How to mend a friendship? I am not wrong neither is she. Willing to try.

[Ms.N]

Hi,

Very new to this, probably someone out there knows of this firsthand and can lend some advice.

I met another woman online, we are both new to online chatting but we hit it off at in a chatroom. Weird, neither one of us is free of issues, who isn't right?

Many of you may think its stupid to bond so quickly, so did we! I have no idea why we clicked, had a few conversations that gave each of us a chance to explain that we are cautious for good reasons and yet cannot help but choose to enjoy this surprise.

For the last 2 weeks, we have both gotten to know each other and share feelings that helped us both. And together, since it was so clear we were so in sync, we both laid out our doubts, insecurities on the table. And decided together that it was worth taking care of this coincidence, to meet how we did, when we did, etc. All was going well, not perfect. As friends, we met in so short a time, but felt the same about so much, never happened to either her or me before. So while we had a few times where we were both cautious, we were both doing great, making equal effort, no pressure, fun, lots of laughter.

Then over the weekend she had pc problems, told me about it in 2 emails. I sent her 6 emails I think, over the course of that day to help her out. And nothing. Realizing I was hyper over not hearing from her, I stated it openly in another email, that I was not sure if it is ok to be so out of sorts from not hearing from her. And that I have to make an effort to not pester her.

We chatted all the time during the day. Typically each morning and evening.

So nothing after the 2 emails on sat. from her, so sunday I sent more tech info that could help. I know I was too concerned for this to be just a friendship. And it only made me feel more uncomfortable. Both straight women, and here I was, after she and I communicated so easily, even with disagreements, we had a comfort level to even discuss differences without taking it into arguments.

The main problem we had that I thought was a problem we would work thru together was trust. Like most people. I know this is ridiculous but as I said, I can admit to knowing I had feelings for her and it helped me be stupid I guess.

We chatted as usual on Mon, today. Not a good convo in terms of our usual rapport because I was ashamed of how many emails I sent. I over reacted over not hearing from her, from Fri-Sun. when I knew she had pc problems. She was in a great mood, had fantastic news. And I was distracted, not knowing how to say that I have to step back, because it is insane to have feelings for her, soo damn soon. And I just didn't know how to say it then. But I tried my best to be a friend and I was genuinely happy for her.

After the chat, I sent her an email. Trying to tell her that I thought I would have heard from her before, because I thought I lost her friendship and was aware this was irrational but had hangups about trust just like her and hoped to get my act together but meant no disrespect for not being totally upbeat as she was used to me being.

She responded with a lot of anger, called me manipulative, playing victim and a bully. A lot was mentioned and all it made me feel is that I totally failed at telling her I have to step back because I have feelings for her that are unrealistic and I know that and will deal with it. I went on to say, I apologize for not communicating well here, so please let's talk when you are not angry, because I mean no harm, I am genuine, always have been.

She responded with more anger, nothing I said, communicated the way it was meant. And she accused me of the same as her first angry email but included that I betrayed her and I am dramatic and she hates drama and to get over it because I twisted and misunderstood everything she said.

 

I am still in shock obviously because THE ONLY reason she and I got along so well, without any pretense was because we had a lot in common, including the same kinds of pain. I never denied my strengths nor weaknesses to her and vice versa. The connection we had is not one I ever had before and we both admitted to having feelings for each other. Yes all that in 2 damn weeks. If anyone out there ever connected on this level, by complete surprise, you know what I mean.

 

Her anger is her masking the hurt because she is convinced I have betrayed her. I know it may sound pathetic, but I am not ashamed to swallow my pride, even though we are both hurt. NOTHING I did was malicious, or manipulative. I thought I could open up to her and I tried, and failed miserably.

 

I know not to bug her now. I know time may, possibly help but I need to know how I could mess this up so badly. How could she take my feelings and think I was a manipulative person? When she was feeling weak about not being sure of our friendship, we talked it out and moved on. Now I felt vulnerable and weak, not easy for anyone to admit, and she totally took it to mean, I want more from her. That nothing she contributed was enough.

 

Its such a shame, I have never meant her any harm.

Any help or advice from those who survived this I would be most grateful.