babydoll_mimi Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Y'all might be proud of me! I think I might finally be ready to walk away from my MM. I love him, ridiculously so, but I'm beginning to realize what y'all have been saying all along about NC. I figure this can be my way to see how much or if he really cares. I know it's not about the sex, because we used to... often, but since he's moved back in w/ her, it's only been once in the past 5 weeks. Who knows, I guess some of you might still say it's about the sex. Anyway, he usually has me email him, and while he doesn't write back, he calls immediately to discuss the email and our days. Well, I didn't email him today, and when he called, I didn't answer. I figure if it bothers him tomorrow he can at least try to leave a message, or finally have the brains to create a new email acct and email ME for a change. I'm going to try to be brave and just stop talking to him, no warning, no goodbye, no nothing. I think this is easier b/c if I speak to him or see him or anything, I will lose my nerve. I absolutely love him, but until he finally divorces her, there's nothing I can really do. Please wish me luck. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidnot Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Good luck, hon. He is going to try to pull you back with more intensity than ever once he realizes that you are avoiding him. I understand not wanting to tell him what or why you are doing NC, but you may eventually need to tell him so he will stop pursuing you. It will be flattering in the beginning to have him want you so much, but always keep in your mind that if he wanted you he would end his marriage so you won't have to be hidden. Don't waste the golden opportunity of your youth on some guy that is probably not ready to leave his wife, whatever his reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 8, 2006 Author Share Posted June 8, 2006 Ok, Tuesday we didn't talk at all, Wed. he called and I didn't answer, nor did I email him. Today, he called and his message said that his little boy had broken his arm and he'd call me tonite and fill me in on everything. This got me b/c I really do want to know about his kid and what happened, etc...ugh! I'm going to try my hardest to not answer when he calls.... this is so hard though! Link to post Share on other sites
Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 9, 2006 Author Share Posted June 9, 2006 Ok, I feel like s*** right about now and I need you ladies to talk sense into me. I mentioned that his message from this afternoon stated that his oldes kid (8yrs) broke his arm and it's been hectic, call and i'll give you the low down kinda thing. Of course, I didn't...and come about quarter to 10 pm, he calls...and calls...and calls about 15 times in 15 minutes, but no message. At this point, he must know that i'm avoiding him b/c i hit the ignore button on my phone and it sent each call to the voicemail, but at different times. He left no message. What struck me as weird is that he's always home by that time, and even if he does have work to do, she gives him hell so he has to be home at a decent time (very early)...so how could he call me at 10 pm? And he left no message, so I began to feel kinda sorry for him and wonder if he needed anything (someone to talk to)... of course I realized this too late and he didnt call back, and I can't call him on his cell, especially not this late when he might be at home w/ her... HELP ME LADIES I'm losing my will power! Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 Ok, I feel like s*** right about now and I need you ladies to talk sense into me. I mentioned that his message from this afternoon stated that his oldes kid (8yrs) broke his arm and it's been hectic, call and i'll give you the low down kinda thing. Of course, I didn't...and come about quarter to 10 pm, he calls...and calls...and calls about 15 times in 15 minutes, but no message. At this point, he must know that i'm avoiding him b/c i hit the ignore button on my phone and it sent each call to the voicemail, but at different times. He left no message. What struck me as weird is that he's always home by that time, and even if he does have work to do, she gives him hell so he has to be home at a decent time (very early)...so how could he call me at 10 pm? And he left no message, so I began to feel kinda sorry for him and wonder if he needed anything (someone to talk to)... of course I realized this too late and he didnt call back, and I can't call him on his cell, especially not this late when he might be at home w/ her... HELP ME LADIES I'm losing my will power! Babydoll, STOP worrying about him, concentrate on what YOU are doing..... So what if he rang you at 10pm. So what that he didn't leave a message. So what if he "needs" someone to talk to. You KNOW what YOU have to do. And that includes NOT ringing or mailing or texting him (no matter what the hour of the day is...) If you contact him you will just have to start from scratch again. You would be forever prolonging this OW situation. Try to remember your reasons for going NC in the first place. Those reasons are still as valid now as they were then..... You can do this!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 Stay strong hun!! I know NC is hard, especially right at first. He is just now realizing what is going on, and he is prolly frantic!! This thing with his kid, is just something to throw you for a loop, not saying he is lying, but there will always be something to make you want to loose control, but gotta stay strong!!!! Just think, you are that much closer to gaining your life back and your control. Do you really want to go thru this drama anymore? What a headache, "well I can't call his cell at this time, and i can only email him he can't email me, and I have to call at this time so she won't know'..." Ugh.. just sounds like a headache. As much as you think you love him, you deserve someone who can give you 100000% of his time!! And you deserve no less!! Hang in there hunny!! I've never been in your situation (with an MM) but I have been thru NC. Just thought I'd offer my moral support!! Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 Do you really want to go thru this drama anymore? What a headache, "well I can't call his cell at this time, and i can only email him he can't email me, and I have to call at this time so she won't know'..." Ugh.. just sounds like a headache. Tim's Angel, This agonising over when you may or may not contact someone is a head ache, you are totally right! Actually it is even worse, it is total humiliation!!! So NC is the ONLY way out of it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 Tim's Angel, This agonising over when you may or may not contact someone is a head ache, you are totally right! Actually it is even worse, it is total humiliation!!! So NC is the ONLY way out of it!!! I can only imagine!! I really hate to see women taking so little when they deserve so much better!! It breaks my heart. I also hate that a man could have so little respect for someone they profess to "love" and they have hardly any time to offer them. It's shameful really!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 9, 2006 Author Share Posted June 9, 2006 You all are right. I know that it's stupid for me to still care about someone who can't really give me all of himself, or his time. And I know that NC is the way to go... it just really sucks to be honest. lol. I'm sure most of you have been there and know what I'm going through. So far he hasn't tried calling today, I don't know if he will later or not, but at this point, he definitely knows I'm avoiding him. Link to post Share on other sites
lovernotafighter Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 good luck baby doll, NC is harder than hell...I tried your way and avoided him and he pursued me..then I finally drew the line in the sand and the worst part he hardly put up a fight..except the fact that he is forcing himself to work my shift next week..augh! it's so hard when your in love..don't you wish you could just shut off your emotions from time to time? I really do hope you pull through this,stay strong Link to post Share on other sites
Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 11, 2006 Author Share Posted June 11, 2006 Thanks Lover! He didn't call Friday (I think he got the hint when I didn't answer 20 times on Thursday). But yesterday, he called from work and didnt block his call, so even though I didn't answer, I called back b/c the number seemed familiar, and sure enough, it was one of his office lines. He left no message, so I feel that if it bothered him enough, he would have figured out how to leave messages or create a new (safe) email account to see what's up with me. I've managed to keep busy this weekend, and that's what's helping me get through this so far. Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 Thanks Lover! He didn't call Friday (I think he got the hint when I didn't answer 20 times on Thursday). But yesterday, he called from work and didnt block his call, so even though I didn't answer, I called back b/c the number seemed familiar, and sure enough, it was one of his office lines. He left no message, so I feel that if it bothered him enough, he would have figured out how to leave messages or create a new (safe) email account to see what's up with me. I've managed to keep busy this weekend, and that's what's helping me get through this so far. Aww I'm so proud of you!! Look how good your doing!! Keep it up!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 12, 2006 Author Share Posted June 12, 2006 Thanks T.A. Tomorrow (Monday) will be one week since I spoke to, saw, or emailed my MM. There was a period a few weeks ago when we didn't see eachother for like two weeks when he had first moved back in w/ his W and kids, but I believe there was a phone call here and there, and I was at least emailing him. This feels so strange, and is no fun at all, but I try to remind myself that even though it's breaking my heart to let him go, it would just shatter the pieces to keep him in my life and remain his backup girl, so to speak. This hurts so much... Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 , it would just shatter the pieces to keep him in my life and remain his backup girl, so to speak. This hurts so much... Exactly. Better to hurt now for only a short period of time than to go on hurting the rest of your life, or until it happens to you what happened to MM's wife. I don't know if you believe in karma, but you don't want this falling back on you one day. I say if he did it to his wife, he would most likely do it to you. Take comfort in the fact that you are on the way up and out, and though it hurts now, think of how free and alive you will begin to feel when you are able to have a normal, healthy relationship with someone who will give you all of his time!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 13, 2006 Author Share Posted June 13, 2006 I feel so horrible... I tried going to church this evening, and that helped for a little while, but I miss him so much... I feel like throwing up. I don't wish this on anyone, so if any of you are barely contemplating an A w/ a MM, DON"T DO IT. Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 I feel so horrible... I tried going to church this evening, and that helped for a little while, but I miss him so much... I feel like throwing up. I don't wish this on anyone, so if any of you are barely contemplating an A w/ a MM, DON"T DO IT. Aww babydoll!! Hang in there sweetie!! You know they say it always gets worse before it gets better!! LS is here anytime you need to vent!! In fact, every time you are tempted to pick up that phone, just get online and rant if need be. lol Has he tried calling or emailing anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 13, 2006 Author Share Posted June 13, 2006 Yes, he did call and I didn't answer. His message basically said "I think I left you a message last week, because *Joey* broke his arm, and I wanted to give you details, but umm... yeah I guess I'll try calling again later, but let me know some how, by email or something, if you want to know, if I don't hear from you, I'll know you don't want to hear about it. Not because you don't care, but.... I don't know, maybe you just decided to move on or something. But let me know somehow." THIS is where I have a confession to make: I emailed him this email .... "This is going to be long, and in no particular order, so bear with me. I did get your message last week, and yes, I am concerned about *joey, how he's doing and how he broke his arm. It broke my heart to not email you or call this past week, especially when I heard about*joey's arm; still, it was something I had to do. I was trying to figure out if you just stopped caring about me, or if you had never started. I sent that email to you last Monday, and I guess it just got to me. I figured I'd try to stay away since you don't care anyway, and well...I guess that plan didn't work too well b/c here I am, emailing you again. To tell you the truth, I didn't think you'd even notice what I was trying to do, but based on your message today, I guess you did. I just figured that if it meant enough to you that you hadn't heard from me, you could have left more than one message in the past week, you could have called my house number, or you would have figured out how to send an email. It's funny b/c despite my efforts, and the hundred distractions I filled my weekend with, you were still my first thought each morning and my last each night. Hopefully when I finally hear from you, you'll make more than small talk and actually give some sort of reply to this email and/or the last. It's just kind of a slap in the face to know that I miss you and I tell you that, and I get nothing but silence from you. That's not to say that I want you to tell me something you don't mean, but it still hurts. If I was just a toy to you, then don't bother replying because I can't play this game anymore. I don't mean to be sarcastic, but I've invested so much more emotion into you than I ever intended, and I can't keep doing this if I'm just some sort of toy or game to you. If I'm wrong, then work with me and stop pushing me away w/ that wall you have up. Even if you don't call me again because I really was just a game to you, please send me a quick email about *joey at least. " I know this was stupid of me, but I guess it served its purpose b/c he didn't call me, and he only sent a two sentence reply today related to his son's broken arm. I guess that was his way of agreeing that he doesn't care anymore. This doesn't help much though...my heart is still breaking. Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 Well at least now you know. The only thing is I hope he doesn't waltz back into your life and you guys start the whole thing up again!! I hate how its always up to the men, and we sit like dogs at a dining room table waiting for scraps. I don't understand someting. Why can't he email you but you can email him? That doesn't make any sense Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 I know this was stupid of me, but I guess it served its purpose b/c he didn't call me, and he only sent a two sentence reply today related to his son's broken arm. I guess that was his way of agreeing that he doesn't care anymore. This doesn't help much though...my heart is still breaking. The fact he didn't comment on ANYTHING that you said speaks volumes. Remember that. I know you're hurting but no good can come of this situation. He knows it, you know it and so the best thing now is just let your emotions run their course, cry and try your best to get over him. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 I hate how its always up to the men, and we sit like dogs at a dining room table waiting for scraps. But you're LETTING yourself sit and wait for scraps. He is doing it cuz you let him! YOU have control to STOP all that s***. Don't settle to be second best. Find a single man (when that time comes that you're able to date again) that will love you back the way you should be loved. Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 But you're LETTING yourself sit and wait for scraps. He is doing it cuz you let him! YOU have control to STOP all that s***. Don't settle to be second best. Find a single man (when that time comes that you're able to date again) that will love you back the way you should be loved. I agree. It just shouldn't be that way. A true gentleman would wait on you, not the other way around. A true man would choose you to give all his time and love to, not play around when its convenient on his terms Link to post Share on other sites
Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 13, 2006 Author Share Posted June 13, 2006 Thanks ladies. I got a private call tonite at 11pm, and missed it twice, but got no message. I'm pretty sure it was him b/c he's the only one who calls private, but I'm not sure how he was able to get the phone so late in the night. In response to TA's comment: I can email him, but he's paranoid that the W will somehow hack into his acct and use it against him in court. This way, it looks like I keep sending him emails, but he's not responding. This is still kind of silly b/c if you read my emails I talk about updates that I'd only know if I had spoken to him recently. Anyhow, I guess he didn't care about the whole no email thing b/c he did respond w/ that one email today. I'm counting today as a momentary lapse in judgment, and hoping that I have the strength to go on w/ NC. Thanks so much ladies for your support! Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 I can email him, but he's paranoid that the W will somehow hack into his acct and use it against him in court. This way, it looks like I keep sending him emails, but he's not responding. Thats so degrading that he throws it all on you and is won't take half the responsibility for his actions Link to post Share on other sites
ahotmess Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 Sometimes it helps to actually throw up. Crying works. Allow for time to grieve. Let it all out. But more importantly. Pick yourself back up. Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 Sometimes it helps to actually throw up. Crying works. Allow for time to grieve. Let it all out. But more importantly. Pick yourself back up. I don't suggest that. I did that a few times to relieve stress and it turned into boulimia. Link to post Share on other sites
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