No Contact Has Been Broken-- Now What?

[Blue Jeans]

After spending a few days "lurking" I finally decided to post for the first time. I have taken time to read a lot on this board and do respect many of your opinions and hope that you can offer some insight to my situation. I will try to keep it as brief as possible….

 

My ex-boyfriend and I have known each other for about three years and were in a serious relationship for half that (He's 30 and I'm 24). We were talking about marriage, looking at rings and having nice talks about our future together. (He was the one taking me to look at rings and such, I never asked). He announced that he wanted to end the relationship-not because he didn't love me or because there was someone else, he simply said that he needed time. He asked me to remain a friend (something that he has never done with past relationships) and stated that he wanted us to be together but it wasn't fair to ask me to wait since he didn't know how long it would take. So we did the friend thing for about a month and out of nowhere I get an e-mail saying that he wanted it completely over, wishing me a great life and telling me that he would NEVER contact me again. I took that as final and sent a good-bye e-mail wishing him the best. I started to move on with my life, then out of nowhere two months later I get an e-mail from him stating the following:

 

“HI, I'm sure I'm the last person you expect to get e mail from so please don't fall out of your chair or have a heart attack. I just wanted to say HI and I hope you are doing well. I hope you find a path or direction, something that drives and challenges you. And that you are successful in whatever you do. I will write you from time to time. I do still care, and think about you often. Please take that literally, don't read into it. There is no hidden message or ploy. I'm not trying to mess with your head. I simply wanted to say hi and hope you are doing well.”

 

My question is what does he want? He was the one who went no contact, why would he break it? He’s the one who refuses to be friends with past girlfriends, so why change now? Also, do I reply? I still love him and would love a second chance but I don’t want to play games. Any advice is appreciated, just looking for other opinions…..

[Pantero]

He asked me to remain a friend (something that he has never done with past relationships) and stated that he wanted us to be together but it wasn't fair to ask me to wait since he didn't know how long it would take.

MY EX-GIRLFRIEND SAID SOMETHING SIMILAR BEFORE SHE LEFT ME ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD LIKE A BAG OF TRASH.

 

Me personally - sounds like he got cold feet and got intimidated when things started getting serious. That email he sent you out of the blue (where he'd never talk to you again) was him not being able to maintain the friendship...since he said he's never been friends with any of his past partners.

 

This new email is him probably either:

 

1) He is lonely and his love life sucks.

2) He realized "hey, I'm an idiot and I screwed up dumping her,"

3) He might be wondering how you're doing...love-life-wise...keeping tabs to see if you've moved on for real.

4) All of the above.

 

IMHO - it's #4. If you're ready to take him back...then pursue it. Good luck.

[Big_A]

 

This new email is him probably either:

 

1) He is lonely and his love life sucks.

2) He realized "hey, I'm an idiot and I screwed up dumping her,"

3) He might be wondering how you're doing...love-life-wise...keeping tabs to see if you've moved on for real.

4) All of the above.

 

IMHO - it's #4. If you're ready to take him back...then pursue it. Good luck.

 

[FONT=&quot]I agree. He probably realizes that what he had with you isn’t so easy to replace.

 

As for pursuing a second chance, I’m not so sure. Sounds like he isn’t really willing to make the kind of sacrifice that he would need to make sure you trust him again.[/FONT]

[jerbear]

I had a old flame/"ex"/ whatever contact me recently.

 

Anyway, my opinion is this is Limited Contact as he can still be a friend on a limited basis. Another reason not listed is that as the relationship did not work a friendship might. There was a reason why you two connected?

 

I view it as him keeping the doors open in case you (especially him) can keep communications open in the future. It also allows him to know that your email address is still active, think of it as knocking on the door then running away. You know if a person is in the house when they open the door.

 

I would not read into it or reply back. If you reply back do know a conversation may start. Only reply if you are strong enough and YOU WANT to.

[destination_unknown]

His e-mail emphatically states not to read into it and that he is not playing games. To be honest he sounds like he thinks an awful lot of himself. He is so great that you would fall of your chair because you got an e-mail? He hopes you find direction? PATRONISING! I will write from time to time? (Sounds like - I'm the one in control here so I get to call the shots about contact.)

 

I'm usually pretty open minded about exs contacting you but I would be PISSED if I got this from an ex. I usually dont 100% agree when LSrs talk about the ex wanting an ego boost but this sounds like one. I would block him. I know that may be hard if you still have feelings.

 

What would you like out of this? He seems to be saying I dont want to see you but I want to write to you sporadically when I feel like it.

 

Sorry if it sounds harsh but his email ticked me off. You sound like you deserve better than that.

[Pink Amulet]

I completely agree with 'destination unknown' he sounds far to arrogant for someone who sounds as sweet and forgiving as you. The problem is you haven't had long enough to let your heart turn cold for him. You were on the road to recovery and now he has selfishly confused you -AGAIN. I would right back but with only one real message, what do you want? In plain english. Good luck!