Tim'sAngel Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 yes, i suppose one could define it that way....i just have a hard time with the whole "emotional" cheating thing.... I know firsthand how painful it is to have it done to you, but to call it cheating feels off to me....that kind of behavior is more like a prelude to cheating, and that's why I broke up with him. I guess what I get from all this is that anything done that is disrepectful to the other partner is extremely destructive...maybe "cheating" is just the final destination on a long road of hurtful incidents... What if your SO falls in love with another, with out any sexual contact between the two of them? I definately call it cheating!! If I were to be cheated on, Id rather my SO screw some random person he doesn't give a s*** about than to fall in love with someone. Alot of peope have gone through emotional affairs and to them, it is cheating!! They gave their hearts to someone else when it belongs to them!! Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 Just wanted to add that I had a boyfriend who texted his old girlfriend to tell her that he missed her.... I broke up with him, but I would not call him a "cheater," just an a##hole. This is awesome. Seriously, whether you label it "cheating," "emotional cheating," whatever, jerks are jerks. You are either confident enough to say hey, I don't deserve this crappy treatment or you're not! Some things are worse than being alone. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 What if your SO falls in love with another' date=' with out any sexual contact between the two of them? I definately call it cheating!! If I were to be cheated on, Id rather my SO screw some random person he doesn't give a s*** about than to fall in love with someone. Alot of peope have gone through emotional affairs and to them, it is cheating!! They gave their hearts to someone else when it belongs to them!![/quote'] What I don't understand is why someone would do this to another person. Some people call it cheating and some don't, but no matter what you call it, what a terrible thing to do to another person. If you don't want to be with someone, why wouldn't you just end it? People can be so mean. And whether your SO screws them or just has an "emotional affair," I think you should dump him. If only for the simple reason that he's too stupid if he doesn't appreciate what he has. Link to post Share on other sites
ashnicole Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 Doing anything behind my back that he wouldn't do if I was standing right there beside him. Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 What I don't understand is why someone would do this to another person. Some people call it cheating and some don't, but no matter what you call it, what a terrible thing to do to another person. If you don't want to be with someone, why wouldn't you just end it? People can be so mean. I don't think everyone does it on purpose. Me and SO talked about that yesterday, about emotional affairs. If one of the two in a relationship isn't having all their needs met, and say they work with co-worker who is giving them the attention they crave and without even trying, they become attracted to this person because they are meeting a need not being met at home. Now that in itself cannot be helped. You cannot help who you are attracted to. What you can do is ensure it goes no further than attraction, whether that is getting a different job, going to a different grocery store, abandoning the friendship... whatever the case may be. If the individual in the relationship decides to take it to the next level, then its definately cheating, and by next level I mean sexually or allowing themselves to get caught up in the romance. JMO Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 What you can do is ensure it goes no further than attraction' date=' whether that is getting a different job, going to a different grocery store, abandoning the friendship... [/quote'] I agree. Feelings "just happen", but our behaviors are choices. My boundary for what is over the line is if a partner realizes or expresses emotional feelings for someone else (feeling just happen), and does not take action to back off, withdraw, or somehow reduce or eliminate those feelings (behaviors are choices.) I don't care if you call it cheating, infidelity, being a jerk, or what. That's my boundary, which I expect of myself, as well as my partner. It's not really a question of the definition of cheating, but rather what the relationship boundaries are....and if the other person cares enough to honor them. Again, I agree. It's clear that one universal definition for "cheating" isn't going to fit everyone exactly anyway - witness the nuanced responses in this thread. The thing you have to do is to talk about it with your SO and agree on what the boundaries and agreements of your relationship are. Anything else is expecting the other to be a mind reader. And yes, there are behaviors that are clearly "way over the line" - having sex with someone else is not OK for the vast majority of people. But we're talking about where the borderline is here, and that's a lot more fuzzy unless you talk about it. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 I think cheating is like obscenity: it's hard to define, but you know it when you see it. Link to post Share on other sites
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