tanbark813 Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Okay, this has been bugging me for some time now so I decided to post it in the hopes that I can get it off my chest. I have this friend D. We've been friends for about 4 years now. Although she won't admit it, she was interested in me but I just wasn't attracted to her so we've just remained friends. She's been a good friend for the most part and has given me some great advice over the years so it's been a valuable friendship. A few weeks ago she says that there's a girl, M, who she wants to set me up with but warns it will be casual dating only. No problem. D organizes a dinner party and M is one of the guests. We meet, chat a little, and make plans for later that week. We go out, have a great time, and end up sleeping together. The next day M and I chat a bit and agree we should go out again. The following week--it was either Monday or Tuesday, I forget which--I make plans with M to go out Friday. Friday rolls around and in the afternoon I get an IM from D. Right off the bat she gives me a hard time for "monopolizing" M. She said it in a joking way, but it was more like half-joking/half-serious. At first I just laugh it off but then she starts asking if I would be interested in the three of us--me, M, and D--going to some club an hour away instead of me and M following through with our initial plans. Uhhhh... I don't think so. I tell D I don't wish to change plans. She asks me why I can't just compromise and I tell her it wouldn't be a compromise since she'd be the only one gaining anything out of it. It's basically choosing between having M one-on-one, staying local, and doing karaoke ( ) versus having a third wheel, driving an hour away, and NOT doing karaoke, PLUS going to a club--I don't even like clubs. D gets all irked--partially because of the third wheel thing, but I really don't think she should have taken it personally--and starts to say I'm not being a good friend. Then she says she's no longer interested in hanging out with me anyway and says it was M's idea in the first place. Okay, well, M never said anything to me about it and how was I supposed to know? Eventually the conversation blows up and we stop chatting. M and I go out, as planned, and have a good time. Towards the end of the night she admits that it was her idea to change venues but that D thought it would be better if she brought it up. Why she thought that I have no idea. So then the next day D and I argue more online. We reiterate our points initially. I tell her she was out of line for trying to intrude on set dating plans and then calling me the bad friend. She says she was "testing the friendship" and that I failed. She then goes on to say that not only am I not a friend now but that it's clear I never have been. Okay, whatever. She finishes by saying she no longer wishes to consider me a friend and that's the end of the conversation. That was about two weeks ago and we haven't spoken since. The thing is, this has happened before. This is the third time D has set me up with one of her friends, and then turned around and appointed herself mediator for whatever occurs between me and the new girl. Man.. Well that did help get it a bit off my chest at least.... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Don't be "friends" with the opposite sex... Link to post Share on other sites
Author tanbark813 Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 Don't be "friends" with the opposite sex... Well I got some play out of it but it ended up backfiring. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 D. is jealous because your relationship with M. is starting to take off. I'll bet M. has been bragging about you. D. is interferring and wants to be part of the 'group'. I have had a freind do this to me. I said NO... I stuck to it. She was pissed at me for not allowing her to join us. She felt left out and she was bored so she thougt it would be fun to tag along with us. I told her that I wanted quality time with the guy I was dating. It was too early in the relationship to let her enter in gatherings of going out to places as a group. I wanted to get to know my date better and I didn't want the added stress of having to feel like I had to entertain my friend too so she wasn't bored. 3rd wheels aren't a good idea in the beginning of a new relationship. If she can't understand that then thats her problem she needs to deal with. Reverse the situation on D. Ask her how she would feel if you wanted to tag along on her date with a man you knew! Would she like the idea of you not giving them their privacy, interferring in all their conversations, taking his attention away from her? I think you need to put D. in your shoes and let her think about it..... She is just wrong... She is jealous and afraid she is missing out on something.... Link to post Share on other sites
933KJL Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 TB it could not be any more clear. The issue was that you took M home and slept with her without D. Call up M and say you need to make up with D and have her mediate the whole thing and then take them BOTH back to your place. Please do not forget the webcam or the digicam. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tanbark813 Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 TB it could not be any more clear. The issue was that you took M home and slept with her without D. Call up M and say you need to make up with D and have her mediate the whole thing and then take them BOTH back to your place. Please do not forget the webcam or the digicam. Brilliant! To padameckla: M and I only went out the two times because she was seeing someone else and decided to focus on him. D and I aren't speaking at this point so I didn't get the chance to explicitly ask her how she would feel if the situation was reversed, but I'm surprised she wasn't able to think of it that way herself. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 TANBARK...we need to establish a new reality show based upon your day-to-day life. I think it would be hil-arious We could call it San Fran Nites... Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 To padameckla: M and I only went out the two times because she was seeing someone else and decided to focus on him. Well that sucks. damn... Thats just not right.. D and I aren't speaking at this point so I didn't get the chance to explicitly ask her how she would feel if the situation was reversed, but I'm surprised she wasn't able to think of it that way herself. Well better off for you if you and her aren't speaking. She sounds jealous and possesive. Some people can't see past their own feelings and wants to see what they are doing. She was focused on tagging along (selfish want) she couldn't see the reality of how you and M would feel~ if you would've gone on that date. She needs a kick in the a$$ or a slap upside the head to knock some sense into her. Ugh.. Some women. I would hope that if I ever did that to a friend she/he would put me in my place.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tanbark813 Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 TANBARK...we need to establish a new reality show based upon your day-to-day life. I think it would be hil-arious We could call it San Fran Nites... I would be up for that. My weekly karaoke excursions alone would make for good TV. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Oh man, you told your "friend" she was a third wheel!!! I'd be pissed too, especially if I was the one hooking you up with my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 D has feelings for you - End of story. Cause no friend gets all emotional like that unless they want somethin more from you. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 D has feelings for you - End of story.. I would tend to agree P_2K. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tanbark813 Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 Oh man, you told your "friend" she was a third wheel!!! I'd be pissed too, especially if I was the one hooking you up with my friend. I don't think she should have taken it so personally though. It was because of the situation, not that I necessarily don't like spending time with her. D has feelings for you - End of story. Yeah, that I already assumed. I just thought she could put them aside. Apparently I was wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 I don't think she should have taken it so personally though. It was because of the situation, not that I necessarily don't like spending time with her. Yeah, that I already assumed. I just thought she could put them aside. Apparently I was wrong. alphamale said: Don't be "friends" with the opposite sex... I think it's very very VERY rare when a man and woman can be JUST friends without any other desires harboring. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 she's totally overreacting. You're going on a date with some girl and she invites herself??? hell she's a third wheel! Even if it was M's idea, D wasnt honest. She should have just said Hey, M and I want to go out on Monday, she doesnt feel comfortable going alone and thinks all 3 of us will have fun together. Instead, she tried to manipulate the situation and it all backfired. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tanbark813 Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 she's totally overreacting. You're going on a date with some girl and she invites herself??? hell she's a third wheel! Even if it was M's idea, D wasnt honest. She should have just said Hey, M and I want to go out on Monday, she doesnt feel comfortable going alone and thinks all 3 of us will have fun together. Instead, she tried to manipulate the situation and it all backfired. Exactly. But somehow, in her eyes, I'm being the bad friend. Whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Exactly. But somehow, in her eyes, I'm being the bad friend. Whatever. f*** her man...she's full of s***. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tanbark813 Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 f*** her man...she's full of s***. Agreed. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 I don't think she should have taken it so personally though. It was because of the situation, not that I necessarily don't like spending time with her. I didn't say that she wasn't a third wheel but just that it blew that you said it to her face. ESPECIALLY, since the chick that you were dating was the one that put her up to it. It was a no win situation for your friend. It was so wrong of her friend to ask her to have you take both of them out. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Exactly. But somehow, in her eyes, I'm being the bad friend. Whatever. nah, she got caught with her pants down and now she's embarassed. _IF_ you want to fix the situation, just tell her you're sorry she's upset but she needs to be more direct with you in the future so that you dont have these kinds of misunderstandings. But it seems like she loves drama and guilt triping you. I would question if the friendship is worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tanbark813 Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 I didn't say that she wasn't a third wheel but just that it blew that you said it to her face. ESPECIALLY, since the chick that you were dating was the one that put her up to it. It was a no win situation for your friend. It was so wrong of her friend to ask her to have you take both of them out. Yeah, at first I just said I didn't want to change plans but she wouldn't drop it. Then I said it wouldn't be a compromise and she threw a fit. It wasn't until the argument the next day that I referred to her explicitly as a third wheel. _IF_ you want to fix the situation, just tell her you're sorry she's upset but she needs to be more direct with you in the future so that you dont have these kinds of misunderstandings. But it seems like she loves drama and guilt triping you. I would question if the friendship is worth it. I don't know about that. It's one thing to get mad about this incident, but to then retroactively deem me a bad friend over the past several years is pretty f***ed up, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 D is trying to have a vicarious relationship with you by finding you a partner who's a friend of hers in hope that she'll be included in the activities. Perhaps she hopes that when you're with both of them, you'll somehow decide she's the better choice. Maybe she'd even make her friend look bad in front of you. Apparently she's done this several times and you've fallen for it every time. Clearly, the thing to do is not go out with anyone she fixes you up with. Of course, if she's dumped you then the problem's solved. Link to post Share on other sites
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