More "platonic" cliche stuff...

[confused_guy]

Just so you know this is in response to anyone who gave me advice a few days ago regarding my platonic friend problem. It's so far down the list now that no one sees it, thus no responses. If you want to scroll down far enough to read it, by all means please do, the more opinions the better! (you'll see it has "platonic cliche" in it's title too)

 

Now, to the last respondant,

 

Thanks again for the advice.

 

To answer your question, yes there are plenty of times when it's just the two of us. We go out to dinner together, or movies, shop, or hang out just the two of us all the time. This situation is easy to make happen, it happens all the time...we seem to mutually enjoy one another's company, that much is clear.

 

What is not clear however, is whether or not she would freak out if I told her I was having these other thoughts about her. She honestly believes I do not think of her in that way...I've even talked about other girls I "pretend" to be interested in around her so as to cast off any suspicions she may have had about my true feelings for her.

 

I do this because I fear she may become despondent and not want to see me if I tell her the truth...she may become distant or awkward...that would upset me greatly.

 

Any thoughts on what to say or how to say it?

 

Thanks again!

 

confused_guy

[Juliet]

If you're not ready to take the risk of ruining the friendship by directly professing an interest in her, one way (which I don't necessarily recommend) is to just say something less direct. For example, lightly commenting something like "Sometimes I think we'd make a really cute couple" or "sometimes I think maybe I've already found my true love." I had a long-term friend who took that approach, but it didn't actually work because it kind of startled me... we had been just friends for so long that it was hard for me to imagine him as fulfilling a romantic role in my life. But had he taken a slightly different approach, I'm certain that he could've wooed me into a relationship.

 

I would suggest that instead of telling her you want to change the status of your relationship, that instead you change the way you relate to her, very slowly, one little piece at a time. Tell her she is beautiful, tell her she makes you feel so happy inside just being around her, touch her more frequently, look deeply into her eyes, hang on her every word, call her more frequently, initiate more contact with her, etc... In other words, start treating her more like a date than a friend only. Monitor her reactions very closely. If she's responding positively then gradually continue with more. But if it seems that she's uncomfortable with it, then back off and wait a while before trying again. The advantage of this approach is that if she likes you in that way, it makes for an easy transition into the new relationship, and if she doesn't, it's not the kind of thing she's going to talk about to the whole world because it's too minor to really matter. But I want to emphasize the importantance of moving slowly and having patience. Also, stop pretending to be interested in other people, because that will royally confuse her.

 

If on the other hand, you two already are acting very romantic towards each other, then in that case it's just that it's time for one of you to speak up and make it official (and a lot of women expect the man to do that.)