greyskies Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Can someone help me. I work for a small engraving company in Calif. And there are three employees there myself and two other women. The owner is a women and her son works there. Part of my job is proof reading, and when I tell him he has made an error he will throw the item across the room and yell at me. He has told me to shut my Fing mouth. Im stupid, he put me and the other girls down to the customers that come in and when he makes errors on customers products he blames it on us. He just ruined like 600.00 worth of crystal that belonged to one of their long time clients. Because he didn't read the paperwork. And his mother called me in the office and asked me to please be sure to proof all his work carefully. Yesterday I found an error before he actually did the job on some vases. And when I told him he yelled in my face COOL YOU FOUND ANOTHER ERROR and threw the paperwork across the room. I went into his mothers office and said I am leaving, I refuse to allow him to abuse me like that. And she pull out her check book I was like I'll be back tomorrow but I sugjest you talk to your son. Well can anyone help me what can I do about this? He cusses at me, his mom was going to throw her drink on me the other day. And I need my job. :( Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 I'm very sorry to hear about that. It is a difficult situation. This is a hard one to fix, so my first idea is to find another job. However, you've probably considered that and haven't chosen it for some reason. The second idea is to minimize your interaction with him. Would it be possible for you to proofread, and then hand the corrected copy to his mother for her to deliver? I also suggest considering what is doubtless going on in HIS mind. He may have borderline personality disorder or something else fairly troublesome. Although your actions are quite reasonable, still, to his troubled mind they are intolerable. He may see your kindly corrections as a direct assault on his sense of human worth. Seen in that light, and considering his cognitive distortions, his behavior is actually "reasonable". And his mother has the stress of having a son with this behavior problem, PLUS all the $$$$ she is losing due to his screwups. The two of them both have heavy loads (even if self-inflicted). I would consider reading The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns. It may give you ideas to use your creativity to find a way to make the corrections easier for the son to take. Perhaps you could make your corrections so quietly that no one else hears, and he loses less face. Or start complimenting him whenever he does something right - even if it's only 50% of the engraving jobs that he does correctly If you're like me, those ideas aren't very palatable, but it may be your best hope for peace at work. To my thinking, this is a typical, severe problem with the small "family" businesses. Family members can often get away indefinitely with behavior that would have them fired same day at a "normal" business. Even Superwoman might not be able to overcome this. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 You are in a tough situation. I once worked for a family owned company and I can tell you your boss is definitely not going to get rid of her son. I'm sure she's aware he's a "f--k up" and that's why she has you guys to proof his work. She was quick to pull out her check book and has probably been through this before. I know you can't afford to lose your job but I would definitely start looking for another job right away. While you're waiting to get another job I would go in to the boss and ask her if the 3 of you can sit down and talk. In the meeting I would tell him you certainly don't mean any harm when you point out his mistakes but are only doing what your boss (his mom) told you to do. I would ask him is there a better way you can approach him that won't cause arguments between the two of you because you really want to have a good relationship with him. If the mom (your boss) says no to the meeting with the 3 of you then the next time it happens I would bake him a cupcake with a card saying: "Please accept my apologies if I upset you yesterday. I was instructed by my boss to proofread your work and point out any mistakes. If there is a better way I can go about this task without offending you, please let me know. I do so want the two of us to have a good working relationship." Link to post Share on other sites
j.carsey Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Best solution is to look for another job. Be as polite and forgiving as you can until the other job is 100% certain and then leave and never see their messy family business again. Link to post Share on other sites
most Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 OMG....You should look for another job to replace this one, sounds like his mother is as unstable as he. It is completely out of line for her to throw a drink at you. Get out of there ASAP, that business is going to go down the drain since he makes so many mistakes. Don't go down with it. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 I agree with the getting a better job. I also think sometimes;Maybe, we need to confront the person we are having a conflict with. I have done this in the past. Maybe- start by telling him possitve things and then tell him that you don't mean to make him feel insulted or incapable. Explain you are doing your job and you aren't attacking him personally as a person. Tell him that when he throws things around, insults you or assults you that you don't appreciate it. Ask him what his problem is with you. Maybe he would rather have your job (position) and they won't give it to him so he is trying to run you out of it so its available. He might be just a bully.. Softey in the inside and has outbursts to feel stronger. Sounds like his mother is coddling him. She knows whats going on and she isn't willing to rock the boat on her precious baby. I personally think if you got the strength to leave work after confronting his mother then you should have the strength to diplomatically confront him and let him know how you feel and to reassure him you don't think he is a rotten guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author greyskies Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 All of your ideas were very helpful. Although I have left. I could have never approached either one of them When I tried to say stuff like "There's no need to get upset we all make mistakes, Is there anything I can do to help?" His responce was "Get the F awa from me!!" But Im gone now Thank Jesus!! Now I have two Jobs:rolleyes: What Im going to do about this will be another thing. But Ill be getting way more money and Benefits so Im thrilled. thank you:) Link to post Share on other sites
most Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 I am so glad that you left there!! Sending you a ^5! Link to post Share on other sites
DC DUO 1st Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 I was going to say dig him! lol Link to post Share on other sites
The Awesome Lucas Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 It's a shame that you were unable to confront him and his mother about the situation in a pre-arranged meeting to determine exactly what your unhappy with and if any changes could be made. couldn't be ignored or you could prosecute for unfair treatment in a working environment. Confronting them both at the same time would have meant any behavioural problems would be directly witnessed by his mother, and I do understand that the situation was difficult though, i just feel that some other poor soul is going to replace you and the situation will repeat itself. perhaps you should submit an official complaint to someone about his behaviour, someone outside the company who deals with such issues? Anywho, good luck in your new job(s) Link to post Share on other sites
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