Author ilmw Posted April 13, 2007 Author Share Posted April 13, 2007 Oh, and it's west not east. Big hint.. it's the hometown of a VERY famouse hockey player. Ahhhhh.. a little diversionary tactic of misdirection... but you came clean... Yeah... I know it... Very nice waterfront... but way to much snow...:lmao: Hey ...what am I talking about... we get dumped on here too.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted April 13, 2007 Author Share Posted April 13, 2007 Me too... I got it for Christmas!!! :D I never could understand why Rowan Atkinson would bother with Mr. Bean when he's so verbally talented. The Black Adder ruined it for me, because I couldn't quite buy him as such a goofy guy afterwards. Anyway.. enjoy your visit. A nice relaxed family get-together might be just the ticket for all of you. Hopefully, it'll help you each take your mind off your worries. I have been a fan of Rowan Atkinson since his early days on Not the 9 o'clock news (early 80's) I tend to agree with you... but I also have most of the Mr Bean series. I believe the reason it is so popular is that it transcends language barriers... and people all over the world like it .. because his form of "slap stick' is based on common human behaviour. (done in a uncommon way) God I'm sounding like a Nerd right now...:lmao: Nice to see someone else with the same taste though.. ......ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 God I'm sounding like a Nerd right now...:lmao: I don't worry about sounding like a "nerd" unless my...ahem... unnecessarily expansive... knowledge of Star Trek trivia gets loose in the conversation. Whoops! :o Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 I don't worry about sounding like a "nerd" unless my...ahem... unnecessarily expansive... knowledge of Star Trek trivia gets loose in the conversation. Whoops! :o BS! No woman likes Star Trek! What country is William Shanter from? Mmmmmmmmmm? Where is Captain Kurt from on Earth? Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 BS! No woman likes Star Trek! What country is William Shanter from? Mmmmmmmmmm? Where is Captain Kurt from on Earth? You're just trying to trick me into revealing my citizenship status in Nerdville. Jokes on you though... 'cause I could unabashedly run for MAYOR!!! :laugh: William Shatner was born in Canada, but Captain James T. Kirk won't be born until 2233... in Riverside, Iowa. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 BS! No woman likes Star Trek! What country is William Shanter from? Mmmmmmmmmm? Where is Captain Kurt from on Earth? WTH??? I love TNG and any scifi really. I'm running for secretary under LJ's Mayor! Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 LJ you are a woman after my own heart LOL. You might be one to recognise the souce of my sig line! Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 "Having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting. It is not logical but it is often true." Mr. Spock. Love the EARS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted April 16, 2007 Author Share Posted April 16, 2007 "Having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting. It is not logical but it is often true." Mr. Spock. Love the EARS. Wow... scifi loving ladies... where have you been all of my life..... The above quote is so true.... we often want things in our lives... and the fantasy of having them... can be all consuming at times... and when we get it/them.... they become everyday things.. like wall paper... They lose their luster... Sometimes causing regret (large ticket items..oooppps:o) or after one to many... (what was your name again??... over coffee.....) Or... we lose focus... of why we wanted it/them in the first place.... and let things slide... ignore the little things... let it fall apart.... (funny thing is... this does not only apply to relationships) Funny how a small quote gets you thinking eh? ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted April 16, 2007 Share Posted April 16, 2007 Wow... scifi loving ladies... where have you been all of my life..... The above quote is so true.... we often want things in our lives... and the fantasy of having them... can be all consuming at times... and when we get it/them.... they become everyday things.. like wall paper... They lose their luster... Sometimes causing regret (large ticket items..oooppps:o) or after one to many... (what was your name again??... over coffee.....) Or... we lose focus... of why we wanted it/them in the first place.... and let things slide... ignore the little things... let it fall apart.... (funny thing is... this does not only apply to relationships) Funny how a small quote gets you thinking eh? ilmw Sometimes little things can make you reevaluate. One night I was in the basement and I have this old poster with "Things I Learned form Star Trek". I read that line and it suddenly hit me. I wanted sooo badly for my STBXW to come back. Then I imagined her coming back, then I thought about all the grief she's given me in leaving. Than I thought about all the BS I put up with for years from with and realized i was probably more in love with wanting the relationship back than my STBX at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted April 20, 2007 Author Share Posted April 20, 2007 Well, I have been mulling something over in my mind for a few days.. and now... I'm going to post. Tonight.. I am talking with s5.. have him overnight. He proceeds to tell me that mommies friend... her and s5 went on a bike trip..the other day.. Well knowing my son.. he is not so good with his facts.. or dates.. but I do know.. he just got his new bike for easter.. which I helped pay for.. There are other things he has said/mentioned... that has raised an eyebrow.. but once again.. his perception is of a 5 yr old.. so I don't rely on it. Also.. I learned months ago..not to pry.. as it only got me pissed... and effect our visit together. But the little things.. he says... about mommies friend.. just gets my thinking... and I start to get angry. Now I still have no evidence that they might be a couple.. and not just good friends.. and that fact is still what is believed by her entire family... but.. my gut is starting to sink... in that department. I'm trying to stay out of her business... but when s5 brings him up... and tells me how this guy fixed something for him.... which I feel should have been me to do it... I get... well ANGRY... and feel like calling DW on it... Now I know this would be a mistake.. and I'm doing my utmost best to stay above..the anger and retaliation stuff... But when it comes to my boy... I feel I have a say in the matter. Once again.. I have no evidence... anything is going on.. Her closet Uncle.. who is like a brother to her.. who she has confided in for years.. even about me.. says he does not see anything there... and he has met the friend before.. and he appeared to be just that.. a friend.. Damn...I thought I was passed all this.. but I had to vent... because it has been bugging me. I feel like if I knew... she was seeing this guy... I might have some closure... have some reason to move on faster... but... still... its all denial.. (well no denial.. because... apparently.. there is nothing there) She has no reason to keep anything a secret... we are separated.. all signed up... so What is the deal? I guess its the just not knowing... that is getting me down.. and it is effecting me visits with my son.... I can a will rise above this.. but right now... I'm pissed.. feeling angry.. and jealous.. that this guy... is seeing my son more than I am...?? I just don't know.. I know many will say she is seeing this guy.. and it looks like it... but.. She is truly risking a lot.. with the lies and her family... as they still think she is not seeing him... and she has always.. been honest with her mom and uncle.. Her and her mom are close as sisters... so .. I just can't see her lying to her.. or her uncle either.. See.. why the confusion... Christ.. her mom and dad only last week invited me up to there place.. which I said.. "we shall see...maybe in the summer" I sometimes feel like tracking this guy down.. and beating him within an inch of his life... and calmly advising him to go find a new friend... but.. that would only be... a selfish act.. with limited and short felt... relief. With long lasting.. and negative repercussions.. for me.. and any relationship at all with DW of any kind... and Yes.. would get me in hot water at work... So.. its back to thinking happy thoughts.. and breathing deep... hoping for the best.. expecting the worst... and working on me... I will get through this.. but... damn... I need a break... I just don't want to think about it... and don't want it to interfere with my relationship with my son... and I wish there was someway.. I could communicate this with DW... without it backfiring.. Oh well.. I needed this... cause it has been effecting... me for several days.. I've said it before.. and I'll say it again... thank god for LS.. or I'd be a basket case... Night all... Ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Hang in there, wish I had better stuff to say. With kids involved I can't imagine how hard it gets ... Just remember no matter what that you're DAD and no one can ever replace you! No matter what they do... Unless there's some chance of him hurting the kids you have to let it go for your own sanity I think. Whether or not she's involved with this person right now one day she could be involved with someone else .... maybe a good chance of it. You too will likely be involved with someone else as well. You're just going to have to prepare yourself for that possible outcome or even the possibility that something is going on now. As far as reasons for her to hide it, who knows and worrying yourself over it doesn't help. I don't know an easy way to say it. My STBX maintains that she's not 'in a relationship' or slept with the man whose house she moved into. The same man I thought she might have been having an A with before she left. I have no idea what is true. I've given up on trying to find out. It took too much energy out of me. If she is then she is. If not, fine. Either way our marriage is at this point over. I live my life now with that mindset and it helps FWIW. Stay strong and keep your worries about things you can actually do something about. Link to post Share on other sites
quiet1one1 Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 ilmw, the under-current of your post has better answers/advice than I can give. Just re-read it and let it sink in...you accept that your M is done and what your STBXW (finally starting to get those acronyms down!) is doing is gonna happen. How you're feeling about it is normal and exactly how you should feel under the circumstances. Grief, anger, and doubt are par for the course here, just do it on your own time. While I'm kinda new here, I've been following the "regulars" and you've obviously come a long way - don't let this get the best of you. This friend, regardless of his relationship with your STBXW, WILL NOT REPLACE YOU IN THE EYES OF YOUR SON!!! As long as you are there for him, you will always be Dad. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 I spent a few months in the anger/jealous stage. I mean, deep anger!! I was angry because my ex told me he wasnt having an affair, and yet, she was there. The two didnt add up and all I wanted was him to admit the truth the way I saw it. The thing is, they'll never see the truth the way we see it. If they did, they wouldnt do what they are doing, so they rationalize it to make it suit their view of themselves. "We're just friends"... and then down the road, feelings start to develop and friendship starts to blur. The one thing that helped me was the realization that it doesnt matter if he's having an affair or not. The important thing was he LEFT me. It doesnt matter why. He LEFT me. That's what hurts the most. That's what's hard to forgive. That's what destroyed our marriage. ilmw, it sounds like you're grasping onto this idea that your wife is not having an affair. It's your last straw of hope, but I think it might be false hope. I understand the need for false hope. For me, false hope was better than the alternative, because without it, I would have snapped and did something regrettable, most likely to myself. So I dont want to take your hope away if you really need it right now, but you also have to work through that anger and pain you have. You have to slowly make yourself accept the reality. Work through as much anger/pain as you can, and then use hope as a break to give yourself some rest and repeat. I fear it might hurt you more if one day she does turn around and say they're more than friends. Come on, we're all adults here. With the amount of time they seem to be spending with one another, there's a 99.9% chance that atleast one of them has and will develop feelings for the other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted April 20, 2007 Author Share Posted April 20, 2007 Thanks for the replies guys... I'm ok..now... I've been preparing myself.. for this for sometime know. I thought she was seeing someone... some time ago... but... that turned out to be false... I don't know... if she is now... and yes it seems most likely she may be... but.. like I said... I don't know.. I think... my reaction... was mainly based on my son talking about DW's friend.. It got the better of me... I normally can shrug it off.. but... well... it was shrugged off.. but not maybe... flushed out of my system. It must have built up... and last night came to a boil... But instead of doing something stupid.. (like calling ) I came on here... I'm going to keep myself busy... and try and focus.. on something else. I'm probably going to a get together.. Sunday .. and I am apparently going to be introduced to another young lady... ? That might distract me... I think I'd like some female company... right now... cause the only females I meet these days... are.. well in cuffs.. or are pissed at me for giving them a ticket.... (not a real good ice breaker) :lmao::D Geeesh.. laughter is the best medicine. Feel better already... Once again.. thanks guys... for being there... when I needed it. ilmw PS... I'm at least following my own advice... nice not to be a hypocrite Link to post Share on other sites
big_tony Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 "The one thing that helped me was the realization that it doesnt matter if he's having an affair or not. The important thing was he LEFT me. It doesnt matter why. He LEFT me. That's what hurts the most. That's what's hard to forgive. That's what destroyed our marriage." BINGO!!!! That's exactly the fuel that keeps me going. SHE left ME. I didn't leave HER. It's nice to see others who are going thru this have the same thought process as others. I know this is not my thread, but thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 I know how the things can just build up on you... Every damn morning one of my first thoughts is STILL my STBX. I have to control what I think about constantly or get stuck in that loop. Sometimes that control just breaks down.. I've been know to yell out (at home ) " Get the F*** out of my head!!!" Sometimes you have to let those feeling out for just a while or they'll get to you. You just can't make those rash decisions. You're really doing super ilmw all things considered. I found that e-mail is soooo dangerous.. Back in the day you would have to sit down, write the letter...get an envelope, stamps, address it then get to a mailbox. Somewhere in that process you usually decide not to send the damn thing. E-mail it's one click away...and that has burned me. I guess the internet sure has changed relationships in a big way. Probably contributed to what seems to be a huge spike in affairs. Look at all the communication options open to people now. I've seen ads where a man or women even have a personal where they're married and want something on the side.. Link to post Share on other sites
El-Producto Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 I know how the things can just build up on you... Every damn morning one of my first thoughts is STILL my STBX. I have to control what I think about constantly or get stuck in that loop. Sometimes that control just breaks down.. I've been know to yell out (at home ) " Get the F*** out of my head!!!" Sometimes you have to let those feeling out for just a while or they'll get to you. You just can't make those rash decisions. You're really doing super ilmw all things considered. I found that e-mail is soooo dangerous.. Back in the day you would have to sit down, write the letter...get an envelope, stamps, address it then get to a mailbox. Somewhere in that process you usually decide not to send the damn thing. E-mail it's one click away...and that has burned me. I guess the internet sure has changed relationships in a big way. Probably contributed to what seems to be a huge spike in affairs. Look at all the communication options open to people now. I've seen ads where a man or women even have a personal where they're married and want something on the side.. Email has been one of the WORST problems for me through all of this. First of all, I was spying on her email, and it killed me to read the crap she was saying. I've stopped that now, best thing I've done yet. And I fired off some pretty stupid emails to her, that I regretted as soon as I hit send. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted April 20, 2007 Author Share Posted April 20, 2007 I know how the things can just build up on you... Every damn morning one of my first thoughts is STILL my STBX. I have to control what I think about constantly or get stuck in that loop. Sometimes that control just breaks down.. I've been know to yell out (at home ) " Get the F*** out of my head!!!" Sometimes you have to let those feeling out for just a while or they'll get to you. You just can't make those rash decisions. You're really doing super ilmw all things considered. I found that e-mail is soooo dangerous.. Back in the day you would have to sit down, write the letter...get an envelope, stamps, address it then get to a mailbox. Somewhere in that process you usually decide not to send the damn thing. E-mail it's one click away...and that has burned me. I guess the internet sure has changed relationships in a big way. Probably contributed to what seems to be a huge spike in affairs. Look at all the communication options open to people now. I've seen ads where a man or women even have a personal where they're married and want something on the side.. Thanks SD. Your so right... modern communication options.. I think is a real contributor to the ease of having an affair. Lets not forget about Txt messaging.. and friggen cell phones... Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 First off ~ DS5? That's someone God gave you and no-one can ever take away. Unless you let them. Stay active in his life, be a part of his life, put him first and foremost before any and all others, and no man will ever be able to take your place. June will have been a year ~ time to start thinking about yourself. I'm not saying go out and find someone else ~ but its time to start moving in that direction. At the end of the day? Your fault, her fault ~ no one's fault, your wife choose to leave the mariage, and continues with that choice, while keepipng time with another man ~ just a friend or not. Bottom line? She's just not "feeling it" for you. Her lost is going to be some other gals gain. She's got a "friend" ~ its time you found yourself one or two to mark time with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted April 20, 2007 Author Share Posted April 20, 2007 First off ~ DS5? That's someone God gave you and no-one can ever take away. Unless you let them. Stay active in his life, be a part of his life, put him first and foremost before any and all others, and no man will ever be able to take your place. June will have been a year ~ time to start thinking about yourself. I'm not saying go out and find someone else ~ but its time to start moving in that direction. At the end of the day? Your fault, her fault ~ no one's fault, your wife choose to leave the mariage, and continues with that choice, while keepipng time with another man ~ just a friend or not. Bottom line? She's just not "feeling it" for you. Her lost is going to be some other gals gain. She's got a "friend" ~ its time you found yourself one or two to mark time with. Once again.. thanks Gunns. I think it is time... I got a "friend"... BTW its been since April... I only started posting in June.. Lurked on here for awhile.. before.... Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Once again.. thanks Gunns. I think it is time... I got a "friend"... BTW its been since April... I only started posting in June.. Lurked on here for awhile.. before.... Well there you go. After a year it's pretty certain that it's a done deal. After 3 months I'm already looking into and forward to 'options' but nothing major. Life is so short and I ain't getting younger. But the last thing I need is a new wife right now, if ever! Link to post Share on other sites
El-Producto Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Well there you go. After a year it's pretty certain that it's a done deal. After 3 months I'm already looking into and forward to 'options' but nothing major. Life is so short and I ain't getting younger. But the last thing I need is a new wife right now, if ever! Even though I have NO interest in pursuing anything with anybody right now.. I am enjoying being single. It's amazing how different females treat you when they find out you are now single. Flirting is fun.. and harmless. Link to post Share on other sites
hurting_in_nw Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Flirting is fun.. and harmless. Fun yes, harmless...not always. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 What you guys are surprisingly going to find out is the number of women that are single, self supporting, independent that don’t want to get married, that don’t want to shack up ~ but just want to have a good time, just being friends (no sex) and then there’s no shortage who make no bones about it ~ they just want to play and have sex! Shocked the Hell out of me! This isn’t high school anymore guys! I was speaking about this other day with my Bud ~ quote ~ "There's Ms Monday, Ms Tuesday, Ms Thursday, Ms Saturday. I know one little gal, who's got a nice little house (paid for), steady job ~ and there's no freaking way she's going to let some guy get a slice of her pie ~ so she goes to work and home ~ because she can't reconcile in her head how to have someone in her life ~ without all the entanglements. I keep telling her, she's right up my alley! She's got her place ~ I've got mine. We can have an exclusive monogamous relationship. She gets tired of me being underfoot, I can go to the house and she can call me. (Only problem is? She's an identical twin? Damned fantasies? ) Like I keep telling you ~ there's no freaking shortage of women! Link to post Share on other sites
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