Author ilmw Posted May 21, 2007 Author Share Posted May 21, 2007 You're right that you don't have to settle and that's a good thing to know. Just watch out with that anger ... it may really be due to someone else's actions and you're directing it towards the wrong person. One of the reasons it takes time to heal from a divorce before going into anything new. You've handled all this superbly but deep in there you're probably still pretty damn PO'd at your EW. If you're not comfortable with this new relationship ... end it gently. Thanks Sd, To be honest... I don't really feel anger.. more like annoyance. Not something.. I generally feel.. I pretty much get along with anyone... Its down to .. feeling pressure... from the new lady.. As for DW... your probably right... but deep down inside.. I'm not over her.. not by a long shot.... But I am able to function... with out it effecting me.. outwardly. Seeing the new lady... instead..of helping me forget... has made me remember..even more... and that does confuse me... as in the past... finding someone new has always... made me forget... Figure that one out.. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 OK Guys? Knock it off! You're only fooling yourselves! You're in "robo" mode ~ OK! You've shut down that part of the brain housing group that lets you "feel it" for a woman. You're going through the day to day, doing what you're suppose to be doing, taking care of business, paying the bills, doing your jobs, etc. You've gone "tilt" ~ you're "re-booting" your 2.0v. Your exsisting ~ not living! IT'S FREAKING OVER WITH THE EX! GOT IT! DON'T FORGET IT! IT JUST FREAKING IS! YOUR FAULT, HER FAULT, MY FAULT! THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT FREAKING IS! I apolgize, but that's just the way it is! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted May 21, 2007 Author Share Posted May 21, 2007 OK Guys? Knock it off! You're only fooling yourselves! You're in "robo" mode ~ OK! You've shut down that part of the brain housing group that lets you "feel it" for a woman. You're going through the day to day, doing what you're suppose to be doing, taking care of business, paying the bills, doing your jobs, etc. You've gone "tilt" ~ you're "re-booting" your 2.0v. Your exsisting ~ not living! IT'S FREAKING OVER WITH THE EX! GOT IT! DON'T FORGET IT! IT JUST FREAKING IS! YOUR FAULT, HER FAULT, MY FAULT! THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT FREAKING IS! I apolgize, but that's just the way it is! Whooa there Gunny. Bud.. I am not intending to tick windge or moan... I'm just realising.. I am not ready to see someone... Not ready to settle with someone.. who is not right for me... It another new experience for me.. I also know.. I am not over DW... and that is good to know... because recognise... I need to work on me.. MORE. I have plenty of things planed this summer/spring... my plans.. just for me... to help with my recovery... and no one... including DW.. will get in the way of this.. I am my own man.... and that is the way I intend to stay... it has taken me a life time to figure this out.... and when really traumatic event... to kick me on the arse... to get me see what I was and was not doing right! Also with the help from you and so many others on LS.. "I see the light" Its going to be ok... ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Whooa there Gunny. Bud.. I am not intending to tick windge or moan... I'm just realising.. I am not ready to see someone... Not ready to settle with someone.. who is not right for me... It another new experience for me.. I also know.. I am not over DW... and that is good to know... because recognise... I need to work on me.. MORE. I have plenty of things planed this summer/spring... my plans.. just for me... to help with my recovery... and no one... including DW.. will get in the way of this.. I am my own man.... and that is the way I intend to stay... it has taken me a life time to figure this out.... and when really traumatic event... to kick me on the arse... to get me see what I was and was not doing right! Also with the help from you and so many others on LS.. "I see the light" Its going to be ok... ilmw We're cool ~ just wanted to inject some reality there ~ albeit perhaps too much? Went high and to the right ~ on the target. You're on target. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Whooa there Gunny. Bud.. I am not intending to tick windge or moan... I'm just realising.. I am not ready to see someone... Not ready to settle with someone.. who is not right for me... It another new experience for me.. I also know.. I am not over DW... and that is good to know... because recognise... I need to work on me.. MORE. I have plenty of things planed this summer/spring... my plans.. just for me... to help with my recovery... and no one... including DW.. will get in the way of this.. I am my own man.... and that is the way I intend to stay... it has taken me a life time to figure this out.... and when really traumatic event... to kick me on the arse... to get me see what I was and was not doing right! Also with the help from you and so many others on LS.. "I see the light" Its going to be ok... ilmw My measuring stick is .... when I wake up in the morning. Before I have much control over my thoughts. When I start waking up regularly and not thinking of her almost right away ... I'll know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted May 22, 2007 Author Share Posted May 22, 2007 We're cool ~ just wanted to inject some reality there ~ albeit perhaps too much? Went high and to the right ~ on the target. You're on target. Yeah were cool.. You are the master.. of injecting reality... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted May 22, 2007 Author Share Posted May 22, 2007 My measuring stick is .... when I wake up in the morning. Before I have much control over my thoughts. When I start waking up regularly and not thinking of her almost right away ... I'll know. Hey... that's pretty good.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted May 22, 2007 Author Share Posted May 22, 2007 Well.... I am free as a bird again... Didn't go to the BBQ after all... I was feeling so pressured to go... and felt trapped... I just did not show up... I had every intention of going.... but she kept txting.. asking when I would be over... (I was never actually given a time to be there)... It really started to bother me... In the end I called her... and told her I did not want to see her... anymore... repeated what I had told her a while ago... and gave what probably sounded like lame excuses. She of course was not happy... but.. I had to cut this off before she truly started developing feelings... which I could not.. return.. I have been thinking about it today... and I feel relieved... There was not enough there for me to try... something missing.. plus... all the other crap I was being reminded of. I will know when I meet her.. if she is right for me... Not in a rush... Kinda liking my freedom.... so to speak... I will not right off seeing other woman... I did have fun.. and I did feel good to be.. wanted... (but holy crow.... that was way to much to.. soon) BTW... Dgiirl... you were right...! Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 Well.... I am free as a bird again... Didn't go to the BBQ after all... I was feeling so pressured to go... and felt trapped... I just did not show up... I had every intention of going.... but she kept txting.. asking when I would be over... (I was never actually given a time to be there)... It really started to bother me... In the end I called her... and told her I did not want to see her... anymore... repeated what I had told her a while ago... and gave what probably sounded like lame excuses. She of course was not happy... but.. I had to cut this off before she truly started developing feelings... which I could not.. return.. I have been thinking about it today... and I feel relieved... There was not enough there for me to try... something missing.. plus... all the other crap I was being reminded of. I will know when I meet her.. if she is right for me... Not in a rush... Kinda liking my freedom.... so to speak... I will not right off seeing other woman... I did have fun.. and I did feel good to be.. wanted... (but holy crow.... that was way to much to.. soon) BTW... Dgiirl... you were right...! Gunny as usual descibed it right. Running on auto pilot, robo mode. Still recalibrating the systems... Probably over correcting.... Raise the bar to high, lower it too much. Get the sights lined up just right. We'll get there.. BTW ... don't have time to go back in the thread ... Has any paperwork gone through yet? That's a defining moment... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted May 22, 2007 Author Share Posted May 22, 2007 Gunny as usual descibed it right. Running on auto pilot, robo mode. Still recalibrating the systems... Probably over correcting.... Raise the bar to high, lower it too much. Get the sights lined up just right. We'll get there.. BTW ... don't have time to go back in the thread ... Has any paperwork gone through yet? That's a defining moment... Yeah,.. Gunns is usually on target. As for paperwork.. only thing is a separation agreement.. nothing through the court... yet. But I'm pretty sure it will be coming... not really going to be surprised when I get it... either. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 My measuring stick is .... when I wake up in the morning. Before I have much control over my thoughts. When I start waking up regularly and not thinking of her almost right away ... I'll know. This is a really good measuring stick and thank you so much for reminding me!! I have definitely made it to this stage. My ex is no longer the very first thing I think of in the morning, usually hitting the snooze button and sleeping more is lol. I dont know when I stopped thinking of him but it's great!!! And I did not notice this progress in myself Thanks for mentioning it! Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 BTW... Dgiirl... you were right...! It's not always great to be right... but yah, I've experienced some similar people myself. More so in the beginning than now tho. I dont know why, but when we are hurt and vulnerable, we tend to attract similar people. You'll need to heal a bit more, but you definitely sound much further down the road than I was and am Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted May 23, 2007 Author Share Posted May 23, 2007 It's not always great to be right... but yah, I've experienced some similar people myself. More so in the beginning than now tho. I dont know why, but when we are hurt and vulnerable, we tend to attract similar people. You'll need to heal a bit more, but you definitely sound much further down the road than I was and am Thx Dgiirl. The thing is.. with this woman... I acted very put together.. In face.. at first I was.. but the more I saw her.. and (on her insistence) that was going to happen more and more... I was reminded of DW.... it was messed up. I also... never acted hurt or vulnerable... which is great for me... I really felt confident. I never complained about what happened.. in fact I did not want to go there... as I thought it was way to soon in a fledgling possible relationship... but she went there. I was doing pretty good in the I'm seperated getting divorced department... getting used to the idea.. but like I said... she started to bring out the memories.. and I started to compare the two.. and she did not compare to DW... *****y but true. Also... that soon into a 'relationship' or what ever it was.. I should not feel ticked off... and feel pressured.. Mr gut was saying... "this isn't a good start" Funny thing is... I have never felt this way so soon into something... also funny is.. I FELT NOTHING AT ALL. That also bothered me. I did have a nice time with her... but... it just was not meant to be. Thats ok... I'm in no hurry.. like I said to you Dgiirl... when I least expect it... it will happen. BTW... did you get my PM? Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 Yes, I got your pm. Sometimes I read my pm's in the morning before going to work and then forget to respond to them later. I totally suck! lol Will respond right now Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted May 23, 2007 Author Share Posted May 23, 2007 Yes, I got your pm. Sometimes I read my pm's in the morning before going to work and then forget to respond to them later. I totally suck! lol Will respond right now Yes your a very bad person...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted May 26, 2007 Author Share Posted May 26, 2007 Hi all... nothing new to report... same old same old... The ever sprirraling road Divorceville... Have not been in much contact with her for well over a week... I think she took of with her new guy... Pissed me off because I thought she was at her mothers.... so I had no problem not seeing s5. I called to speak with the boys got a conflicting date that they were coming home from s/son... so I asked him to get his mom to confirm. He let me know... she was not there and had not been for several days... she had told him she had to work. She was not at work.. Oh well... I was at first ... really angry... pissed.. and ready to take her arse to court....etc etc... but.. luckly she never responded for a couple of days... and I had calmed down. She finally called me last night while I was at work... so was she... I told her of how I was pissed at what she did... she started to get defensive.. but then she realised why I was angry..(over not seeing son) and not her going of and scroging this guy... who she has apparently only just starting dating officially... (what ever) I'm really not starting to care ... what she says any more... as it is becoming apparent... she is becoming quite the accomplished lier... to me.. to her family... and to our boys... (then again... I have no idea what she was actually doing.. and ever time I thought she was doing something... she was in fact doing something innocent...) Not my business any more... and this train of thought... has kept me... sain, and generally in a good mood. I'm just glad I cleared up my issue with not seeing my son.. Nice to get it of my chest.. and clear the air...so to speak... Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted May 26, 2007 Share Posted May 26, 2007 You can't do a damn thing about her and her choices ~ but when it comes to DS5, you can damn well set your bounderies and establish some benchmarks. I'd be letting her little azz know ~ that I could care less about her personal life (fake it until ya make it) but you want be lied to and you won't have her lying to your son either. Way to "man-up" ~ ya did good! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted May 28, 2007 Author Share Posted May 28, 2007 Well.. Just got off the phone with DW.. we talk for almost 2 hours. She had been recommended LS by a friend... she found my thread.. and read it top to bottom... I had posted my pic for another thread... as a lark.. that is when she realised it was her/my/our life spread all over... She was upset... and was particularly upset I had called her a lyre. She confirmed that she had never told me she would be at her parents.. I agreed and that I had assumed it. Wow.... small world. I feel kind of weird.. torn kinda open.. exposed.. IRL.. She knows things about me... what I have been going through... but the real...thing.. what I feel and have felt... the raw me.... I don't know what else to say.... ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted May 28, 2007 Share Posted May 28, 2007 Well she knows how you feel about her, what you have been doing to be a better person & you are serious about moving forward, being a better person & if she wants to be on that train she better hurry up because it already left & she has some catching up to do...... Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted May 28, 2007 Share Posted May 28, 2007 She has no reason to be upset. This is your support system, a place for you to confide in friends and find peace/solutions with what is happening in your life. But it's more than that. It's a place for you to vent your feelings and get advice from people who have absolutely no biased or ulterior motive. Often our loved ones want us to be happy, and often their advice would be biased because they dont want to see us unhappy. So they advise us to do things that might not be in our best interests simply because they want us to heal faster and be happy again. Also, although our loved ones love us, they have their limits too. They dont want to constantly hear us complain or moan about the pain we're dealing with. Unfortunately, that pain DOES need to come out and thankfully for forums like this, we can get the pain out and not burden our loved ones. It also protects our WS from our anger, and we dont slander their name to their loved ones. If she was recommended this site, it sounds like she might also need a support system. If that is the case, then perhaps a little empathy is in order. To ILMW's wife. It's very clear that your husband loves you, and it's very clear that he's made a lot of changes over the past year, for you and more importantly for himself. Yes, you might not like some of the things he said, but you also have to understand that we're all emotional beings and sometimes we need to vent. This forum is like reading his private journal and then using it against him. He did not slander your name to your loved ones, to your friends, or to anyone who knows you. He said something in anger in his own personal space, HIS own support system. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilmw Posted May 28, 2007 Author Share Posted May 28, 2007 Thanks guys.. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted May 28, 2007 Share Posted May 28, 2007 I'm here for you Bro ~ I've got your back! I'm not going to post much more than that, because if I do? I'm going to go "Gunny" on the situation! And when I go "Gunny" its not fun ~ and its not pretty! We're talking calling in "air support" ~ "arty", naval gunfire, and the CM's! FI! I'm going in! Mrs ilmw? You're peaking sexually! Your hormones are driving you! Man up and post! Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted May 28, 2007 Share Posted May 28, 2007 I'm here for you Bro ~ I've got your back! I'm not going to post much more than that, because if I do? I'm going to go "Gunny" on the situation! And when I go "Gunny" its not fun ~ and its not pretty! We're talking calling in "air support" ~ "arty", naval gunfire, and the CM's! FI! I'm going in! Mrs ilmw? You're peaking sexually! Your hormones are driving you! Man up and post! Calm Down Gunny! Calm Down! Now look what you have done, you got him going again! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 28, 2007 Share Posted May 28, 2007 Mrs. ilmw, I think you've lost a very nice man. I hope you realize this and have some regrets. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted May 28, 2007 Share Posted May 28, 2007 Mrs. ilmw, I think you've lost a very nice man. I hope you realize this and have some regrets. OooooRaaahaaa! Semper Fi~ Do or die! Link to post Share on other sites
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