Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 13, 2006 Author Share Posted June 13, 2006 Lol... don't worry about me throwing up. I actually used to be bulimic, but I'm finally over it ( I think), and I just realized that once I had a good cry, I felt a tiny bit better. He called again this morning when I was in class, but left no message. Link to post Share on other sites
Stylist101 Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 It is important that you understand that married men dont typically leave their wives for their mistress. They want to have their cake and eat it too. I think that you are better off to find someone who is available to love you and that wants to be in a monogamous relationship with you. I know that it is difficult for you to committ to really ending the relationship because it was veyr hard for me to end mine as well. However, if his wife finds out, you never know what she may be capable of. Obviously she is deperate if she is staying with a cheater. I guess you just have to ask yourself, " DO you really think he will leave his wife and children?" Also " DO you want him if he does?" Will he cheat on you, or is it her fault that he is cheating? Obviously he loved her when they got married, so if he is so easily persuaded to be unfaithful, are you the only one that he has cheated with. It is a real personality disorder that men have that cheat. They are cowards. They never mean to hurt the mistress or their fam., but they had a choice to leave their existing relationship before beginning a new relationship with the girlfriend. I mean the mistress looses her innocence when she finds out that her man is married. Just imagine that it was your husband and how you would feel. That helped me because I know what I would do and it isnt pretty.... I guess you just gotta ask yourself how you would feel if you were the wife and mother of his children. I can relate to married men because I enjoy the suspense of forbidden relationships, and I wonder if that is the same motivation for them. They have nothing to lose, they have their wife and she isnt gonna leave or she already would have and at worst they lose the mistress and thats ok because they still have their wife. I am just being real. The longer that it goes on the worse it will hurt you in the long run. I think that the best thing for you to do is change your emails, phone numbers, move if you have to, but make sure he gets the message!!! You are not going to be Deuce.... And Im sure you are way hotter than his wife so go find a hottie that isnt married with no baggage and have your fun. Dont waste your love on someone who is getting the best of both worlds! You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 14, 2006 Author Share Posted June 14, 2006 Thanks Stylist! Lol, it's funny b/c I am hotter than his wife... and I dont know if you read my story, but my situation is slightly diff b/c I didn't meet him until he was out of the house and separated, going through divorce proceedings. Long story short, he realized he wasn't gonna get the custody agreement he wanted, so he agreed to reconciliation till December when that judge is off the bench. (this happened a month ago). Anyway, I'm still trying to let him go. Today he called again, and my friend answered and said "I'm in class..." She said that he told her "Please talk to me...Oh, you have class, that explains why you haven't answered any of my morning calls...call me when you get out from a phone on campus." He didn't know that she answered the phone and not me. Anyway, I called him from another phone during a break and said "Why are you calling me? I got your message loud and clear the other day and you really have no reason to call me. He said that he was in a meeting but when can I call him. I repeated what I said, and he was just like 'just please tell me what time I can call you." I said that I have class till 12, but that there's no point in him calling me. So, at like 20 till 12 he calls my phone and I don't answer... that's it for today. I know I had a few weak moments, but I'm still being stronger than I ever imagined I could be! Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Your doing very well sweetie!! Of course you will have weak moments, just for the love of GOd do not let him suck you back into the unhealthy relationship. I know you said you feel the relationship is different since you met him while separated, and there may be some truth to that. But it is obvious he isn't doing you right, and he couldn't if he wanted to because of the situation he is in. That is why I NEVER dated married men, even separated!! It's just a sticky and very hurtful situation. But your doing very well!! You are stronger than alot of other women on here who can't seem to let it go. I suggest you don't talk to him anymore. Trust me, he knows what your doing. He knows he shouldn't hold onto, he knows its hurting you. He isn't being very mature in leading you on so and that makes me mad!! Hang in there!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 Thanks TA. You know something funny? I just noticed you're from houston...and most of us just put vague generalities if not blatant lies about where we're from, but his W's family lives in Houston, and one of the guys she was messing around w/ lives there too... I just think it'd be ironic if any of us knew the people we talk about, or knew eachother and didn't know it... or knowing men, hell, we could be dating the same MM.lol. That was a little off subject, but it helped get my mind a little off the heartache for a minute! Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Thanks TA. You know something funny? I just noticed you're from houston...and most of us just put vague generalities if not blatant lies about where we're from, but his W's family lives in Houston, and one of the guys she was messing around w/ lives there too... I just think it'd be ironic if any of us knew the people we talk about, or knew eachother and didn't know it... or knowing men, hell, we could be dating the same MM.lol. That was a little off subject, but it helped get my mind a little off the heartache for a minute! I'm sure something like that has happened before!! What part of tx are in you? Or do you not wanna say on here PM me Link to post Share on other sites
Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 Corpus Christi Link to post Share on other sites
Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 Ladies, today is Day 10 of NC...and it's almost the weekend...that's when I'm most prone to 'caving'....help me! Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Ladies, today is Day 10 of NC...and it's almost the weekend...that's when I'm most prone to 'caving'....help me! Aww hunny hang in there!! You've done so well you can't cave now!!! Hey, just get out this weekend!! Do you have any friends out of town you could go stay with? Or maybe family members?? Take a little trip, or plan a long weekend with your girlfriends, go out and shake ur booty!! Just don't drunk dial!! Whatever you do, make sure you find a way to fill your time. Maybe you should even turn your phone off when your not using it, that way your not tempted to pick up the phone when he calls. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 16, 2006 Author Share Posted June 16, 2006 I'm thinking about getting ahead on a report that's due for school, maybe hanging out w/ one of the cops I've met recently, and...who knows...I'm gonna try to stay busy! Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 I'm thinking about getting ahead on a report that's due for school, maybe hanging out w/ one of the cops I've met recently, and...who knows...I'm gonna try to stay busy! I have a fantasy about cops... :love: Link to post Share on other sites
Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 16, 2006 Author Share Posted June 16, 2006 Haha, I know way too many of them at this point, and I'm trying not to use them to comfort me in my time of heartache...but they're so hott, it's hard not to.lol. The good thing is a few of them are married and I know IN ADVANCE this time, to STAY AWAY.lol. But there's nothing wrong w/ me hanging out w/ them in a group or one on one w/ the single guys. I hope I don't screw myself over by them all finding out about eachother.lol. In any case, they're at least a good distraction. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 17, 2006 Author Share Posted June 17, 2006 Ladies, yesterday was so hard, he called me 23 times throughout the day and left about 15 messages, including one email.... I miss him so much... I did go out last nite to try and distract myself, but one of his friends whom I had met prior was also at the same lounge I was at... so I couldn't really talk to as many guys there b/c I knew he'd have a full report for my MM. I know that should have been my perfect opportunity to have it get back to MM that i'm moving on...but I wasn't ready for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 Ladies, yesterday was so hard, he called me 23 times throughout the day and left about 15 messages, including one email.... I miss him so much... I did go out last nite to try and distract myself, but one of his friends whom I had met prior was also at the same lounge I was at... so I couldn't really talk to as many guys there b/c I knew he'd have a full report for my MM. I know that should have been my perfect opportunity to have it get back to MM that i'm moving on...but I wasn't ready for it. Your not ready for MM to know your moving on? How so? I would think that would help your situation. I'm glad you didn't give into his phonecalls!! I know it's hard but it would have been harder if you would have. What did he say in his messages? Is he getting the hint? Link to post Share on other sites
Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 17, 2006 Author Share Posted June 17, 2006 The first few said he wanted to know if I was okay, and to please contact him just to let him know that I'm okay. Then the next one said that he was worried, so he drove by my house and saw my dad working outside, so he knew I must have been ok b/c if something had happened to me, my dad wouldn't be outside like normal. Then the later messages were all something along the lines of "Baby please call me, I don't want to lose you, and I know this is a tough situation, but you mean so much to me and I don't want you to think that I don't care about you." I guess I made a mistake last nite, and next time I go out, if I see one of his friends, I won't let it hinder my fun...hopefully! Link to post Share on other sites
Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 18, 2006 Author Share Posted June 18, 2006 The irony... Here goes: I spent the whole day w/ this one guy who's liked me for months, but I don't really see him that way...but figured, what the hell, let him take me out & get my mind off things. So we spend the day shopping, then went to a late dinner before a movie we were scheduled to see. Then, just before we were going to leave, who walks into the restaurant?! I first notice MM's W, then his kids...then about 5 ft behind her, I see my MM!!! As soon as I see her, I look away, then see the one of the kids, and practically run to the restroom so that he doesn't point out "look Mommy, Daddy, there's Samantha!" It's a long story but a few months ago, I was chosen to judge in a competition the kid was in, and he never knew that I knew his Dad, but he noticed my name tag and went home bragging to his parents about how this one judge helped him rehearse, etc. Anyway, the kid has a sharp memory, and I didn't want him to say anything. Although W doesn't know my face, she certainly knows my name, and yeah... So, I stay in the restroom, call my date and tell him it's a long story but to please wait for me in his truck outside. Several minutes later, I regain my composure, and escape w/ out being noticed. The funny thing is when I glanced at their table, MM and W were far apart, MM looked upset from the min they walked in, and here's the cherry on top: The table I was originally assigned to was literally right next to the table MM came in and sat at. Thank God I asked for a booth instead of a table.... Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Oh wow.. That is ironic!! Damn girl! I would have flipped the f*** out!! I'm glad your date understood and waited for you outside. Did you have to explain to him what was going on? I bet he thought you were retarded!! Are you still carrying out NC? I sure hope so. I was thinking about the whole situation after reading your last post. I was trying to reason out if it was appropriate for the two of you to be together since he was separated when you met (On my own judgement of course). I made a rule for myself a long time ago to never date a man unless he is completely single or officially divorced. It just saves alot of hassel. I have a few questions. Have you guys been intimate? Have you used the big "L" word yet? How long were you seeing him before you knew he was married? How long have you been seeing him total? I just realized I don't know much about your history with him. I still think you are doing the best thing you could possibly do for yourself. I really can't see where this would lead anywhere else but more heartache. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 18, 2006 Author Share Posted June 18, 2006 Thanks for your help! Here's a bit more history for those who didn't really know it already: MM and I met at the gym in Late January. The first day I met him he told me he has 3 kids. He never directly said he was married or divorced, but I ASSUMED that because of no ring on his hand, his openness about kids and meeting his coworkers, family, etc. that he was divorced. I knew at this point that even if he was divorced, it was fairly recent b/c he was not living on his own, but with a buddy of his. Well, a few weeks into knowing him, I get a call from the W as to who am I and how I know her "husband". I think at this point I may have known that he was simply going through the divorce, not complete though. Anyway, she wasn't particularly suspicious of me, she was just calling EVERY # on the bill (even his customers). Anyway, I was helping him out at a charity tournament that his company was sponsoring and she was like "are u w/ him? Are u golfing w/ him?" I told him about it and he further explained that she's trying to find anything against him to use in court. So later that day we got a hotel room & she again was calling me and calling him saying in the messages it was about the kids, but when he called, she just wanted to know what he was doing and w/ whom. Anyway, this settled down, I continued to date him and yes were were and have been intimate. He meanwhile introduced me to much of his family, friends, coworkers, etc... and was not ashamed because they really were getting a divorce. Anywho, in late April they're going through the divorce in court, and he discovers as per the advice of his attorney that there's no way he's gonna get custody of the kids right now b/c his W is in good w/ the judge (politics) and his best bet was to agree to reconcilliation, build a case against her, and when the judge is gone in December, he can refile & hopefully get this kids this time. So, he agreed to this, has told me that he appreciates me waiting for him, and doesn't want me out of his life, but that ultimately it's my decision because he knows it's unfair to me. Since he moved back in in the last few days of April, we have had to be more discreet, with me not being able to call him, but he calls me, I email him, and about once a week or so we meet up and see eachother somewhere. He has told me alot about how he feels about me, and what he wants in the future, but he only used the L word once, and at the time, I got upset and asked him not to say that to me. Since then, he hasn't, but his other words and actions seem to say "i love you". I haven't actually told him yet, because once I do, there's no turning back and I'm trying to stay strong, but I sent him a text that said I L U... and in my detailed emails lately, I had kinda got all the way around I LOVE YOU w/ out saying it. Anyway, as far as dinner went last nite, I don't think he saw me, but I had a weak moment and sent an email that said " How was (restaurant)? Happy Father's Day, I need a drink so I'm out now. " I went out for drinks w/ a date after that. I immediately regretted sending it, but I don't think he's read it yet b/c he hasn't called, and when and if he calls on Monday, I'm gonna try not to answer it. It probably seems silly to some of you b/c I've only known his since January, but it would take forever to explain our whole story and specifics of our situation. I truly do believe that we love eachother, I'm just trying to stay away, if not forever, then at least till he's divorced. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 19, 2006 Author Share Posted June 19, 2006 He knows I had class this morning, but he still called 6 times, left two messages saying "I miss you and really just want to talk to you. Please call me back." He also responded to that email I never should have sent. He said "You're like Bond. Thanks For remembering. Taking the kids fishing. Call you tomorrow" this was sent yesterday, but I just read it today... Link to post Share on other sites
Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 This NC thing is waay too hard, and after the f-d up day I've had, I'm thisclose to just emailing him and asking him to meet me tomorrow. Someone PLEASE remind me there's a purpose to my NC... Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 This NC thing is waay too hard, and after the f-d up day I've had, I'm thisclose to just emailing him and asking him to meet me tomorrow. Someone PLEASE remind me there's a purpose to my NC... NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Come on girl, you've come this far!! You are only going to add to the stress from your already stressed out day!! In the long run you are doing the right thing, and I know you know that. Come on, before you do something irrational, sit down and think about it. He is all wrong for you right now. Do you really like having to wait for him to call you at a certain time.... only be able to email him... the thought of him sleeping with his wife... the degrading of the situation!! That would be enough to put me six feet under!!! You deserve so much more!! Sorry I haven't been posting on here lately. I'm leaving LS after tonight for a little while because I spend waaaay too much time on here. If you want to contact me for some sanity email me at [email protected]. Good luck girl!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author babydoll_mimi Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 Thanks hon! I'll take u up on the offer! Link to post Share on other sites
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