How do u go from NC to Limited Contact?

[RealBroken]

Simple question I guess but need suggestions from those that may have done this before successfully.

 

My ex broke up with me, it took her ages to do it and several attempts. She couldnt make up her mind. basically there were influences like friends who didnt want to lose her to me, and she freaked at gettin so serious and liking someone so much at an early age (21)

 

She asked for no contact...... after contacting ME regulary. ie im findin this hard and missing you etc..... then all of a sudden bang "please dont contact me anymore"

 

because of the break up reasons and the fact that we both know what we had was quite special...... i don't want to lose touch for ever. i dont want things to be awkward when i bump into her. I dont want the bridges burnt to a possible recon in the future when she is ready.

 

How do i change my strict no contact to limited, how do i break the first layer.

 

problem is I'm so worried about doing it too early, and that i might get a negative reaction which would again break my heart. I know I must start to move on and I'm trying. I'm wondering that if i find someone else, that maybe it could be a good time, since i wont be the threat anymore as no longer single.

I know that sound horrible, but in the next few months who ever i'm seeing is gonna be a rebound anyway.

 

But back to mu origional question. How can i go from strict NC to limited. Please help.... nicely. its what I want.

[Yoyito]

if i were you i would continue NC. calling her now from what you've written about the situation most likely won't help you. LC if there's an important day on the calendar coming up like her birthday or something like that and when you do, KEEP IT LIGHT. come off like nothing's wrong, you're doing great etc.

[Carlthecoffeeaddict]

juust forget about her and move on. adopt the NCFL mantra "no contact for life" or DEFCMA "dont ever _____ contact me again" lol

[RealBroken]

no thanks Carl. I dont wish to do that yet.

[eyeswideshut]

Please listen to me.

 

It is very difficult for a woman to break up with a man.

I've done it, I broke up with a man I spent all my 20s with. Someone who thought we'd have children together. We've worked so hard, both did graduate school, sacrificed a lot for "our future". Then "our future" never came.

It was over in my heart.

It killed me to do this to him. I felt I was doing it to our unborn children too.

Every day I pray to be able to fall in love with him again, remember, these were our dreams, our future, everything. But i changed and I can't imagine living with him.

He'd been contacting me for 2 years. I was always happy to see him, I mean he was my everything, my best friend, everything.

But it's not like that.

I couldn't tell him certain things anymore. I couldn't be his friend if I wasn't his girl because he always saw me as his girl.

So, for your own good, for the good of your soul. Please do not contact her.

I'm not saying that somewhere down the line you may not meet up again.

But for your sake, if it's not meant to be right now, then heed to that.

If you contact her, the healing will never begin. I know you don't want to heal yet you don't want to let go.

Don't think of it as letting go. For me, I still haven't let go. I still wear his ring, and I still think of him as the man I trust the most. If I die right now, everything I have is his. I still have all his pictures up, I am not ready to let go yet. But the period of NC has to run its course.

And if there is reconciliation later, then it will have to start from scratch, from who I am today as a 33 year old woman.

Maybe one day we will find that we have things in common.

But for now, I know this has to be this way.

Please, please, try to remain in NC. You will not lose her. You will not make her forget about you. We never forget about our true love.

but now things aren't working, so let her go.

Anything else will just terrify her, and make her feel or say things she will regret because it is so hard to push someone away when you care for them so much, but when you feel in your heart that it is no longer right.

Take care,

lots of love;)

[gfto]

How can i go from strict NC to limited.

 

simple: Don't

[Love Hurts]

When she is ready.............

 

I can appreciate your putting a female first... Great quality.........to the overboard extent.................

 

Self esteem, self value, self worth..................

In order to maintain a self respectful self image.

You must be strong.............. no door mat.................

 

Love makes us look like fools..............

Take a vacation...................... for 2 weeks............... meet other people see new sights.................. If you are still a blubbering love fool

then hang your life on the line until she calls you for more.

 

Often times we can't see the forest for the trees.

The spell of love............. has rendered a puppet on a string.

Please wake up.

[Darin]

Eyeswideshut,

 

Being a man that seems to be in a similar situation as the man you left -- let me ask something?

 

Why? If you trust him more than anyone, still care about him him, wear his ring, aren't ready to let go -- why have you not tried to fix whatever problems you had?

 

Maybe what your problems were are things you'd rather not repeat -- which i fully respect -- but my situation (if you read my thread you'd see) is very similar to this. I just got a message from her yesterday telling me that she's sorry that she's doing this to me, that when she thinks about her future and who she wants to be with forever the only man she can see is me -- but for right now it's "not right" or she's afraid that she won't find happiness. We got to a point in our relationship where we were kind of on autopilot, and there was a lack of excitement, etc -- instead of communicating about it with me and trying to work on it, she left.

 

Of course, one of the big differences may be that she's 24 and very much still immature... i say that in all honesty. You probably left this guy when you were much older and much more mature.

 

Anyway, just wondering.

[eyeswideshut]

I feel for you!

 

Why?

I have been asking myself this question for over two years now.

Why?

And everyone I know says, if it doesn't feel right then he's not the one.

But I still keep at it, why? why? why?

Why can't I fall in love with him again?

 

Bottom line, I can no longer imagine making love to him.

But at some point, I thought to myself, but that wouldn't matter if I had no libido. And I tried to reason myself that maybe that is such a selfish reason. And it couldn't just be that?

 

I sit alone in the dark with my thoughts and I try to get to the core of it, and i'm still at the point where I'm going why? why why do I feel this way?

 

Ok, so I was resentful that he had a few macho tendencies, and was possessive. I felt trapped. And now the feeling of being trapped is gone.

Now I'm trying to stop a relationship with a MM, and I'm still questioning, was it because he was married that I didn't feel trapped?

 

I have lived alone since the age of 17. I've traveled alone. I've been broke and worked two jobs while putting myself through University alone.

I've never had to answer to anyone. My family and I are close, but my parents have "let me go" when I was in adulthood.

 

He's Italian. Need i say more? I love Italians. Do not get me wrong.

But he's been given everything. His mother still fluffs his pillows. Everything I did that was "wrong" (i.e. smoking, traveling alone without a proper companion or chaperone, reading literature rather than bleaching my home from top to bottom) I had to hide from his parents. I felt I was 14 again.

There are little things: like there wasn't a book in the house. we're all professors at home, so it scared me.

if I got a ride with some man, he would tell me: I trust you, but that's not proper.

I mean. the cultural difference was incredible.

I was more modern than modern, and he was raised with his beliefs, which made me mad.

Once I told his mother that she had to let her boys do things for themselves or they'd never learn. She took it as a personal assult as though I didn't love her boys.

Argh. I had a very difficult time with it.

Things I normally wouldnt be embarrassed about (hooking up with a friend and going for a crazy road trip), I learned to hide from members of his family.

I woke up one morning, and realized I was 30 years old and I wasn't having morning sex. (he still lived at home)

but boy, did I love him. he didn't ask to be born with his beliefs, he truly tried to understand my "twisted" way of thinking.

In the end, he was willing to give it all up. The dreams of a huge wedding, (i didn't want a wedding, I am too modern for that) the thought of living next door to his parents, (i wanted to live in the city, not the suburbs) and was willing to get a maid (I believe that chores should not be predetermined). he thought these were minor things.

Then i thought of the children I wanted to raise. And the conflicts we would have raising them. I love children. I may not have any because now I am alone. But children are my life. (i am a teacher)

The thought of him trying to control my children's future was just repressing my soul. I wanted children, but i didn't want him to make them do everything "proper" and "perfect". I wanted them to be disciplined, of course, but before anything, I wanted him to understand that you can't make children into what you want.

 

I'm sorry for the long message.

But basically, it was like the show Dharma and Greg, except there was no monkey sex.