Author ilmw Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 Your DW just doesn't know what she is letting go, it is a shame....... I guess us guys/gals that have looked at ourselves & admit we can do better and are welling to work on those issues start to see things a LOT different. Ilmw, I'm still in your corner & I'm still rooting for you!!!! Once again.... thanks PW ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 Ref: Dr. Phil McGraws book "Relationship Resuce" and the part about "feelling in love" as oppossed to "I love you, but I'm not in love with you! Your DW so much needs to have a meeting with this guy! I read that part tonight (one of the ten myths) and I said to myself, "Yep! That's ilmw situation all over that one!" She's setting herself up for a lifetime of heartache and heartbreak. She's searching for as Dr. Phil calls it, "Hollywood Love" I just read that part this morning... hmmm Sounds like you are right. I just wish she could recognise this... read something... get some more insight. I know I can't mention anything to her.... can't force my opinion on her. It is frustrating sometimes... when you can see the big picture... you have some of the answers to the problems.... and you can't do anything about it. I guess time will tell. She is going to be apart of my life for a very... very long time.... so we shall see... if her eyes open up to this. In the meantime... I'm just following your advise and get edumacated and taken care of business.. ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
chadnickole Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Just showing some love my friend!! Chad Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted March 30, 2007 Author Share Posted March 30, 2007 Just showing some love my friend!! Chad Thx Chad... good to here from you:D Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted March 30, 2007 Author Share Posted March 30, 2007 Well I'm officially separated. I signed the papers couple of days ago. Made like I had to be somewhere... (checking my watch in a blatant way) . I was friendly but not overly. I then left without further word. I have not called her since... and have only responded to her txt me.. or calling regarding the kids. We are going half on new bikes and helmets for easter... I offered to pay for both... and she was very thankful... I am now firm in the conviction... that I have one and only one course to sail.. I have finally got into my head... that to ever have a chance of reconciliation.. I have to really let her go... So.. No fuss ... no arguments. I signed the papers without a second word. What else can yah do? .... This sucks... but... I'm getting used to it. BTW.. I ran into one of DW's neighbours... he is the husband of one of DW's bestfriends... we go to talking... and somehow got onto the subject of Scuba diving... and that I wanted to take it up again.. after many years of not doing it... Well it turns out he is a master diver.. and belongs to a club... just south of where I live... he invited me to join the club.. and get recertified.... Awesome... Love sitting at the bottom of a lake looking up at the sun shining of the surface of the water... kinda peaceful... tranquil... and *ucking cool at the same time. And I like lots of bubbles... So... I got even more plans for the spring... Yeaaah!! Anyway... thats me so far... ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Good God Ilmw, first you want to jump out of a plane, now you want to go to the bottom of the sea, can't you find any fun things on land???:laugh::lmao::lmao: Doesn't it feel good when you hear of something that you might want to do then you decide to do it? Now you get to plan and get ready for the big adventure, it's so much fun.... I'm very sorry to hear about having to sign the papers but I see it as you did it the correct way, show the DW that you are fine with signing the papers and that you will be O.K. Now you let her go & let reality become her best friend..... I know you will be O.K. and you already know you are a better for what you have been thru so I give you a thumbs up smiley (since they don't have them here:p:D) to a job well done at finding who you are. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 ilmw, sorry to hear about the papers, but as always i'm impressed with your focus Keep focusing on the future and things you can control. Getting active in scuba diving sounds perfect for you! Just getting out and making new friends does wonders for the spirit! People get to know you, the single you, the you you are becoming and people will like you! Such a great boost to the self esteem You will also learn new ideas and new opinions from the new people you will meet. It's an exciting time if you allow it to be Link to post Share on other sites
Dad_of_3 Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 ilmw, Hey mate. Been out of it with the whole move into my own place and settling in. That and no net access ... but I'm back ! I've caught up with all thats been happening ... some highs and some lows. Dont know what its worth, but even you signing the papers with dignity and honour and being able to leave without getting overly emotional shows your mature strength and resolve. As for you diving, I say go for it ! Do it ! If its something you would like to do. Its not going to harm anyone, go for gold ! Its keeps me glad and determined that even after all this time, I jump on and there are people like yourself that are still going strong and remain focused on who, what and how they want to be better people in this crazy world. Take care big fella, Do3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted April 2, 2007 Author Share Posted April 2, 2007 Thx Do3 Good to hear from you... glad you are not another drop out... You sound like you are doing good all considering.. and awesome news regarding the bike course.. How is everything else going...?? ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
quiet1one1 Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Ref: Dr. Phil McGraws book "Relationship Resuce" and the part about "feelling in love" as oppossed to "I love you, but I'm not in love with you! Your DW so much needs to have a meeting with this guy! I read that part tonight (one of the ten myths) and I said to myself, "Yep! That's ilmw situation all over that one!" She's setting herself up for a lifetime of heartache and heartbreak. She's searching for as Dr. Phil calls it, "Hollywood Love" Thanks, I'm gonna have to pick up that book. I'm reading the Doc's "Self Matters" and it's good. Ya know, 2 years ago I though he was a quack but he does offer some really good help in his books. A few times when my W gave me the "I love you but I don't LOVE you" line I asked, "Do you even know what that LOVE is?" I firmly believe that she is looking for something that will probably never be there again, or more likely she doesn't even know what it is she's looking for. If you aren't familiar with my plight, my W sprung this on me after 23 yrs of M. After this much time I believe that in a normal M, "Hollywood love" comes in fleeting moments but the rest of the time I think it's about partnership, companionship, friendship, caring and belonging to a soulmate. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Thanks, I'm gonna have to pick up that book. I'm reading the Doc's "Self Matters" and it's good. Ya know, 2 years ago I though he was a quack but he does offer some really good help in his books. A few times when my W gave me the "I love you but I don't LOVE you" line I asked, "Do you even know what that LOVE is?" I firmly believe that she is looking for something that will probably never be there again, or more likely she doesn't even know what it is she's looking for. If you aren't familiar with my plight, my W sprung this on me after 23 yrs of M. After this much time I believe that in a normal M, "Hollywood love" comes in fleeting moments but the rest of the time I think it's about partnership, companionship, friendship, caring and belonging to a soulmate. Be forewarned ~ the first half of the book is about taking a hard look and self examination of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted April 3, 2007 Author Share Posted April 3, 2007 Be forewarned ~ the first half of the book is about taking a hard look and self examination of yourself. Very true... but it is the most rewarding thing to get through... Like basic training.. it sucks while you are there... but when completed... there is a real sence of accomplishment. ...ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted April 4, 2007 Author Share Posted April 4, 2007 Hi all, Well.. picked up my s5 the other day..just after lunch..get over to DW's house and s5 runs up and gives me the biggest hug... DW said he was talking non stop about going over to my place.....warms the heart. I look down to my right and see a picture frame (the multi picture ones) One she had bought along time ago... but we never got around to put any pics in it. Well I picked it up... and saw 4 different pics of the ocean.. wave crashing against the rocks... and recognised it from our trip to Cancun Feb 06. I had taken the pics.. I said it was really nice and we chit chatted about the pics and how she could not find the other frames...?? She then proceeded to show me how she had put a bunch of other pics of the boys out on display on a ledge in her stairway going up stairs... It was friendly but I kept it short... and left with s5;) Had a great time for the next 2 days... s5 at the age of 5 played sick.. so he did not go to school... He did a good job cause he fooled me.. the little monster...... I did not mind so much as I kinda wanted to spend more time with him.. but... this will not be a habit... can't have him think he can get away with that... no matter how much I want to spend time with him.. Yesterday... I drop s5 of a daycare.. DW called me on the phone and let me know... she was dropping off her neighbours son... (same daycare) and that we could meet there, so she could grab the s5's bags there. Once we got there... s5 instantly started to act up... and said he did not feel well... and that he wanted to go home.. etc.. DW did a great job of calming him down and getting him go into class. While she was talking to s5... she kinda stood up and look at me... and said..."you smell good, what are you wearing"... and was kinda taken back by the comment... and just said... "umm, I don't remember":confused: .. We then continued our conversation out side and she came over to my car to grab the bags... she wanted to carry them all...(she has always been like that)... so I gently grabbed one from her and told her... I will carry one... she said "thanks".. We then said our good byes... and I paid her know obvious attention... but I could have sworn she checked me out while she was about to pull away...... who knows... and I did not really give it a second thought until actually posting this... Funny thing about all this... I do feel much stronger than I have ever felt through out all of this separation crap. I know I will be OK... I know I will get through all of this... I have paid a big price for finding me again... and knowing I will never be that person my DW fell out of love with... and who I hated... ME.. Its good to be me... right now.. I work easter weekend... and DW has taken time off to take them to her parents... bunch of her relatives are going to be there too... as they are planning her parents re-affirming their vows.. So... I get to have s5... the following weekend for an extended time..(taking some holiday time) and going to visit my younger brother...and my pregnant sister in law... I want s5 to get to know as many family members as possible... so he learns to appreciate he extended family.. DW's.. and mine... it is important to me... as I never really had that. Well.... I vegging now... my last day off... back in tomorrow.. for 4... work night shift on the weekend... and I'm sure it promises to be busy/crazy as hell... but not as bad as May 24 weekend (Big Holiday weekend up here in Canada) kinda the prequel... to the summer drinking/long weekend season.... and lots of folks let down their hair, just a little to much. Take care all ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 You sound like such a great guy, ILMW.... a terrific Dad, a hard-working, civic-minded, emotionally mature, and apparently 'good-smelling' man. Your wife is CLEARLY out of her mind. Ah well, her loss will be somebody else's gain if she doesn't pull her head out. Unfortunately, that's a risk alot of WAW's take. By the time they finally realize what they've cast aside, some other gal comes along and snaps it up. My advice to you would be to 'stay off the market' until the ink is dried... although I'm starting to think you might need to break out your taser to get it done. :p That'll buy her a little more time just in case she decides to wise up. I just have this sneaking suspicion that she's going to blow a gasket when you finally start dating again. But even so, I'd play it 'wholesome' until the very last move. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted April 5, 2007 Author Share Posted April 5, 2007 You sound like such a great guy, ILMW.... a terrific Dad, a hard-working, civic-minded, emotionally mature, and apparently 'good-smelling' man. Your wife is CLEARLY out of her mind. Ah well, her loss will be somebody else's gain if she doesn't pull her head out. Unfortunately, that's a risk alot of WAW's take. By the time they finally realize what they've cast aside, some other gal comes along and snaps it up. My advice to you would be to 'stay off the market' until the ink is dried... although I'm starting to think you might need to break out your taser to get it done. :p That'll buy her a little more time just in case she decides to wise up. I just have this sneaking suspicion that she's going to blow a gasket when you finally start dating again. But even so, I'd play it 'wholesome' until the very last move. Thanks LJ, Glad to hear from you... as always.. you speak how I feel. I'm not done with this... not yet... just starting to be really able to distance myself... I actually am able to NOT.. show how I feel. Am able to hide it. It is overall... getting easier to handle on a day to day basis... but once and while... I get gutted... for no apparent reason... than hearing a song... or.. a show on TV... and the Tidal Wave comes crashing down... and I feel drowned... but just for a moment. Then I shake myself off... (luckily I'm just metaphorically wet) I guess I'm acting if I am moving on... but... I am not actually moving on.. in the respect of other woman.... not interested. NOT yet anyway.. Although I do miss the touch of a soft hand.. a gentle laugh, and the sent of perfume on my pillow (maybe I should just buy some.. and splash it around liberally Thanks for the advice... once AGAIN ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 I have to agree with LJ, your DW might be just wondering what the heck am I doing or better yet, what the heck am I letting go????? With all the changes you have been doing, how much put together you are she has to notice there is no question about it. If you ask me I think you are moving on as far as moving away from that old person; like me you don't ever want to be that old person again. You are moving to a better Ilmw and that is a positive thing and maybe down that road your DW will cross your path again & you can run her over to get her attention......:laugh: Keep up the good work, sounds like you have a few busy weeks ahead of you. Have fun with the little guy, it's so good to hear how he lifts your spirits. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted April 7, 2007 Author Share Posted April 7, 2007 I have to agree with LJ, your DW might be just wondering what the heck am I doing or better yet, what the heck am I letting go????? With all the changes you have been doing, how much put together you are she has to notice there is no question about it. If you ask me I think you are moving on as far as moving away from that old person; like me you don't ever want to be that old person again. You are moving to a better Ilmw and that is a positive thing and maybe down that road your DW will cross your path again & you can run her over to get her attention......:laugh: Keep up the good work, sounds like you have a few busy weeks ahead of you. Have fun with the little guy, it's so good to hear how he lifts your spirits. Hmmm... I thought I responded to this post PW? Strange? Yeah.. I've moved away from that person I once was... and you are right... I never want to be that person I became. I just was not me... I was out of character... unlike I had been. I'm not normally a moody person.. and I tend to be in a good mood.. even when it rains.. BUT... like many others... I became someone else... and lost who I truly was... lost control... Why this happened... well I'm not going to re-hash that one again... I've covered that enough in this thread.. that is getting so long... the 'thread' is starting to look like one of those 'ropes' they tie off... aircraft carriers:laugh: Well it is easter weekend... my first one alone in many years... Thank god I am working it.... get off Monday morning.. I know it would have been rough.. if I was sat here.. or even if I was with family. At least at work... I can get my mind off things... keep busy...etc. DW.. and the boys are up at her mom's now... which I am glad... They really celebrate easter.. and it is more fun than how my own family does it... She bought bikes for the boys for spring... I offered to go half on it along with new helmets.. She also said she would let the boys know it was from me too... along with all the other goodies they are getting for easter... minus the easter bunny stuff for s5 (keep him in the dark regarding all our supernatural friends for along while) I managed to get some time off for next weekend.. (Yeah ,,,) I'm taking s5 to my brothers place.. for a few days.. I'll see if s/son wants to go too... but I figure that is to long away from his girlfriend...:laugh: We shall see... Well... i just noticed the time... "crap".. Gotta jump in the shower... and get my ass to work.. Happy Easter everyone... hope you have a great day... ILMW:bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted April 13, 2007 Author Share Posted April 13, 2007 Hi all, Well I took 3 days off so I could visit my Brother and Sis-in- law for the weekend with s5. It turns out... she has had some complications with her pregnancy.. and just got out of hospital for some checks... she and the baby are fine...it was just a scare..as they thought she was going into labour... and the baby is not due to June.. So.. they still would like us to come down.. but only for the day (saturday) I had the whole weekend planed out... go shopping.. go out for meals... go swimming in their condo pool.. Now... unfortunately that is a bust.. (but thank goodness s-i-l and baby are ok. She is on doctor's ordered bed rest until the baby comes??? On a happier note... s5 is running around my place trashing it...:lmao: He looks into everything... "hey dad...whats this for..." and "what this do?" Also... I just received the entire Black Adder series on DVD... Yeaaah!! Been wanting to collect the series for years.. and just got it from Amazon in 1 case... (I'm a big fan ((see my avatar )) No changes with DW... but she did seem very friendly when she dropped off s5 last night. She even made fun of me... they way I dress s5 (I once sent him to school with a pj top on...) Hey it look like a shirt a 5yr old would where .... It was good natured.. and had no spite behind it. So it was a short interaction...but friendly. She even gave me a warm smile.. No not reading into anything... but.. ones mind does tend to wonder... once and awhile... Looking forward to heading down to bro's and sis in laws tomorrow... Later all... ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
El-Producto Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Sorry, but little off topic. I just noticed in your profile that you live just south of Santa's Village. Well, I live about 50 min. east of Santa's Village. In fact I used to work in the town where Santa's Village is. Small World. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted April 13, 2007 Author Share Posted April 13, 2007 Sorry, but little off topic. I just noticed in your profile that you live just south of Santa's Village. Well, I live about 50 min. east of Santa's Village. In fact I used to work in the town where Santa's Village is. Small World. Hmm...yes it is a small world.. Now I gotta figure out where you live... My mind works that way.....(i'll go to goggle maps......:lmao: Hey... what do you do for work... you with the MnR?? Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Also... I just received the entire Black Adder series on DVD... Yeaaah!! Been wanting to collect the series for years.. and just got it from Amazon in 1 case... (I'm a big fan ((see my avatar )) Me too... I got it for Christmas!!! :D I never could understand why Rowan Atkinson would bother with Mr. Bean when he's so verbally talented. The Black Adder ruined it for me, because I couldn't quite buy him as such a goofy guy afterwards. Anyway.. enjoy your visit. A nice relaxed family get-together might be just the ticket for all of you. Hopefully, it'll help you each take your mind off your worries. Link to post Share on other sites
El-Producto Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 No, I'm an ER nurse. The glorious world of healthcare. Link to post Share on other sites
hurting_in_nw Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Note to self: Don't pick up any women within a 100-mile radius of Santa's Village. Link to post Share on other sites
El-Producto Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Oh, and it's west not east. Big hint.. it's the hometown of a VERY famouse hockey player. Link to post Share on other sites
El-Producto Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Note to self: Don't pick up any women within a 100-mile radius of Santa's Village. Hehe, so very true. Link to post Share on other sites
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