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Are you always happy for your spouse's achievements?

ConfusedGal

By ConfusedGal,
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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ConfusedGal

ConfusedGal

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So my husband just got promoted to management at his company. I am really happy for him in the sense that he has always wanted to be in management and its a great opportunity for him and puts him in a different league. I am proud of him...On the other hand, i am kind of bummed cause I was hoping we would move out of state in the next year or so, or sooner if we both got great jobs... So I am happy for him, but I feel like we are tied to this place now for a couple years... Now we will buy a house, continue working, probably have a baby etc and I am afraid we will never move. I think some people here have read the posts about my crazy mom and how much I want to get away from her...How much she affects me and messes me up. Now I feel like I am just caught here and I am 27 and my husband 32 so its prett possible we would have a kid in the next two years or so...And once you do that, I feel like you are stuck.. I know I sound kind of selfish. I mean, I AM happy for him, just a bit bummed for me...

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hotgurl

hotgurl

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your not stuck and you should be happy for him esp since he passed the last promotion/transfer because you couldn't make up your mind about the move.

 

I really think you need to continue working of your issue with your mom because even if you move if will move with you and it's effecting your marriage.

 

Also houses are always bought and sold kids move all the time. If you do buy a house maybe buy one on the opposite side of town get caller id.

 

Has you therapist been teachign you teniques of handeling your mother and coping with her abuse so you can function? It sound sliek you are so confused and messed up right now. I feel bad for you to be in the situation.

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ConfusedGal

ConfusedGal

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I AM happy for him...Just a little frightened thinking of the next few years... Honestly, I dont have the capability to "stand up" to my mom and deal with her drama and tantrums right now...I am more training myself to ignore. It works sometimes and other times it doesnt. And he has told me that if he gets this position, and I get some more experience, we can pretty much go wherever we want in the next few years... I dont know why I am so scared. I dont know why I see the house as a binding factor...I need to start living and realize my mom is just a nut... Just having a hard time doing it.

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hotgurl

hotgurl

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I AM happy for him...Just a little frightened thinking of the next few years... Honestly, I dont have the capability to "stand up" to my mom and deal with her drama and tantrums right now...I am more training myself to ignore. It works sometimes and other times it doesnt. And he has told me that if he gets this position, and I get some more experience, we can pretty much go wherever we want in the next few years... I dont know why I am so scared. I dont know why I see the house as a binding factor...I need to start living and realize my mom is just a nut... Just having a hard time doing it.

 

well see he is thinking of it as a stepping stone. A house is an investment but not permanent. I don't think you have to stand up to her as much as you should learn ways to cope with it so it doesn't interfer so much with your marriage. But it seems like you are taking steps and that's good. t just takes time.

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catgirl1927

catgirl1927

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How does having a kid make you stuck? Why can't you move if you have a child?

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ConfusedGal

ConfusedGal

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I just see having a kid as making a move more difficult...Between taking care of a baby, adjusting to a new place, looking for a new job, and actually taking the time to explore and enjoy a new place.. Also difficult when grandparents start getting used to having the baby around..

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Mz. Pixie

Mz. Pixie

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I just see having a kid as making a move more difficult...Between taking care of a baby, adjusting to a new place, looking for a new job, and actually taking the time to explore and enjoy a new place.. Also difficult when grandparents start getting used to having the baby around..

 

 

People do it ALL the time!

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catgirl1927

catgirl1927

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I just see having a kid as making a move more difficult...Between taking care of a baby, adjusting to a new place, looking for a new job, and actually taking the time to explore and enjoy a new place.. Also difficult when grandparents start getting used to having the baby around..

 

So again it's about your parents. You want to move before you have a baby because they what, won't let you leave?

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PandorasBox

PandorasBox

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"Are you always happy for your spouses acheivements?"

 

I used to be. Well back when I was married I was happy for things he did or acheived. I do know of some people are ARE NOT happy for their spouse, I wonder why that is?

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whichwayisup

whichwayisup

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I dont have the capability to "stand up" to my mom and deal with her drama and tantrums right now...I am more training myself to ignore

Don't. Trust me on this one. I've spent many years ignoring my feelings and letting resentment build up towards my mom. Afew weeks ago it all hit me and I'm reeling from it. My mom and I have had ONE very honest and brutal talk that has opened the door abit so we can fix things...To be honest, I wasn't prepared for my feelings. The wall has been up for so long, now there's a crack in it and all my emotions HAVE to come out so we can move past things and work together to make our relationship better. I am scared of doing that, letting the flood gates open, but I have to if I want things to be better.

 

I think this situation is good for you - Get into therapy, learn how to be stronger, work on yourself and THEN you can stand up to your mom. This isn't going away, ever - Until YOU can handle it better and learn how to confront her, or fix things to make life easier and healthier for you.

 

Feel free to PM me, I can help you out with this. Seems you and I are going through something sort of similar.

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ConfusedGal

ConfusedGal

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YOu see, I have tried the "talking to her"...It ends up with her throwing a massive tantrum and going to ER and pretending she is dying or something...My mom is a drama queen and I also suspect she is borderline...Real communication does not make sense to her....So for now, it is best that I learn to ignore cause I dont have the mental capacity of dealing with the drama right now...especially after her last breakdown...

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zarathustra

zarathustra

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YOu see, I have tried the "talking to her"...It ends up with her throwing a massive tantrum and going to ER and pretending she is dying or something...My mom is a drama queen and I also suspect she is borderline...Real communication does not make sense to her....So for now, it is best that I learn to ignore cause I dont have the mental capacity of dealing with the drama right now...especially after her last breakdown...
Emancipate her from your life then or keep your distance. If she goes to the ER, just let them know to call you when she's dead. if you pay attention to her, you are just rewarding her for bad behaviour.
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ConfusedGal

ConfusedGal

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THis is an issue I have to work on big time...I DO eventually want to move... I know that. Its something I REALLY want and need to experience in my life beyond the parental issue. I chucked the opportunity the first time around (if people recall my posts) but would like to later... My hubby's company is headquartered in CA, so that would be a nice move at some point!

 

As for now, I do think a puppy would make me happy. I may buy one. :-)

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RarePearl

RarePearl

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I don't think you're selfish. You wanted to move and his achievement ruined your plans. Yet, you're happy for him. It's normal to think of yourself TOO, not just of others. :)

 

It would be selfish if you would disregard his achievements and plans in order to accomplish yours. Both partners should feel good about any change - not just one.

 

You can still move in a year or two. His new position will be in his resume and he can get a better job next year (vs. last year) anywhere in the US.

 

Can you move a little bit further from your mother? How far from you is she? How about the next city? :)

 

After all, be patient. Two or three years won't make a big difference in your life. You might need your mom for the baby too. :p

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Love Hurts

Love Hurts

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Difficult to let him be the head............. If you love and you know he loves you. More than that. If you have God in your relationship.

Let him be the head. Stand by your man. Let him flourish.

Be proud.

 

Perhaps one day he can get a transfer and all things will fall into place for each of you.

Sometimes in a relationship, we each have to give and take. It is your turn to give in and let him take his position.

 

I would let him know how you feel, it's important that he knows you wanted something more. For him to know you are willing to live a life you do not desire...... is important. Him knowing how you feel and yet you are supportive of him, has a major possitive impact.

 

Behind a successful man is a strong woman....YOU

For better or worse.............

Time can give you each what you want. Perhaps not your time, but in time.

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