is she good or evil

[torn]

I am a 21 year old college student dating a girl of 19. We dated for 9 months and everything was great. She was the first decent girl I've ever dated. Someone that cared about me. When summer came we had to date long distance. We are a 2 hour flight apart. We did good during the summer as well.

 

School started back up and after a week she said that she needed space and time to figure out if she was with me because she loved me or if she was with me because she was scared to be alone.

 

We separated for a month and she called me up recently. She said she wanted me back, and that she knows now that she is in love with me. So we're trying to start over.

 

I found out that she had "kind of dated" two guys in that month that we were separated, and that they had done some stuff sexually. I was very hurt, still am, that she seemed to get over me so quickly. I know we were separated, but still...it was a month.

 

She has expressed how horrible she feels about everything, and that they had nothing to do with me. She said she was doing what she felt she had to do at the time. "like she was proving something to herself"

 

I love her very much, and I'm not sure what to do.

 

I am scared that she'll hurt me again. Should I trust anything she tells me.

 

I NEED ADVICE. :-(

[Lacey]

I was once in your shoes. I moved away and went to school and left my fiance who I had been dating for 2 yrs. Well my birthday was a 2 weeks after i left and he couldn't come and see me because he didn't think it was worth putting the miles on a brand new truck. ouch. Well later on he called me all the time and said that he wanted to be with me again but come to find out he had been exploring other options with someone else. that hurt and I decided that if I took him back i would never be able to forget what he had done while I had been an angel and that would have later caused problems and i knew that i would never be able to trust him like i used to. we split up and now a year later we are talking again as friends but it seems to be moving in a further direction. we have both changed and still have feelings for each other which is a good sign so maybe things will pan out for us. i know this isn't really advice but maybe you can take a little from my story. god luck and just remember no matter how much you love someone if their love for you isn't as great as yours for them then why hurt yourself. your happiness is the most important thing and the other person should care how you feel and not do anything to hurt your feelings. best wishes

[Asrael]

I had the same thoughts about my relationship of 1 year with my boyfriend. I thought I needed some time to think things through, however, I didn't want to split up because I thought he might feel wierd about it. I totally understand your girlfriend's view also. I think she got scared because 1 year is a long time, especially for someone who hasn't been in a relationship for very long. Also, you're getting older and a lot of people are starting to settle down or whatever, or at least that's what we think so we get scared and wonder if we're with the right person. I think what she wanted to do was make sure she was with a good person and decide if she wanted to continue the relationship to see where it goes. This doesn't mean that she wants to marry you right now or anything; it simply means that she really loves you and wants to see what happens between the two of you.

 

About her messing around with other guys---yeah, I would be a bit distraught if I were in your shoes, but like she said, it was meaningless, and she probably is very serious about that. HAving sex with a person kind of makes a bond that speeds up the whole getting-to-know-you phase. She probably thought that might be a way to see if perhaps this would be a good guy. She actually proved herself wrong because he definitely wasn't a gentleman if he slept with her after her break (up?) of a 9 month relationship and also, very soon after knowing her. Either that or she wanted some lovin'.

 

But what's going on now, is that she's had some time to play and decide how she feels about you. This doesn't mean that she didn't love you or doesn't love you. What it does mean is that she really loves you and thinks your a damn special man or she wouldn't have come back.

 

There is the possibility that she is afraid to be alone, but I doubt that seeing as she got two guys over the short period of a month. I don't know what kind of person she is, but if she came back to you, I think she'll pretty much forget about those other guys, especially because she said it was meaningless.

 

Give her a break and just take her word for things right now. I mean, at least she was honest and told you about the guys. I think this girl really loves you, so try really hard to get over what she did and be happy with her again. Don't mess up something that special over a mistake.

 

~Asrael