Cesspool of heathen sin...or is it?

[superfreak]

So I have some interesting relationship dynamics with some of the men I work with. First and foremost, I'm going to preface all this by saying that I have a gi-normous attraction to the guy who works near me (different department, same proximity) -- we have a ton of common interests it seems and I admire him professionally (as well as...well, YOU KNOW). It's not interfering with my job or my life much, and that's mainly because I haven't done anything to pursue it because he doesn't seem interested in me at all. We barely speak, and maybe it's better that way given the way office romances can go sour. It hasn't escalated much beyond my saying hello in the halls and a few lunches (always with the creepy guy who's interested in me and has a girlfriend).

 

So the other issue is that my teammate and I are close. We grew up in the same area of town, know a lot of the same people from growing up, are about the same age, and we're friends. He's respectful of me, and I am respectful of him. He's married, and I like and respect his wife. We work alongside one another, and I value his friendship. However, it seems that some of the other people at work (based on a few sly comments that I may be perceiving incorrectly and one overt question from the creepy guy from earlier) seem to think that this is wrong. We lunch together daily (usually with a friend, another married guy), we speak frequently (mostly about work or music), and I have no interest in him other than platonic co-workership. (As aforementioned, my true interests lie elsewhere.) Is this wrong? Should I step back? Or should I just throw caution to the wind and keep my friend?

 

Yikes. What a mess... I'm inclined just to scrap the potential dramafest and spend all of my time alone... Before I do, maybe some people could help.

[Bogun]

Spending time with a male friend over lunch is fine, unless of course you live in an islamic fundamentalist society where they'd probably stone you to death for even talking to the guy. Based on what you said though, theres nothing wrong with the situation. The problem is with the losers around you that like to make up bulls*** in order to gossip.

[quankanne]

as long as your colleagues understand that they are colleagues or friends, and nothing more, you shouldn't have a troubled conscience about sharing lunch with them. If the office folks gossip, that's their problem, because y'all understand that you're keeping it on a professional level. My guess is that the comments are coming from the pot-stirrers, who love for any excuse to create gossip.

[typical]

(always with the creepy guy who's interested in me and has a girlfriend).

 

:lmao:

Why is he creepy?

 

 

I would say that this:

My guess is that the comments are coming from the pot-stirrers, who love for any excuse to create gossip.

Is bang on...

 

and who cares what they think? They are going to talk no matter what, I say "let them eat cake".......

[superfreak]

OK... "creepy" is defined by inappropriate touching (little neck massages), inappropriate provocative remarks, and the fact that he's obviously hitting on another woman while the other woman knows he's previously committed. It's not bothersome enough to evoke a sexual harassment suit (in fact, after we spoke about it, the inappropriate behavior ceased).

 

Other than that, he's a pretty nice guy and I enjoy working with him.

 

Thanks for asking, though. I know that the term "creepy" is commonly employed superficially, and perhaps it is, I don't know. Maybe the REAL reason it's creepy is because his advances were unwanted. That's probably a bit more bang-on.

 

Thanks to all who reassured me. I try to keep a clear head about all of this pot-stirring business... I know (rationally, logically) that others thinking badly of me in a setting where I spend the vast majority of my time is the real issue at hand. I don't want to give in and live a life based on the opinions and expectations of others (and, thankfully, I am in no threat of being stoned for talking to members of the opposite sex in ANY capacity!!), and I don't think that I should. However, it still hurts (of course...) that others don't necessarily view me in the most positive of ways. I would like to be respected and liked by all, but, honestly, a handful is good enough for me.

 

I'm new to this whole "professionalism" game, as this is my first "professional" job in an office setting (that wasn't telemarketing...) and, I have to admit, I have no idea how to conduct myself. I don't know if it's common practice to ignore the gossip and whispers--if it's a good "career move"--but I have a hunch that it might be. It is in practical, "real" life away from the office... But life seems so much different inside those places... Somehow much more guarded and cause-and-effect. I'm fascinated by it, but also (and perhaps overwhelmingly so) concerned that wrong moves socially might affect my opportunities for advancement, either within the company or outside of it. I would hate to be denied a promotion because of general sentiment that I am somehow "unprofessional."

 

Thank you all very much, again, for your comments, and rest assured you will be hearing from me again in the very near future.