Getting Seperated...totally lost

[Pink Amulet]

Mrs. ilmw, I think you've lost a very nice man. I hope you realize this and have some regrets.

 

Agreed.

 

Don't be angry about the words expressed on here.

 

He has remained respectful to you throughout the whole ordeal.

 

I hope every thing turns out for the best... for the both of you.

[sumdude]

Y'know ... I often wondered what if my STBX found this site ... I know there's a few things I've posted I'm not terribly proud of but what the hell. You go crazy in the head when your spouse tells you it's over, rips you in half.

 

We spout our feelings here... our irrational & emotional moments ... our fears, suspicions whatever you can name because there aren't too many places to go with that but round n' round inside our own heads. We could take it out on someone else ... that sure wouldn't help matters would it? Because for the spouses who are left all we can do is wonder what the hell is going on? When your second half, who once shared it all with you rejects you ... we try to find some sort of meaning in it all. At least some of us do. Some just go into scorched earth policy...

 

ilmw ~ What can you do? Carry on and live your life, you'll be just fine.

 

to his wife ~ You have your reasons and have made your decisions ... good luck in your life. Imagine if he read or heard your various ... thoughts over the last months. Pretty scary I'd bet.

[Darth Vader]

Ok, I skimmed most of the BOOK! Skipped a bunch of pages, at least 5-10 at a time, but, I would be here until next year, and still never catch up to the end of this thing. Anyway, first off ILMW, I'm impressed that you did a 180 got your life back on track and everything else in between that I skipped read, this BOOK's just too long to read in one evening. Like I was saying, a real improvement, I'm surprised that you havn't been beating the women off, oh wait, you pratically have been doing that. Like some one else here stated, what your wife, or STBXW, throws away, another woman will treasure, ya got yourself together!

 

To ILMW's wife, or STBXW, I hope you havn't been screwing around on your husband all this time, but if you have been, I hope you're happy with yourself for hurting a fine MAN! God knows you'll have to live with it, it may take you 15-20 years to come back and admit that you lost a fine man like ILMW because you just strike me as the stubborn type. Anyway, a person can only do the best that he/she is able to do in a marriage, yes, mistakes will be made throughout a marriage, that is enevidible. But as long as a person is willing to try to correct mistakes in the marriage(cheating is a very possible exception), what right does anyone have to deny them that chance at making a better future with the one they love?

 

Lady, you are SOOOOOOOO Gonna Kick Yourself for divorcing your husband! By then it will be too late!

 

That's the part where Mr. Reality (ME) comes in. I say, Hoooney, I'm Hooome!

[Gunny376]

Ok, I skimmed most of the BOOK! Skipped a bunch of pages, at least 5-10 at a time, but, I would be here until next year, and still never catch up to the end of this thing. Anyway, first off ILMW, I'm impressed that you did a 180 got your life back on track and everything else in between that I skipped read, this BOOK's just too long to read in one evening. Like I was saying, a real improvement, I'm surprised that you havn't been beating the women off, oh wait, you pratically have been doing that. Like some one else here stated, what your wife, or STBXW, throws away, another woman will treasure, ya got yourself together!

 

To ILMW's wife, or STBXW, I hope you havn't been screwing around on your husband all this time, but if you have been, I hope you're happy with yourself for hurting a fine MAN! God knows you'll have to live with it, it may take you 15-20 years to come back and admit that you lost a fine man like ILMW because you just strike me as the stubborn type. Anyway, a person can only do the best that he/she is able to do in a marriage, yes, mistakes will be made throughout a marriage, that is enevidible. But as long as a person is willing to try to correct mistakes in the marriage(cheating is a very possible exception), what right does anyone have to deny them that chance at making a better future with the one they love?

 

Lady, you are SOOOOOOOO Gonna Kick Yourself for divorcing your husband! By then it will be too late!

 

That's the part where Mr. Reality (ME) comes in. I say, Hoooney, I'm Hooome!

 

OOOOOOOooooooraaahhhhhhaaa!

 

Mr. Reailty coming in the house ~ kicking the front door down, Saying " HONEY! I'M HOME!"

[notspiritual]

Originally posted by ilmw:

DW had the decency to finally tell me sh is dating someone... and has been for about 3 weeks.

I think she took of with her new guy..

 

ILMW you’ve done more than was humanely possible to save the marriage. But she kept rejecting you. You are not her husband anymore. In this thread, you have been true to your feelings. There is nothing to be ashamed of. There is nothing to hide.

 

You’ve shown that you are a good father and this is all that should matter to her.

Whatever she thinks of you is none of your business.

[ilmw]

Hi everyone,

 

I really appreciate all the support.

 

I don't believe DW will be back on here to post. She stated she would not. If she does... it is a free forum.

 

She stated she read the entire thread.. and yes I was respectful.. not because I ever imagined she would find it... which really shocked me.

 

I was respectful.. well because I respect her.... and her decisions. Does not mean I am happy with them.

 

I had a pretty restless night last night.. took me forever to get to sleep. Not had a night like that for a very long time. I'm feeling really strange. Kinda spaced out... and numb. This situation really has gotten me confused. I'm trying to get some focus back.. It will be ok.. I'm just having to adjust to having all my dirty laundry.. thrown out the window.. for all to see... (lousy metaphor).. and not very accurate.. but its how this feels.

 

My anonymity .. is gone. Someone has been on LS knows who I really am... and all my personal feelings... wants, desires..pain and hurt... those things a man is not allowed to show.. is known. Do I really, really care. NO.

 

I don't feel like she spied on me, as she came across my thread by chance.. and I was stupid enough to have my own pic up... Then again.. she is pretty sharp.. and would have probably picked up on the content of my posts... as she was there.. Who really knows..? So... I don't feel any anger.

 

I'll be back to normal... once this settles in my mind.. might take a day or two.. but I'll be just fine.

 

It is time to truly move on.. she has made it quite clear... on several occasions.. she has... I know it.. am learning to except it.. I'm tired of us causing each other pain... Do I love her.. yes.. probably to the day I die.... but I am not going to let that stop me having a life.... and enjoying it. Maybe there is a woman out there who will make me forget DW.. Who really knows... I don't really care right now.. not because of her... but because of me. I am my own man... and what I do, is the right thing.. and what ever I do... will be the right thing. Could I see someone now... Yes. Do I want to be in a relationship.. not right now...

 

I know what I have to offer to the table. I know I am a good catch. More that I ever was before. I am actually stable. My mind is clear... I know what I want.. and know what I expect.

 

I am me... for the first time in a long time.. I let a lot of crap... pile up on top of who I really was... and that goes way back before DW.. or even my prior LTR. I think it has a lot to do with self imposed expectations. What I thought was expected of me.. based on all my experiences... as a man. I have found that a lot of those experiences.. damaged me instead. Made me think that I should be this.. and that.. and if I am not.. I am not worthy. I should be a certain level.. at this stage of my life.. and if I am not.. I am a failure. I also always felt like I had to "catch up." This just caused me stress... because I never felt good enough.. that along with all the other stresses of life.. just got to be to much for me... I truly think I was heading for a mental break down... I just have never dealt with anything in my past... just shoved it down.. like a garbage bag till it is ready to split open.

 

Now these were all self imposed.. I have no one to blame but myself. I'm just really glad I came to recognise them.. although it is too late with DW.. it is not to late with me... as I have to live with myself.. inside this head... until I die. She also never consciously pressured me... but there was pressure there. My need to support her.. my need to be supported.. my legacy of a wayward father... who left my mother, brothers and me.. when I was 8. I vowed I would never do that, no matter what... at the age of 8. That legacy also help to screw me up... Its amazing how something so long ago.. can effect you so many years later.. and for over a long period of time.

 

I am so glad I recognise all these things... and have faced them.. and have dealt with them.

 

I recognise that I am a worthy being. I am a strong independent man... who truly gives a damn. I know I am a good catch... and any woman 'lucky enough" to be with me.. will be very happy. I say this with confidence. I have all of me... now.. My cup is full... and it is not leaking, because I fixed the cracks.

 

Life truly is to short to be sad.. I have had way to much of that in my life... and I refuse to be sad any more... This is only a momentary set back... and, I always recover.

 

Once again thanks for the support and affirmations.. and thanks to the non-regulars on Sep/divorce.. for stepping in.. Thanks ladies.

[Ladyjane14]

Well, done is done... you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube, right? This place has been a haven for you, a port in the storm as it were. And it can't be like it was before.

Your STBX doesn't have the right to share your more intimate thoughts anymore. She gave up that privilege.

 

Like Gunny, I'm feeling the strain of temptation to use ALOT more colorful verbiage on the subject of you not being kept apprised of your son's EXACT situation. Is this right?... You thought he was with his mother and he was actually with Granny for a week? ... STBX had gone off with her "new boyfriend" and then had the audacity to be angry at you?

 

Look... this co-parenting thing only works when people are honest. That might be quite a stretch for her, but I'm sure if the shoe were on the other foot and she thought DS5 was with you and all the while he'd been pawned off on another relative for days at time while you were out getting a little somfin'-somfin'... I'm thinking she might have a problem with that.

 

So, let's make lemons out of lemonade here. The Golden Rule needs to be applied for the sake of these children. I quite honestly don't believe that your STBXW would've appreciated this 'lie by omission' when it comes down to the care of the children. She needs to get her big girl pants on and communicate with honesty and courtesy.

 

That said, you can't make somebody else behave with maturity. I think if I were you, I'd invite her back to the bargaining table to discuss the "co-parenting plan". Hopefully, she'll be able to understand the necessity of having rules and boundaries in place. The only other alternative is to take it to the courts, which will be expensive and unpleasant for everyone concerned.

 

On the subject of your current loss of privacy... I'd say the best you can do is to utilize your PM privileges regarding your more sensitive thoughts or rants. It's a pain in the neck to have to "converse" one on one instead of with the group, but I'd be damned if I'd be run out of here either.

 

You can always adopt a new user name. I think it's about high time you did that anyway, all things considered. Your example has been a fine one to alot of folks who are going through similar situations. And I think helping other people is often therapeutic.

[ilmw]

Well, done is done... you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube, right? This place has been a haven for you, a port in the storm as it were. And it can't be like it was before.

Your STBX doesn't have the right to share your more intimate thoughts anymore. She gave up that privilege.

 

Like Gunny, I'm feeling the strain of temptation to use ALOT more colorful verbiage on the subject of you not being kept apprised of your son's EXACT situation. Is this right?... You thought he was with his mother and he was actually with Granny for a week? ... STBX had gone off with her "new boyfriend" and then had the audacity to be angry at you?

 

Look... this co-parenting thing only works when people are honest. That might be quite a stretch for her, but I'm sure if the shoe were on the other foot and she thought DS5 was with you and all the while he'd been pawned off on another relative for days at time while you were out getting a little somfin'-somfin'... I'm thinking she might have a problem with that.

 

So, let's make lemons out of lemonade here. The Golden Rule needs to be applied for the sake of these children. I quite honestly don't believe that your STBXW would've appreciated this 'lie by omission' when it comes down to the care of the children. She needs to get her big girl pants on and communicate with honesty and courtesy.

 

That said, you can't make somebody else behave with maturity. I think if I were you, I'd invite her back to the bargaining table to discuss the "co-parenting plan". Hopefully, she'll be able to understand the necessity of having rules and boundaries in place. The only other alternative is to take it to the courts, which will be expensive and unpleasant for everyone concerned.

 

On the subject of your current loss of privacy... I'd say the best you can do is to utilize your PM privileges regarding your more sensitive thoughts or rants. It's a pain in the neck to have to "converse" one on one instead of with the group, but I'd be damned if I'd be run out of here either.

 

You can always adopt a new user name. I think it's about high time you did that anyway, all things considered. Your example has been a fine one to alot of folks who are going through similar situations. And I think helping other people is often therapeutic.

 

Hi Lj,

 

Its not that she was angry at me thinking s5 was with her instead of nana's. She did point out that she had never said she would be there. I only assumed she would. As she always went there that time of year with them. I brought this up with her.. she understood my concerns.. and how I felt. That was cleared up... and the air was cleared. I did not post this until days after the fact... and I guess she thought we had not resolved the matter. As she had read my last post dated the 26 calling her an accomplished lier. Turns out everyone else knew what she was doing except me. But I do get what you are saying...

 

As for her "invading my privacy".. I don't feel really invaded.. although I might be contradicting myself. But I do feel wide open. Well I guess she truly knows how I have felt. It does surprise me though, that she read the entire thread.

 

As for me changing my name on here... NO. It is my identity on here.. and I'm keeping it. If DW chooses to come on here and read some more.. so be it. I have nothing to hide. I am not ashamed of anything I have said, or done on here. Of course there are things I preferred she did not know.. but them's tha breaks.

[Darth Vader]

Someone else here said it best, Your wife is Freaking Crazy for leaving you, that's no attitude of a Alpha Woman! Ok, sure you had stuff weight you down, so what? It's like you just had to clean the cookies from your computer, that's all, you had to get rid of stuff one way or the other. If your STBXW can't handle the truth, you don't need her at all! There's better fo ya!

[Trialbyfire]

I recognise that I am a worthy being. I am a strong independent man... who truly gives a damn. I know I am a good catch... and any woman 'lucky enough" to be with me.. will be very happy. I say this with confidence. I have all of me... now.. My cup is full... and it is not leaking, because I fixed the cracks.

 

Exactly. You've worked hard at looking deep with in yourself and have worked at the things that you're not happy with. Kudos.

 

As for Mrs. ilmw seeing this thread, I have a different perspective on this. I think it was a good thing because now you don't need to communicate these things to her. It's like having these discussions in person, without being emotionally hampered by being in the other person's physical presence and being pressured to communicate everything.

 

If my ex ever found my comments, I would be glad he did. It's not as if it was exactly a secret about how and what I felt. :lmao:

[ilmw]

Exactly. You've worked hard at looking deep with in yourself and have worked at the things that you're not happy with. Kudos.

 

As for Mrs. ilmw seeing this thread, I have a different perspective on this. I think it was a good thing because now you don't need to communicate these things to her. It's like having these discussions in person, without being emotionally hampered by being in the other person's physical presence and being pressured to communicate everything.

 

If my ex ever found my comments, I would be glad he did. It's not as if it was exactly a secret about how and what I felt. :lmao:

 

Thanks Tbf...

[ilmw]

Tonight was my s5's first soccer game... I could not get of early enough from work... as we were shore staffed.. DW was though.. and was able to pick him up...get to my work.. grab his gear from my car.. and then get him to his game..

 

I did manage to get off 15 mins early and get to his game... just as it started... DW waved from a distance... to let me know where she was.. and she kept pointed to the field... that is when I saw him.. my little s5 running around in circles.. they all were like little headless chickens..:laugh:

 

I then sat beside DW.. and we chatted about this and that...while we watched the game... S5 was playing away... he looked over to his mom... and then he saw me.. Oh how his face lit up... Such a proud look on his little face... Dw and had a lot of laughts... and it was a Blast for me.. seeing my son play..

 

He had one Forest Gump moment when he got the ball and started heading the wrong way down the field.. DW and I were yelling "Wrong Way.. Wrong Way... he managed to figure it out and turn around...

 

His team won... and he was happy... I don't think he really gets the idea of being on a REAL TEAM..... but that will come after a few more games...

 

I am just really happy that my son is having a great time... and his mother and I can share this together.. It was really.. .. nice...

 

Can't wait till next week for his second game...

[El-Producto]

Great to hear that you guys are getting along. I took my kids to soccer last night, only to find that the OM is there with his kids. Holy awkward Batman. I really with my STBXW had warned me that he would be there.

 

Oh well.

[mammax3]

I loved reading your post up top, ilmw. It completely reassures me that there are men 'out there' that are *nothing* like my WH, who have so many positives to give and can take without strings attached or 'tricks'.

 

Wow.

 

And the fact that you *wanted* to explore yourself and figure out how to make things better is terrific. Your anaolgy about the garbage bag really hit me, it's precisely what H is doing - and he said as much (without the anaology). The women you date and eventually hook up with are going to be so lucky!

[ilmw]

Great to hear that you guys are getting along. I took my kids to soccer last night, only to find that the OM is there with his kids. Holy awkward Batman. I really with my STBXW had warned me that he would be there.

 

Oh well.

 

Geeez... that would have been terrible... sounds like you "manned up" and where there for your kiddies.. Its all about them right! :)

 

and Yeah!! stbxw... should have had the curtacy of letting you know OW would be there... Geeezz:eek:

 

Yah did good bud!

[ilmw]

I loved reading your post up top, ilmw. It completely reassures me that there are men 'out there' that are *nothing* like my WH, who have so many positives to give and can take without strings attached or 'tricks'.

 

Wow.

 

And the fact that you *wanted* to explore yourself and figure out how to make things better is terrific. Your anaolgy about the garbage bag really hit me, it's precisely what H is doing - and he said as much (without the anaology). The women you date and eventually hook up with are going to be so lucky!

 

Hey there mammax3 glad to see you back...

 

Yeah... some men can change.. but it only seems a few of us... have the balls to face our selves... Just look around LS... we the few the proud.. the... oh wait...I think that one had been used...:laugh:

 

Also thanks for the kudos...

[Gunny376]

Just look around LS... we the few the proud.. the... oh wait...I think that one had been used........

 

 

HEY!!!!!!! Watch it Bud!

 

The Corps got the copyright on that one! The DW got half ~ you want some lawyers for the Marine Corps to take the other half?

 

Actually in my studies, I read that only about 1% of all men read self help books and self improvement. Most just keep on keeping ~!

 

 

Any hoo! Both of you did a great job putting the children before yourself and your wants.

 

On a sidenote I saw an ad on A&E for a new series called "Matchmaker"

 

Guy: "After how many dates do you have sex?"

Gal: "About the 37th or 38th."

Guy: "Can we end this date ~ now?"

[ilmw]

HEY!!!!!!! Watch it Bud!

 

The Corps got the copyright on that one! The DW got half ~ you want some lawyers for the Marine Corps to take the other half?

 

Actually in my studies, I read that only about 1% of all men read self help books and self improvement. Most just keep on keeping ~!

 

 

Any hoo! Both of you did a great job putting the children before yourself and your wants.

 

On a sidenote I saw an ad on A&E for a new series called "Matchmaker"

 

Guy: "After how many dates do you have sex?"

Gal: "About the 37th or 38th."

Guy: "Can we end this date ~ now?"

 

:lmao:.. I was waiting for you to catch that one...

 

and yeah.... 37th... 38th date... baaaaaabyyeeeee!! That's just cruel...

 

BTW thanks... yeah we did pretty good... we both love our son dearly so he is very lucky in the respect... and we still have respect for each other... so.. it is easy to be civil to each other.. it was actually a very relaxed encounter... and we had a laugh..

 

as for books... I bought "the Secret".. not read to much, as I only started reading. it.. but it is sounding like "the power of positive thinking"... I hope there is more too it.. My older brother has read it... and raves about it... :laugh:... What did you think... BTW... don't give away the ending..

[Gunny376]

:lmao:.. I was waiting for you to catch that one...

 

and yeah.... 37th... 38th date... baaaaaabyyeeeee!! That's just cruel...

 

BTW thanks... yeah we did pretty good... we both love our son dearly so he is very lucky in the respect... and we still have respect for each other... so.. it is easy to be civil to each other.. it was actually a very relaxed encounter... and we had a laugh..

 

as for books... I bought "the Secret".. not read to much, as I only started reading. it.. but it is sounding like "the power of positive thinking"... I hope there is more too it.. My older brother has read it... and raves about it... :laugh:... What did you think... BTW... don't give away the ending..

 

 

I think you, your brother, and I are all from the same "gene" pool ~ and that we're all John Wayne incrarnate!

 

By God!

[Gunny376]

I think you, your brother, and I are all from the same greatrer "gene" pool ~ and that we're all John Wayne incrarnate!

 

By God!

[ilmw]

 

Like minds bud... just like minds..

 

Thanks for helping me get mine back....

[Gunny376]

For those that think Soccer isn't a serious game ~get you azz out there for a couple of rounds. It'll wear your azz out!

 

Ivan?

 

 

I'm sorry I've failed you! I wish I had the words to say! I wish I had the answers to the questions, and the solutioins to the problems between you and the STBXW ~ I just don't ~ I just don't have them!

 

All gave some, ~some gave all! I gave the best I have~!

[ilmw]

For those that think Soccer isn't a serious game ~get you azz out there for a couple of rounds. It'll wear your azz out!

 

 

 

 

I'm sorry I've failed you! I wish I had the words to say! I wish I had the answers to the questions, and the solutioins to the problems between you and the STBXW ~ I just don't ~ I just don't have them!

 

All gave some, ~some gave all! I gave the best I have~!

 

Hey man you failed no one... you only helped... you helped me get back on track... you and so many others.. gently pushed me in the right direction..

 

No the end results I would have preferred... but... what can yah do... get on with living...

[Gunny376]

Hey man you failed no one... you only helped... you helped me get back on track... you and so many others.. gently pushed me in the right direction..

 

No the end results I would have preferred... but... what can yah do... get on with living...

 

 

BTW,.........................the United States Marines are looking for a "few" good MEN!!

 

Semper Fi Mac!

 

Last I heard? Canuks can apply! I know? I served with more than a few!

[ilmw]

BTW,.........................the United States Marines are looking for a "few" good MEN!!

 

Semper Fi Mac!

 

Last I heard? Canuks can apply! I know? I served with more than a few!

 

Lol... I though of applying back when I was about 17-18.. was going to f inish my original 3 years in the British Army.. then hope the pond.. and apply. Ended up doing another 3 years..

 

I far to old to be playing that game.. geeez if I was still over in the UK.. Id be retired now... joined at 16.. .. and you normally retire full pention after 22 years...

 

BTW... thanks for the positive reference...:lmao: I'll add you to my resume'