jealous, worried, insecure...myspace

[ash8752]

Well, here goes. I have had a myspace account. I told my boyfriend of over a year whom i live with that he could have the password. He said he trusts me and doesnt want it. Well, i deleted his a while back and he said he didnt want it anyway. He was using it to talk to girls when he was single. Anyway, he just opened a new account (11 months later) and wont give me the info because he says he puts so much trust in me that i need to give it back to him. He says he wants to look up old friends that live in another state. I hate it! I ended up deleting mine, but before i did i looked at his. All it says is his name and age. Then it does say he is in a relationship and so far the only friends he has are guys and one girl who happens to be my best friend which is fine. But with lack of password info i have no idea who is emailing him and vice versa.

I dont know why this bothers me so damn much. I also hate when he goes to parties until 2-4 AM. I love him, i want to trust him, but my past is just overwhelming me. He doesnt go to parties often at all, but he likes to drink sometimes and be with friends and i dont drink and am not a big partier.

Does anyone have advice? Do you think he is doing anything wrong?

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[lilly126]

I understand your apprehension. We all feel this way at some point or another in a relationship. But since you did end up finding his site, and you see what is on it (or as much as you can see without breaking into his account), then you should give him the benefit of the doubt. Trust what he says. There should be no reason for you to delete your account, however. Why can't you both have an account? Trust him, until he gives you a valid reason not to.

[ash8752]

Thanks lilly! I do try really hard to trust him, mostly because i know that i should. But the other side of me that is so untrusting breaks through what i know is right and wrong.

But you are right, i should just trust him. And maybe if i stop sneaking and finding his stuff and searching his phone some of the insecurity will go away.

I talked to him a bit ago and he asked if i was going to the gym adn i said no. He was like "How come", and i said because i didnt want to today. Well, earlier i looked in his phone and saw a female co-worker in there that he has called 2 times in the past like 2 weeks. So of course, my mind jumps to thinking about that. I should stop snooping. I know hes not cheating.! I am my own worst enemy!

 

Thanks again!

[Guest]

My bf had a myspace account too and i saw all thse girls on there. And he said that they added him so i thought okay, fine sinc i have a myspcae account and people add me too. then we got into a big fight about it because i happened to find out his password for another of his accounts. i found that he messaged girls inappropriate things. And i questioned him about it, and he denied it. I didn't tell him i had his password. he ended up deleting his myspace account because he said he didnt' want us to fight. recently, he opened it back up. then i found ou his password again, and again, i find that he's messaging girls saying stupid sh*t. i am so choked right now and don't know what to do. he wonders why i don't trust him. i mean, what am i doing wrong that he is doing this to me? i'm no going to say anything to him yet because i want to see who else he messages and what he says to them. we've been together for over a year and he tells me he loves me all the time and that he wants to marry me. is it bull? any advice?

[ash8752]

I am one of the worst people at keeping my mouth shut. So good for you if you can do it long enough to see what else he does on there. He is your boyfriend, your 'life', he has no right to write inappropriate things to other girls. I bet he would hate it if you did the same.

 

As for me, my bf deleted his account and told me that IF we opened one again we would share our passwords just because we arent hiding anything which is good. I know he didnt do anything wrong. I just know the girls in this area and they mostly suck.

 

Good luck!!! I hope it all gets sorted out but his actions on the web is a sign of what type of person he is.

[lilly126]

Honestly, if you know your boyfriend is doing something that you feel is wrong and inappropriate, it would be hard to not say anything at all. It will be hard for you to confront him about it b/c you broke into his account without his permission. However, can you just sit there and not say anything at all? If he's saying inappropriate things to girls online, then what is he doing in real life? I'm not saying he's doing anything, but you need to protect yourself. If you feel he is doing this behind your back and it hurts your feelings, I say break up with him. Find a guy that doesn't feel the need to say stuff to other girls. You're better than him! Don't spend so much time stressing -- find a guy who makes you HAPPY and SECURE. There are tons out there!

[ronnieromance]

He's on myspace. It's general networking. Don't let the site worry you. If you trust him, trust him. He probably is using it to find friends. Once the novelty wears off, it turns into an alternate e-mail adrees with HTML

 

If he was on a targeted dating site such as webdate or adult personals like fling, I'd worry. That's a different story.

 

-R-

[Guest]

Hi

 

THanks for the posts back to about myspace. i'm glad your bf deleted his account ash. I don't think there's a point to have those accounts sometimes. guys and girls go on there to meet other guys and girls a lot of the time. i only want to keep my mouth shut and not say anything because i want to see if he continues to lie to me. it seems as though he may do things behind my back when we're in a fight. i'm not sure yet. either way, i know it's bad, but i just want to know why he does it. it's stupid of me but it's hard to just let go and never look back without knowing why someone who says they care about you lies to you like that. thanks for your posts!!! =)

[ash8752]

He's on myspace. It's general networking. Don't let the site worry you. If you trust him, trust him. He probably is using it to find friends. Once the novelty wears off, it turns into an alternate e-mail adrees with HTML

 

If he was on a targeted dating site such as webdate or adult personals like fling, I'd worry. That's a different story.

 

-R-

 

You're right Ronnie. I agree. I was overreacting a bit. It just bothered me. I kept thinking of the scummy people i know that are on it who know my bf rather than my bf and how he'd react to those people. I am glad we both deleted our accounts. We are 24 and 28 and i feel that is for a younger crowd now and i dont need to advertise my life to the entire myspace community. Thanks for all your comments.

[Slapshot2286]

Whoa. Whoever "Guest" is needs to get a life and stop spying on her boyfriend. Yeah, he's doing something wrong. But two wrongs don't make a right.

 

Ash, as far as your situation goes, I think you're handling it ok...but you're a little insecure. I am EXACTLY the same as your boyfriend. I joined myspace to look up my cousin when he got married, but he ended up not being on there. I kept my account after that. There is NOTHING on my account. It says my name an my e-mail, that's it. I don't even have that I'm in a relationship on there. I don't know how to change it. My girlfriend asked me about it, and she was kind of upset that I didn't put that I'm in a relationship on there, but nobody's going to be looking for me either. I have no picture, no info, no nothing. I don't want a profile, I just use it to look up old friends, FOR REAL.

 

So in conclusion, you can probably trust that he is going on to look up old friends. If he was interested in other girls on there, he'd HAVE to put a picture up. Girls on there don't want to talk to a silhouette, they wanna know who's on the other end. So I wouldn't worry about it. But since you deleted your accounts, I guess you don't have anything to worry about anyway.

[ashnicole]

When a website starts causing problems in a relationship, you should second guess your addiction to the internet, and then try to work out your relationship problems. I'm sorry, but any person that feels the need to be THAT worried about the internet... well, I just see other underlying problems there.

[ash8752]

Ashnicole- Every relationship has it's problems, but i wouldnt so much call it internet addiction. We both cancelled our accounts. I just know the actions of certain girls that are in our area that I am sure would jump at the chance to talk to my bf seeing as we arent out at the bars as much as we used to be. Should i take that insecurity out on my bf? No, he wouldnt do anything, but thinking of what could be going on made me worry. We have a fantastic relationship and I definately overreacted to it, but i wont lie, i am glad we both got rid of our accounts. I am going to beat this insecurity i have.

[ashnicole]

Ashnicole- Every relationship has it's problems, but i wouldnt so much call it internet addiction. We both cancelled our accounts. I just know the actions of certain girls that are in our area that I am sure would jump at the chance to talk to my bf seeing as we arent out at the bars as much as we used to be. Should i take that insecurity out on my bf? No, he wouldnt do anything, but thinking of what could be going on made me worry. We have a fantastic relationship and I definately overreacted to it, but i wont lie, i am glad we both got rid of our accounts. I am going to beat this insecurity i have.

 

We all have flaws... insecurity happens to be yours, & I don't think I would be lying when I said that I think everyone needs a bit of re-assurance in their relationship at some points. Sometimes just having a bad day can make you doubt things... even if ten minutes ago, you thought your relationship is perfect. So, I don't put blame on you for being insecure about it... but the way that I read it, it just made it sound like, to me.. that the internet was a big deal in you guys' relationship. Sorry if I took it the wrong way.

[Aloralily]

Okay, I was just reading all the responses, and I have to add my opinion in just for the sake of saying this... It is possible to share too much in a relationship!!!

 

Now, I'm all for couples having their own myspace pages and such, but knowing all your bf/gf's passwords to private online/email accounts is going way over the line. Hell... even it they are okay with you looking, it's still not a good idea. Relationships thrive on personal identity and having some sort of mystery. Knowing ever little facet about your SO will end up leaving your relationship flat and lacking passion. Sharing too much leads to smothering and codependency. Having you own personal online/email accounts fall in line with having your own friends, your own interests, you own LIFE! It just makes you a much richer, independent, interesting person... which is healthy for any relationship!

 

But if you find yourself feeling insecure about your SO's online habits... knowing what they are REALLY doing isn't going to change anything. If something shady is going on, they'll find an outlet for it, either online or in the real world. The key to solving those problems in going to the source - the communication and stability of the relationship itself. If nothing is going wrong with your SO, and the insecurity you feel inside you is pushing you to snoop, the best thing you can do is work on yourself. Find ways of building your self esteem and feeling confident in your relationship. Maybe it's a sign you need to step it up! Anyway, thanks for listening to my rant. Good luck to everyone in their relationships.