menchi Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 lemme start at the begining. me and nick have been together for about a year and a half total. (we broke up late december of 2004) and lemme explain why that happened. in september, i cheated on him with an ex while i was very, very drunk. i told him less than a few hours later and he was completely shcoked, heartbroken, hurt... i couldnt believe i made him feel that way. then he made a huge act of forgiveness and took me back. things seemed fine until i found a folder on his computer in early dec named "chat chicks". i looked inside and found many pictures of girls, i mean A TON of pictures. about a 1/4 were nude, and one of the girls was 14. (he was 22 at the time) we had problems, he kept lying to me about other stuff that i kept discovering throughout the month, he would only reveal what i had discovered. then in late dec he dumped me. speed on to sept of 05. we get back together and move in together. i felt like thigns have been going great until earlier this week, i found he was looking at porn, possibly chatting with girls again (maybe underage), and masturbating to them and to the memory of porn he had in the past. he claimed he did it cuzx i gained weight. needless to say i am still very hurt about it. tonight a friend from myspace wanted to hang out so i picked him up and we came to our place. (nick is in seattle for job reasons overnight). we played video games and he suddenly asked "wanna have sex?". (rather blunt right?) well i put a good hour of thought into this and i decided that im not doing it for revenge, but in hopes that we will not fight about what has happened anymore because of what i did and id feel like i have no place to bitch at him. so.. we had sex. no intimacy, no feeling whatsoever, we didnt even kiss. now i want to wipe the slate clean with nick, any infidelity or lies or anything in the past is gone, we forgive, we move on. but my question is: should i tell him what i did? i know what im going to hear but i feel like i should hear it anyway. i do love him more than anything and i wanted to make it so i dont start fights with him over what he did... now i wont, i know that already, but i feel guilty a bit. i hate the fights because also one fight he pushed me into a video rack and it broke one of the wooden bars and my forehead is bruised and my head split open just behind the hairline about an inch long. and besidses that, i hate fighting. anyways, i just decided i will tell him once he gets home, but please people, i need words of encouragement and advice, please. Link to post Share on other sites
Author menchi Posted June 8, 2006 Author Share Posted June 8, 2006 people please help Link to post Share on other sites
lilly126 Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 I'm really sorry, but you are in one really messed up relationship. First of all, forget all the other stuff. He talks to and masterbates to underage girls? Your boyfriend is a PEDOPHILE. He could get in serious trouble for that. He is one sick individual. And you slept with someone else? I don't care what you say, you DID do that for revenge. That was tactless. End this relationship. And consider staying single until you find someone who is normal and who will treat you right. And most importantly, wait for someone who doesn't need porn or underage girls to get him excited!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Both of you have some serious issues. You're basically a stone cold cheater He's a criminal. Get out, get yourself healthy and get yourself a normal b/f (and stop cheating -- decent guys WILL skip over a girl with a history of cheating if they can). Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 You're a cheater (twice), and he's a pervert. What kind of future can you possibly have together? Your first step should be to end things with him. Then, before getting involved with somebody else, do some work on yourself and try to figure out why you cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
LATYDAY Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Yeah, your in a pretty f_*ked up situation and yes, no matter how you try to sugar coate it ...You did have sex for revenge not only that but your Man is a pedophile. The two of you don't belong together under any circumstances. Just think, What if the two of you had a child and he molests her, how would you feel then, knowing what he's doing now? By all means tell him what you did if you must, just don't forget to conclude it by saying its over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author menchi Posted June 8, 2006 Author Share Posted June 8, 2006 you guys are stupid. did you not read what i said? stone cold cheater eh? IT IS NOT FOR REVENGE! revenge is when you do it to hurt somebody, i did not do it to hurt him. plain and simple. i did it so i go let go of what hes done and stop starting fights with him. Link to post Share on other sites
raposa Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Hey - I'm not here to call you a name or say anything cruel. I understand where you are coming from. It sounds to me like you have a very troubled relationship. I don't think you or your boyfriend are bad people, bud I do think both of you have issues. You can't do anything to change your boyfriend - he has to want to change himself and do that work. But you can do something about yourself. It sounds to me like you are in a codependant relationship. If you haven't heard that before, or don't know what it is, I strongly recommend that you look it up. And if you have, think about it and do some reading up on it. You have put up with a level of hurtful treatment that no person deserves. I am not saying this to excuse your actions, because I don't think cheating on him was the right or healthy thing to do. But I do not think you are a bad person at all. I think you made a mistake. I think he made some too. It doesn't sound like either of you are in a place right now to be in a relationship. I do think you should tell him, and I think that you should also talk to him about whether or not you should contiue the relationship, whether it is healthy for you both right now. You do need to do some work on yourself, need to respect yourself more. You deserve that. You can not expect another person to treat you with respect or unconditional love if you do not treat yourself with those things first. And don't you let him hit you! If he hits you get the hell out of there. Violence is a symptom of a troubled person, a person with issues, just like cheating is, BUT you should not jeapordize your physical well being (or your mental/emotional well being, for that matter.) I don't know how he'd react to your confession, but take care of yourself. No matter what you did or will do, you DO NOT deserve to be hit. You are going to be ok. Try to be honest and open in whatever you do and you won't go wrong. I am offering these words as a person who has cheated and is currently trying to learn how to heal myself and my own problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Forgiveness is the ultimate sacrifice in love. If he truly forgave you, you have something going. All that aside, life is nothing but risks. In order to make money we must take risks. We spend thousnads of dollars to go to school, taking the often overlooked risk that we may never get a job doing what we learn to do. I use that as a simple example to help put thigns into perspective. It's easier to say than do because your pride is on the line. If you tell him, he may say it back and the realtionship will grow stronger from that point on. Or he may push you away, hurting your personal pride. Go for it, it's just another risk, but the reality is that you actually have NOTHING to lose. If he doesn't love you, you aren't losing anything worth your while, and you will actually grow, stronger from the experience. Tell him. Link to post Share on other sites
MarnieGirl Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 you guys are stupid. did you not read what i said? stone cold cheater eh? IT IS NOT FOR REVENGE! revenge is when you do it to hurt somebody, i did not do it to hurt him. plain and simple. i did it so i go let go of what hes done and stop starting fights with him. but this all started with your act of cheating...so... and masturbating "to the memory of porn"? come on. good luck stopping him from doing that. you have no respect for him, and he doesn't love you. you should both be with other people. Link to post Share on other sites
corwin Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 you guys are stupid. did you not read what i said? stone cold cheater eh? IT IS NOT FOR REVENGE! revenge is when you do it to hurt somebody, i did not do it to hurt him. plain and simple. i did it so i go let go of what hes done and stop starting fights with him. OK... This makes perfect sense now. You spread your legs for another man to make your relationship better....how could we all have been so blind and not seen that what you did was a good thing... You have a lot of growing up to do. Link to post Share on other sites
lilly126 Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 WOW. I guess we all really are stupid, aren't we? Holy crap. You slept with someone else so you could stop starting fights with him? TWO WRONGS DO NOT MAKE A RIGHT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE. Give me a break. You need to fix yourself before you fix anything with any man, for that matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Jools Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 To maybe try and sound like i'm not attacking you, all i'll say is, if you really love him as you say then why did you sleep with the 2nd guy? If you really love him then your explanation doesn't hold water. If you were upset with him over porn etc then that doesn't equal sleeping with someone else. The underage thing is disturbing though, have you spoken to him about that? Link to post Share on other sites
ronnieromance Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 I think you should set him up on that Dateline "Interweb Predators" series. That'd be hot. And you should get on Fling. Or maybe webdate. It's easier than having to go back and hook up with people you've broken up with. You should never go back. Move foward, always. -R- Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 (I won’t even get into your boyfriend; he’s just as *****ed as you are.) So you cheat on your boyfriend once with the excuse of being drunk and then AGAIN to create a clean slate!? Lady, is you all there in the head? Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 you guys are stupid. did you not read what i said? stone cold cheater eh? IT IS NOT FOR REVENGE! revenge is when you do it to hurt somebody, i did not do it to hurt him. plain and simple. i did it so i go let go of what hes done and stop starting fights with him. Frankly, it doesn't really matter why you did it, just that you did it. I dont think you did it for revenge, what kind of revenge? he did nothing to you, sure he's a perv but I still dont see what you'd be "getting revenge" on anyways, perhaps yourself for being such a big whore? I think its funny you screwed a guy cuz he said "wanna have sex" lol, actually, to be quite frank I cant quite get over the stupidity of some of the things said in your post. so explain it to me ok? you said you picked up some douchebag off myspace and had him come over when your bf was out of town(Classy btw) then you said this: we played video games and he suddenly asked "wanna have sex?". (rather blunt right?) well i put a good hour of thought into this lmfao, you sat there for a damn hour contemplating that question? wtf? Im trying to imagine the scenario Scumbag-hey wanna have sex you- umm, lemme think *hour passes* you- ok! scumbag-what were we talking about again? but in hopes that we will not fight about what has happened anymore because of what i did and id feel like i have no place to bitch at him. so.. we had sex. no intimacy, no feeling whatsoever, we didnt even kiss. this is what confuses me, at first i thought you meant you had sex with your bf, but then i caught the "he was out of town" snippet, so..you had sex with some dude off myspace in hopes that you wouldnt have anything to bitch at your kiddie porn addicted bf about? hey hun, did you forget? you already f*cking cheated, dolt the fact that you are saying you cheated on your bf(for the 2nd time) in order to even things out between you boggles the mind and makes me wonder if this was a joke post, if not then I guess a whore and a pervert would be a perfect match Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 you guys are stupid. ... said the multiple cheater (who cheated first) trying to save a relationship with a pedophile. (Throwing up hands in disgust) Link to post Share on other sites
kit4kat Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 You know, you say you love this guy. Its my understanding that if you love someone, you're not going to do anything to jeopardize that. Cheating is cheating... whether its for revenge or not. And you cheated. Look, you asked for our advice, and we're giving it to you. Sorry its not what you want to hear. But the relationship you're in is messed up. Its going down the drain and it seems to be getting worse. Get out now! Find someone who won't keep a folder of chat girls, and who won't hold a few extra pounds over your head. Find someone that you won't cheat on. You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted June 13, 2006 Share Posted June 13, 2006 menchi, you're taking quite a beating here, but you're actually being offered some good advice if you look past the things that are upsetting you. Please don't discount what people are saying because of how you feel it's being presented. Let me ask you this. If someone came up to you and said, "I'm going to go sleep with some random guy tonight so that I don't fight with my boyfriend." what would your reaction be. Can you imagine any relationship being *saved* by one person cheating on the other. You may tell yourself that your situation is complicated, but it's really quite simple. If you're constantly fighting with your bf OR you're cheating on him, it's not a healthy relationship. If you're cheating on your bf to stop your constant fighting, that goes beyond relationship problems into personal issues. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. You just might not have the right frame of reference for what a relationship should be. For both or your sakes, you should end this relationship and seek some type counseling and/or some help help books. Link to post Share on other sites
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