Guest Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 After about 8 months of being best friends, she just confesed she has stronger feelings for me, now i never really thought about it because she always was really clear about us being only friends, i dont know if she changed her mind or if she was doing it in defense or what, anyway im really freaked out and dont know what to do, im positive i dont want to take the relationship to the new level but id really hate to lose her friendship.... HELP!!! Link to post Share on other sites
feelingsforbf Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Then be honest and tell her that, just make sure you never ever ever cross the line with her otherwise you would be sending mixed singals. Sometimes when a guy and girl are best friends one ends up with stronger feelings and tries to deny them but sooner or later they come out. Just be honest and communicate otherwise it will really screw things up with you two. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 After about 8 months of being best friends, she just confesed she has stronger feelings for me, now i never really thought about it because she always was really clear about us being only friends, i dont know if she changed her mind or if she was doing it in defense or what, anyway im really freaked out and dont know what to do, im positive i dont want to take the relationship to the new level but id really hate to lose her friendship.... HELP!!! You'll probably have to sacrifice the friendship. You can't have just a friendship with someone who really digs you like that. It's sort of like trying to both have a cake, but also eat it, but still have it. Can't be done. Unless maybe if you keep the oven heated up and you keep another cake pan around you can quickly puke into. As long as there is no icing, you probably could have a cake and eat it, too. You'd have to settle for 20-25 minute pauses when you'd have neither. Life is cyclical. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Unless maybe if you keep the oven heated up and you keep another cake pan around you can quickly puke into. As long as there is no icing, you probably could have a cake and eat it, too. You'd have to settle for 20-25 minute pauses when you'd have neither. Life is cyclical. intresting metaphor, thanks man ill give it thought Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 You'll probably have to sacrifice the friendship. You can't have just a friendship with someone who really digs you like that. It's sort of like trying to both have a cake, but also eat it, but still have it. Can't be done. Unless maybe if you keep the oven heated up and you keep another cake pan around you can quickly puke into. As long as there is no icing, you probably could have a cake and eat it, too. You'd have to settle for 20-25 minute pauses when you'd have neither. Life is cyclical. Wow Johan, this is the first semi-serious post I've ever seen from you!! I agree that once one of 2 friends begins to develope feelings for the other, it will never go back to just a friendship. I'd suggest either taking to the next level and just seeing where it goes, or break the friendship off. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Wow Johan' date=' this is the first semi-serious post I've ever seen from you!![/quote'] Since June 1: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=815221#post815221 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=814135#post814135 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=814023#post814023 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=812837#post812837 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=811488#post811488 And especially this one. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=812641#post812641 All pretty serious. Let's try to keep up? Link to post Share on other sites
Vertex Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 All I got out of that was cake and now I am hungry! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 thanks for the help, so anyway, what should i say to her?? Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 After about 8 months of being best friends, she just confesed she has stronger feelings for me, now i never really thought about it because she always was really clear about us being only friends, i dont know if she changed her mind or if she was doing it in defense or what, anyway im really freaked out and dont know what to do, im positive i dont want to take the relationship to the new level but id really hate to lose her friendship.... HELP!!! If you are positive that you don't want to take it to another level, please be honest with her and let her know this. Then, you need to stay away from her - no contact whatsoever - for a few months, at least until her feelings for you have cooled off. Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Since June 1: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=815221#post815221 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=814135#post814135 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=814023#post814023 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=812837#post812837 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=811488#post811488 And especially this one. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=812641#post812641 All pretty serious. Let's try to keep up? Hey calm down. I didn't say you never posted anything serious, I said it was the first one I read!! Goof I love that you looked all these up and posted them for me. That is kind of adorable! And for the record, I happen to like your funny posts, so Link to post Share on other sites
j.carsey Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 I don't know why people say you can't stay friends with someone who has a thing for you. I say you can ... there are several women I've found attractive some time in the past, but who I am now still very good friends with. If you don't want to date them then make that clear. When I've been on the receiving end of that (i.e. some female friend I've tried to go after tells me it won't happen) it's kind of disappointing, but not that much and it doesn't kill the friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 I don't know why people say you can't stay friends with someone who has a thing for you. I say you can ... there are several women I've found attractive some time in the past, but who I am now still very good friends with. If you don't want to date them then make that clear. When I've been on the receiving end of that (i.e. some female friend I've tried to go after tells me it won't happen) it's kind of disappointing, but not that much and it doesn't kill the friendship. I disagree. This women not only has an attarction for this guy, she confessed to having feelings for him, unless I read that wrong. I was friends w/someone who I really cared about (only in a friendish way) and he liked me alot. So every time I hung out with him, he would be trying something. I explained time after time after time that I didn't want anything more than a frienship, and he just couldn't handle it. I couldn't understand why we couldn't just be friends, then finally I began to understand that it was selfish for me to keep coming around this guy throwing my "just friends" attitude in his face when he truely wanted to be with me. Just can't be done. Why would you want to "hang out" with someone when you really want to be holding them, kissing them, whispering sweet nothings in their ear... or slamming them down on the kitchen floor Link to post Share on other sites
scrybe74 Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Staying friends with someone that you have a crush on is one thing...but having that crush revealed is another. I say gently tell her that you don't feel the same way and it hurts you to know that you might hurt her feelings. Maybe take a break from hanging out for a few weeks and then reconnect and invite her out as friends again.....or not. Link to post Share on other sites
scrybe74 Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 I totally and utterly agree with Tim'sAngel Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 thanks for the help guys, so what should i say to her? Link to post Share on other sites
Maria33 Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 Tell her the truth but in a very sensitive way. Let her know that you don't feel the same way about her. Let her know that it's okay to have no contact for awhile if that's what she needs. Be there for her as the friend you have been, be honest but gentle about it. I was in the girls shoes with a guy friend. I thought I had confessed my feelings to him and he was okay with them. Then when we did end up "taking it to the next level", I then learned that he didn't feel the same way. He thought I understood that we were still just friends. I didn't. I fell even harder for him after that. I am still crushed that he would do that without having feelings for me. He now doesn't want to talk to me. Part of it is he feels so bad for hurting me, and I know that. But, I don't know if we can ever really be friends again, and that hurts too. You have to be honest and you need to tell her why also. If you don't, she will think there is something wrong with her, which will make her feel even worse. Good luck and it's great that you want to do the best thing for her feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
kit4kat Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 Question: Do you have feelings for her? I ask because I find myself in a similar situation. Only the guy is in love with me, dating someone else, knows I'm in love with him, but because we were "just the best of friends" for years and nothing ever progressed, he feels like he owes it to this other girl to date her and not up and leave after I confessed my love for him. If you feel nothing for her, then end it. Thats the only sensible thing to do. But, if you have any inkling of feelings for this girl, you owe it to her and yourself to see if there's something more. I agree with Tim'sAngel... once friends start developing feelings for each other, you can never go back to just being friends. Link to post Share on other sites
slinkysu Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 thanks for the help guys, so what should i say to her? I think you need to find the words for yourself, but just be honest with her and tell her that you don't feel the same way, and don't want to hurt her, but to tell her anything different would be a lie. Say she is your best friend but you can't offer her anything more than that, and then leave it up to her as to whether she thinks being best friends with you still is the right thing for her. As long as you are prepared for the fact that she might want to put distance between you to deal with it all. Personally i'd suggest starting to cool it off a little. If you speak everyday, then maybe make it every other day etc. She won't be able to find someone who does love her if she spends all her time with you. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 I think the best is to keep it short and simple. You dont need to give her excuses, or give her any cliche lines, and whatever you do, dont tell her "You're not ready to date", because if you meet miss right next week and want to date her, your friend will be very hurt. I would simply say you are flattered but you just dont feel the same way. I'm going through the same thing right now. It sucks but in reality this is their issues, not ours. Just be honest and tell her the truth as gently as possible. And the less you say, the better you will be. I think it hurts more when we feel the need to give excuses and say cliche things, it's just adding more salt to the wound. Link to post Share on other sites
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