habit... In due time, dont you worry!! For me, it was refreshing to take the blind folds off and start seeing my surroundings again. When I was married, I rarely engaged other men, rarely looked at people in general, never made eye contact. Now that I'm single, I actually notice things around me more easily. It's like I have new eyes again and seeing the world as a new born. It's certainly an ego boost when you realize that when you smiled to someone you were able to make them smile back Enjoy it for what it is, but dont worry about acting upon it until you're ready Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted January 22, 2007 Author Share Posted January 22, 2007 In due time, dont you worry!! For me, it was refreshing to take the blind folds off and start seeing my surroundings again. When I was married, I rarely engaged other men, rarely looked at people in general, never made eye contact. Now that I'm single, I actually notice things around me more easily. It's like I have new eyes again and seeing the world as a new born. It's certainly an ego boost when you realize that when you smiled to someone you were able to make them smile back Enjoy it for what it is, but dont worry about acting upon it until you're ready Once again ... thx dgiirl... Its true though.... when I finally pulled my head out of my arse... I too started seeing things... how green leaves were... how blue the sky could be... or how strange forms you can make out in clouds...little things like that... that I stopped taking the time to see. Not anymore... I make time for these things... and what a difference that can make in a day... for each day I see a wonder... something different... Its kinda one of the things I think what life should be about... finding something to remember each and everyday.... Just one small thing that can make you smile... its working for me... I also found the simple joy of making someone smile.... feels good eh?.. ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted January 22, 2007 Author Share Posted January 22, 2007 Well, Sunday I had my family visit.. my place,,, around 100pm DW dropped off S/son.. it was a brief conversation... I was not interested in speaking with her other than to find out what time she would like the kids back... Around 130pm Mom and S/dad showed up... and a little while later... Bro & wife came... it was realy nice to have them all here.... and s5 was over the moon.. he loves them all... (he loves everyone.... in the family... and always shows it) The visit went great.... had some nice food... a little wine... Boys behaved well will there... but on the way home... to DW's.. s5 kept crying... he wanted to stay with me... kept saying he did not want to go home... and wanted to live with me.... S/son kept making comments.. which kept s5 going.. adding fuel to the fire... I got annoyed at him... for the first time in along time.... DAMN! When I dropped them off s/son did not really even say goodbye or thankyou... he just got on the phone a called a friend....nice (bloody teenagers......) Oh well... have to remind myself.. he is 13 and has his own crap going on in his head.... but that will only go so far. s5 still was crying when I presented him to DW. He was not a happy camper.... but I know... DW would have him calmed down in no time.. she can be very soothing when she wants to be. I then left... with a goodbye... (of course I got a hug and a kiss from s5) BTW... I was at a friends place on Friday... I show up... and there is sat this very attractive blonde... she is the one he has been trying to hook me up with... I ended up talking with her for an hour or so.... She was quite nice... and had a great smile... Damn... 5'9".. long blonde hair... nice body... perfect teeth.... nice laugh.... and could carry on a conversation.... I ended up asking for her phone #... ... she gave it to me happily... and then gave me a hug... ....... I was a little taken back .. how that night panned out... but it did feel good that someone was attracted to me... and Damn... this lady... is FRIGGEN hot to boot... No worries.. slow and steady... with no expectations ... not interested in a relationship... but as so many have said in their own threads... and in this one... it is nice to have a grown up conversation with someone of the opposite sex.. I guess I try and call her tonight... see if she wants to go for some beer and wings... ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
chadnickole Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Well, Sunday I had my family visit.. my place,,, around 100pm DW dropped off S/son.. it was a brief conversation... I was not interested in speaking with her other than to find out what time she would like the kids back... Around 130pm Mom and S/dad showed up... and a little while later... Bro & wife came... it was realy nice to have them all here.... and s5 was over the moon.. he loves them all... (he loves everyone.... in the family... and always shows it) The visit went great.... had some nice food... a little wine... Boys behaved well will there... but on the way home... to DW's.. s5 kept crying... he wanted to stay with me... kept saying he did not want to go home... and wanted to live with me.... S/son kept making comments.. which kept s5 going.. adding fuel to the fire... I got annoyed at him... for the first time in along time.... DAMN! When I dropped them off s/son did not really even say goodbye or thankyou... he just got on the phone a called a friend....nice (bloody teenagers......) Oh well... have to remind myself.. he is 13 and has his own crap going on in his head.... but that will only go so far. s5 still was crying when I presented him to DW. He was not a happy camper.... but I know... DW would have him calmed down in no time.. she can be very soothing when she wants to be. I then left... with a goodbye... (of course I got a hug and a kiss from s5) BTW... I was at a friends place on Friday... I show up... and there is sat this very attractive blonde... she is the one he has been trying to hook me up with... I ended up talking with her for an hour or so.... She was quite nice... and had a great smile... Damn... 5'9".. long blonde hair... nice body... perfect teeth.... nice laugh.... and could carry on a conversation.... I ended up asking for her phone #... ... she gave it to me happily... and then gave me a hug... ....... I was a little taken back .. how that night panned out... but it did feel good that someone was attracted to me... and Damn... this lady... is FRIGGEN hot to boot... No worries.. slow and steady... with no expectations ... not interested in a relationship... but as so many have said in their own threads... and in this one... it is nice to have a grown up conversation with someone of the opposite sex.. I guess I try and call her tonight... see if she wants to go for some beer and wings... ilmw The Son issue is a tear jerker for sure!! That is great news about the lady friend, it really helps to feel like someone actually likes you and wants your company!! Especially how the DW had made you feel in the past and as of late!! Definatly, Definatly, Definatly ask her out, to hell with all that waiten 3 days crap to call a girl as to make you look less needy!! They want to be wanted just as much as we do!! Definatly take it slow set up the guidelines and give her your instuction manual (NOT ALL AT ONCE SLOWLY) let her guide you with her actions before you get serious about setting the rules DON'T WANT TO SCARE HER AWAY before you really get to know her!! Just enjoy the company of a woman, they have a way of making things seem much brighter!! Of course there is a flip side to that coin!! The Woman I've hung out with latley I had too talk myself into it, but did not regret it after the fact!! AND ILMW HAVE FUN and let your hair out unless of course its high and tight!!! Link to post Share on other sites
MoonGirl Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 ilmw! Congrats on thinking about going on a date! You have come a long way since your first post here, and you remain one of my inspirations to improve my situation. Let us know how it goes! Link to post Share on other sites
MoonGirl Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 BTW, 13 year-olds are not really the easiest people to deal with in any situation. Your s/son is likely upset by your break-up and just doesn't really know how to deal with it. Acting up for this age during a stressful time is normal (so I've read). If you can be patient (however hard it is), I think he'll appreciate it in the future. It must be hard to see your 5-year-old so upset when you're dropping him off. This new way of life is a big change for him, but I'm sure he'll adjust. Link to post Share on other sites
Antha Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Hey ilmw, just checking in. My heart jerked so hard when I read about your s5 crying, not wanting to leave. I feel that way every time my daughter does it (though she's not yet 2 and just cries and screams for 'Mommy'). It breaks the heart a bit. I think you are doing good with s5 and if you continue with reassuring him, that you aren't going away, he'll begin to adjust in time. I was a 13 year old once, and so were you. I know 13-year olds can grate on the nerves, but its good that you are able to keep calm and not let it get to you too much. Being 13 is bad enough, but to be 13 and experiencing a divorce...you're a good father, and he will get better too. Just continue being the wonderful father that you know you are. Oh, and congrats on the revelation (and proof) that you are a desirable male to hot women. Its a real ego boost, isn't it? Kudos. Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 ILMW WOW that's all I can say, hmmmm 5'9" blonde, legs to WHERE did you say? and she can hold a conversation too? OK, good start... Step #1 Do exactly what you just posted, slow and easy, no expectations, you've gone through enough of those with the DW. Step #2 this is the hard one........USE HER NUMBER, AND CALL HER Step #3 She gave you the number that means you're part way there already. Go out, have fun, and relax and a BIG AND, try to forget your previous life at least for the evening. Enough advice from the peanut king... Sheeech 5'9" bod to boot, and can talk without smacking lips ? And you're not sure ? HEHE just ragging you bud. CC Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 Hay guys and gals, Been busy at work... and too tired to post for the past few days... but still lurked... Nothing much new... here on the home front... except.. I forgot to mention last time I posted that when I had my little guy over... he decided to tell me my DW's "friend from work" is Mommy's boyfriend... I lost it... I called her.. and confronted her.. (out of earshot of s5) She got really mad at me.. and said... you believe what comes out of your 5 yr olds mouth as being the facts... I was to upset and and angry... and she added to the fuel... that even if it were true... it would be none of my business as we were through.... I got angrier... and said.. I have noticed you have not denied any of this... To which she replied... because what ever I choose to do... is none of your business... The call ended shortly there after... I was pissed/upset.... and confused... What is messed up is... I am coming to terms with the entire separation and impending divorce... I guess there was some last vestiges of hope... But that seems to be gone... I then went and spoke with my little guy again... and asked him why he had told me what he did... he ended up apologising... and saying he was sorry.. that he did not mean it... (damn.... I agree ... with DW... why would I take everything that comes out of his mouth as the facts....) Once I calmed down... maybe an hour or so later... I called back DW... and apologised... I told her... I don't want to get in a discussion... I just wanted to apologise... for the way I acted... because what I had heard had upset me... I also agreed that what she does is not my business.... and pretty much left it at that.... I just wanted there to be peace between us... for ours and in particular ... the boys... I don't intend for this to get nasty.... It's not what anyone needs at this point... Funny thing was... I was doing so well... not thinking about it... having fun with the little guy... and Booom!! I get side swiped.... I guess the jealousy stage will be around for awhile longer... Since then... I have spoken to her once... just to confirm I had s5 on this upcoming Sunday... other than that... NC! As for the young lady... I mentioned in an earlier post.. I tried calling her number on more than one occasion.. but got a message the customer was unavailable... I thought... Hmmmm ... she gave me a fake number... Nice.... I spoke with my buddy who introduced us... and he said she often does not turn on her cell.... I get off the phone with him.... and maybe half an hour later.... tried once more... "I get her voice mail" I was startled .... and left a lame message... I also have to remember... I have not done this... for over 8 years.. so... I am not being that hard on myself... She calls great.... if she doesn't... her loss... I know what I have to offer... and that is that.... I have one question for you all... I am a police officer... and have found that when people I am meeting for the first time.. find out... they can sometimes shy away.... This is why I try and not tell them what I do... I tell them... I work for a municipality... and deal with public complaints... (not a lie...) What is you perception of law Enforcement types.... (I am not different from anyone else..if you have followed my thread... you know something of who I am inside...) but get treated different... all the time... (and not just by females.... I don't have many non-police friends...anymore) I'm just trying to get my head around being single...again... and getting out more... and meeting new people... Its not easy this new chapter.... but I will do it.... ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
chadnickole Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Hay guys and gals, Been busy at work... and too tired to post for the past few days... but still lurked... Nothing much new... here on the home front... except.. I forgot to mention last time I posted that when I had my little guy over... he decided to tell me my DW's "friend from work" is Mommy's boyfriend... I lost it... I called her.. and confronted her.. (out of earshot of s5) She got really mad at me.. and said... you believe what comes out of your 5 yr olds mouth as being the facts... I was to upset and and angry... and she added to the fuel... that even if it were true... it would be none of my business as we were through.... I got angrier... and said.. I have noticed you have not denied any of this... To which she replied... because what ever I choose to do... is none of your business... The call ended shortly there after... I was pissed/upset.... and confused... What is messed up is... I am coming to terms with the entire separation and impending divorce... I guess there was some last vestiges of hope... But that seems to be gone... I then went and spoke with my little guy again... and asked him why he had told me what he did... he ended up apologising... and saying he was sorry.. that he did not mean it... (damn.... I agree ... with DW... why would I take everything that comes out of his mouth as the facts....) Once I calmed down... maybe an hour or so later... I called back DW... and apologised... I told her... I don't want to get in a discussion... I just wanted to apologise... for the way I acted... because what I had heard had upset me... I also agreed that what she does is not my business.... and pretty much left it at that.... I just wanted there to be peace between us... for ours and in particular ... the boys... I don't intend for this to get nasty.... It's not what anyone needs at this point... Funny thing was... I was doing so well... not thinking about it... having fun with the little guy... and Booom!! I get side swiped.... I guess the jealousy stage will be around for awhile longer... Since then... I have spoken to her once... just to confirm I had s5 on this upcoming Sunday... other than that... NC! As for the young lady... I mentioned in an earlier post.. I tried calling her number on more than one occasion.. but got a message the customer was unavailable... I thought... Hmmmm ... she gave me a fake number... Nice.... I spoke with my buddy who introduced us... and he said she often does not turn on her cell.... I get off the phone with him.... and maybe half an hour later.... tried once more... "I get her voice mail" I was startled .... and left a lame message... I also have to remember... I have not done this... for over 8 years.. so... I am not being that hard on myself... She calls great.... if she doesn't... her loss... I know what I have to offer... and that is that.... I have one question for you all... I am a police officer... and have found that when people I am meeting for the first time.. find out... they can sometimes shy away.... This is why I try and not tell them what I do... I tell them... I work for a municipality... and deal with public complaints... (not a lie...) What is you perception of law Enforcement types.... (I am not different from anyone else..if you have followed my thread... you know something of who I am inside...) but get treated different... all the time... (and not just by females.... I don't have many non-police friends...anymore) I'm just trying to get my head around being single...again... and getting out more... and meeting new people... Its not easy this new chapter.... but I will do it.... ilmw That is how it happens to me, Even though I'm also coming to grips with things you get sideswiped or feel that way and you just need to clear the air and let DW know how you feel............. My Son had me drawing pictures of Daddy, Mommy and Zach(himself) over and over again last night!! Check out my Thread and see my series of emails from the DW the other day *SMACK IN THE FACE* take care man Link to post Share on other sites
debilou Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Sorry to hear about your moment of "losing it". I had plenty of those. I'm leaning toward the guy from work being her boyfriend. I don't want to bring you down but it sounds fishy. Your son doesn't want to be the reason you're upset so he'll change it around to make you feel better. My kids, your kids, everyone's kids are the real losers here. They are so stuck in the middle of real crisis for their parents. The parents who didn't see it coming and would have done anything to stop the D. I used to cry all the time. Now I've got it down to about once a week. It still makes my 11 yo say "don't be sad Mom". I hate it that my boys have suffered such bullsh!!. And for what . . . their Dad living out his teenage years again. I'm better off without him but he's the only Dad they'll ever have. Sorry to rant. Again, try to hold yourself together with every new thing coming your way. I know how hard it is. Debilou Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 ilmw, sorry to hear what happen with s and dw. I think it's very plausible that she's seeing someone else, or atleast seeing a new "friend" who she has an attraction to but perhaps has not pursued anything physically yet. Her definition is "Just friends" because nothing's been made official, but our definition is it's atleast an emotional if not physical affair. But it doesnt really matter, does it? The main thing is she's not with you. She's making a choice to be separated from you, no matter what her real reasons, and that hurts like hell She's choosing to walk away from your marriage and not work on the problems. To me, this is unforgiveable. Although she's choosing to end the marriage, would you still be married to her knowing she's capable of just walking away like this? Would you want to be married to someone who has no committment to the mariage? I think you need to give yourself some space from dw. You seem to be getting caught up a lot in your anger and jealousy, which is natural, but I dont know how productive it will be to show HER that anger and jealousy. I think if you give yourself some space from her, atleast you can work on some of these emotions without damaging your relationship with her further. I know for myself, I spent several months EXTREMELY angry. I mean, very very very angry. But I needed to get these emotions out. I needed to feel them for a short time so that I could get past them, otherwise they'd build up and fester inside me until I exploded. It sounds like you might be at the anger stage and perhaps you need to let it out. But you cant let it out on HER. She's still the mother of your children, and you still have things left to resolve in regards to your lives, divorce or reconcilation. So you dont want to do any further damage, but you need to get these emotions out, and I think space might be good for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 ilmw, sorry to hear what happen with s and dw. I think it's very plausible that she's seeing someone else, or atleast seeing a new "friend" who she has an attraction to but perhaps has not pursued anything physically yet. Her definition is "Just friends" because nothing's been made official, but our definition is it's atleast an emotional if not physical affair. But it doesnt really matter, does it? The main thing is she's not with you. She's making a choice to be separated from you, no matter what her real reasons, and that hurts like hell She's choosing to walk away from your marriage and not work on the problems. To me, this is unforgiveable. Although she's choosing to end the marriage, would you still be married to her knowing she's capable of just walking away like this? Would you want to be married to someone who has no committment to the mariage? I think you need to give yourself some space from dw. You seem to be getting caught up a lot in your anger and jealousy, which is natural, but I dont know how productive it will be to show HER that anger and jealousy. I think if you give yourself some space from her, atleast you can work on some of these emotions without damaging your relationship with her further. I know for myself, I spent several months EXTREMELY angry. I mean, very very very angry. But I needed to get these emotions out. I needed to feel them for a short time so that I could get past them, otherwise they'd build up and fester inside me until I exploded. It sounds like you might be at the anger stage and perhaps you need to let it out. But you cant let it out on HER. She's still the mother of your children, and you still have things left to resolve in regards to your lives, divorce or reconcilation. So you dont want to do any further damage, but you need to get these emotions out, and I think space might be good for you. Hi dgiirl. I totally agree with what you posted.. That is exactly why I am not contacting her except for reason about the boys.... as for the anger... I have been expecting this moment to happen.. for some time..... so I have kinda prepared myself for it.... it was just when s5 said what he said.... the thought of it possibly being real... blew my mind.. I lashed out... but... I cooled down pretty fast... so... I am handling it.. pretty well ... considering...what I thought before.. I will do nothing to effect my boys.... I care for them to much... and "freaking on their mother" will not be a good move. She can do what she wants... I do know she is a big girl... and she does normally have a head on her shoulders... so go nuts dear..! If she is going to "be with this friend"... I can't see it ever really lasting... He will have a hand full with the boys... and he has not kids of his own... he could not get his own wife pregnant... so that is why they are separated..... so ... I see him having loads of baggage.. down the road... Anyway.... I need to focus on me... and the boys.. she will do what ever... she is going to do..... and she is a good enough mother to minimise any effect her decisions will have on the boys.. which is one reassuring thing... The entire situation sucks.... and I for one... will do nothing to make this harder on those boys....so no worries... on the anger thingy... I know I will be happy again... I am normally in a good mood... most of the time... I put it down to having a good attitude in general... and that is something I maintain with positive thought.... ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 We could sit around here all damn day spitting moonshine into the fire, but what it all comes down to ~ is that you married one of those women ~ who if they're not "feeling" it doesn't want to do the hard work that a committment like marriage requires. I'm a "come Hell and Damnation" type of guy, and I'm all about "try, try again" but there's a certain point where we're just making a damn fool and nusicance of ourselfs. I don't know, and neither do you if the DW partner is her new BF or not. And, your certainly can't go by what the DS5 says, (what constitutes a BF or GF in a 5 years old mind? Certainly not the yardstick that an adult would use), but there's no doubt that she's getting some of her EN's meet by the guy. I mean come on! They're together 8 hours a day, and then are hanging after work as well. That combined with the fact that the two of you've sold the house, she's bought anouther house and moved into it, has physically barred you from entering her house, has shut you out in every aspect of her life except in regards to the children ~ I think pretty much says it all. You can stick around kicking and dragging this dead horse around with you everywhere you go for the rest of your life, or you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get busy with getting busy and living the rest of your life without her. Hey! I of all people know how that hard that is to do ~ but its the necessary work that lies before you. If I had my "druthers" I wouldn't be divorce today ~ but that wasn't a choice nor decision that I made ~ she did. I'm the one that had to learn to live with it and deal with it. And that's been a long tough row to hoe! I don't believe in the institution of marriage anymore. I thinks its a farce, a fallacy, a lie for all except the rare few. Half of all first time marriages end in divorce, 62% of all second marriages end in divorce. Of the one's that stay married ~ two-thirds of them aren't happy and are thinking about getting a divorce. For the first time in recorded history in America ~ 51% of the women are not married (MSNBC, Time, Newsweek). Too many women these days are seeking and expecting "perfection" and there's only one Man that I've ever heard of being perfect, and that was Jesus Christ. Part of the reason I suspect is that He was never married. No man whose ever been married is perfect. If JC had been married I could just see Him leaving on Friday with twelve other guys, and not showing back up until three days later. All his stuff would be out in the front yard and you can bet she wouldn't be buying his story about being crucified and being ressurected from the dead! :mad: You wife hasn't grown nor learned from either of her two marriages. She's drifting from one relationship trying to find that "loving feeling" and "true love" and "Mr. Right" which she's never going to find, because it doesn't exsist. As far as telling women what you do ~ I like the line you use. I don't tell women what I do for a living. When it comes up I tell them I'm a Hollywood "azz" double, that stands in for actors when they need to bare they're azz. What's the relevancey of the question? Are you interested in me or my income. What I would do if I were you, would be to date multipile women ~ all from diferent towns. That way when one dumps you, you've got a couple of spares! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 We could sit around here all damn day spitting moonshine into the fire, but what it all comes down to ~ is that you married one of those women ~ who if they're not "feeling" it doesn't want to do the hard work that a committment like marriage requires. I'm a "come Hell and Damnation" type of guy, and I'm all about "try, try again" but there's a certain point where we're just making a damn fool and nusicance of ourselfs. I don't know, and neither do you if the DW partner is her new BF or not. And, your certainly can't go by what the DS5 says, (what constitutes a BF or GF in a 5 years old mind? Certainly not the yardstick that an adult would use), but there's no doubt that she's getting some of her EN's meet by the guy. I mean come on! They're together 8 hours a day, and then are hanging after work as well. That combined with the fact that the two of you've sold the house, she's bought anouther house and moved into it, has physically barred you from entering her house, has shut you out in every aspect of her life except in regards to the children ~ I think pretty much says it all. You can stick around kicking and dragging this dead horse around with you everywhere you go for the rest of your life, or you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get busy with getting busy and living the rest of your life without her. Hey! I of all people know how that hard that is to do ~ but its the necessary work that lies before you. If I had my "druthers" I wouldn't be divorce today ~ but that wasn't a choice nor decision that I made ~ she did. I'm the one that had to learn to live with it and deal with it. And that's been a long tough row to hoe! I don't believe in the institution of marriage anymore. I thinks its a farce, a fallacy, a lie for all except the rare few. Half of all first time marriages end in divorce, 62% of all second marriages end in divorce. Of the one's that stay married ~ two-thirds of them aren't happy and are thinking about getting a divorce. For the first time in recorded history in America ~ 51% of the women are not married (MSNBC, Time, Newsweek). Too many women these days are seeking and expecting "perfection" and there's only one Man that I've ever heard of being perfect, and that was Jesus Christ. Part of the reason I suspect is that He was never married. No man whose ever been married is perfect. If JC had been married I could just see Him leaving on Friday with twelve other guys, and not showing back up until three days later. All his stuff would be out in the front yard and you can bet she wouldn't be buying his story about being crucified and being ressurected from the dead! :mad: You wife hasn't grown nor learned from either of her two marriages. She's drifting from one relationship trying to find that "loving feeling" and "true love" and "Mr. Right" which she's never going to find, because it doesn't exsist. As far as telling women what you do ~ I like the line you use. I don't tell women what I do for a living. When it comes up I tell them I'm a Hollywood "azz" double, that stands in for actors when they need to bare they're azz. What's the relevancey of the question? Are you interested in me or my income. What I would do if I were you, would be to date multipile women ~ all from diferent towns. That way when one dumps you, you've got a couple of spares! As always gunns.. I read one of your posts... and "I SEE THE LIGHT" :lmao: Yup you are right again my friend.... I sometimes post things... and they are actually in past tense... as in they happened a few days ago... I have had time to digest what happened... and because I am Alphain Up.. I am dealing with it.... I still listen to the CD's almost daily on the way to work/ and on the way home... BTW... I don't like to tell people what I do for a living straight away because they tend to prejudge... (oh we can't relax around a cop) Pisses me off... sometimes Many times... I am introduced like this... "this is my friend ilmw... he is a cop"....Nice.. Not this is ilmw... he is a pretty good guy. A lot of what you have said to me in the past has stuck... and it seems finally... I am getting my head around the really hard bits.... cause I have admitted to myself.. this is the way it is.... no more fantasy... its Mr. reality time... So...my friend... thanks for all you have done... cause you... have been a voice of reason... when this old squaddie needed to be yelled at... and told to grow the *uck up.... and grow back my balls... Cheers,, ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 What I am saying ilmw, its time you were fresh out of tears for this gal, and get busy picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and keep on keeping on! Its time to let all the ladies out there know that you're back on the street again. You are who you are, you are what you are, forget all these other people that keeps trying to put changes on you ~make the changes that you want and need to make for yourself ~ not someone else. In time you'll feel better than since your teenage years! Link to post Share on other sites
chadnickole Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 What I am saying ilmw, its time you were fresh out of tears for this gal, and get busy picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and keep on keeping on! Its time to let all the ladies out there know that you're back on the street again. You are who you are, you are what you are, forget all these other people that keeps trying to put changes on you ~make the changes that you want and need to make for yourself ~ not someone else. In time you'll feel better than since your teenage years! Sing It Gunny THATS RIGHT have fun and love it!! Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 What I am saying ilmw, its time you were fresh out of tears for this gal, and get busy picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and keep on keeping on! Its time to let all the ladies out there know that you're back on the street again. You are who you are, you are what you are, forget all these other people that keeps trying to put changes on you ~make the changes that you want and need to make for yourself ~ not someone else. In time you'll feel better than since your teenage years! I cant agree more! Gunny's got it right. As for your job, I think it's pretty cool. I'd probably be one of the lame ones who introduces you to my friends as a cop, but only cos I think it's a kickass job! But if anyone you meet has a problem with your career, then they're not worth getting to know in the first place. You want to meet people who are comfortable with who you are and you dont want to have to hide parts of yourself just so ppl will like you. Some people might not be comfortable around cops. Some people might not be comfortable with a straight edge geek girl To each their own. It shouldnt make me feel any less proud of myself, nor should it make you less proud of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 WOW you don't check the board all day and you miss two pages!!! Ilmw, you know you have been an inspiration for me & I read your posts with excitement, but Gunny is hitting this one on the head, It's time to let your hair down (or pretend:p) because your DW isn't ready to look at herself. It has nothing to do with what you have done, you have worked your a$$ off making yourself a better person and you can see the difference so just think what others see in how you have changed? I want to share this with you and it is just my thoughts but I I might be on the right track you never know. You know my situation and my W hasn't done anything for 4 months, but this month she told me she was jealous of what I have been doing and what I have changed. (SHE IS NOTICING) She has gone to our counsoler twice in the last two weeks, and she has an appointment in two weeks. This tells me she is interested in making herself a better or at least is seeing maybe there is something she could do to better our marriage. As for your DW she is friendly when it comes to the boys, but that could be because she is just a polite person and she treats you like a friend or even a stranger. I don't feel she has shown you that she wants to make herself a better person, nor has she shown you that she wants to work on your marriage so I feel she is not happy with yourself deep down. You know that feeling, you know how much work it takes and how much work you have done to realize who you are, so she hasn't hit bottom, she still doesn't understand there are demons inside of her that she has to deal with and until she does that she will never be happy with anyone and no matter how much work you have done & no matter how good of a person you become she will never be able to keep up her 100% worth in a marriage. LIke I said this is just my thoughts and I could be way off, but I feel even if our spouses move out there are still things they need to work on to be able to get back into a good relation.....It takes 2 to get you in the situation your at and it takes 2 to get you back out of it & I believe that with all my heart. Even though she was the one that left, there are things she needs to do to better herself and if she is not doing this then she is just fooling herself and she will just move on to someone else for a while until that gets a little rocky and then she will move again. Someone told me in my post that if you don't learn the first time around, it will come around again and slap you in the face until you finally get it and to me I just don't think she gets it! If we didn't live so darn far apart we could go get some clean snow together and make a couple snowcones!!!!(cherry of coarse) :laugh: By the way, isn't is about time for hocky?? I think girls dig guys on skates. Be strong & you know there are many of us that believe in you. Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Damn I hate that saying, especially from a wife ( yes you're separated but you're still legally married) and you do have a right to know who is associating with your kids......Regardless of what your DW thinks ILMW you do have a few rights left and one is to know that IF your DW is seeing someone and the kids know, you should be aware of it too just to be aware and not be caught off guard the way you were. Bud I have to finally say, it took a while, almost a full year for me but I'm finally over my X and over the failed marriage, never thought I'd get here and so did Dgirl I bet, but generally I'm a lot happier than I was with her and especially since the beginning of our separation. I still worry about her, but the life I had is over and the rebuilding is well underway and in many ways I'm having a pretty good time so there is light at the end of the tunnel, OK bud? As far as you're being in Law Enforcement, your job is so different from mine in that you're on the streets, where now this old guy is usually desk bound and if not, if I'm on assignment, it's something cushy that does not involve any kind of possible action. So to answer your question, I bet some ladies (DGIRL for one) might find L.E. attractive and others might not, you have to admit the hours DO SUCK but the uniform I bet is a plus, only problem is to get promoted it's back to suit and tie . I have noticed ILMW, that the majority of people I still know who work in the field, tend to migrate to Women/Men with similar jobs, it's easier for the spouse or friend or significant other to understand the stresses involved than it is for someone on the outside they tend to say nothing or little and worry. Check the stats, I bet a large number of marriage failures in the profession occur with a spouse who is not in the profession but maybe I'm slowing smoke. Hey her phone is off, you get a NOT AROUND, Blonde,,, Remember that LOl maybe forgot to charge the batteries ( just kidding all you blondes out there) And you left a message, I myself would try again until I actually get a live voice, simply because maybe she is scared she might sound too anxious if she returns your call. Sooooooo That's all I have to say today :-) Be safe bud.... CC Link to post Share on other sites
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