He wants me back and I need to be patient

[Guest]

My boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me about a month ago. We had a wonderful relationship, but then he just started acting weird and depressed. I ended up getting frustrated and tried to help him, but he just seemed so distant. Well, I had stopped trying to help because, obviously, it only made him feel worse. I encouraged him and was very patient with him and offered him nothing more than kind words and actions. Well, he broke up with me because he said he was just so overwhelmed and couldn't handle a relationship right now and I have been struggling to cope. However, he doesn't know this. I don't act sad or pouty around him at all. In fact, he thinks that I have moved on emotionally. He thinks that I am perfectly fine with everything, even though I cry myself to sleep. Now, after thinking and coming to a realization, he believes he has made the biggest mistake of his life. He is so disappointed at the mistakes he has made and he wants to come back to me. Well, I want him back desperately, but he has decided he wants to "rebuild" and make everything up to me. He has even said that I was "the one" and plans on having a family with me one day. I agree that we should rebuild things, because he has really hurt me and he knows it. He says he wants to change and he even broke down and was inconsolable for quite a while. I believe him with all my heart, but I am just really discouraged. I am in shock and disbelief that he actually wants me back! I am just so happy, but I am having a hard time being patient with the rebuilding stage. Does anyone have any comforting words or stories for me? I would really appreciate it! Thanks!

[teacher]

I am in a similar situation... We both decided to take things slow, to work on things before we decide to be official Boyfriend and Girlfriend again, but I am having a hard time with this period. He broke up with me, so sometimes I should feel like it should all be on my terms, but if this is truly going to work then it has to be 50/50...

 

Also, has has never told me he loves me. He has said he sees me in his future and sees us marrying and having kids, but has never actually said "i love you". Thoughts??

[Guest]

Hi, my ex and I are in a similar situation. We have been broken up 3 months now, and he too was very depressed and moody before the breakup. I tried to help him, but like you said... it only made him feel worse (he felt he had to do it on his own). Unfortunately in my situation, I reacted very badly. I cried a lot, and tried asking him back for the first two weeks. He didnt want to talk/see me, but because we were in the same class together and lived across from eachother, that didnt work. He was polite, but distant... and was incredibly moody (nice sometimes, mean other times). We came back home from college about 3 weeks ago, and I havent heard him him at all. I tried calling him once when we first got back but he didnt pick up/call back. I really love this guy, and I want him back, but he told me he just needed time to himself. Any advice on what I should do? I am keeping NC, because at this point I feel there is nothing else to do. Argh, I miss him so.

 

I know you are angry about him hurting you, but yes I think you need to make this work 50/50 and take it slow. Sometimes I get so angry at how much I have been hurt that I think if he ever called I might yell at him. But really, it shouldnt be your way, or his way... it needs to be a compromise that you are both comfortable with. Take your time, you both have been through a lot. I hope the best for you, and Im glad its working our for you. Please keep us updated, im curious to know how it turns out!

[Kengne]

Hey guest # 1!

 

I have walked the mile in your shoes, and then some. my current bf R - we were together for 5 mths last year, then we broke up in Oct 05 (his decision) last year because he couldn't give me his 100%, his all in the rel'ship. Naturally I was upset, esp because it came out of the blue IMO.

 

We had little contact for the next 4 weeks, and then in Nov 05 he came saying he missed me, he thought we had potential and wanting to work things out by yup.... 'taking things slow'. UGH. i cringe at the phrase now, because really WHAT does it mean? NOTHING!

 

anywho... for the next 4 mths (yes, nearly as long as our rel'ship!)... we remained broken up, but trying to work things out by taking things slow. at first it was easy because we got to know one another again and all that good stuff... but around 3 mths deep i began to grow very frustrated with the whole situation. i didn't say much to him - just tried to be patient and understanding of his need to take things slow (esp given that he'd told me the REAL reasons surrounding our breakup, namely, my continued emotional involvement with my ex-bf before him).

 

not saying much to him and not pressuring him was much appreciated on his end. i know this, because mths later he told me how much he appreciated that i gave him space & didn't push him re where is this going???

 

but like i said after abt 2-3 mths i was tired of being frustrated so i informed him i cared abt him and wanted to be with him, but i understood he was still not ready to jump back into the rel'ship even tho he wanted to be with me... so i was going to start dating other people because i didn't like the limbo stage we were in i.e. had feelings for each other, more than friends even though we were NOT sleeping together, but yet NOT exclusive and neither of us seeing other people? oh hell no! smth had to give.

 

he was NOT happy abt this decision of mine, but what could he say? nothin. we weren't together so I was a free agent, as was he.

 

another few more weeks went by... i could feel myself distancing from him because i just felt stagnant in the friendship/pseudo-relationship... but this time, i didn't say anything to him at all. i remember having a revelation so to say one week... where i just finally let go and let God, and decided to just MOVE on and not hold onto any hope because it was not helping me.

 

and i know it sounds crazy... maybe he felt me distancing myself? i dunno... but the VERY NEXT DAY after my 'revelation' all of a sudden he wanted to talk to me abt smth... and when we met up the day after that... he told me he had felt ready from before but was now ready to say yes and officially re-kindle the rel'ship. and in feb 06 is when we officially got back together!

 

so yes ... sometimes break-ups DO lead to 2nd chances... but you have to be patient and know your limit. if your limit has been reached, do not try to force the other person to make a decision and do smth now now now! let him know you feel, but be prepared to walk away if nec if he isn't at the same pt you are at - and ur tired of waiting for him to catch up.

 

always look out for you, cuz no one else will.

 

good luck!

 

k.

[BrandonBP]

in feb 06 is when we officially got back together!

 

so yes ... sometimes break-ups DO lead to 2nd chances...

Hallelujah!!!

 

Finally someone gets back together and has a happy ending on these forums!

 

I've been perusing these forums looking for happy endings but everyone seems so dour. Maybe it's because the people that get their loves back don't need to return to the breakup forums for support any longer. All that's left are the miserable ones of us still waiting to hear from their ex's.

 

I think also that the heartbroken people here take a "misery loves company" attitude. When someone here is very excited about their ex's finally getting in touch to get back together, the other members generally seem to be like, "NO, don't do it! Don't answer the phone! Don't return her emails! You have to remain NC! Move on with your life and never talk to the love of your life ever again!"

 

LOL

[Kengne]

Hallelujah!!!

 

Finally someone gets back together and has a happy ending on these forums!

 

I've been perusing these forums looking for happy endings but everyone seems so dour. Maybe it's because the people that get their loves back don't need to return to the breakup forums for support any longer. All that's left are the miserable ones of us still waiting to hear from their ex's.

 

I think also that the heartbroken people here take a "misery loves company" attitude. When someone here is very excited about their ex's finally getting in touch to get back together, the other members generally seem to be like, "NO, don't do it! Don't answer the phone! Don't return her emails! You have to remain NC! Move on with your life and never talk to the love of your life ever again!"

 

LOL

 

LOL!

 

Hey BrandonBP,

 

Yup, I def think one reason is that when people get back with their ex's they disappear because they no longer need support. But more than anything, I think it's the 'misery loves company' attitude that drives people away. I used to post here for support AND to give advice etc... even after me and my bf started 'working things out' and officially got back together... but I noticed that SOME people on here don't believe in or want to hear about happy endings. I've seen so many threads abt '2nd chances don't work!' that it's unbelievable.

 

So to not make other people feel bad and start any arguments about yes - 2nd chances CAN work - I just kinda poofed.

 

I come back from time to time, but mostly in the dating section where the mood is lighter. But I am trying to post here more and more, because sometimes people need to be injected with some hope & positivity in the midst of their painful breakup.

 

Hope this helps!

 

K.