Gunny376 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Thx to you to gunns. I think maybe my last post might have been taken wrong... I was upset because of dropping my son of at school... and that I would not be seeing him that night. Seeing his happy little face.. brings me so much joy. He truly is a god send. He has the ability to light up a room where ever he goes. He is infectious. I had him from Friday afternoon till Mon morn... I had a smile on my face all that time... until I was walking away from his school... then it hit me... I miss my boy... As for the big "D"... if DW wants one she can file... I'm not paying a penny until... I have to ... and I am not going out of my way to help end this marriage. I'm not divorced until I am divorced... I'll go to my grave knowing... that I tried until the end. Dragging around a dead horse... No ... I don't dwell on my situation any where near how I did lets say a month ago... certain things have changed in me... I have come to except my life the way it is... I am doing things to occupy myself... getting a life. Having the best time I can... But when it comes to my son...... I can't but feel pain and sadness. In my own situation.... my father cheated on my mother... I was 8... it got verbally ugly.... until my father left. He was a very selfish man.... and I have modeled my life not to be like him... jezzzzz. He left my Step mother just before xmas... (wife #3) I know how I felt... when that happened.... I will not... can not... let my son down. Do I resent my father... sure... but not to the same extent I used to. The hump on my back is gone.... I deal with this stuff differently now. i have finally come to except my past as my past... nothing can be done to change it.... so.... I stopped dwelling on it. Do I still love DW. Yes... I do. But I also know... (still) there is nothing I can do... but what I am doing... and what I am doing is not for her. It is for me.... what is good for me... is good for everyone else. Do I expect to reconcile.... I don't think about it that much anymore. I can't... it is to painful.... and unproductive. I have not become a boozer... or a "man hoar" I maintain a certain... level of grace. I am proud of who I am.... I know where I am... and where I want to go. Finding someone else... is more like a side issue... not really sure if I could be in another relationship right now... Not because of DW... but because of me. I'm not sure if I really want to be with anyone for quite sometime. We cannot predict the future... so I am not worrying about what I do not have control over. I control my finances, my own mood... my own attitude... and how I treat others. Thats it. So... in a nut shell. I good..NO great. Once again... thankyou ilmw With all that said the only thing left to do is change your name to "John Wayne" I'm with LJ, Wow! Even I am blown away! You can share a fox hole or partner up with me anyday. You've taken "manning-up" to a new level. :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 Wow ILMW... just WOW! :bunny: (I wish we had an emoticon for Applause!!!) Then I wish there was an emoticon for (takes a bow) Thx LJ Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 With all that said the only thing left to do is change your name to "John Wayne" I'm with LJ, Wow! Even I am blown away! You can share a fox hole or partner up with me anyday. You've taken "manning-up" to a new level. :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: "John Wayne" eh? ...:laugh: Thx gunns.. that is a compliment. and yeah bud... Id share a fox hole or even my shell scrape with yah too. Link to post Share on other sites
chadnickole Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 I'm glad to hear your on the up and up!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted February 15, 2007 Author Share Posted February 15, 2007 I'm glad to hear your on the up and up!! Thx Chad.. Whats up.. not heard from you for awhile?? Let us know how you are doing ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 ROTFLMAO at your new aviatar! Your new signature then: "I will not be lied to, cheated, nor laid a hand upon! I don't do these things to other people, and I won't have them done to me!" ~ John Wayne Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 You mentioned the big "D" word for really the first time that I can recall, and that you refuse to pay for it and if theX wants it she can pay for it. I'm in the same boat or have the same feelings, I'M NOT LIFTING A FINGER !!! BTW John Wayne, as time passes, as much as the drama in your relationship isn't what I was went through ( thank God for small miracles eh?) so many things are so similar..... Time and time alone are the healing factors. You're doing a great job with S.5 and keep it up, they are all we have of a past marriage that has gone south..... how are you holding up with all the snow buddy? Down here in the banana belt we got a whole 3 inches and the dummies here panicked and yup rolled over SUV's and 4X4's all over the EC ROW, I think that a lot of people should be forced to take IQ tests when they buy SUV's LOL. Been trying to contact my HEX regarding getting the listing signed and what a job, for three weeks now no replies to phone messages or emails, know she is with someone and don't give a rat's ass, just need to get legal stuff done and getting grief for it. finally got in touch with her and the conversation went downhill right off the bat... The the dance continues, God I hope I sell this place this year, I need a new address. CC Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted February 15, 2007 Author Share Posted February 15, 2007 ROTFLMAO at your new aviatar! Your new signature then: "I will not be lied to, cheated, nor laid a hand upon! I don't do these things to other people, and I won't have them done to me!" ~ John Wayne Quote officially stolen and added! Thx..........Ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted February 15, 2007 Author Share Posted February 15, 2007 You mentioned the big "D" word for really the first time that I can recall, and that you refuse to pay for it and if theX wants it she can pay for it. I'm in the same boat or have the same feelings, I'M NOT LIFTING A FINGER !!! BTW John Wayne, as time passes, as much as the drama in your relationship isn't what I was went through ( thank God for small miracles eh?) so many things are so similar..... Time and time alone are the healing factors. You're doing a great job with S.5 and keep it up, they are all we have of a past marriage that has gone south..... how are you holding up with all the snow buddy? Down here in the banana belt we got a whole 3 inches and the dummies here panicked and yup rolled over SUV's and 4X4's all over the EC ROW, I think that a lot of people should be forced to take IQ tests when they buy SUV's LOL. Been trying to contact my HEX regarding getting the listing signed and what a job, for three weeks now no replies to phone messages or emails, know she is with someone and don't give a rat's ass, just need to get legal stuff done and getting grief for it. finally got in touch with her and the conversation went downhill right off the bat... The the dance continues, God I hope I sell this place this year, I need a new address. CC Hay CC good to hear from you. Yeah... we are getting dumped on up hear... It only been a short while... but Im totally sick of shovelling. If I wanted to sweep and shovel... I would have became a firefighter...:lmao::lmao: - a little professional rivalry. I am glad I have not had to go through some of the crap you have had to endure... Yes small blessings.. DW and I are on pretty good terms... She just sent me a short email thanking me for some photos I had sent her, of the boys I had taken at xmas with my cell phone camera.. (just figured out how to download it to the puter....then attach to an email...) We dealt with all the financial stuff at the time of our house closing... too. So that is all out of the way. You do sound like you are staying strong... but I can't and don't want to imagine what you still have to put up with with your stbxw. Stay strong brother...and drop in more from time to time.. BTW... I agree with the IQ test and SUV drivers... "its big....its got big wheels... its 4x4, I think... maybe..??.. It can go through anything... there for I can ignore any and all weather conditions..." Black ice and white outs don't differentiate between and Hyundai Accent and a Hummer... Take care ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 BTW... I agree with the IQ test and SUV drivers... "its big....its got big wheels... its 4x4, I think... maybe..??.. It can go through anything... there for I can ignore any and all weather conditions..." Black ice and white outs don't differentiate between and Hyundai Accent and a Hummer... Take care ilmw Hey now be careful, I drive two of those SUV's!!!!:laugh::laugh: and one of them will kick but over any Hummer.:laugh: My dad told me the only thing a SUV will do is get you stuck farther from the road & it will cost you more to get your arse back on the road....:laugh::lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 Hey now be careful, I drive two of those SUV's!!!!:laugh::laugh: and one of them will kick but over any Hummer.:laugh: My dad told me the only thing a SUV will do is get you stuck farther from the road & it will cost you more to get your arse back on the road....:laugh::lmao: :laugh::laugh:... PW your Dad is a wise man... In my experience... allot of people who drive SUV's tend to think they are indestructible during winter... and when the roads are clear.. ie: spring, summer and fall... those who drive High End German products.. BMW, Mercedes and High End Japanese stuff like Acura and Lexus...tend to have the same attitude... Those cars arn't so pretty when they are rapped around a tree... It ain't the speed that kills you.... it is the sudden stop. Buckle up... for safety folks... and as the commercials down in the states say... "click it or get a ticket" Isn't this off topic.. ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Isn't this off topic.. We sometimes need the off topic stuff to keep sane here Buddy. Glad to hear you're doing good ILMW, AND so you know, ( as if you already don't) Take as many pictures as you can they don;t stay young and fun forever...... Take care Bro and yes I'll come around more often. CC Link to post Share on other sites
chadnickole Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 Thx Chad.. Whats up.. not heard from you for awhile?? Let us know how you are doing ilmw all in all I'm doing just fine, can't complain!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted February 21, 2007 Author Share Posted February 21, 2007 Hi all, DW dropped off our son after his daycare (we both worked nights last night) I sent s5 into my apartment and spoke to DW. (The other day... I took s5 over night. When DW picked him up... she came into the apartment. We had a chat about this and that. She brought up something to do with her career goals... I instead of just listening... gave my opinion. BAD HABIT.. which I have really been trying to work on... and for the most part... have stop doing this) (Fast track to the 1st paragraph.) I apologised to DW for not just listening, buy giving my opinion... when it was not asked for. I let her know.. I have recognised this about myself.. that I know I did this allot before, and that I am working on it. She smiled at me... (like she would have like to agree with me...about the giving my opinion thing) It was a good natured smile. Her smile kinda changed as i was talking .. it is hard to explain... but she appeared to have understanding... or wonder in her eyes. She told me I did not have to apologise for that... but I once again said... I feel I have to ... as it is a bad habit of mine and I am working on making it go away. She just smiled again... She then left in the van..with a smile... and that was it.. S5 is in bed now... little guy would not go down for bed... he would not stop talking...and talking... Read him a book and finally he went down... I have him until Thursday morn,, I then take him back over to DW's as he, and his brother have a dentist appointment. Well thats been my day....... ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted February 22, 2007 Author Share Posted February 22, 2007 I read this post today... good insight for the newbies...good insight for us all:) http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t113131/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted February 26, 2007 Author Share Posted February 26, 2007 Hi all, Just journalling, A couple of days ago...I txt DW... our son's gloves went missing.. and we were trying to figure out where they had gone... Well she never replied... and this is unusual for her.... she is pretty prompt in replying to things about the boys... So... I my imagination kicked into overdrive...(until I got my head out of my arse again...and occupied myself) Anyway... around 6:20am yesterday morning... she txt me... apologising for not returning my txt... as she had been tied up with something highprofile at work,, It was pretty amazing.. (she also had not found s5s gloves) Anyway... I called her back around 10 mins later while I was drivining to work.. I wanted to hear more about what she had been involved in... Well... when she answered her cell.... she sounded so happy to hear it was me... she said "good morning" in such a nice way.... and the happiness she was projecting... through her voice... was infectious. I let her tell me what she had done... and managed to keep my opinion out of it... She only ended the conversation as she was pulling up to her work. ***(I'M AM NOT READING INTO THIS... BEEN THROUGH THIS FAR TO MANY TIMES TO DO THAT AGAIN)*** ... but, it was strange for me to hear her reaction...to me... especially at that time of the morning Another thing I found out recently (RECENTLY) is that DW's friend at work.... is only a friend. (This came from her Uncle.. apparently they spoken about things... and that was brought up... DW's Uncle has kept in contact with me... as we were friends before all this happened... DW knows we talk... and has told him she is happy we are still in contact. So... that is me.. so far.. Been brutishly busy at work... did 5 hrs OT last night.... and looking forward to have the little guy over on my days off. Oh... one more thing... I have found (and I know Gunny has mentioned this before) that.. reading... and rereading books... help you stay focused... and Yes Knowledge is power.... ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
MoonGirl Posted February 26, 2007 Share Posted February 26, 2007 Hi ilmw, Glad to hear about how you're doing. You're right - don't read into how your DW is treating you. She might just be so happy that you are both able to have a civil conversation with each other. And...just a comment... If she knows you're talking to her uncle, she may not be telling him the whole truth either. I don't want to make you paranoid, but I just want you to be careful. Have a great time with your son on your days off! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted February 26, 2007 Author Share Posted February 26, 2007 Hi ilmw, Glad to hear about how you're doing. You're right - don't read into how your DW is treating you. She might just be so happy that you are both able to have a civil conversation with each other. And...just a comment... If she knows you're talking to her uncle, she may not be telling him the whole truth either. I don't want to make you paranoid, but I just want you to be careful. Have a great time with your son on your days off! Hay MoonGirl, Yeah.. I've thought of the Uncle thing before... not telling him everything... etc... The thing is... he can read her pretty good... always has... and they have always had a very close relationship.... he was more like a Big brother/father to her... But.. At this point in time... it does not really matter what really is the truth... cause... we are not working at the relationship... I know allot of what I have thought about (another man) has been largely in my head... not knowing what is going on.... feeling paranoid etc.. Also I have always had a hard time believing a man and woman can just only be friends... but I'm a guy...... Who knows....?? I'm not clutching at straws here... I'm past that stage. So no worries of getting my hopes up here... I'm just going to continue what I am doing.. and that is living the best I can.. if she sees this... and wants to work on our relationship again... great... Honestly... I'm not looking around for anything else... Nor am I pining by my telephone every night waiting for her to call... or email. I do stuff to occupy myself. I do still love her... of course I do... But I have to live... and I realise that life is to short... to be sitting on your arse... wishing... So, I'll do other stuff... until... something inside says... enough is enough.... screw this... I'm done. Makes sense to me.... I don't need anyone in my life... and I still don't think we are 100% done... She has not served me separation papers yet.... and I expected to have been served over a month ago..?? Once again... who knows? Not worrying about it.... and Thx... I will have a great time with S5.... we always do... ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
AHIWON Posted February 26, 2007 Share Posted February 26, 2007 Good coping stories like this is encouraging for me. I'm still in the initial shock phase. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted February 26, 2007 Author Share Posted February 26, 2007 Good coping stories like this is encouraging for me. I'm still in the initial shock phase. You'll most likely be there for awhile... but if you look around LS like you have been doing.....you see it does get better... You will get stronger... its true, its true... ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
MoonGirl Posted February 26, 2007 Share Posted February 26, 2007 You'll most likely be there for awhile... but if you look around LS like you have been doing.....you see it does get better... You will get stronger... its true, its true... ilmw It is true! I was terrified to leave my abusive H...change is not easy. And now I am working on me. I work out (first time in 6 years!), eat healthier foods, read a lot more...and life is starting to feel so much better. ilmw's story helped motivate me to leave my husband. I know how strange that must sound! Watching ilmw go from a sobbing mess to a stronger, emotionally healthier man made me realize that I needed to take care of myself and that I would likely be okay in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
MoonGirl Posted February 26, 2007 Share Posted February 26, 2007 Hay MoonGirl, Yeah.. I've thought of the Uncle thing before... not telling him everything... etc... The thing is... he can read her pretty good... always has... and they have always had a very close relationship.... he was more like a Big brother/father to her... But.. Also I have always had a hard time believing a man and woman can just only be friends... but I'm a guy...... ilmw, Still, don't underestimate her ability to hide things she doesn't want you to know. But, you are right...since you're not working on your R, this doesn't really matter. Thinking about it too much will probably only set you back. I think a man and woman CAN be friends, especially if they are not attracted to each other. But, like you, I think it is rare because men tend to be attracted to many different types of women - probably especially those they chose to be friends with. I have many male acquaintances, but only a couple of male friends. I am almost certain that I could date them if I wanted to...but I don't want to because I'm not attracted to them. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 It is true! I was terrified to leave my abusive H...change is not easy. And now I am working on me. I work out (first time in 6 years!), eat healthier foods, read a lot more...and life is starting to feel so much better. It's amazing the transformation I've gone through. I was reflecting on that this morning. I had a memory of myself about 3 years ago, entering my exh's office. I could visualize his office, the smells, and the feeling of depression I was in during that time. I remembered the feeling of who I use to be and she's completely foreign to me now. I'm still the same person and yet I'm not. I'm in a new city. I've got a new job. I've got my own apartment. I'm meeting SO many new people and having SO many new experiences. I'm doing things that I NEVER would have done! It does take time and effort to start feeling better, and it is a slow progression. But with each day, you move on and you start to build new experiences and new memories that replace the old ones. And with effort, you can make an even better life! You have to be determined and stubborn to do it, but you can have such a brand new exciting life that you never would have dreamed about. 2 years ago, I would never have believed you if you said I'd be where I am right now. This isnt the married me! Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Hi Dgirl, Guns ILMW and the rest..... Been away a few weeks and come back and seems to me as much as we write about generally the same stuff, the bitterness, hurt, anger and frustration is not there so much anymore. I am just completing a 5 days ( yes count them 5 DAYS) of my X being here to visit the boys.. Now don;t jump all over me for letting her stay here, she has nowhere else to go and I can use some help to get the house ready again for selling. Well she leaves first thing this morning I I can't wait, I honeslt am amazed that I was married to this person for as long as I was, we are totally incompatible and have nothing in common apart fromt he boys. Well for me, things are going well, not nearly as many sad times as before and the really sadness is not from missing my X I don't but the failure of my marriage... I have the boys here so I'm in much better shape than a lot of you guys and gals who have nobody. So that's it for me, Dgilr, you have made so much progress over the past year, the anger really seems to have left you, THAT'S SO WONDERFUL, you have moved on with your life... ILMW, I know the holding pattern you are in, I undertand it I was there remember.... I was forced to move on, not willingly originally but was forced to all the same, You hang in for as long as you feel comfortable, you are doing such a great job with the boys and there is nothing wrong with that , let me tell you I KNOW ! ! ! Guns............. What can I say buddy, remember the time I suggested something about you being a southan redneck? LOL You sir are a gentleman.... Amazing how first impressions can be so out to lunch eh? So we're all waiting out the (hopefully) last of Winter so we can get outside, breath fresh air and get back to getting it on... CC. Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 While my X is here, I finally got her to change over the registration to one of the cars that's in my name but she drives.... Took her only 11 months for her to finally get around to doing it. I mentioned to her that now I can take her off my insurance policy, and she can go out and get her own... She went ballistic, saying things like I knew w you would do or say soemthing like that... I was put off a bit but simply said that hey, I want you out of my life, I haven;t any reason to feel the least bit responsible for paying for your insurance, we also talked about divorce..... You guys know where I stand with that, but she tells me she has calmed down and her anger towards me is leaving and she doesn;t have any intention of doing it.... Well I'm slowly VERY SLOWLY getting there, and as Gunny once said, the best time to do it is when the hurt, anger, frustration and feelings have totally left and it's just a formality, so someday I will do it more than likely, seems like I was hoping it would be her, but apparently she now has no intention of it... Now I have a question for you all.......... I recently ended a relationship that may have had a future... The reason was that my friend told me she was uncomfortable with my not being divorced, that I had not filed yet and had no intention at this time to do it. I told her that she knows my feelings regarding divorce and that I have been honest , up front and told her I also have no intention of ever taking my X back... What are you views on the subject? .... Sorry for rambling.... CC Link to post Share on other sites
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